Ep #3: Finding Your Voice
Our voice isn’t just how we say things, it’s the content of what we say. It is our thought leadership, our values, and our convictions. It is how and in what ways we speak up.
Women especially are taught to speak softly, be ladylike, and to not make waves. We’ve inherited the genes, legacy, and trauma of centuries of oppression when it was dangerous for women to do anything different. Is it any wonder that we struggle to find our voice? But finding it is imperative for all women.
In this episode, I’m sharing what it actually means to find your voice and why it is so important. I’m sharing why we all have a voice, the reasons you haven’t been practicing yours, and giving you five down and dirty tactics to help you find your voice.
To celebrate the launch of this show, I’m giving away a pair of AirPods Pro, a 6-month subscription to Audible, and a $50 Amazon gift card to some lucky listeners who follow, rate, review, and share the show. Click here to find out more about the contest and how to enter, I’ll be announcing the winners on an upcoming episode.
What You’ll Learn From This Episode:
The best way to feel truly confident.
Some questions to ask yourself around your voice.
How we all have a voice, we just need to find it.
Some common fears your brain might offer up to keep you in your current zone of safety.
Why finding your voice is a stretch in the beginning, but how to keep going.
How finding your voice relates to clarity.
Listen to the Full Episode:
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Full Episode Transcript:
Find Your Voice. Find your voice. Find your voice. Find your voice. What does that even mean? And, why is it important? If I don't really have one, what do I do to get one? Stick around, I got you.
You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life, by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top ranked business coach and reformed over analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.
Welcome back to The Uncommon Way, Episode # 3. My podcast gurus tell me that I shouldn't talk about myself much in the beginning of these early episodes, because you and I aren't really tight like that, yet. But I know a lot of my clients are tuning in, and some people from my email list. So, I gotta tell you friends, wowza!
Creating this podcast, I am experiencing everything all over again: All the clarity questions. All the old thoughts and feels. Especially with things like the description copy, where something has to be really tight and condensed. Is this really how I want to say it? How will they judge me? What if I'm doing it wrong?
Which is all helping me reconnect emotionally with what so many of you are experiencing. I get to watch how I walk my own brain through it, so I can share that with you. That's why today's episode theme, about finding your voice is so perfectly timed.
I surveyed the amazing women on my list, when I was creating these first episodes. I want to make sure what I was saying was really, really relevant. And one of them, Kate, asked if I could talk about finding your voice and how it relates to clarity. It's a fantastic question. The two are just intimately linked, which makes us so meta; I'm literally in it.
You can't really use your voice any more literally than on a podcast. And, I'm talking about it to the people who are creating their own copy and podcasts, most likely. But also, maybe, speaking up in investor meetings. or sharing your vision with team members, or bringing on collaborators. or mentors. So, this is going to be fun. We'll talk about the mindset, of course. And, I'll also give you some down and dirty tactics, that might or might not involve alcohol.
But before we dive in, I just want to give Kate a shout-out. Kate, thank you for being willing to ask the question, so that we all can benefit. And by the way, Kate has such an interesting business. She is a Functional Diagnostic Nutrition Practitioner, meaning she has the training to run testing and evaluate your blood work, in order to create these highly personalized health protocols.
If you want to feel better or lose weight, increase mental acuity, longevity, there are ways my friends. And, as if that weren't enough, she's all about mental and mindset optimization, too. She's totally my girl. According to Kate, leveling up the mind is so much easier when you have the body to support you in it. I love that. Anyway, if this sounds intriguing, we've linked to her in the show notes. Go check her out.
Okay, so it doesn't surprise me that Kate was asking about voice. I see this a lot with clients that have a strong academic or professional background, which she does. We all have that to some extent, of course, but more so, the more you continue in those environments. And look, I was a professional copywriter. I oversaw the voice for multiple distinct brands at a top fashion company. And, I still sounded too formal when I first started writing online copy.
But this goes even deeper than that. Because our voice isn't just how we say things. It's the content of what we say. Our thought leadership, our values, our convictions, how and in what ways we speak up. Women especially are taught to speak softly, don't make waves be lady like, you know, in essence be silent. We've inherited the genes, the legacy, and the trauma of centuries of oppression when it was extremely dangerous for women to do anything different. And, we still see that oppression around the world. Right? And at home, unfortunately.
Is it any wonder then that we struggle to find our voice? But finding it is an imperative, for all women. Doing so subverts the norm. That is the work for those of us born in this time. It happens first through, you guessed it, remembering who you are. You weren't born without a voice, you already have it; you just haven't been practicing it.
One of the first things we do in my program, which is called the Clarity Accelerator, it deals with finding your secret sauce. It's part of a two-prong strategy for eliminating even the idea of competition. First, you get clear on your personal secret sauce, and then later, we figure it out for your offer. What the personal secret sauce work is designed to do, is to bring up evidence for you of the ways in which you're uniquely you, and why that matters to your clients.
We take so much for granted when it comes to ourselves. Like, when people go, “Oh, you're so…” whatever, right? And you're like, “Really?” But knowing what makes you, you, is the best way to feel truly confident. When you see value in it, you're more likely to be okay speaking and writing as you, too.
And spoiler: The answer doesn't lie in your certifications or qualifications. It doesn't lie in the skill set from your past jobs. If you want me to do a future episode talking about where it does lie, best place to let me know that is in the review section. I'll be reading each and every one of them.
So, one of my Clarity Accelerator clients, [0:06:24.9 spelling Carrie], Hi, Carrie told me she was overflowing with excitement about what she learned in that section. Those were her exact words, that that alone gave her so many mindset shifts. That is the power of just seeing with new eyes, what's right there in front of you.
We just get so used to ourselves, and it's like we have blinders on. It's like my client who told me, she wasn't sure whether she wanted to do high-end art consulting, or create courses to teach people how to use LinkedIn™. And as she's telling me this, she's lounging amidst this gorgeous art and furniture she'd collected, looking so at home, like some regal Goddess. I just wanted to take a screenshot and send it to her; do you not see yourself?
Or, this other one. She seemed really surprised about this string of new clients saying they wanted help being less inhibited and breaking free of their good girl shell. But yet here she is exuding all this untamed, I don't give a fuck energy, going live with her new dance moves, and showing up to calls in her underwear. It's like, can I have some of what she's having?
So, when your brain offers up that you don't really have a voice, get suspicious. Especially if, when I just said that right there, your brain immediately compared yourself to the two clients I just mentioned and said, “Well, but I don't stand out like that.” That's what they thought, too.
I don't know how to find my voice is just another version of, “I don't know,” which is never a productive or helpful thought. You've got to catch that thought as it happens and switch to, “If I did know, what would it be? When do I tend to allow my truest voice to speak?” When your brain wants to focus on what you don't know, start asking it what you do know. Your brain can't resist little tasks like this.
It is so fun when you start learning to use your brain for what it does best, rather than letting it run wild and destructive, like my four-year-old after Nana has given him a ring pop. If you sit there and show your brain that you're serious, you'd be amazed how quickly you'll start to get some helpful answers. And, once you're open to at least playing with the idea that maybe you do have a very defined voice, the next question is; why aren't I using it? Do I have some judgment about it? Am I feeling inhibited?
Here are some really common fears that your brain might offer up to keep you in your current zone of safety: I need to sound legit. But what will they say? What if I get canceled? These are the people most likely to buy, so I have to appeal to them. I don't want to turn off potential customers.
We have spent so much of our lives gaming out how we have to speak for optimal approval, that it's very threatening to forsake that. Your brain really wants to protect you from that. But look, what are all of those fears really saying? That your voice is wrong. That you are wrong. That people won't love you. That you won't make money. These are all very primal, human, normal fears. They're just not very helpful for the kind of life you want to build.
Your real voice reveals itself when you calm the judgment and release the inhibitions. In daily life, that probably happens when you're with friends or family. You feel safe to say what you want or be how you are. Ask yourself then; how can you create that safety for yourself? So it's not dependent on the presence of someone else. Where you have your own back.
It's going to be different for everyone, but I can bet it's going to involve really understanding your thoughts and working through them. Plus, relaxing and resetting your nervous system. You'll do that through a walk in nature, or meditation, or a bubble bath, whatever floats your boat. And you do that each time you baby step your way into exercising your voice, because each time is a stretch in the beginning.
In fact, let's do something right now. Take some deep breaths, wherever you are, feel all that energy in your headspace with this highly active electricity box you've got in there. Imagine it all swirling around inside and outside your head. And then, imagine just lowering the energy with each exhale. So, bringing it down through your heart, through your gut, and then all the way to the base of your spine. You there? Okay. From that, more grounded space, receive this.
When we adjust what we're saying to garner approval, we're creating the opposite of what we truly want. We think this will create more connection for us, right? We’ll be part of the tribe. Maybe, we’ll be looked up to. But they're not really liking you, the real you. They're liking a fabrication you created. So, you effectively blocked the possibility for connection, the thing you really wanted.
You don't know if you could have connected with this person, because you haven't given them the chance to connect with you. And. would you rather have a hundred ardent fans or a thousand ‘meh’ followers? You can make a lot more money with the former. But also, you can impact so much more profoundly.
The transformation doesn't happen until someone feels an emotional connection. So, let's start getting the juices flowing, shall we? That's the best way to think about this. It's just a little dry, like a pen you haven't used in a while, so we're just going to scribble around a bit.
Okay, moving from the mindset to the tactical tips, I've got five for you. Number one, stop writing and start recording. You don't really talk like that. Get a transcription app and save time on converting it later. This is going to be so helpful to see how you actually talk, in written form, so your brain can learn how to do it.
It's like once, I was complaining to my dad about how different my voice sounded in a recording, and he's a former DJ. So, he said, “It's just about your brain reconciling the difference between the two sounds, until they don't really sound as different anymore.” You can do the same with written and verbal language.
Number two, think about where you feel most you. Where you feel the safest and least inhibited. And then, get into that space to practice. Have a friend ask you questions about what you do or whatever topic you need to explain, and record how you would answer naturally.
Have a glass of wine if you need to loosen up; hey, it worked for Hemingway. But don't become an alcoholic, obviously. Or, put this into practice while you're driving, or any other things my lawyer would want me to say; don't do that. But seriously, there was a part of your brain that's inhibiting you. And, it's up to you to think about the conditions that best help you circumvent that.
Number three, test yourself in this way: Have someone write a blurb for you. If you're tempted to use it, you're probably not being free enough in your language. Or, you're discounting your own voice in favor of someone else's. Our collective vernacular is becoming less and less formal, even in professional environments. The people you want to connect with are, first and foremost humans, speak to them like a human without being performative.
If you're not funny, you don't need to be funny all the time. I'm only occasionally funny. So, I only make very occasional jokes. If I wanted to become more funny, I'd work on that through mindset and practice. You're sensing a theme here, right? But I would only do that if I had decided that doing so, would be helping me step into more of who I really am.
That's kind of next level work when you intentionally create rather than dig down and find, but you don't embark on that work when you're saying you can't find your voice. You embark on that work when you're saying, “I'm outgrowing this voice. There's a next level of expression moving through me.”
Number four, cut it in half. We put so many qualifiers and disclaimers in what we say. Look at what you've written, objectively, and ask where and why you might be tempted to over explain or soften things up. When you cut it down to the essentials, it forces you to speak clearly and decisively.
And number five, write an opinion piece, once a day. Even if you never publish it or speak it out loud. It's best if it pertains to your work, but it can be on any topic, politics, anything. Just build the habit of being opinionated and verbalizing your opinions. Doesn't mean you're not open to new information, doesn't mean you can't change your mind, but you know where you stand.
Our viewpoint is such a large part of what makes us uncommon. After all, you're attracted to this concept of an uncommon way. There's a reason for that. But so many of us hang out in the uncommon-ness of our ideas, of our internal world without ever putting it out there, let alone into action. More is being requested of you now, right? Will you answer that call from within? Because your people want to hear your opinions, in your exact voice.
So, to recap: Our voice isn't just how we say things, it's what we say. And, it's no surprise that after being told our whole lives, and for the millennia previous to that, exactly how we're supposed to express ourselves, that finding our true voice can feel elusive. But it's there, because you are there. Your voice is just an expression of you. Finding it requires being suspicious of your brain, switching your energy from ‘I don't know’ to ‘what do I know’. And then, calming your self-judgment, releasing inhibitions, and creating safety for yourself from within.
The only path to true connection is through you being you. And from there, you get to watch your impact. And yes, your profits transform. As you cultivate this skill, and don't expect it to just happen, it's okay to be getting the juices flowing. You can practice speaking instead of writing, and cutting opinion pieces in half. Or, maybe, even having a glass of sparkly because after all, this is a celebration of you and your forthcoming work.
I hope this has helped you move further down your path. And remember, deep down, you know who you are. And, every day you're stepping further into what you're here to create. Bye for now.
Hey, to celebrate the launch of the show, I'm going to be giving away three really great prizes, a pair of AirPods Pro™, a six-month subscription to Audible®, and a $50 Amazon.com Gift Card™. I'll be giving these away to some lucky listeners who follow rate, review and share the show.
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Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.
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