Can't believe I'm on camera doing THAT

Ohh I do NOT love having my picture taken!

I spent years as a travel blogger, and from alllll that time there are probably only a handful of photos of me. 

I'm usually the one BEHIND the lens! 

(Big mistake, I now realize in retrospect. If someone's going to be interested enough to check back and follow your adventures, they want to know who's actually having them!)

Even now that I've done more video work, webinars and (eek!) Facebook Lives, and spent time coaching myself through the discomforts of being visible and putting myself out there, it still feels ... weird ... to plaster my face all over my website. 

But that's exactly what I was up to all afternoon yesterday as we prepare to update The Uncommon Way...

Not just getting photographed, but getting pictures IN MY HOUSE! With my dog, and my baby ... and all my STUFF.

At times I felt my mind wandering down a dark path (People will judge me!), so I took a deep breath and a sip maybe three of wine, and focused my thoughts on the amazing opportunity it is to open up, show the real me (spoiler: travel obsessed), and thereby find common ground with people I've never even met in states and countries far away.

And you know what? Thinking of it that way actually made it ... kinda fun. Who knew?! 

Meanwhile, my husband documented the whole thing on his phone ...

...making sure to capture all the living room furniture moved around...

...and me juggling a baby that refuses to be put down and a puppy that still gets jealous...

...until those times when the baby really wants nothing to do with me because there are LEMONS within arm's reach!

...and I really can't believe he snapped an image of me doing this ... but it was too funny not to share with you all.

So yes that's me, smearing mayonnaise on my orchid plant. Because there's absolutely nothing better for making those leaves look super green and glossy. (Credit for this secret goes to my German landlord.)

And there you have it. The kind of things that will never make the final cut for the new website...

Here's to turning the lens on yourself,

Jenna

THIS basketball tip can help you beat overwhelm

Even as the buzzer sounded with a 92-73 upset, there were still a few fans left waving their country’s flags forlornly in the stands.

It was as if they were hoping for a last-minute miracle and their bodies had gone into shock rather than accept the truth:

The tiny island of Puerto Rico had just beaten the United States in basketball at the 2004 Olympics in Athens.

Prior to this moment, the United States had won 109 of their 111 Olympic games. Since 1992, when pro players were first allowed on the team, they had been completely undefeated.

Nobody had expected this.

So What Happened?

The analysis began before the game even ended, with opinions flying back and forth faster than the balls themselves. When the dust settled, one thing was clear:the Puerto Rico team had a better grasp of the fundamentals.

Puerto Rico played like a team, careful and steady, rather than a bunch of individual superstars. They took their time, they passed, they guarded, and they scored. Mentally, they were resilient and positive despite what seemed like overwhelming odds.

The United States team hadn’t spent much time practicing together. They slumped and pouted. They argued with referees, they failed to pass the ball during important plays and they rushed to the basket for a slice of limelight … only to miss the shots over and over.

Returning to the Fundamentals

Lots of factors contributed to the difference between players, but the one worth pointing out here is the decreasing time that U.S. players were spending at amateur levels before moving into professional careers.

It turns out that all those boring drills and practice games and mental maturation and sacrificing for the team … actually made people better players in the long run. Go figure.

What’s This Got to Do With Us?

It’s natural to be seduced by ‘shiny objects,’ whether that’s…

… a seemingly direct path to the basketball hoop

… a new business practice guaranteed to make you mega-money mega-quickly

… or any of a hundred to-dos that promise to make you a better human, partner, parent, gardener, chef, athlete, etc.

Usually we try to take on too many of those new tactics, often before we’re ready, and they don’t lead us to the Promised Land.

Instead, they just lead to overwhelm. Before you know it, your path to the hoop is blocked by three towering opponents, you frantically try to pass, but the ball gets intercepted.

Try This Instead

Slow down.

Do one thing at a time.

Master your current set of skills before upping your game with something new.

There’s a really distinct energy when you approach things this way.

When you’re overwhelmed, trying anything and everything, you feel frazzled. Maybe you don’t feel like you’re good enough, or maybe you feel like you’re better than those around you. Either way, there’s a sense of lack – and maybe even frustration or anger – that’s driving your actions.

When you take time to master the fundamentals, you make sure you’ve covered the basics first. Then, because you know your boundaries and priorities so well, you feel like you've accomplished what you set out to do at the end of the day. There’s a sense of fulfillment.

And Then a Funny Thing Happens

Out of that sense of contentment comes a tiny little nudge … of curiosity, of change, of excitement. Like a college MVP moving onto the pros, it’s time for the next phase.

Chances are, there are parts of your life that can be put on auto-pilot because they’ve become absolutely fundamental to who you are and how you do. If not, maybe they no longer serve you and you’ll want to retire them.

Either way, it frees up space, and into that space flows our basic human impulse to grow, strive, and expand.

And that’s the place where true superstars are born.

Here’s to getting back to what really counts,

Jenna

THIS is your practice now

Have you stopped to think about how much time you spend on routines?

We brush our teeth, walk the dog, check email, and watch our favorite shows. We meet up with friends, head to the gym or go for a run, and maybe even meditate.

Yet so often, we don’t find time for our deepest work. (When I say ‘work,’ I’m referring to the thing that you’re driven to contribute in the world.)

Your Practice

In yoga, there’s lots of reference to “your practice.” Sometimes people think it refers only to the physical poses you do during yoga class, but it’s more than that.

ANYTHING can be your practice. (In fact, everything can be your practice.)

Just getting yourself onto your yoga mat can be the practice! Brushing your teeth can be a practice (it demonstrates your commitment to personal hygiene). Watering your geraniums can be a practice (it reflects your dedication to nurturing or creating a pleasing home).

All that matters is that you show up and do it.

It’s a psychological and even spiritual transformation of the mundane and tedious. Whatever you commit to – whether daily or weekly – should have a reason, and it should make you proud.

Your Practice, Take 2

Today I’d like to send a loving reminder that your work is your practice now.

Those “urgent” things that you tell yourself to finish before you begin your work? Not your practice. Doing things for others, when you know your own work is neglected? Not your practice. Keeping up to the minute on your social media feeds? Not your practice.

If you feel short on time, there are so many things you can let slide. Even if you used to commit to them diligently, they have served their purpose and can be retired.

Once you feel the call to tap into your creativity and contribution, you have found your practice.

It doesn’t matter if the way doesn’t seem clear. It doesn’t matter if there’s a hurdle you’d rather avoid. It doesn’t matter if you’re scared. And it doesn’t even matter how much you do on a given day. 

All that matters is that you show up and practice, today.

This is your time,

Jenna

Are you willing to pay rent for what you want?

Once there was a man who decided to live life by the motto that “It’s better to be fooled than be suspicious.”

If someone took advantage of his trust, he brushed it off and reasoned that his loss was simply ‘rent.’

Rent on what?

On his ideals, on his faith in human nature. He figured it would cost him more to live life as a suspicious person, cutting himself off from opportunity, than to live openheartedly and pay the occasional cost, i.e. rent, to maintain his convictions.  

Ever since I first encountered him (he’s a character in the E.M. Forster novel Howard’s End, by the way), I’ve been fascinated by his story.

While I’m a big fan of setting boundaries, I’m an even bigger fan of taking risks.

What about you?

… Is there something you’ve been holding back on, because you fear the consequences?

What, exactly, have you got to lose? Will it be as devastating as you might be imagining, or is it merely a rent payment? Maybe what you’re doing is far more costly than a little rent payment now and then.

…Or did you try something in the past, only to get burned?

Maybe you need to stop being so hard on yourself, brush it off as a simple rent payment, and get back to living your life.

As we head into fall, often one of the most productive times of the year, it’s worth thinking about your choices. 

Will you go for it, or hold yourself back?

Here’s to calculated risks,

Jenna

If it were that simple, we’d all be driving Ferraris

Are you sick of people telling you that if you just believed harder, everything would turn out? Or that all you need to do is repeat affirmations or change the way you think?

If so, you might have felt (rightly) defensive a couple of weeks ago when I said that the thing you’re waiting for is waiting for you (to change and make change).

Sometimes, the problems people have are way beyond their control.

That’s why it’s so important to loop back and clarify that this argument I’ve been making is NOT about victim blaming. There’s too much of that going around as it is.

I've noticed that once people adopt the point of view that the mind itself is capable of initiating a radical transformation of circumstances, there’s a tendency for some of those converts to be rather unforgiving towards their brothers and sisters in less fortunate circumstances.

"If they just believed / had faith / did their inner work rather than complaining so much…." 

Sometimes, external circumstances don’t change despite best efforts. Structural inequalities exist, really shitty luck exists, and a host of other impairments exist.

If everything were as simple as a mind trick, we’d all be driving Ferraris.

So where does that leave us?

Hopefully, it’s a gentle reminder to be more empathetic, not less empathetic, when we see someone struggling. Most of us can draw on the experience of having felt absolutely powerless at some point in our life. 

It also leaves us full circle, back to the tips that I offered up last week for making massive change.

Because regardless of the external circumstances impeding your life, the kind of change we’re looking for – the kind that is life-transforming rather than a one-off fluke – ultimately does begin within.

Before any oppressed person has claimed equal rights, they first had to believe that they were worthy of those rights, they had to believe that the very system that oppressed them could change, and they had to believe that they had a role in that change.

Unless you change – change how you think, act, and believe, or even just change up the energy in order to allow a fresh perspective – then your unfavorable circumstances don’t have much chance of ever disappearing from your life. (And if they do, they’ll likely find their way back to you sooner rather than later.)

The change you seek might not happen as soon as you like, but you can still live differently, beginning today.

Remember that even the smallest of your efforts count: Lots of people say they wish things would change, but not everybody takes steps to see it happen.

You have the power to design your life and thoughts to the best of your ability within your circumstances, and those changes should never ever be downplayed or undervalued.

So here’s to you, exactly where you are.

Jenna

3 techniques for making massive change

Remember a couple of weeks ago when I said that the thing you’re waiting for is waiting for you (to change and make change), and then offered to provide some tips this week for initiating that process? 

What I’m suggesting is no Secret (more about that next week), so I’ll dive right in.

Here are three things you can do now to start the internal change that will both inspire and prepare you for massive external change:

• Shake things up – Get out of your comfort zone, change where you live, take a course in something new, or even just clean and re-arrange your home (really feng shui it up). It can be as drastic or subtle as feels right, but do something you wouldn’t normally do.

• Mind exercises – Journaling, walking and reflecting, and/or working with a coach or therapist are great ways to question your perceptions. IF there were something internal interfering with your progress, what might that thing be?

• Create the environment – Ask yourself to isolate something small that you’re looking forward to if the change you seek comes your way. Choose something that’s doable here and now, and then start doing it. This is SUCH an important practice, because it gets you in the habit of designing and living the life you want NOW, rather than always waiting for what’s around the bend.

Each of these share something important: They don’t have to be huge, monumental changes. You don’t need to quit your job, break up with your beau, or sell your possessions and move to Tahiti (unless you want).

Change begins with just one small thing a day. 

(When I was still in the throes of Corporate America and longed more than anything else to telecommute or freelance, I imagined one day throwing on my flip flops each morning and strolling down to the beach for Cuban coffee. It NEVER occurred to me that I could make that a part of my life routine regardless of whether or not I worked a 9 – 7, just by getting up a little earlier. When that day finally came around and I strolled as planned, I was ecstatic! Yet in retrospect, I think about the years of coffees and morning beach time I let slip by me.)

Prioritize that thing, get used to that thing, make that thing a part of your life, and watch your attitude and energy change.

And as for the other stuff? Will that change, too?                                                                             

Often, yes. (I’ll talk more about those mechanics next week.)

Here’s to being the change now and not later,

Jenna

The thing you’re waiting for is waiting for you

Do you dream of something different, but wonder when it will actually happen? It depends.... 

Usually we see one primary barrier holding us back.

It might be a better job that gives us more free time, a partner that encourages and supports us emotionally, or even a winning lottery ticket that funds our dream.

But the truth is that often, it’s really not about circumstances or a lack of resources. It’s about a lack of resourcefulness (as Tony Robbins famously told Al Gore in front of the crowd at TED).

Or sometimes, we’re expecting divine intervention.

I remember the stage when I felt ready to find a life partner, but it seemed there were none in sight. I lived in Miami Beach, a world-class city for dating but not so great for long-term partnership.

And yet, I did nothing to change my circumstances.

Some suggested I move, but I loved my house, my job and my life. Give all that up for something that wasn’t even certain? No. Change my behavior, expectations, or mindset? No, that wasn’t the problem! And look for love online? Oh hell no!

If it were meant to be, the Universe would bring us together somehow … maybe reaching for the same ripe tomato at the farmers’ market down on Lincoln Road….

(I eventually did meet my husband online. He lived in Korea, so it would’ve been mighty difficult for us to covet the same tomato. Plus he gets super, super bored at farmers’ markets.)

What so many of us don’t realize – what I failed to realize – is that the change we seek is waiting for us. It’s waiting for us to change, and then it’s waiting for us to make change.

I’d argue that change waits for us much longer than we wait for change.

Are you ready to start moving in the right direction? Sometimes it only takes the tiniest shift to change the energy surrounding your circumstances.

Next week I’ll share some ways you can jumpstart the next phase of your life.

Here’s to your dreams,

Jenna

When sh*t doesn’t feel right

Sometimes you just know something’s not right.

Or do you?

Listening to your intuition is a hot topic for everybody from artists to CEOs, but since it’s really hard to define it can leave even the most emotionally connected people feeling uncertain.

Like most of the abstract terms we routinely throw around, it becomes a little shy when you try to pinpoint it:

Is this love … or is this person mirroring some deep psychological need?

Is this the end of love … or is this just me creating psychological distance?

Is this guiding intuition … or is the situation just satisfying a subconscious longing?

Is this protective intuition … or is it fear?

If only we had a crystal ball.

Welcome to transition

As I write this I’m knee-deep in disarray. After over a month in hotels and a 1,700 mile road trip, we’re finally moving into our new home in Colorado.

We couldn’t wait to get into this house! We searched for it, chose it among all others, negotiated for it and even pleaded just a little. We waited not-so-patiently. And now it’s ours…

But when we actually moved in, things just didn’t feel right.

We couldn’t get comfortable. If it made sense to sit facing one direction, our furniture would only allow us to face the opposite.

Every room seemed awkward, and it wasn’t just frustrating … it felt awful. Just like when the hairs on the back of your neck stand up and tell you to slowly back away.

Had we made a huge mistake?

And then the shift happened

But we kept at it. We kept unpacking boxes, trying different arrangements, and making sure we got lots of sleep.

And pretty soon, things began to shift. A flash of inspiration here, the mundane removal of a rug there, and before we knew it, it started to feel … good. The feng shui realigned and the house started becoming our home.

I’m sure you’ve experienced energy shifts like that in your life, too. The question is, what causes the shift? Luck, perseverance, mindset? Maybe all of the above?

In my opinion, the most important variable is time.

When you’re transitioning, time is what allows the more reactionary parts of your brain to chill out. Time is how you naturally reconcile the way things used to be or how things should be with how they really are … and eventually realize that despite feelings of fear or resistance, you’re ok.

Mindset work, affirmations, and looking on the sunny side are all extremely powerful, but none of them have the special properties of time.

Let’s break it down

When we moved into the new house, we were facing two mental incongruities:

• Our old house, our “home,” felt and looked different. This wasn’t that, so it wasn’t home and therefore possibly would never be home.

• When we looked at pictures of the new house and walked through its empty rooms, we projected a rosy vision of our future that contrasted sharply with the reality of moving-box-overwhelm and funky furniture proportions.

Neuroscientists have a name for the brain activity that occurs during this disconnect between expectations and reality: “prediction error.” (You can read more about it in an earlier post, The Brain Science of Being Uncommon.)    

It’s inherently uncomfortable – more so for some than for others – and in simplest terms its functions are to keep us safe and help us learn quickly.

When we experience this kind of discomfort, but then eventually see that our worst fears never came to pass (no tiger jumped out of the bushes to pounce on us), we relax out of the stress response. We’re able to take in more information and open ourselves to new possibilities.

What we thought was a pair of tiger eyes is actually just a funny looking leaf, and before long we’re passing by that bush on the daily and even sampling its juicy, sweet berries.

Why time is so magical

Time is more effective (but also frustratingly slower) than many other interventions because the fear mechanism is located in a part of your brain that can’t process language or logic. It responds only to direct experience.

That’s precisely why so many of the most effective relaxation techniques involve sensory experience (such as breath work, meditation and mindfulness, and somatic experiencing).

However, when your brain is screaming, “This is wrong!! Run!!” it can be really difficult to fully enter into a state of relaxation, no matter how hard you try. (Think about it. When you’re faced with an existential threat it would be counterproductive, to say the least, if your brain were able to switch off the fear response like a light switch.)

But what we CAN do is … wait. (In stress-response language, we can “freeze.”) We might not shake the creepy crawly feeling right away, but we can force ourselves not to run.

And by waiting, we can confirm or deny our suspicions. 

If it’s not meant to be – if you’re not meant to be in that house or continue with that business or if you’re not meant to gorge on berries because there’s a freakin’ tiger in the bush – your intuition will be confirmed.

And if it’s actually ok, that too will come to light.

So the next time you’re at a transition crossroads and it feels off (or awful), before you throw everything away remember this: All will be revealed in due time. And by then, you'll feel much more certain about your decision.

Here’s to a measured response to your intuitive hits,

Jenna

Getting in your own way? Maybe it’s because…

We all have hopes and dreams, but only a few of us ever take the necessary steps to turn them into reality. Why?

My favorite answer comes from the crystal merchant in Paolo Coelho’s must-read fable, The Alchemist.

The main character, Santiago, a Spanish shepherd in search of a treasure, meets the crystal merchant in Morocco when he’s down and out. The merchant gives him food, a job, and a place to stay, and as they get to know each other better, he reveals his own dream: to travel to Mecca.

(He doesn’t have the time or money to travel to Mecca right now, but someday….)

Soon, an interesting thing happens.

As Santiago works in the merchant’s store, sales start to take off. Before long, the merchant has all the money he needs for his Mecca trip, and could safely leave store operations in the hands of Santiago.

But he doesn’t go.

When Santiago finally asks why, the merchant answers:

"Because it's the thought of Mecca that keeps me alive. That's what helps me face these days that are all the same, these mute crystals on the shelves, and lunch and dinner at that same horrible café. I'm afraid that if my dream is realized, I'll have no reason to go on living." 

In other words, it never really had anything to do with money. And it wasn’t about time.

By keeping his dreams as dreams, he could hold on to the status quo rather than risking the unknown.

The trade-off? He lives an unsatisfactory life that never measures up to his dreams.

Using the lottery ticket example from last week, the crystal merchant’s story is like buying a lottery ticket in the hopes that it will enable you to live an entirely different life, and actually winning(!!!) … but then doing nothing.

So now a question for you: If you’re not currently pursuing your dreams, what do you think is the deeper reason?

(I’d love to hear the answer, and would be so honored if you’d share it with me in the comments below or in our group, The Uncommon Way Community.  No matter how big it seems, voicing it in the open will start undercutting its power.)

The bottom line is this: Defining what you want is the critical first step, but it isn’t enough.

To actually get what you want, you’ve got to decide that you’re really going to go after it. (And that’s what most people never fully do.)

Here’s to allowing yourself to ask for something more,

Jenna

The lottery ticket that changed my life

It was one of my first years living in Spain, and I was receiving almost daily reminders of how people there seemed to think differently than anyone I’d ever known.

• When people asked, “What do you do?” they didn’t mean work.

• It was completely normal to see one or two people get up and start dancing, unfazed by the fact that everyone was watching them.

• And everybody – I mean everybody – played the lottery at Christmastime for the fattest prize of the year (literally called el Gordo).

I went along with it, because, hey, when in Rome… even though I knew it was a waste of money, and my semi-illegal status meant I hardly had two pesetas to my name.

(And that dates me. There was no such thing as the euro.)

I clearly remember buying the tickets in a little shop on a cobblestone street, spending the equivalent of $10, which seemed like such a fortune. Then we went for coffee, and I turned to my partner and asked, “Ok, what will you do if you win?”

He frowned and tilted his head to the side. “What do you mean?”

I explained that the real value of lottery tickets was the fun of fantasizing about all the things you’d do differently if you won. Everybody knew that the odds of actually winning were infinitesimal.

He thought for a second, and then shrugged, “I like my life. If I wanted to be doing something else, I’d be doing it.”

I was floored.

For him, a huge windfall meant just this: You’d have more money.

It wasn’t a way out of that job you hate. It wasn’t your ticket to finally travel overseas. It wasn’t the key to unlocking the life of your dreams.

Because the truth is that you don’t need to win lotto to do any of those things.

It might sound like an exaggeration to say my life changed then and there, but the truth is that sometimes it happens like that.

There was a canyon of difference between the way I saw life, filled with “if onlys,” and the way he saw his, filled with “why nots.”

Ever since, I’ve made it my goal to be able to answer the same way he did if anyone ever asked. (I don’t always succeed, but it helps ground my decisions when I get off track.)

That one question has led me to change industries, end relationships, and say no to opportunities that weren’t really in my best interest.

It also opened new doors. I’ve studied things I otherwise wouldn’t have and committed time and resources to projects even though my plate seemed full. I’ve treated myself to indulgences and traveled to far-off places now, rather than later.

It has kept me focused on what I truly wanted in life, at each point in my life.

And it let me see possibilities around every corner.

And now, let’s talk about you 

Which brings me to an insanely important question:

If YOU won the lottery, what would you do with your life?

In other words, what do you really want?

Take it from a wise Spaniard and the people he has inspired, and live life as if winning the Powerball wouldn’t change a thing.

(Sure, you might make some upgrades, but none of the fundamentals would change.)

You don’t need to be born in a Mediterranean country to adopt a carpe diem attitude.

I was raised in a highly pragmatic, follow-the-rules military culture, so I definitely know the internal struggles of making choices that seem crazy to those around you.

But I also know there’s no fulfillment quite like following your own compass.

That's why I’m really excited to share more over the next weeks about making that shift, so that you can see exactly what I’m talking about.

Here’s to those winning lottery tickets (the kind with spiritual rather than financial payouts),

Jenna

P.S. If you’re stuck because you can’t figure out what you actually want, I’d love to help you get out of limbo. Let’s hop on a call and see if it’s a good fit for us to work together. 

P.P.S. I'd love to know what you think about this. Is it possible to have the life you want, regardless of current resources? Tell us in the comments below.