THIS is your practice now

Have you stopped to think about how much time you spend on routines?

We brush our teeth, walk the dog, check email, and watch our favorite shows. We meet up with friends, head to the gym or go for a run, and maybe even meditate.

Yet so often, we don’t find time for our deepest work. (When I say ‘work,’ I’m referring to the thing that you’re driven to contribute in the world.)

Your Practice

In yoga, there’s lots of reference to “your practice.” Sometimes people think it refers only to the physical poses you do during yoga class, but it’s more than that.

ANYTHING can be your practice. (In fact, everything can be your practice.)

Just getting yourself onto your yoga mat can be the practice! Brushing your teeth can be a practice (it demonstrates your commitment to personal hygiene). Watering your geraniums can be a practice (it reflects your dedication to nurturing or creating a pleasing home).

All that matters is that you show up and do it.

It’s a psychological and even spiritual transformation of the mundane and tedious. Whatever you commit to – whether daily or weekly – should have a reason, and it should make you proud.

Your Practice, Take 2

Today I’d like to send a loving reminder that your work is your practice now.

Those “urgent” things that you tell yourself to finish before you begin your work? Not your practice. Doing things for others, when you know your own work is neglected? Not your practice. Keeping up to the minute on your social media feeds? Not your practice.

If you feel short on time, there are so many things you can let slide. Even if you used to commit to them diligently, they have served their purpose and can be retired.

Once you feel the call to tap into your creativity and contribution, you have found your practice.

It doesn’t matter if the way doesn’t seem clear. It doesn’t matter if there’s a hurdle you’d rather avoid. It doesn’t matter if you’re scared. And it doesn’t even matter how much you do on a given day. 

All that matters is that you show up and practice, today.

This is your time,

Jenna

The thing you’re waiting for is waiting for you

Do you dream of something different, but wonder when it will actually happen? It depends.... 

Usually we see one primary barrier holding us back.

It might be a better job that gives us more free time, a partner that encourages and supports us emotionally, or even a winning lottery ticket that funds our dream.

But the truth is that often, it’s really not about circumstances or a lack of resources. It’s about a lack of resourcefulness (as Tony Robbins famously told Al Gore in front of the crowd at TED).

Or sometimes, we’re expecting divine intervention.

I remember the stage when I felt ready to find a life partner, but it seemed there were none in sight. I lived in Miami Beach, a world-class city for dating but not so great for long-term partnership.

And yet, I did nothing to change my circumstances.

Some suggested I move, but I loved my house, my job and my life. Give all that up for something that wasn’t even certain? No. Change my behavior, expectations, or mindset? No, that wasn’t the problem! And look for love online? Oh hell no!

If it were meant to be, the Universe would bring us together somehow … maybe reaching for the same ripe tomato at the farmers’ market down on Lincoln Road….

(I eventually did meet my husband online. He lived in Korea, so it would’ve been mighty difficult for us to covet the same tomato. Plus he gets super, super bored at farmers’ markets.)

What so many of us don’t realize – what I failed to realize – is that the change we seek is waiting for us. It’s waiting for us to change, and then it’s waiting for us to make change.

I’d argue that change waits for us much longer than we wait for change.

Are you ready to start moving in the right direction? Sometimes it only takes the tiniest shift to change the energy surrounding your circumstances.

Next week I’ll share some ways you can jumpstart the next phase of your life.

Here’s to your dreams,

Jenna

Feeling unmotivated? You might be fiu.

The sun is shining and the summer waves are calling, but you’re stuck inside staring at a computer. All of that thrilling excitement and enthusiasm you had when you began this work seems to have vanished.

You’re so over it.

You shut your laptop and scribble a note for your door:

“Temporarily closed because I’m feeling bored and burned out. Be back someday.”

But if you were in Tahiti you could have saved some ink:

“Closed for fiu.”

What’s fiu?

Fiu (pronounced "few") is a word used in French Polynesia (the Pacific island chain encompassing Tahiti, Bora Bora, and about 119 others) to describe the feeling of being bored, fed up, burned out or tired. At the same time, there’s this underlying wish to just relax and get away from it all.

Wait, Jenna. You’re seriously telling me that people in Tahiti just want to get away from it all?! Where in the world do they get away to?

It’s real, people. 

I’ve seen it with my own eyes.

• Shops closed in the middle of the day in high tourist season

• road construction sites sitting empty with lonely looking machinery

• breakfast cafes that finally open at noon

Turns out, dwindling motivation is universal and affects us all at some point. The only real difference is that some cultures acknowledge (even celebrate!) it, and others … not so much.

But I’m already behind! I don’t have time for fiu!

There are two ways to move beyond your fiu. The first is definitely more fun, but sometimes the second is more necessary.

1. Go outside – Disconnect, get out in nature, get your body moving … do whatever it is that feeds your soul (filling your days crossing tasks off of your at-home to-do list doesn’t count). It’s crying out for a refresher, and the inspiration you long for will be so much more accessible if you just. take. a. break.

2. Go inside - Tap into the bigger picture of why you’re doing it and how it fuels you, and remember that – just like other practices whose best effects are felt over time (yoga, running, meditation, cooking) – this is your practice now. Double down and “breathe” through some more work … some mindset work! Ask yourself if there’s something else that’s really going on.

How do you know which to choose?

Here’s a tip for what to do if you’re feeling unmotivated:

Look back on what preceded your mental fatigue, and do the opposite.

 If you’ve been working overtime, either with single focus or too many balls in the air, you probably need that refresher. Don’t guilt-out over it. Revel in it like a polynésien.

If you can’t quite manage to get started OR this is a part of a pattern OR you just returned from a fiu-break and still don’t feel energized, it’s time to start asking yourself the big questions.

(What do I really want? How am I willing to grow to achieve it? Is this my intuition telling me to take another path, or a lens revealing my own resistance to happiness and success?)

I sincerely hope this post helps you get back to your happy place a little more quickly and shed some self-doubt. When it creeps in, remember that the ebbs and flows of motivation are part of the human experience. 

And now if you’ll excuse me, the sun is shining, and my puppy and I are going for a hike.

Here’s to late summer fiu,

Jenna

When sh*t doesn’t feel right

Sometimes you just know something’s not right.

Or do you?

Listening to your intuition is a hot topic for everybody from artists to CEOs, but since it’s really hard to define it can leave even the most emotionally connected people feeling uncertain.

Like most of the abstract terms we routinely throw around, it becomes a little shy when you try to pinpoint it:

Is this love … or is this person mirroring some deep psychological need?

Is this the end of love … or is this just me creating psychological distance?

Is this guiding intuition … or is the situation just satisfying a subconscious longing?

Is this protective intuition … or is it fear?

If only we had a crystal ball.

Welcome to transition

As I write this I’m knee-deep in disarray. After over a month in hotels and a 1,700 mile road trip, we’re finally moving into our new home in Colorado.

We couldn’t wait to get into this house! We searched for it, chose it among all others, negotiated for it and even pleaded just a little. We waited not-so-patiently. And now it’s ours…

But when we actually moved in, things just didn’t feel right.

We couldn’t get comfortable. If it made sense to sit facing one direction, our furniture would only allow us to face the opposite.

Every room seemed awkward, and it wasn’t just frustrating … it felt awful. Just like when the hairs on the back of your neck stand up and tell you to slowly back away.

Had we made a huge mistake?

And then the shift happened

But we kept at it. We kept unpacking boxes, trying different arrangements, and making sure we got lots of sleep.

And pretty soon, things began to shift. A flash of inspiration here, the mundane removal of a rug there, and before we knew it, it started to feel … good. The feng shui realigned and the house started becoming our home.

I’m sure you’ve experienced energy shifts like that in your life, too. The question is, what causes the shift? Luck, perseverance, mindset? Maybe all of the above?

In my opinion, the most important variable is time.

When you’re transitioning, time is what allows the more reactionary parts of your brain to chill out. Time is how you naturally reconcile the way things used to be or how things should be with how they really are … and eventually realize that despite feelings of fear or resistance, you’re ok.

Mindset work, affirmations, and looking on the sunny side are all extremely powerful, but none of them have the special properties of time.

Let’s break it down

When we moved into the new house, we were facing two mental incongruities:

• Our old house, our “home,” felt and looked different. This wasn’t that, so it wasn’t home and therefore possibly would never be home.

• When we looked at pictures of the new house and walked through its empty rooms, we projected a rosy vision of our future that contrasted sharply with the reality of moving-box-overwhelm and funky furniture proportions.

Neuroscientists have a name for the brain activity that occurs during this disconnect between expectations and reality: “prediction error.” (You can read more about it in an earlier post, The Brain Science of Being Uncommon.)    

It’s inherently uncomfortable – more so for some than for others – and in simplest terms its functions are to keep us safe and help us learn quickly.

When we experience this kind of discomfort, but then eventually see that our worst fears never came to pass (no tiger jumped out of the bushes to pounce on us), we relax out of the stress response. We’re able to take in more information and open ourselves to new possibilities.

What we thought was a pair of tiger eyes is actually just a funny looking leaf, and before long we’re passing by that bush on the daily and even sampling its juicy, sweet berries.

Why time is so magical

Time is more effective (but also frustratingly slower) than many other interventions because the fear mechanism is located in a part of your brain that can’t process language or logic. It responds only to direct experience.

That’s precisely why so many of the most effective relaxation techniques involve sensory experience (such as breath work, meditation and mindfulness, and somatic experiencing).

However, when your brain is screaming, “This is wrong!! Run!!” it can be really difficult to fully enter into a state of relaxation, no matter how hard you try. (Think about it. When you’re faced with an existential threat it would be counterproductive, to say the least, if your brain were able to switch off the fear response like a light switch.)

But what we CAN do is … wait. (In stress-response language, we can “freeze.”) We might not shake the creepy crawly feeling right away, but we can force ourselves not to run.

And by waiting, we can confirm or deny our suspicions. 

If it’s not meant to be – if you’re not meant to be in that house or continue with that business or if you’re not meant to gorge on berries because there’s a freakin’ tiger in the bush – your intuition will be confirmed.

And if it’s actually ok, that too will come to light.

So the next time you’re at a transition crossroads and it feels off (or awful), before you throw everything away remember this: All will be revealed in due time. And by then, you'll feel much more certain about your decision.

Here’s to a measured response to your intuitive hits,

Jenna

Need out of your comfort zone? Go to India.

This week I'm sharing an older article from my travel-blogging days because it's so on message with last week's post about being stuck in your comfort zone. I not only suggest a way to push yourself outside of said comfort zone (within a controlled setting), but argue that sometimes we have a moral imperative to do so. Enjoy!

(This was authored by me and originally posted by the U.K.-based travel agency FlightCentre.)

I know of a man who traveled through an impoverished country in order to push past his sheltered upbringing. He was so shocked by its hardened reality that he isolated himself for months afterwards. Eventually he returned to society, but it was obvious that he was a changed man.

Chances are you’ve heard of him, too, likely under his stage name, Buddha. And that trying place he visited? Right, that was India . . . .

Sarnath, India, where the Buddha first taught

While I’m not suggesting that a trip to India will compel your isolation under the Bodhi tree, it is an eye-opening experience, and even a life-changing experience. For those of you toying with a trip to the great subcontinent, and especially for those thinking about a short trip to the “Golden Triangle” – the monument-packed region of Delhi, Agra and Jaipur – here is some straight talk about what you need to know before you leave.

Even crossing the street is difficult in India. Note, this is a street, NOT a parking lot!

First and foremost, India is about beauty and reflection. It’s a snap to picture one of its serene interiors, where floating candles and lotus flowers embellish a fountain of water. We’re all familiar with the very unique aesthetic developed originally for emperors which keeps both the body and mind cool and relaxed.

You’ll see many places exactly like the one described . . . at spas and yoga studios around the world. Also in Bollywood movies, Incredible !ndia campaign shots and even in luxury resorts within India (enjoy a cocktail at Jaipur’s Rambagh Palace, one of the Taj group’s chain of luxury hotels, for a taste of how the majarajas must have lived). But that’s about it.

The serene grounds of Rambagh Palace, Jaipur

So let me offer a quick rewrite.

First and foremost, India is about extremes. And nowhere is India more extreme than in its mega-cities (Delhi alone is home to more than 16 million people, well over twice the population of London).

Whereas large cities in other countries are a traveler’s base camp, a place to take advantage of the familiarity brought by globalization before heading into more remote and less worldly areas, Indian cities are overcrowded jumbles where the difficulties of the surrounding areas seem exacerbated: traffic, chaos, noise, heat, filth, poverty and apathy. Unfortunately, these often dehumanizing environments are precisely where to look for some of the world’s most important monuments.

The Red Fort, as a backdrop to Delhi madness

The first time I went to India I concentrated on its kinder, gentler faces, but even brief transit through cities convinced me to seek out the structure and security of a tour if I decided to return to see the Taj Mahal and other top tourist attractions.

So when I stumbled upon this site’s contest to sponsor a blogger’s journey to the Golden Triangle on a G Adventures tour, I didn’t have to think twice. Before I knew it, a date was chosen and my Flight Centre consultant was patiently emailing me every possible flight itinerary (departing from Frankfurt rather than London invalidated some of the great deals offered by the UK-based agency, which matches all published fares out of the UK). In the end AirIndia offered the best option, and I was set.

Over the next couple of weeks I’ll tell you all about the trip and try to clue you in to the bits I wish I had known before I left. It wasn’t always pretty, but it was exciting, and not the kind of experience I’d ever trade. As long as your expectations are realistic, and you’re willing to exercise your patience muscles, and let go of that much-beloved thing called control, and especially if you’re in the hands of trusted guides who help ease the uncertainty . . . well! You’ll be channeling Buddah in no time.

Many people say that India’s not for everyone. I think the opposite. We all share this small planet, and therefore those of us with means, whose decisions affect the most people, should spend at least some time on each of the continents.

India – which is predicted to surpass China’s population within decades, which is one of the world’s most rapidly developing economies, and whose philosophy and customs have molded thought and cultures around the world – most definitely is for everyone.

Getting in your own way? Maybe it’s because…

We all have hopes and dreams, but only a few of us ever take the necessary steps to turn them into reality. Why?

My favorite answer comes from the crystal merchant in Paolo Coelho’s must-read fable, The Alchemist.

The main character, Santiago, a Spanish shepherd in search of a treasure, meets the crystal merchant in Morocco when he’s down and out. The merchant gives him food, a job, and a place to stay, and as they get to know each other better, he reveals his own dream: to travel to Mecca.

(He doesn’t have the time or money to travel to Mecca right now, but someday….)

Soon, an interesting thing happens.

As Santiago works in the merchant’s store, sales start to take off. Before long, the merchant has all the money he needs for his Mecca trip, and could safely leave store operations in the hands of Santiago.

But he doesn’t go.

When Santiago finally asks why, the merchant answers:

"Because it's the thought of Mecca that keeps me alive. That's what helps me face these days that are all the same, these mute crystals on the shelves, and lunch and dinner at that same horrible café. I'm afraid that if my dream is realized, I'll have no reason to go on living." 

In other words, it never really had anything to do with money. And it wasn’t about time.

By keeping his dreams as dreams, he could hold on to the status quo rather than risking the unknown.

The trade-off? He lives an unsatisfactory life that never measures up to his dreams.

Using the lottery ticket example from last week, the crystal merchant’s story is like buying a lottery ticket in the hopes that it will enable you to live an entirely different life, and actually winning(!!!) … but then doing nothing.

So now a question for you: If you’re not currently pursuing your dreams, what do you think is the deeper reason?

(I’d love to hear the answer, and would be so honored if you’d share it with me in the comments below or in our group, The Uncommon Way Community.  No matter how big it seems, voicing it in the open will start undercutting its power.)

The bottom line is this: Defining what you want is the critical first step, but it isn’t enough.

To actually get what you want, you’ve got to decide that you’re really going to go after it. (And that’s what most people never fully do.)

Here’s to allowing yourself to ask for something more,

Jenna

The lottery ticket that changed my life

It was one of my first years living in Spain, and I was receiving almost daily reminders of how people there seemed to think differently than anyone I’d ever known.

• When people asked, “What do you do?” they didn’t mean work.

• It was completely normal to see one or two people get up and start dancing, unfazed by the fact that everyone was watching them.

• And everybody – I mean everybody – played the lottery at Christmastime for the fattest prize of the year (literally called el Gordo).

I went along with it, because, hey, when in Rome… even though I knew it was a waste of money, and my semi-illegal status meant I hardly had two pesetas to my name.

(And that dates me. There was no such thing as the euro.)

I clearly remember buying the tickets in a little shop on a cobblestone street, spending the equivalent of $10, which seemed like such a fortune. Then we went for coffee, and I turned to my partner and asked, “Ok, what will you do if you win?”

He frowned and tilted his head to the side. “What do you mean?”

I explained that the real value of lottery tickets was the fun of fantasizing about all the things you’d do differently if you won. Everybody knew that the odds of actually winning were infinitesimal.

He thought for a second, and then shrugged, “I like my life. If I wanted to be doing something else, I’d be doing it.”

I was floored.

For him, a huge windfall meant just this: You’d have more money.

It wasn’t a way out of that job you hate. It wasn’t your ticket to finally travel overseas. It wasn’t the key to unlocking the life of your dreams.

Because the truth is that you don’t need to win lotto to do any of those things.

It might sound like an exaggeration to say my life changed then and there, but the truth is that sometimes it happens like that.

There was a canyon of difference between the way I saw life, filled with “if onlys,” and the way he saw his, filled with “why nots.”

Ever since, I’ve made it my goal to be able to answer the same way he did if anyone ever asked. (I don’t always succeed, but it helps ground my decisions when I get off track.)

That one question has led me to change industries, end relationships, and say no to opportunities that weren’t really in my best interest.

It also opened new doors. I’ve studied things I otherwise wouldn’t have and committed time and resources to projects even though my plate seemed full. I’ve treated myself to indulgences and traveled to far-off places now, rather than later.

It has kept me focused on what I truly wanted in life, at each point in my life.

And it let me see possibilities around every corner.

And now, let’s talk about you 

Which brings me to an insanely important question:

If YOU won the lottery, what would you do with your life?

In other words, what do you really want?

Take it from a wise Spaniard and the people he has inspired, and live life as if winning the Powerball wouldn’t change a thing.

(Sure, you might make some upgrades, but none of the fundamentals would change.)

You don’t need to be born in a Mediterranean country to adopt a carpe diem attitude.

I was raised in a highly pragmatic, follow-the-rules military culture, so I definitely know the internal struggles of making choices that seem crazy to those around you.

But I also know there’s no fulfillment quite like following your own compass.

That's why I’m really excited to share more over the next weeks about making that shift, so that you can see exactly what I’m talking about.

Here’s to those winning lottery tickets (the kind with spiritual rather than financial payouts),

Jenna

P.S. If you’re stuck because you can’t figure out what you actually want, I’d love to help you get out of limbo. Let’s hop on a call and see if it’s a good fit for us to work together. 

P.P.S. I'd love to know what you think about this. Is it possible to have the life you want, regardless of current resources? Tell us in the comments below.

How to be truly uncommon

There’s something that I spend a good amount of time wondering.

When are we being different because it truly jives with our inner self, and when are we doing things in a contrary way just to prove that we’re different?

Put another way, when do our choices stem from something intrinsic to us, and when are they prescribed by what’s around us?

I think of this when I see counterculture groups spring up. Punk, goth, biker, hipster … you can spot the members quickly because they all look so similar.

In not subscribing to the mainstream, they look really, really conformist!

I also think of it each time I’m tempted to buy a pair of skinny jeans….

But who cares how people look, right? That’s something we can play around with on the daily. What matters is who we are.

On that topic, my husband and I have spent our road trip trying to decide on a name for our son. It’s a big deal. After all, a name ends up forming part of a person’s identity.

I came up with one that I loved (Logan) … and then something made me check its popularity: #6. 

Number six? I don’t know anybody with that name, or anybody that has given their son that name. How can it be number six?

Before I knew it, I was seeing Logans everywhere, including in movie titles and superhero names. It quickly became much, much less appealing.*

But so what if we share things in common with other people, and if we’re not perfectly unique? So much of that is beyond our control. There’s nature, there’s nurture, there’s circumstance …. We are who we are.

Which makes me think that the only thing that really defines us is what we do.

And that brings us back to the original question about the choices we make.

We all want to give ourselves the freedom to walk an uncommon path, but we’ve got to make sure that we’re doing more than just reacting to what’s around us (even when it comes to naming a child). 

At some point, it becomes less about turning left when others turn right, and more about taking the time to understand ourselves, our preferences, and what matters to us ... and then following that guidance regardless of what others are doing – even if they’re doing exactly the same thing we are (and that drives us up the wall)!

To be truly uncommon – or to truly walk our own path and live life on our own terms – we’ve got to constantly question ourselves and our motivations.



And we’ve got to do it despite the fact that it’s impossible to ever know everything that drives us, because the search for our own, uncommon way isn't just a reflection of who we are … it’s what we choose to do.

Here’s to making your choices count,

Jenna

And now I’d really love to know what’s important to you. Where do you do things differently than those around you? What do you wish you did differently? When does it not matter to you either way?

*A little background here. My full name is Jennifer. On the day I was born, there were 8 other Jennifers on my hospital floor. Throughout school, my name always included my last initial because there were so many other Jennifers. Never has there been a phenomenon like Jennifer: described as “an epidemic,” it was the most popular name in America for fourteen straight years!

So I’m a little biased against common names.

5 steps for staying on track when life gets overwhelming

Does it feel like your project or business – the one you began with so much enthusiasm – is starting to take a back seat to the rest of your life? Do you hear those statistics about new businesses failing and wonder if you might be headed in that direction?

The question of why some businesses fail is a good one. You could blame undercapitalization, faulty market research or a downturn in the economy. But I think the primary culprit is overwhelm.

Last week I made my case for why, when life gets crazy, you should scale back your projects rather than putting them on hold.

This week, I want to share what’s been working for me as I attempt to do exactly that!

Follow these tips, and you’ll be able to keep your projects moving forward even when you’re short on time and bandwidth, regardless of whether your ‘project’ is a business or major life change, and regardless of whether you’re just beginning or farther into the process:

1. Be realistic:

Remember (from last week), the aim here is to keep things going but avoid burnout.

Be realistic about how much time you can commit, and then reduce that by a half to a third. (That also happens to be my favorite travel tip for packing lightly!)

You can always add more into your schedule if you find additional time.

Under-scheduling is much better than overcommitting, because productivity skyrockets when you maintain a positive-feedback loop. (Read more about this and the Harvard Business Review’s supporting study by downloading our free Idea to I Did It ebook, here.)

Personally, I spent about six hours on my business for two of the last three weeks, and only about two hours now that I’m on my road trip to my new home.

The open road… somewhere in Kansas (maybe).

2. Prioritize:

One of the most important things you can do in business AND life is to figure out your priorities. Clarity makes everything better.

For more on this, check out No, No, No (Assuming Risk) – my very first post on this site! (That should tell you how seriously I take this topic.)

It’s about the power of saying no to those things that aren’t worth prioritizing, and why U.S. military leaders coined the term “assuming risk” to describe a tactic that keeps them focused and productive even when the stakes are so high.

Right now, producing content is really important in my business, so I committed to maintaining my weekly publication schedule. I’m also preparing to launch a podcast in a few months, so even though it isn’t urgent at the moment, it’s extremely important and worth prioritizing.

So what’s my big “No” (where I assume risk)? Income, for one. I made sure that I didn’t have any long-term coaching clients during this time, restricting myself to shorter introductory packages so that I’d have more control over the timing.

Social media is also taking a back seat, along with any kind of promotion or professional development (All those articles filled with great content from mentors and thought leaders? I guess I’ll get to them later if I’m meant to see them.)

3. Strategize

Once you’ve figured out your priorities, how can you make the related tasks as streamlined and time-efficient as possible? What can be outsourced? What’s ahead on the calendar that will help or hinder you?

You want to map out everything so that you don’t get caught by surprise and drop the ball. 

Weeks before the movers were at my house, it was already easy to imagine how difficult it would be to produce a new blog post, so I lined up a guest post (the fabulous 1 Simple Strategy for Creating Success). Don’t be afraid to tap into your network to get you through the lean times!

4. Get Accountable

It’s natural to need a little extra accountability during this time.

Be honest about how much you need, and put something in place. Some people do fine with simple calendar notifications or public declarations. Others need an accountability group or to hire a private coach. 

My go-to is a mastermind group, and I’ve made space for it during these busy weeks. Of course I value the advice and friendship of my fellow business owners, but I also know myself and recognize that our weekly check-ins help me keep reaching for new levels in my business.

Just this week they encouraged me to push past resistance and reach out to a dream podcast guest for an interview (despite the fact that I haven’t launched so have no audience). Guess what? We’ll be recording later this month!

5. Less attachment, more c’est la vie

Give yourself permission to take things a little less seriously, and cut yourself some slack if something unexpected gets in the way of your plans.

This is especially important for recovering perfectionists (like me)!

…Maybe the world won’t fall apart if your post comes out a few hours late (I’m testing that right now).

…Maybe your future clients will be willing to wait a few weeks to book with you. 

…Maybe people will still find value in your work even if you’re not the social media queen.

There’s a sweet spot that lies somewhere between your high standards and completely blowing everything off, and that’s exactly where both business and life thrive. (Hint: That spot isn’t static. It shifts over time.)

Look back over this list whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed, and I guarantee you’ll see that you’ve veered off track on at least one of the points. If you can incorporate all five, you’ll be fine.

Here’s to maintaining your sanity AND your goals,

Jenna

The brain science of being uncommon

Do suburban tract homes make your skin crawl?

Does it annoy you that so many people tend to do the exact same things, buy the same cars, dress the same way?

Are you a fish swimming against the current?

Deep within us there’s a strong impulse to conform, but it affects some people more than others.

On a good day, it allows us to bond and form tight groups so we can stay safe and content while curbing selfish impulses.

But there’s also a dark side, ranging from extreme examples of conforming to violent or self-destructive groups, to more benign experiences like staying within the lines even when you know you want something different.  

If you’re somebody that prefers to avoid trends rather than follow them, you’re left scratching your head about why others seem so comfortable with conformity and why you’re so different.

Or at least that’s how I felt … and why I’m so fascinated with this topic and the constant tug-of-war between pilot and autopilot that happens within each of us.

Until recently, not much was known about how this all plays out in the brain, but two studies from the past decade have finally shed some light.

Our nonconformity can be observed

In 2009, Dr Vasily Klucharev of the FC Donders Centre for Cognitive Neuroimaging in the Netherlands used fMRI brain scans to show increased activity in specific centers of the brain (the rostral cingulate zone and the ventral striatum) when test subjects decided to conform, and less when they did not.

The subjects were asked to rate the attractiveness of faces seen in photographs, and then they were deliberately encouraged to change their minds based on what the majority of the group thought. 

The researchers expected to see a “prediction error” signal in the brain – which has been witnessed in studies of reinforcement learning and happens when there’s a difference between the outcome you expect and the outcome you witness – and that’s exactly what they saw.

Those that conformed the most had the strongest conflict-related signals. They expected their opinions to be similar to everyone else, and quickly altered their answers (and possibly their opinions) to realign to their expectations.

Our nonconformity can be manipulated 

In 2011, our crusading neuroscientist Dr. Klucharev was back and leading a group from the Radboud University Nijmegen in the Netherlands.

This time, they showed that you can actually manipulate the tendency towards conformity by using Transcranial Electromagnetic Stimulation (TMS) in the posterior medial frontal cortex, an area of the brain associated with reward processing.

Test subjects exposed to the magnetic pulses were less likely to conform when presented with a “face attractiveness” conflict like the kind created in the 2009 study.

The researchers think that by inhibiting this part of the brain, subjects felt less affected by the conflict, allowing them to think and behave differently.

What this means for us

To sum up, Dr. Klucharev is quoted as saying, “Individuals differ in the strength of the error signal – which is why some people are more conformist than others.”

He believes that we can now focus on uncovering “behavioral techniques that modulate activity … without any physical intervention. Hopefully, with help of these, techniques someone would be able to partly immune themselves to ‘group pressure'.”

Figuring out those techniques and using them to fully develop our 'uncommonness' is a huge part of what we're doing here at The Uncommon Way. 

Here's to an inhibited error signal,

Jenna

P.S. What are your favorite techniques for lessening the effects of group pressure? Leave a comment so we all can benefit and discuss!