Getting in your own way? Maybe it’s because…

We all have hopes and dreams, but only a few of us ever take the necessary steps to turn them into reality. Why?

My favorite answer comes from the crystal merchant in Paolo Coelho’s must-read fable, The Alchemist.

The main character, Santiago, a Spanish shepherd in search of a treasure, meets the crystal merchant in Morocco when he’s down and out. The merchant gives him food, a job, and a place to stay, and as they get to know each other better, he reveals his own dream: to travel to Mecca.

(He doesn’t have the time or money to travel to Mecca right now, but someday….)

Soon, an interesting thing happens.

As Santiago works in the merchant’s store, sales start to take off. Before long, the merchant has all the money he needs for his Mecca trip, and could safely leave store operations in the hands of Santiago.

But he doesn’t go.

When Santiago finally asks why, the merchant answers:

"Because it's the thought of Mecca that keeps me alive. That's what helps me face these days that are all the same, these mute crystals on the shelves, and lunch and dinner at that same horrible café. I'm afraid that if my dream is realized, I'll have no reason to go on living." 

In other words, it never really had anything to do with money. And it wasn’t about time.

By keeping his dreams as dreams, he could hold on to the status quo rather than risking the unknown.

The trade-off? He lives an unsatisfactory life that never measures up to his dreams.

Using the lottery ticket example from last week, the crystal merchant’s story is like buying a lottery ticket in the hopes that it will enable you to live an entirely different life, and actually winning(!!!) … but then doing nothing.

So now a question for you: If you’re not currently pursuing your dreams, what do you think is the deeper reason?

(I’d love to hear the answer, and would be so honored if you’d share it with me in the comments below or in our group, The Uncommon Way Community.  No matter how big it seems, voicing it in the open will start undercutting its power.)

The bottom line is this: Defining what you want is the critical first step, but it isn’t enough.

To actually get what you want, you’ve got to decide that you’re really going to go after it. (And that’s what most people never fully do.)

Here’s to allowing yourself to ask for something more,

Jenna

The lottery ticket that changed my life

It was one of my first years living in Spain, and I was receiving almost daily reminders of how people there seemed to think differently than anyone I’d ever known.

• When people asked, “What do you do?” they didn’t mean work.

• It was completely normal to see one or two people get up and start dancing, unfazed by the fact that everyone was watching them.

• And everybody – I mean everybody – played the lottery at Christmastime for the fattest prize of the year (literally called el Gordo).

I went along with it, because, hey, when in Rome… even though I knew it was a waste of money, and my semi-illegal status meant I hardly had two pesetas to my name.

(And that dates me. There was no such thing as the euro.)

I clearly remember buying the tickets in a little shop on a cobblestone street, spending the equivalent of $10, which seemed like such a fortune. Then we went for coffee, and I turned to my partner and asked, “Ok, what will you do if you win?”

He frowned and tilted his head to the side. “What do you mean?”

I explained that the real value of lottery tickets was the fun of fantasizing about all the things you’d do differently if you won. Everybody knew that the odds of actually winning were infinitesimal.

He thought for a second, and then shrugged, “I like my life. If I wanted to be doing something else, I’d be doing it.”

I was floored.

For him, a huge windfall meant just this: You’d have more money.

It wasn’t a way out of that job you hate. It wasn’t your ticket to finally travel overseas. It wasn’t the key to unlocking the life of your dreams.

Because the truth is that you don’t need to win lotto to do any of those things.

It might sound like an exaggeration to say my life changed then and there, but the truth is that sometimes it happens like that.

There was a canyon of difference between the way I saw life, filled with “if onlys,” and the way he saw his, filled with “why nots.”

Ever since, I’ve made it my goal to be able to answer the same way he did if anyone ever asked. (I don’t always succeed, but it helps ground my decisions when I get off track.)

That one question has led me to change industries, end relationships, and say no to opportunities that weren’t really in my best interest.

It also opened new doors. I’ve studied things I otherwise wouldn’t have and committed time and resources to projects even though my plate seemed full. I’ve treated myself to indulgences and traveled to far-off places now, rather than later.

It has kept me focused on what I truly wanted in life, at each point in my life.

And it let me see possibilities around every corner.

And now, let’s talk about you 

Which brings me to an insanely important question:

If YOU won the lottery, what would you do with your life?

In other words, what do you really want?

Take it from a wise Spaniard and the people he has inspired, and live life as if winning the Powerball wouldn’t change a thing.

(Sure, you might make some upgrades, but none of the fundamentals would change.)

You don’t need to be born in a Mediterranean country to adopt a carpe diem attitude.

I was raised in a highly pragmatic, follow-the-rules military culture, so I definitely know the internal struggles of making choices that seem crazy to those around you.

But I also know there’s no fulfillment quite like following your own compass.

That's why I’m really excited to share more over the next weeks about making that shift, so that you can see exactly what I’m talking about.

Here’s to those winning lottery tickets (the kind with spiritual rather than financial payouts),

Jenna

P.S. If you’re stuck because you can’t figure out what you actually want, I’d love to help you get out of limbo. Let’s hop on a call and see if it’s a good fit for us to work together. 

P.P.S. I'd love to know what you think about this. Is it possible to have the life you want, regardless of current resources? Tell us in the comments below.

Why curiosity beats waiting for intuition, inspiration, or complete information

*Do you feel like if you could only figure out what you want to do next in business or life, you’d finally be able to close that gulf between where you are now and where you actually want to be?

Last week I suggested that your best tool for making that happen – even if you have absolutely no idea what you want to do – has been sitting right under your nose.

It’s your curiosity.

This tool is simple and effective! It worked for me and so many others, including Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love. Right when things seemed darkest in her life she decided to sign up for an Italian class, and that one decision eventually led to her writing the bestseller that would change her life forever.

Let me show you why it works:

Both intuition and inspiration are tricky

If life were a Hollywood movie, you’d wait until you had an intuitive hit that told you exactly what you should be doing. It would happen when you were staring out over the ocean, or while reading a passage in a book.

In real life that doesn’t happen very often, especially if what you’re considering is something that feels risky.

Many times what we think is our intuition (telling us to cool our jets) is actually fear (telling us to play it safe).

Sometimes people wait to feel inspired in order to write that great novel or take the next step in their business … but that waiting can go on for decades.

In a crazy twist, the best way to activate your inner motivation and tap into your creativity is to show up regularly for yourself and your dreams.

Just think back to school and how many times you dragged your feet over writing a paper, only to find the words flow once you actually sat down and started writing.

That’s probably why a woman who has inspired thousands of people to launch and grow businesses loves to remind people:

“Clarity comes from engagement, not thought.” – Marie Forleo

What if there were no wrong decisions?

One of the biggest mistakes we make is taking our options too seriously.

We do that because we’re worried about making the wrong decision, and then being locked into that wrong decision forever.

But what if the majority of our decisions weren’t completely right or wrong, they were just different? And each one would teach us what we needed to get us to our final destination faster than if we’d done nothing at all … like two roads that meet at the same intersection.

If that’s true, then 50 years from now you’re going to wish you had lightened up and enjoyed the ride.

Think about it this way: 

You will never have completely perfect information.

And even if you could make the absolutely most “right” decision – if there were such a thing – eventually you’d change course anyway. Whatever it was you had or were doing just wouldn’t completely fit anymore. 

Because that’s what people like us do. We evolve.

You’re missing the bigger picture

Wasting too much time on just one decision is short sighted.

I’m a huge advocate of inner game work and introspection … up to a point. But eventually you need to get into action.

Because if you look at the big picture, you’ll see it’s not about whether you’re a person who lives here or there, or does this or that, or wants widgets or wodgets.

It’s not about the specific life change you make. It could be as dramatic as running off to a Buddhist monastery or as benign as planting a garden.

What matters is that you’re a person that evolves, or takes risks, or won’t settle, or whatever else resonates with you. And your next step helps you learn, gain momentum, remain limber, and walk the walk.

It all comes down to who you are, and your transitory choices are mere reflections of that identity.

When thinking about your business, remember that it’s not about the specific step or even the specific business.

It’s about you being an entrepreneur. And the next step helps you acquire skills, and understand both your customers and your own preferences more fully. It helps you walk the walk.

So when you’re not sure what to do, think less about your choices, and more about what making a choice says about you.

Live in integrity with how you want to be in the world, and you’ll probably end up surpassing your original destination.    

And your curiosity – because it’s almost always instantly available, because it’s lighthearted, and because it’s a reflection of who you are - is the best place to start.

Here’s to walking the walk,

Jenna

P.S. Extra credit: Watch Ruth Chang’s TED talk, and ask yourself if there really are right decisions.

P.P.S. I'd love to know what YOU are feeling curious about! Are there times when you've waited too long to take action? Let's talk about it in the comments.

What to do when you have absolutely no idea what to do

Right now you’re here in life, and what you really want is to be there.

So you plug your destination into GoogleGoals and it spits out a plan. If you speed a little, you can even arrive before scheduled. Simple, right?

If only! 

In reality, we often only have vague outlines of how we’d like our life to be, and absolutely no idea how to get there.

The problem when people tell you to get started now

The problem with reading posts like Why You Need Clarity Now is that they can make you feel worse about yourself.

They tell you why you need to Seize the Day! and Get into Action! … but how are you supposed to do that if you can’t figure out what direction to take?

If you knew what to do, you’d be doing it.

Can you tell me what I’m supposed to do?

I’ve written before about the West Village fortune teller who broke my heart when she wouldn’t tell me what I should be doing with my life. (It was one of those end-of-the-rope moments. Don’t judge.)

She said that I, unfortunately, was the only one that could decide. 

She was right, of course. But it wasn’t what I needed to hear. It left me more confused than before and didn’t move me even one step in the right direction.

Here’s what I wish she had said:

It’s time to follow your curiosity.

This is how it works. 

I call it the Curiosity Concept.

If you’ve done your brainstorming, your journaling, your reflection, your research, and your meditation, and yet you’re still exactly where you started…

It’s time to get moving.

And in the absence of clear direction, the best way to find clarity is to follow your curiosity.

Here’s how the Curiosity Concept works in business: 

If you have no idea what kind of business you should launch, but you’ve been feeling curious about whether there would be demand for that thing that comes so easily to you…

If you’re struggling to decide which social media platform to focus on, but there’s one that seems more interesting…

If you’re undecided about which provider to use, but you’re intrigued by a package offered by one of them…

…then follow your curiosity.

Ask yourself, “What would I be interested in learning about, writing about, and speaking about for the next six months or a year? What would I be curious to work on or with?”

Here’s how it works for life in general:

If you don’t know what to do with your life, but you’re feeling curious about a course at the local college…

If you know something needs to change in your life (but don’t know what), and you’re feeling curious about Toastmasters…

If you want to meet the partner of your dreams, and you’re feeling curious about rock climbing…

…it just might be the stepping stone you need. 

Ask yourself, “What would I like to spend time doing? What’s something that has always seemed interesting, and keeps turning up in one way or another? What’s something I’d like to know more about, talk more about, and experience more?”

That’s way too easy!

Sound too good to be true? It’s not. Next week I’ll show you why this works.

You don’t have to quit your job, invest in an MBA, then move across the ocean in order to make your dreams happen. You just need to take one tiny step forward.

Don’t do what I did. Don't waste over a decade waiting to “know.”

During that time, I talked myself out of literally hundreds of business opportunities. (And tens of potential life partners, too.)

In the end, it took a combination of thinking AND moving for things to begin to gel.  

Here’s to the power of your curiosity,

Jenna

P.S. If you'd like to speak to someone personally about your specific fork-in-the-road, let’s hop on a call and see if it makes sense for us to work together.

4 reasons it’s so tough to find your calling if you’re an abstract thinker

I can remember it clear as day: A sunny, warm afternoon in NYC, flowers in bloom…

…and me stuffed in a dark subterranean basement in the Village begging a $10 palm reader to tell me what I was meant to do with my life.

I was that desperate!

I even felt my eyes prick with tears when she said she couldn’t tell me.

By my late twenties I felt like everyone else had it all figured out, while I was more confused than ever and becoming increasingly self-flagellating about the whole thing.  

I liked lots of things, but nothing was “it.”

(Or if it was it, it was only it for a few months or maybe a year until I either grew bored or got distracted by a different it.)

Luckily, I've learned a thing or two since then.

Why it’s different for abstract thinkers

Last week I talked a bit about what an abstract thinker is, how abstract thinking is different than concrete thinking, and that while we all use both types of thought we tend to gravitate to one dominant style.

It may seem obvious now that abstract thinkers would have it tougher than concrete thinkers when it comes to choosing one specific course of action. But let’s take a moment to highlight four of the top reasons:

4 things that make it difficult for abstract thinkers to choose

1. FOMO – Abstract thinkers live in the realm of possibility, so they’re super susceptible to FOMO (fear of missing out). If you can imagine the grass being greener, then it’s entirely possible that it truly is greener. It’s also possible that your skills might be better suited elsewhere, that you could make a bigger contribution, be more appreciated, or have a better quality of life. The list goes on and on…

2. Curiosity – Similar to #1, abstract thinkers are highly curious because they gravitate to patterns and associations (as well as what doesn’t fit within a pattern). One seemingly benign new piece of information can have their mind making connections with something completely different that they learned long ago, or a new hypothesis that just occurred to them … and of course then they’ve got to find out more. Their curiosity inevitably leads them to discover potential careers that their more concrete-thinking colleagues might never consider.

3. Is it enough? – Abstract thinkers spend a lot of time thinking about meaning and the bigger picture, which leads them to second-guess their jobs. It might not be “enough” to be good at something or enjoy something, unlike many concrete thinkers that are focused on the here and now. Abstract thinkers have to talk themselves into believing that their chosen vocation has meaning.

4. Details seem incomplete – Since abstract thinkers naturally gravitate to the big picture, anything too detailed or concrete seems incongruous to their nature. It’s as if something is missing. For instance, they may love to travel and people might suggest that they become a travel agent or flight attendant or travel blogger. But somehow, none of those feels right. Each is only one tiny facet of the greater travel experience.

So if you’re a big-picture, abstract thinker who has struggled with narrowing down your vocational interests … don’t do what I did. Don’t take it out on yourself.

Recognize that your situation is an understandable consequence of the way your brain works, period. That doesn’t mean your situation is hopeless. It doesn’t mean you’re doomed to be a drifter, squandering your education and potential. It simply means that you have to go about your search in a different way.

And that’s what we’ll talk about next week.

Here’s to recognizing the advantages of your uncommon way of thinking,

Jenna

5 things to focus on in order to find your ideal job or business

Talk about frustration.

Everything you've been working on feels like a big waste of time, but you have no idea what you should be doing next. All you've got is this nagging belief that you should be doing something ... more.

I remember that frustration so well! That's why last week I offered a bit of consolation, and promised I would let you know exactly what to focus on so you could get where you're going as quickly and smoothly as possible.

And here it is:

5 Questions To Help You Find What You're Meant to Do

1) What do you love most about your current and past jobs?

Not what do you like, not what can you tolerate, but what do you love? And more importantly, why?

The answers might not always jump out at you. You might not love troubleshooting all the technical glitches in your company's WordPress website, but you might LOVE the fact that you're getting paid to learn new, marketable skills.

Get in the habit here of taking everything to the next level. WHY do you love writing? What is it, specifically, about teaching that lights you up so much? 

And when you think you've arrived at an answer, ask yourself those same questions all over again. 

2) What do you hate most about your current and past jobs?

Trying to stay positive can be a fantastic practice, but you're cutting out a lot of valuable self knowledge if you don't also let yourself explore the negative. Humans are wired to be not only sensitive but highly responsive to aversion. Often it's easier to figure out what we don't like than what we do like!

As with #1, make sure to ask yourself "Why?" and "What exactly...?" whenever you think you've found something. Go deep.

3) What or who makes you green with envy?

Again, a dark emotion that we don't like to talk or think about, and again, a place where you have to go deep. 

I thank Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in A World That Can't Stop Talking for bringing this particular gem to my attention.

4) What makes you curious?

When clarity eludes you, follow your curiosity. What sounds intriguing? What could you happily spend the next year or so learning about and talking about?

Maybe it's a way to shake up your routines and give a fresh perspective, or maybe curiosity is a manifestation of our intuition, that deep sense of knowing that can be so hard to hear at times. (Is that my intuition? Or fear? Or self-deluding fantasy?) Regardless, curiosity is wildly helpful. 

When Elizabeth Gilbert became curious about studying Italian, she had no idea her decision would lead to her international mega-bestseller, Eat, Pray, Love, and catapult her to fame. When Benjamin Franklin decided to prove to himself once and for all the nature of lightning, he wasn't predicting the vast economic windfall of harnessed electricity. But they followed their curiosity anyway.

5) What are you waiting for?

No, I'm not implying that you need to examine your personal psychology of 'playing small.' While that might be a valid question for another time, it can lead to a rabbit hole of self-recrimination that is unnecessary at the moment.

What I mean is that you can start getting familiar with how your future life will feel if you apply what you've discovered now, in your current job, rather than later, in some undetermined future. Because sometimes, even if you've been toning your awareness muscles and going through the hard work of clarifying what makes you tick, you might not yet have a clear direction about your next step. And that's okay.

Putting It All Together

Let's say you answered Question #1 by saying that you really love interacting with customers. And then when you ask yourself why, you realize that what you really love is that breakthrough moment when you help someone come up with a novel solution that they wouldn't have thought up on their own. And then you realize that what you really love about that is being able to stretch your mind creatively. You kind of lose yourself when you're doing it. It could be new ideas, new workarounds, new processes ... you don't really care. You just love coming up with something new.

So, great. Do more of that.

Now that you know something that lights you up, challenge yourself to come up with creative solutions not just with customers, but with coworkers, bosses, subordinates, suppliers, your friends, your dog.... Make it into a game to see if you can spend 20% more of your day doing this thing that you love.

At the same time, you'll be honing a skill that you'll invariably use one day in your dream job or ideal business (it won't be your dream job if it doesn't light you up).

And here's the other great thing: Once your brain understands exactly what you want to focus on, it will help you start recognizing more and more opportunities where you can use that skill.

By the same token, can you do less of what you dislike? Or can you creatively sprinkle in some of that newness / creative thinking that you like, in order to make it more palatable?

If you've found that you're envious of a specific person, only to realize that it's because everybody seems to view her as an authority and take her ideas so seriously, how can you start developing that for yourself? Again, if you envision your dream job / ideal life as a place where people take your ideas seriously, work on cultivating that now.

And curiosity? Just go for it. Download that audio book, join that club, sign up for that Italian course! 

Don't wait, just do it. All of it. You'll be happier, you'll be more self-aware, you'll be improving yourself ... and really, you just never know when that unexpected job listing or business opportunity will come your way.

Here's to the wonderful benefits of knowing yourself,
Jenna