Ep# 91: Q: My clients are exhausting me! How do I break the pattern of difficult clients?
Episode Summary
Are demanding or high-needs clients draining your time and mental energy, leaving you stuck in your business?
If you're spending too much time dealing with challenging clients and constantly worrying about meeting their needs, it's time to create a balanced relationship with your ideal clients.
Doing so will free up your time and mental space to help more people or focus on growing your business, ultimately leading to greater fulfilment and success.
In this episode, you will:
1) Gain insight into the root causes of excessive time and energy on challenging clients.
2) Learn practical strategies for attracting and maintaining relationships with ideal clients who respect your boundaries and contribute positively to your business.
3) Develop a mindset shift to confidently say no to clients who are not aligned with your vision. This will allow you to focus on serving those who value your expertise.
Listen to this episode of The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast to discover how to break free from the cycle of draining client relationships and create a thriving business that aligns with your goals.
Leave a voicemail for Jenna:
https://www.theuncommonway.com/talk
Sign up here to get on the waitlist for Power & Potency and hear all new information as it's released:
https://www.theuncommonway.com/waitlist
Schedule a call with Jenna to talk about joining the Clarity Accelerator to dial in the pieces of your successful business and first-rate mindset (the precursor for Power & Potency)
https://www.theuncommonway.com/schedule
Links mentioned:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle
Books mentioned:
https://www.amazon.com/POWER-TED-EMPOWERMENT-DYNAMIC-Anniversary-ebook/dp/B01CV1I84U/
Episodes mentioned:
https://www.theuncommonway.com/episodes/finding-attracting-dream-clients
Useful resources for podcasters
Are demanding clients draining your time and mental energy, leaving you stuck in your business?
If you're spending too much time dealing with challenging clients and constantly worrying about meeting their needs, it's time to create a balanced relationship with your ideal clients.
Doing so will free up your time and mental space to help more people or focus on growing your business, ultimately leading to greater fulfilment and success.
In this episode, you will:
1) Gain insight into the root causes of excessive time and energy on challenging clients.
2) Learn practical strategies for attracting and maintaining relationships with ideal clients who respect your boundaries and contribute positively to your business.
3) Develop a mindset shift to confidently say no to clients who are not aligned with your vision. This will allow you to focus on serving those who value your expertise.
Listen to this episode of The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast to discover how to break free from the cycle of draining client relationships and create a thriving business that aligns with your goals.
Leave a voicemail for Jenna:
https://www.theuncommonway.com/talk
Sign up here to get on the waitlist for Power & Potency and hear all new information as it's released:
https://www.theuncommonway.com/waitlist
Schedule a call with Jenna to talk about joining the Clarity Accelerator to dial in the pieces of your successful business and first-rate mindset (the precursor for Power & Potency)
https://www.theuncommonway.com/schedule
Links mentioned:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle
Books mentioned:
https://www.amazon.com/POWER-TED-EMPOWERMENT-DYNAMIC-Anniversary-ebook/dp/B01CV1I84U/
Episodes mentioned:
https://www.theuncommonway.com/episodes/finding-attracting-dream-clients
Useful resources for podcasters
Don’t miss an episode, follow the podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts.
Full Episode Transcript:
Episode 91 addendum
[00:00:00] Do you find yourself spending a lot of time with challenging clients who are either demanding or they're really taking a lot out of you in order to help them along?
And then you notice you're spending even more time thinking about what's going on with them or what they're thinking about you.
Then let's help you create a balanced relationship with ideal clients so you can free up your time and brain space to help more people or to focus on your business instead of being in your business and or free you up to do more of what you love doing outside of your business. Stick around.
You're listening to the Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast. The podcast that helps women entrepreneurs get clear on signature offers and strategies that sell themselves, so you can lean back and stop the hustle. You will learn to maximize your mindset, messaging and strategy [00:01:00] and step into the uncommonly successful business.
And life you are creating. Here's your host, top ranked business coach and reformed over analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.
Hello, everyone. Welcome back to The Uncommon Way. This is not just a week since I talked to you. It's a couple days since I talked to you because I'm re recording this episode. And I really want to give a huge to you. Thank you to my production and editing team that has moved everything so that they can get this episode out to you on time.
We had a technical snafu. We've been having a lot of those this week. We're not even in Mercury Retrograde. Not sure what's going on, but I do know I'm not the only business, so I hope it hasn't been affecting you too, whatever's going around, but anyway, James, thank you from the bottom of my heart. James, my editor.[00:02:00]
Thank you. Any of you that have podcasts, now that I'm thinking about it, you have got to check out the Get More Listeners Academy. They are a great podcast coach for really helping you create new results with your podcast. They also do editing and production, and they have an amazing podcast for podcasters with very tactical advice that I'll link to in the show notes.
Okay. We've got a really special episode for you today because this is the first one in which I get to create a personalized episode for one of my listeners. Knowing that whatever one of you asks, so many others of you are thinking or needing help with, and so it's so win win for all of us. If you've been with me for a while, you might know that the reason I started this podcast was really to be able to help people for free, people that may never be able to join me in the programs. And so being able to provide equitable coaching in this [00:03:00] way is such a gift. And I know that it's going to benefit so many of you because we all have so many similar themes coming up, no matter what level we're at in business.
Now, just to let you know how this goes in case you're new around here, I always respond with some very tactical something that you can actually do, but also mindset coaching or advice because that's really at the base of everything. You almost sometimes don't even need the tactical tips if you have this mindset piece dialed in.
And then also I'm always going to give you just a little bit of wisdom that's a little more out there. Thanks Or woo, because you never know, right? Now, I don't necessarily know how all those woo things work, but I do know what works after years of coaching women around the world on their businesses and seeing these same themes happen again and again and again.
So, I don't hold anything back from my clients just [00:04:00] because I'm afraid they'll think I'm a little weird, and so I'm not gonna hold anything back from you either. Okay, let's listen in to the voicemail that our listener, Peggy, left me.
Hey Jenna, I love the idea of working fewer hours in my business, but I find that I'm still spending a lot of time with my clients and thinking about how to help them. They message me frequently with all different issues and it feels like I still need to do a lot of the heavy lifting to help them along.
So I get that I have a hand in this too, but I'm trying to figure out what the root problem is. Do I need to change my niche? Is it my messaging? Am I speaking to the wrong people? I don't know. I'm always trying to upgrade my process and explain things more clearly. I thought these maybe were growing pains that I had to give it more time, but I keep noticing this pattern.
I hope you can help. Thanks.
So it's worth looking at where that's coming from. And when you were talking, Peggy, about the different root of the problem, and it could be messaging, it could be all of these things. This is really it, where is it really coming from? Sometimes [00:05:00] it's an identity thing. We Harrison's do things this way, or this is the way I am.
I'm this kind of person, or as a Southern women, we show hospitality, it could be so many things. There's that identity piece in there, or we just don't want to be perceived in a certain way, or we want to be liked. Maybe there's scarcity, of losing clients.
If we don't respond in this way.
Or maybe it's the super high performer in us that is safeguarding against any form of failure or being less than perfect. And it certainly aligns with previous ways of how I wanted to see myself.
You are used to a high level of performance in your life, you're used to doing things well, you've probably had people give you extra projects, or you've carried weight for others who weren't as skilled or hardworking as you. And pretty soon, your brain equated that with success. And no [00:06:00] smart brain willingly breaks a pattern of success.
So, it keeps happening, and you get to keep gathering evidence that this is what works.
So unfortunately, we aren't talking in person, Peggy, and I hate to make assumptions,
but I am going to take a guess that this might be something that's going on somewhere else, because it's unusual that we have a dynamic in work relationships that is not mirrored elsewhere.
Hey, if you're a coach who wants true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots. The dots that have always been there for you. So that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.
Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn. From Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to theuncommonway. com slash schedule and set up a [00:07:00] time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach. My clients will come to me wanting to talk about something completely not business related. And so frequently they'll apologize. I'm sorry, this probably isn't even what we coach on here, but dot, dot, dot. And I say, this is exactly what we coach on here because everything is related. When we are building businesses, we're having an opportunity to see that reflected in so many different areas of our life.
And working on one thing helps us in all of them.
Now, what we might notice is that whatever pattern it is, is really heightened in our work relationships. I remember someone saying once, I thought I'd worked on this. I've learned to set really good boundaries in my relationship, so why am I seeing this come up again now? But this is why entrepreneurship is so great.
It brings out all the areas where we might still have a bit more work to do, because when we [00:08:00] are working on this basic level of survival, which is our brain equates business to survival, right? And we're working on that basic level of the pyramid in Maslow's Hierarchy, it really brings up our shit. And thank God, because then we can heal it, right?
Then we can learn to work through it, move through it, and come out so much different on the other side.
So therefore, here is the mindset homework I'm going to give you. I want you to think through, do you think it's possible
To have clients that are getting great results without that level of involvement from you. Have you done the work to think through what it would be like to have clients like that? Because the thought of it is actually really threatening for a lot of us. You might find yourself getting little flickers of pride where they say, Oh, I don't know what I'd do without you.
Or you're kind of complaining to your partner like, oh, they [00:09:00] need me again, but deep down you kind of feel good that they need you again.
I tell my clients I would love for them to really want me as their coach, but not feel like they need me as their coach. But honey, that took years to get to.
But start walking down that path now, because you've got to come to peace with the thought of working with your ideal clients. Otherwise, you're not going to be able to bring in your ideal clients. And you need to know why they are, in fact, ideal. Otherwise, you'll probably end up giving mixed signals.
Those signals might come through your messaging, or through actions when you start working together.
I remember one client I worked with who was so busy in her business when she came to me and we started reviewing her processes and she was a coach and there were all of these examples where she was having to rearrange calls last minute and try and fit people in it all different times, even when it really wasn't [00:10:00] convenient for her.
She was working hours that have seen them at times that she wouldn't necessarily have in her business hours. manifesting all kinds of love. She was working with them in an unlimited capacity in Foxerd and, and, and, and. I mean, there was just so many ways in which she was just giving them all of her all the time, whenever they needed her.
And there's nothing wrong with the clients for taking that on that availability, because it was offered to them.
But your right people are longing for the same thing you are. They just haven't believed it of themselves, or have been given the opportunity to experience it for themselves.
There's something called the Savior Model that was developed by Stephen Karpman, I believe is his name, in the 60s or so, a psychologist, where he was talking about this kind of general tendency in human dynamics where someone starts being the [00:11:00] savior and someone is the one who needs to be saved, and it was a triad.
And over time, people have really started to think about that model in different ways. In fact, there's a book called, The Power of Ted, which I'll link to, where they were really thinking about how what we're moving into with coaching so much is rather than the persecutor person, , it's really obstacles and challenges in our life, and rather than the savior, it's the coach, someone who's just there to help the hero of the journey, rather than the victim, the hero recognize his or her strengths.
And therefore, we need to take agency and responsibility, and I know you were already doing that, Peggy, but we do need to step back and see in which ways am I contributing? Why would I want that to continue? But also, where am I, actually not helping my clients.
Where might I be [00:12:00] holding them back from stepping into their hero role by keeping them in a place where they need to be saved and I'm the only one who can save them?
And that mindset will slip through in unplanned and unforeseen ways if not addressed. It is amazing how subtle the mind can be and how adeptly it can guide you and you'd be unaware if you weren't looking for it. I've noticed lately I go down and I wait for my son at the bus stop because kindergartners need to have someone actually pick them up right when they get off the bus, so I always have to make sure to be there before the bus.
And when I get down there, there's an electrical box and I notice myself Sitting on the electrical box. Until finally I thought, I sit all day long, why in the world am I sitting on this box every time I come down here? And I realized that my muscles are just used to sitting. Standing takes a little bit more effort.[00:13:00]
Nothing that I would ever notice, but enough so that my brain can just float the thought by me that's like, I'll just sit here. And it happened so subtly and quietly that I don't even realize I've made a decision to sit. It just seemed like the good idea. It seems more comfortable. I'll just sit here. And then that's the direction I go.
And so it's taking concerted effort for me to remain standing at the bus stop while I wait for my son. But I just thought it was such a beautiful example of how we
are so guided by choices that we haven't actually made. And ways of being that we're just used to.
So I have a feeling that you throughout your day are not making these calculated decisions about how, well, I need to do this so they'll like me. Or I need to do this so I can feel like I'm in control. Or I need to do this because if the client doesn't get results, that means X about me. But, if [00:14:00] that's an underlying belief system, it will guide your decisions.
And it will guide your actions, therefore.
So then, and only then, after you've explored that work, then we can get tactical. Because we do want to speak to those people and only those people.
I'm going to be working with a new Facebook ads person, and I was reading through some of her posts on Instagram. She was addressing the question of bonuses. When you have a funnel, at what point, how much do you want to rely on bonuses? And she was saying that people rely too heavily on them.
And that in so doing, they can dilute the value of their product. Which I couldn't agree with more. And the way she said it, though, was, When you fly business class, do you expect a bonus? And what I love about that statement was that she was so clearly talking to her people.
Her [00:15:00] people, obviously, are entrepreneurs who have reached a level of success in their business and they know their people well enough and their messaging well enough and their client journey well enough that they can start to scale that into ads successfully and won't just lose a ton of money on it.
But when I read that as someone who flies business class, it landed for me, eh, but it also helped me feel like she gets me, right? Like she knows exactly how to talk to me
in ways that'll really stick.
So you don't necessarily have to talk to your clients or your prospective clients about how they live their life, but you do have to talk at least about how they move through the world, what they think about what's important to them.
And once you've got that person in mind, you have to do your best to maintain focus.
My son Dylan has ADHD and often right in the middle of a conversation, he'll just break off on a tangent or he'll just leave, he'll [00:16:00] exit the conversation and go look at something in the window, for instance. And the business equivalent of that is when you're speaking to one person and then you slip back into speaking to someone else.
We all do it sometimes, but we want to aim to do it less and less because it breaks resonance for our people. And by that, I'm saying their feelings of safety for moving forward are affected. They probably don't even notice it. It's like that sitting at the bus stop thing, right? They don't notice it consciously, but there's a slight question of is this right for me?
Is this the right program for me or is it really made for other people? So scan the landing pages that you have, scan your website, social media descriptions, and do it with the lens of your ideal client. And, put on those glasses for a minute and just make sure that all of those words are really speaking to that person, , to [00:17:00] you, that you as that prospective client feel like, yes, she's speaking to me.
If you don't have landing pages, then just be aware of it next time you're having a conversation with another human, you're at a networking event, or you're at a conference of some sort. The kinds of things you're talking about?
You can be even more active about this by screening for certain types of people in your discovery calls, on your intake forms, for instance.
If you want, head over to my site and check out mine. You would go to theuncommonway. com forward slash schedule, yes, and then just start booking a free 90 minute roadmap call with me and you'll see all of the questions that I ask my potential clients. And now that you've listened to this episode, you're going to be able to read between the lines and figure out why I'm asking the questions that I ask.
And then from there. I know I'm giving more than one tactical tip, but my mind is moving, right, sequentially. So from there, [00:18:00] you also want to set your people up for success by a strong onboarding process or a video or a PDF or something, or even just a conversation, your first conversation.
You really want to set the tone for how they are going to create their greatest success, right, together with you.
Because they're basically coming into your house, and you're the one that needs to show them where the cups are, where the dishes are, and how to do things around here.
So to recap, I suggested that you check for where you might have a fixer or a savior operating model going on, and then, for the tactical tip, to look over the language that you have and the processes you've put in place from the lens of your ideal client and make sure that it fits. Make sure you're talking to them rather than someone else.
And, find out if you're setting them up to be successful, or [00:19:00] ushering them into a pattern that you relied on in the past that isn't going to serve either of you. And then finally, for the tip that has more to do with energetics, or is a little more woo, are you willing to say no to potential clients who don't seem like they want to or ready to step into the balanced working relationship that you are offering.
Now this one's hard, because when you're wanting to bring on more clients, the last thing you'd think of doing is saying no to people.
But saying no strategically is actually one of the most powerful things that you can do energetically. Because your clarity is what facilitates attraction and magnetism and manifestation. So, I have an episode on that entire subject that I'll link to in the show notes. But I often see people say they want to create this new way of working or being in the world, but they [00:20:00] can't because they're worried they won't find enough of those types of clients, right?
They're not really believing there are enough of those kind of people. Or in their particular niche, or for whatever reason it's not possible for their people. Or maybe they just feel bad saying no to people. So they stay in this loop that's not working for them. But this is the kind of counter logical thing that you need to do.
Even though it's hard for you to say no, you need to say no. It's the only way to get to yes. What happens sometimes is that people set out good intentions. Okay, things are going to be different. Maybe they even change their web copy. But then the next prospective client who comes along seems similar to before, and the person then makes excuses about why to take on just one more, or just this particular person, not realizing that this can significantly delay their [00:21:00] transition.
As if you said, okay universe, here's the new kind of romantic partner I want in my life. But then you keep dating the same old person again and again. The universe is like, really? Is that what you want or is that not what you want? I'm confused. So that's one way to describe it. But another way to look at it is your clarity and your certainty about who you're available for creates a frequency of sorts, an energetic coherence with your right people.
And when your belief, your intention, your confidence, whatever you want to call it, when that wavers, then it's like you're no longer broadcasting the same way. And it's challenging to hold that discomfort of the unknown, of change, right? To calm your nervous system down and lean into trust that what you're looking for is also looking for you.
Or just to believe that you're capable of attracting a person like that because you might have some value [00:22:00] judgment about that kind of person, but this is the work. The fact that you even have the desire. is pointing you to your work. So my advice is to learn to draw a line in the sand where you say, I no longer choose this in my life, and then you mean it.
Say what you mean and mean what you say. It's not a particularly common practice in many areas of the world today, but it is essential for the life you want to lead and the future we are all creating here in this uncommon way community. Okay Peggy, I wish you so much success. And to all of you, you know who you are, and each day you are stepping further into what you're here to create.
Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing [00:23:00] clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay. com. See you next time.
