Jenna Harrison Jenna Harrison

Ep #51: My Uncommon Story: Racism, Snobbery and the Life of the Mind

I share my experiences with racism, snobbiness, style, and efforts to fit in during my adolescence in Hawaii. Looking back, I realize that the actions of my youth molded my future in positive and challenging ways. I overcame, I changed, and I pushed myself.

Episode Summary

Jenna reflects on her adolescence, unpacking stories of hardship and triumph that have molded her into who she is today.

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Show Notes

Join me for the continuation of My Uncommon Story, a series reflecting on and sharing experiences from my upbringing. By sharing stories from my youth, I hope to give a glimpse into the roots of my particular (uncommon) philosophies.

This week, I share my experiences with racism, snobbiness, style, and efforts to fit in during my adolescence in Hawaii. Looking back, I realize that the actions of my youth molded my future in positive and challenging ways. I overcame, I changed, and I pushed myself.

Enjoy this week's story, which takes a close look at being a teenager in the 80s. As you listen, you may consider experiences from your youth that have similarly challenged you, forced you to grow, or thoughts that you had to unlearn down the road.

 

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

  • The habits Jenna learned and some she had to unlearn from youth.

  • How experience can impact biases later in life.

  • Why a willingness to change is essential.

  • Why you don’t have to do it on your own.

  • The power of groupthink.

  • How to reflect on your own life story with compassion.

 

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Full Episode Transcript:

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Hey, this is a new series where I'm giving you the context behind what I share in this podcast, i.e., what went on in my life to get me here. Think of this as part entrepreneurial mindset building told through stories, part historical nonfiction, and part audacious, salacious, beach read. I hope you enjoy.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Hey, welcome back to The Uncommon Way. Today, we're continuing the series where I'm talking about the stories and context coming behind all of the opinions and ideas that I share. Before we pick up where we left off, I just have two quick things to tell you all. One, is that we did make a decision on where we're living. We are going to be living in the Raleigh-Durham area.

So, any of you that know anything about that area, please fill me in on all the things. If you have realtor recommendations, different neighborhoods or towns we should be looking at, things we should be doing while we're there, I want it all. Thanks in advance. I’m so grateful.

The second thing, is that this episode will probably be coming out right about the time that we're heading off to Spain for July. We have some episodes lined up for you while I'm gone, but I won't actually be checking in here on the podcast. So, please head over to Instagram, and stay in touch with me there.

I'll be sharing a lot of behind-the-scenes things. We're rebranding the website. We're going to have lots of fun things that we're doing, people visiting us, and just kind of that snapshot into Spanish life. And the lifestyle of a coach who is kind of working. I'll probably be working about four, maybe five hours, a week. And also, really living it up. Come join me.

Now, I know when I first started this series, I was talking a lot about how fun it would be and there'll be all these little juicy tidbits. But any hero's journey really has ups and downs. And this episode is introducing one of the more challenging parts of my life. But I’ve decided to include it.

I think it's important because, one, it was so formative for me and led to so many different outcomes, I think, spurred so many different outcomes. This is after all, the story of my life. But I also think it's relevant to a conversation, a national conversation, that we're having. And it's a point of view that we don't get to hear.

All right, so this episode, I'm going to be completely honest, feels a little scary to record. I'm going to be talking about race. I don't think it comes as a surprise to anyone that I am a White woman. So, just with those two facts right there, this conversation may be disallowed or at least unappreciated in certain circles. It might even push some deep buttons.

I'm still going to talk about it from the best vantage point that I can, which is the one that I have right now, and is far from perfect. And quite honestly, not totally neutral. I have a lot of work I could do and will do, will continue to do, on this.

By speaking now when I don't have everything figured out, and knowing that I'll never have everything figured out, I hope that the net effect of what I share is a net help for our conversation, rather than a net negative. If I do offend, hurt or trigger anyone, I actually do feel that; that means something to me. If you're open to communicating with me about it, I would welcome that.

So, in the last episode, I talked about some of the benefits and the challenges of growing up in the military. I was born in the Virginia Beach area where there's a large Navy community. Then, we spent a lot of the time in my first few years in the Mediterranean, following my dad’s ships around. We were in the San Diego area until I was about five. Between five and eight, I was living in the middle of the Mojave Desert in California.

But this story picks up after that, when we moved to Hawaii. We had the most amazing house right on the beach. It overlooked all of Diamondhead and Waikiki. So, if you think about how O‘ahu is kind of like a circle, and at the bottom, Pearl Harbor comes in and takes a big dent out of the island. On one side, there's Waikiki, Honolulu. Then, on the other side of Pearl Harbor, there's an area called Ewa Beach.

Nowadays, that area has been turned into Ko Olina, which some of you might have stayed at. But back in the day, y'all, it was sticks. It was sticks. I still remember the first time my dad took us out to see where our house would be. He'd gone ahead of the family to kind of get everything organized, and I was finishing up school.

He kept driving and driving and driving through sugarcane fields. When you are in a sugarcane field, you can't see out of it, right? Because the cane is really high. So, it just felt interminable, these roads; and then the next turn, and then the next turn, and more cane fields and more cane fields. Then we finally got out there, and our jaws just hit the ground when we saw this house, or at least the property where the house was. The house itself was just kind of a ranch house.

I’ve got tell you, for the first few years, life was pretty blissful. Because we were on the military base, and so everybody that I was going to school with were the children of military people. Now, military people, of course, they live all over the world. Then, they often tend to marry people that they meet all over the world. So, us military kids, we're all different colors, and shapes and sizes. We just kind of grow up thinking that's how things are.

But it turns out, right outside the military base, in this area called Ewa Beach, and in many, many areas of Hawaii at that time, that's not how they think of the world. Specifically in Hawaii, with the history of colonialism. There’re basically two races in Hawaii; you are either local, or you are “haole”, meaning White. It is actually a derogatory term. It's used more and more in a friendly sense nowadays, but back then it was not something that you wanted to be.

I found this out firsthand when I reached junior high school. Because there was no longer a junior high school on the base, all of us military kids had to go into town to the local junior high school. There were some children that instead of going there went to private schools, I was not one of them. My dad had a very strong opinion that public school was just fine for his children. He wasn't interested in raising a prima donna, as he called it.

I remember him saying specifically, “I think this will build character.” I remember the first day, getting off the school bus and walking into that school. I didn't realize it at the time, but we were the bus that everyone was kind of interested in seeing. We were this group of predominantly White kids, or at least non-local kids. There were no other buses coming in that were like that.

But as we would walk down the hallways, the kids would line up on either side and they would shout the worst insults at us, that you can, I think, really imagine. Specifically for young girls who are going through puberty at junior high school, there were very graphic insults about us and our bodies and our whiteness, and even the smell of our bodies. If we were to look up… In local language, when you make eye contact with somebody, it can mean that you want to fight.

So, then they'd ask or shout in pidgin English, “What, you want to fight?” In their pidgin, it was, “You like beef?” Sometimes we could just look down again at the floor and kind of scurry away, and they'd leave us alone. But other times, if they were having fun with it and wanted to make a show of it, they would start to posture and come close.

The thing about the way that people would fight, is that you would bring in all of your cousins, right? All of your friends and everyone would have your back. But us military kids, we move every two or three years, we don't have a whole lot of loyalty with each other. Yes, we're friends. But when you're faced with a group of 20 locals, I don't know how much we're going to stand up for each other.

So, you definitely didn't want to be alone. But you also didn't want to be confronted, because then everyone would usually scatter; all the other military kids would scatter. Or some of, I guess, the braver or more higher temper people would get into fights. I mostly was just trying to keep my head down and get to school, get to class, where I felt safer with the teachers there.

But the thing is, I remember teachers walking through the hallways while this was going on. And while, for instance, some of the local kids would stand up at the top of stairways, they'd lean over and they’d just wait until they saw a White kid, and then they'd spit. It was a game to see what White kids you could spit on, and how many White kids you could spit on. So, we would have to wait at the bottom.

If we had a class that was in the upper level, we're always trying to find the less populated stairwells. Always having to make these roundabout routes to try and get to our classrooms. My perception, and that of my friends as well, is that this was condoned.

This was condoned because of the colonial legacy that had been in Hawaii. Because of the fact that, “White people shouldn't be here. We don't want you here anyway. We now have every right to do to your children what we will, or do to your children what we want.”

But somehow, there was safety within the classroom, at least physical safety. Because there were other rules inside the classroom. Such as, that you should never be too smart. There was very strong value placed in not being smart.

Not just among the children, I've seen this with adults as well. Where the default is just to say, “Well, I wouldn't know about that. I probably don't know about that,” or kind of laughing, even if the conversation does go in a direction that uses a four-syllable word, for instance, “Oh, big word.”

I don't have experience at other junior high schools, obviously. But from what I've heard, this is just a general age where you are staying within the lines of very strong social norms. Perhaps it was all just amplified because of our age. So, while there was a certain amount of safety in the classroom, that really vanished as soon as you left the door. Even people that I would talk to in the classroom sometimes, would get outside the classroom and then I'd have a completely different experience with them.

But the worst of all, I think, was going to the bathroom. Because when you went to the bathroom during class, I mean, you'd be completely alone walking your way to the restroom. I remember, there was one girl in particular who just hated me.

Now, something I haven't mentioned yet, is that I was an early bloomer and I've always been tall. So, especially compared to Polynesian and Asian ethnicities, I stood out. I was easily a foot-and-a-half taller than everybody, but really slight. I mean, not someone that would scare them in a fight at all. And way too curvy for the norm.

There was one girl who really disliked me, and could spot me, obviously, across the crowd, because I was so tall and stood out. I remember one day when I'd gone out to the restroom, and she just happened to be walking along the hall. I remember that moment when I saw her, and that decision point where I had to decide whether to go back to the classroom or keep going. I decided to keep going.

As we got close, she came and walked and stood right in front of me, so that I'd have to move either right or left. Then, when I would move right or left, she would move right or left. I remember keeping my head down, looking at the floor, in just complete subservience as she was saying things to me.

That type of environment, that type of situation has been so triggering to me over time. It's led to a lot of outbursts in my adult life. Because that feeling of having to keep it in, when every cell in your body is screaming at you to lift up your head… I don't really even have words. It's just palpable within me.

These instances with her were getting more and more aggravated. I was wondering how to manage this, when, luckily, I realized that in one of my electives, which was shop class, one of the people in there was her boyfriend. So, as we were all working together in teams for the shop classes and having to share tools and equipment; he actually seemed like a really nice guy. We kind of became friends.

I remember one time, when they were together in the hallway, she kind of stepped out towards me. Of course, I had my head down. I could see his hand, and it was just a few fingers, it was so slight, right on the skin of her arm. It was just enough to keep her from moving any closer to me. Right? That slight little indication.

She just stepped back against the wall, and I passed by. That was the last time she ever confronted me. I do think about the power of that one gesture, of just one person saying, “Hey, let's not go there,” and, of course, to what a deep imprint racism can have on someone.

I certainly only acutely experienced it like that for two years of my life. I could always go back to my very safe military home environment with other people that thought like me, and a lot of them who looked like me. But I'll be honest, when I say that for years, just hearing somebody who spoke with Filipino intonation, the hairs would rise on the back of my neck.

I would go out of my way to avoid interactions with people that, in any way, my brain thought were similar, or even were exhibiting a similar posture to what I'd witnessed. It's interesting, because as an adult now, I think back and I don't remember a time that I ever had a conversation with my parents and told them how bad it was.

I've even asked my dad about it. I'm like, “Do you remember me ever talking to you about this?” Because my dad in California, my biological dad, he was sort of the person that I could go to and talk about what was going on back home. So, I thought that maybe if I hadn't talked to my mom and stepdad about it, maybe I had talked to him. But he honestly does not remember any conversations about how egregious it was.

I think that part of it was just that day and age. That generation where we just thought we had to deal with things. Although, I think there's something else. I didn't really land on this fully until I was reflecting on this conversation with my mom, telling her that I was going to record this episode. She said, “You know what, Jen? You just didn't want help. I finally had to step back and just let you do what you were going to do. Because every time I talked about intervening, you said, ‘No, don't do it.’”

I know that's common with kids, that they don't want their mom intervening and maybe making the situation worse. But it really hit me, because of some events, that I'll tell you about later, in life. It was the same mindset that got me into so much trouble, or brought on so much suffering later on in my life, thinking that I had to do it all on my own. That if I needed to ask for help, I just wasn't doing it well enough.

But I also know that there was a level of shame involved, as well. I can't even imagine, if my parents had pressed me on what they were actually saying to me, what the insults and slurs actually were, I just can't even imagine at that age, telling them.

What I suspect, due to events that happened later in my life, that I'll tell you about, I think that there was also a level of thinking that somehow I deserved it. Or because my ancestors were White, that maybe it was a reckoning or it was fair that we were treated that way. Which I now so fully disagree with.

There's got to be room for adults to have conversations about settling the wrongs of the past, without the children having to battle it out on the playground. Because I know that wasn't just damaging for me, that was damaging for the kids that were bullying also. And those same children, placed in a different context, I guess, different surroundings, would have a completely different experience.

I know that, because there was a year that I went to summer school. And the only place that offered the class that I wanted, was at an inner-city school in Honolulu. I was literally the only White person. I remember sitting in the car with my mom, and the desire to go into that class was so strong, I really, really wanted to take that class in summer school, but looking around at all of those brown faces scared the hell out of me.

I got out of the car and I started walking. I remember the first people looking, and I felt like I'd seen those kinds of looks before, and then someone walked up to me and was like, “Hey, where are you from? Are you going to school here?”

Whoa, it was like I was the queen of the fucking party. People were so nice. They were introducing me to their friends. They were laughing and joking in the hallways. They just thought it was so fun, as if I were an exchange student from I don't even know where.

I was this novelty at the school. They were so warm-hearted, so open and excited. I even kept in touch with them later, when I was in high school. I ended up inviting one of the guys to my homecoming dance; we were really good friends.

While when I was younger, I did have some thoughts like, “I never would have done that. I never would have been like them.” The truth is, as I got older and older, every time I had a thought like, “I never would…,” it's like the universe would somehow put me into some sort of situation where I would see how I would go with the group think. Or how I would enter into a power dynamic, where I was making sure I'd come out on top. Or I'd make a judgment about a local person just because of the way they looked.

But when more and more and more people come in, it can quickly become ‘us vs. them’. Then, when even more of the minority group comes in, until the point where the balance is fairly equal, then again there's room for harmony. There can be room for harmony, obviously it doesn't always work out like that. I noticed a huge shift when I went to my high school, which I've said before, was a third Black, a third White and a third local.

So, there are a few different themes showing up in this story that really play into how my life moves forward. One of the things I haven't talked about, is why I was at that inner-city school going to summer school. The reason is because I was just a hyper driven child. I think there might be a few reasons for that. But it did not come from my parents saying that I needed to, for instance, get into the best school.

But somehow, I don't know if there was enough in the cultural conversation, I had decided at some point, at a very, very young age, in fact, that if I didn't get into a good school, I basically was going to have a terrible life.

We moved from the Mojave Desert in California, like I said, to Hawaii when I was eight. I had to test-in to see what level I was at, in terms of arithmetic and language. I tested into the top level on everything, but math.

Now you can see, I mentioned in the last episode, why I always had a thought that I wasn't as good in math. I can see now, in hindsight, why I thought that. Because little girls are taught that at a young age. And this really confirmed it. It felt like such a failure.

I basically had a little nervous breakdown at eight, because I had already forward-planned to my senior year in high school. I had decided that in order to have the best shot at a really good school, I needed to have completed all of my math requirements. I could not have math as part of my GPA when I was a senior.

If I were to do that, if I were to complete all the math requirements by the time I was a junior, I needed to take, I think, algebra at seventh grade. Because this had set me back, I wasn't going to be able to do that. So, I worked really hard. I know, I'm listening to this and it just sounds so ridiculous. But hey, that's the truth.

So, I had worked really hard. I'd gotten back into top math classes by, I don't know, fourth, fifth, sixth grade. Oh right, part of the thing was that in order to complete it by my junior year, I would have to take one year of summer school at some point. So, I wanted to do that between I think seventh and eighth grade, or eighth and ninth, I can't remember.

That is why I was at that inner-city school, because they were the only ones to offer geometry. Like I mentioned before, being at my junior high school was really difficult for me because there was no interest in academics at that school. That really helped me see how deeply I appreciated and valued the life of the mind.

I started looking to sources outside of the school to show me that there were people that existed that also valued academics and deep thought. While I don't remember telling my parents exactly how bad it was at my junior high school, I do remember continually reintroducing the conversation about going to a private school instead. And citing academics as such an important reason for doing that.

I really, really wanted to go to Punahou, which is where Barack Obama went to school. Of course, we didn't know who Barack Obama was at that point, but it was considered a really, really good school. But it wasn't meant to be. But that desire to not be like everybody else, it kind of came back to bite me when I entered high school, because… that is when boys entered the picture.

One thing Hawaii did well, was they allowed people to move up into academic classes that weren't necessarily at their grade level. So, because I had been to summer school, when I came into high school, tested in, I was in several junior and senior classes.

By the way, I haven't mentioned this yet, but the way that I was able to leave Ewa Beach… Because the high school was known as being even worse than the junior high school. So, the way I was able to leave Ewa Beach and go to high school in Honolulu… I went to Radford, which is where Bette Midler went to school. Not at the same time, she was there before me.

But the way you could finagle that, was you would say that they offered some course that you desperately wanted to take, that wasn't available at the other high school. That course happened to be ROTC, the military class. So, I was able to go to a different school, but the price of it was that, I think it was every Thursday, or maybe it was once a month. I had to dress up in my little military uniform and go do drills on the hot asphalt.

It was so worth it. We would all take a boat to school. We would take a boat across Pearl Harbor, in order to get to a pickup point where the bus then would take a bunch of us to this high school. And when we got off the bus on the first day, there were a bunch of guys waiting around just to see who the new freshmen would be.

There were a couple football players that kind of stopped me, and they're like, “Oh, hey, what classes do you have?” They looked at my little registration card, and it turns out I was in the same class as one of these guys. I just saw his face fall. He was like, “Okay, yeah, well, welcome to Radford.” He never talked to me again.

It was just such a stigma to be the smart one. I'm sorry to say that I did not lean into that. What happened at that point, is that except in certain safe circles, I would really make an effort to not seem smart.

So, in the episode I did for advice for women in their 20s, I talked about language intonation and the way that you show up. And that's only because I experienced how it feels in your soul to not show up fully, and to try and look a certain way. For men specifically, but for others around you, in general. And how it's always soul crushing to dumb yourself down.

But one of the other ramifications of this school, other than… This was positive. I really did position myself as deeply yearning for intellectualism. But one of the other things it did, is it really had me believe that I didn't want to be like other people, for better or for worse. Because I felt so rejected by those other people, of course.

This has served me, in some ways. It's helped me look around and think critically, and dare to do differently. But at that point, one of the ways that it also came out, was that I dove headfirst into another world that I thought I valued, that would position me as so different from the kids at my junior high school.

That was the world of designer brand, label clothing, and kind of well-to-do bougie preferences. I became quite a snob. I can clearly remember myself saying things like, “Ugh, that's so tacky. That's just not classy.” I’d like to go back and strangle her. This is really one of the conversations I have with myself.

I'm like, at some point, Dylan will just be doing something that I'm completely rolling my eyes at, and I'll just, remembering myself, believe that this is just a phase. Because when I was younger, in elementary school, that really wasn't me. In fact, quite the opposite.

Because my dad was a higher rank. We were earning more money. We lived in the really nicest houses right there on the beach. And the kids around me had younger parents, so therefore, were a lower rank and couldn't afford the things that we could afford.

I went out of my way to prove that I was just one of the gang, and that I absolutely did not think I was better than anyone. That my dad's success really had nothing to do with me, it was just circumstance. But even in that, there were so many times where I kind of “othered” myself, just by the things I would say that were so different than the kids around me.

I remember once, when I was much older, I met up with a friend of mine. She told me a story that she remembered about me that always stuck out with her. And that's that for a certain birthday my mom had leased, or no, I think rented, a brand-new convertible Mercedes. The kind that Magnum, P.I. would drive around. Or did he drive a Ferrari? I'm messing this up.

But anyway, someone famous, that everyone knew about this car, was driving this kind of car, and my mom rented one for my dad for like a week or something. Somehow, I mean, it was a small base, so this got out. Apparently, what I said to her was, “Oh, yeah, it's just a rental. It's not a lease.” She had never even heard of a lease or leasing a car, or what that even meant. She just thought that was so different.

She told me about this when I, gosh, I don't know, I must have been 30. Even in her telling me this, I still got a wave of shame. I got a wave of shame that I had messed up in that way and let that slip out. That had shown me as being the snobby, rich girl. But later on, somehow I slipped into it. It was some weird defense mechanism.

So, there I was, very, very intent on wearing the top labels. If you’re curious what they were, they were Vidal Sassoon jeans, Swatch watches, Members Only jacket; we're talking full on 80s. Another thing that was popular because Dirty Dancing had just come out, were little white Keds tennis shoes. Which is right when I went on my first exchange trip to New Zealand.

I had always longed to travel, longed to experience different cultures. And my mom, which I completely understand now, had said, “It would break my heart to have you away for a year.” I just think about that now, if Dylan wanted to spend his junior year abroad, for instance. I would think, “Oh my gosh, I wouldn't miss that entire year. And I only have a couple years left with him.” So, that's really where she was.

They also told me that they couldn't afford it. But that if I could find shorter exchange trips and scholarships, that they would support that. That's exactly what I did. So, they never actually thought that I would do that, that I would find that, but I did. I actually found two exchange trips fully paid. They really couldn't say no, because it was such a great opportunity.

So, the first one that I had found was going to New Zealand. My exchange sister came over and lived with us for a few months. And then, I went back and lived with her for, I think, four months. So, we had continuity together, of a longer period of time. So, it kind of felt like a cultural exchange, a longer cultural exchange. But I was actually only there for four months.

Okay, there's one other thing I have to mention. I loved riding horses at that point, and I dreamed of being in the Olympics. When I filled out my application, I mentioned that. And whoever, on the other end in New Zealand, I guess they thought because I loved horses, I would probably love living on a farm. That was the farthest from the truth.

So, when I found out that rather than living in the capital city, Auckland, I was going to be living on a farm, I was so devastated. But luckily, of course, my exchange sister, I loved her. She's still one of my best friends. It all worked out. It was absolutely the way it should be.

But when I got there the first day, to the sheep farm, which by the way, no horses, not a single horse; it was all sheep and cattle. It was a little town of 400 people on the North Island of New Zealand. It was a very, very rural. Everybody knew everybody. I think the high school had combined a few different towns. I went to this one high school, and I think there were 300 people at the school.

So, I got there in my little acid-washed jeans and my white Keds. They wanted to take me out and kind of show me the farm, and start getting me accustomed to farm life. And they looked at my shoes, and they're just like, “Are those the only shoes you have?” “Yes.” Well, the only tennis shoes that I would be going out and doing farm work in. They said, “Okay, well, we'll have to get you some different shoes, but they'll be fine for today.”

We went out and I proceeded immediately to step into a cow pasture, and it was all muddy, because it rains a lot as well. So, my foot just sank straight down into this horrible urine and manure and mud. And when I pulled my foot out, the shoe didn't come with it. Oh, of course, because we didn't wear laces with our Keds, that was so… No, we didn't do that. So, the shoe stayed in the mud.

It was really an eye-opening, awakening experience to, “I am not in fucking Kansas anymore. Where the hell am I?” But by the end of the time there, I started to realize those people had no idea what the labels were that were on my clothing. They had no idea how exciting it was to have that kind of outfit together.

I mean, they thought the fashion must be kind of fashion forward, but they didn't know the brand names. What I realized then, that I saw echoed later on when I worked in fashion, was that so often, the clothes get made in the exact same place. And really, it literally is a label. You can have, in the same factory in China, a very high-end designer, and then something that you'll buy at Target, for instance. Produced in the same area.

There are just slight differences. Such as,… little segue here. But such as, cutting the strings off. You know the little strings that kind of come out of the seams? That human labor is really what adds up to a large part of the price that you pay in the end. And of course, the profit margins. Designer labels will take a much higher profit margin.

Anyway, in New Zealand, I just started realizing that all of these labels were completely arbitrary. It really didn't mean anything about the clothing. And that the clothing, in itself, and fashion and anything that we would put value on as a material thing, was all a choice. It was all a decision. So, by the end of the time there, I was a different person.

I was wearing dark denim, and these really thick, scratchy wool kind of coats, called Swanndri. I was wearing big, black rain boots to walk around. I was herding cattle. In fact, we have a picture of me. We would have to move the cows down the road, and we just wanted to make sure that they didn't segue into the pastures, any open pastures.

So, someone would go ahead and they'd be closing all the pasture gates, but then I would stay behind and just kind of make sure that the cattle didn't get spooked and start coming my way.

The way that you do this, the way that you keep the cows moving forward, is you wave your arms up and down. Like, from your knees all the way above your head. And you go, “Shhh,” that's it. You just say, “Shhh,” and it's enough to scare the cows. Well, not scare the cows, but keep the cows focused on moving forward rather than wanting to approach you.

I have this picture of me that was taken, and I just have the biggest smile on my face. You see hundreds of cows beyond me, on the road ahead. I should find it and put it on social, so y'all can see it. But I'm kind of looking back towards the camera, and I'm just in my element. I fucking loved it. Yeah, I loved the people, I loved everything about it. I did come back a different person.

What is so ironic, because isn't this how the universe works? Is that when I came back, I was a sophomore in high school. I happened to have a romance start up with our Italian exchange student. Well, our Italian exchange student was very much into labels and into nice clothing. The earlier me… If only he had met me a year earlier, I would have been all about that. I would have just thought he was the bee's knees.

But I actually kind of looked down on him because of his attachment to brand clothing and everything. So, there was always kind of this push-pull in our relationship. Where I was above it all, I had no interest in that. And he kept trying to impress me with things that he would buy me, or things that he would wear. It just wasn't working. So unfortunately, we kind of had a disconnect just because of the timing. But he really was a wonderful guy, and very, very good looking.

That really, I think, gets you up to speed on the Hawaii years. Which were from when I was eight years old to when I was 16. At which point, I went on my second exchange trip to Greece. Of course, there's so much that ended up coming out of that too. We will leave this story right here, right now. I'll see you next time.

Hey, if you want true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #50: My Cheat Sheet for Women 35-49

Where you are in your life, in your days, are you doing what you’ve always dreamed? Are you filling your life with meaning? Life is a juggle, a journey, a process. The more work you can do to accept more, receive more, and strive for more, the better your life will be. Tune in for tips for women 35-49.

Episode Summary

Jenna continues her celebration series by sharing stories and some uncommon life tips for entrepreneurial women aged 35 to 49.

Join us in the Clarity Accelerator by scheduling a call here.

Enjoy the show? Leave a review to help other like-minded entrepreneurs gain clarity in their businesses.

If you'd like to talk about working together, book a call here.

 

Show Notes

Where are you in your life, in your days? Are you doing what you've always dreamed of? Are you filling your life with meaning? Life is a juggle, a journey, a process. The more you can do to accept more, receive more, and strive for more, the better your life will be. This work is especially valuable in your thirties and fourties.

Join me for part two of my Celebrating 50 Years on Earth series where I offer tips for success and methods for entrepreneurial women to thrive. I share my moments of mistakes and moments of joy to encourage you to get clear on what you really want and make decisions with clarity.

I invite you to dig into my tips for 35 to 49-year-olds so you can feel empowered to make aligned choices in all areas of life. May these tips meet you where you're at and encourage you to grow with clarity. Listen in today.

 

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

  • Why long term goals require prioritization.

  • The power of choice.

  • Why enjoying the journey is everything.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

 

Featured on the Show:

 

Full Episode Transcript:

DOWNLOAD TRANSCRIPT PDF

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Hello, hello, and welcome back to The Uncommon Way. I hope that you are loving your summer just diving full in. I had just the perfect summer experience this last week. My son, Dylan, and I went hiking on the Adirondack trail. This area of Pennsylvania has some of the highest elevation on the trail. And so, we had hiked straight up the mountain to get this beautiful view of the entire valley, Cumberland Valley, and the winding Susquehanna River. These are called the Blue Mountains.

It was just hill after hill after hill in the distance, and it was really magical. It was magical for that experience, the perfect little point in time where the weather was great, and there weren't a lot of bugs. But it was also magical, because for the first time, Dylan's five now, he could come with me on a hike.

And, of course, we were pausing every five minutes for him to look at a bug or a cobweb or to stop and tell me a story about how a flea got caught in his sock once and then a snake bit it off and he had no sock. You know, all the imagination. Which was just so cute to see through the window in the imagination.

But as some of you know, that have had younger children, there's a point where you're their best friend, and they physically can't do those things with you. You're doing a lot of things like, rolling a ball back and forth over and over and over. Or one of my specific ones, was he was in this phase where he would draw the planet Saturn. He would draw a hundred Saturns over and over.

Now, it's like, “Oh, he came with me, on something I love. I got to do something I love with him, with the camaraderie. It's just the two of us on a little day-long excursion.” I think it's very representative of this new phase that I'm stepping into, both with the business and life, where it just feels full of possibilities.

Summer feels like it is here. Right? It is here. This is full summer; the fruit is on the trees. And life is good. So, I am hoping that you have some experience like that going on for you that you can relate to, and that you're having that as well.

All right, so this series, this episode, is where I'm going to give some tips to women between the ages of 35 and 49. I did an earlier episode for younger women. It's because I recently was turning 50, in New York City, and I realized I felt differently about this birthday than I have about really any birthday in the past.

And that's because rather than being excited for turning the whatever age it was, or this year, I couldn't stop celebrating the fact that I have been around the sun now 49 times, and that I've had such an interesting life. And I have lessons that have come from that life. I just felt very moved to share them.

I did not want this to be too preachy. I got some really positive feedback from the first episode, so I'm glad it didn't come off that way. I definitely don't want it to. I don't want this one to, either. And so, I hope that one of these points really serves you. If you are a woman who is not yet 35 to 49, I love this episode for you too.

Because I love to plant seeds for my clients, and I love it when people can do it for me. They can drop a little nugget about something that will be coming up in my future, so that I can start to kind of breathe it in and get used to it. Be thinking about it and familiarize myself with it so that when I finally get there, I can hit the ground running.

For so many of us, we just don't know what we don't know. Well, for everyone, we don't know what we don't know. That's why it's so helpful when someone who's already been there can be like, “Look, here are some things that might be coming up for you, start getting used to that. Start thinking about it now.”

For those of you that are in the 35 to 49 age range, if you haven't listened to the earlier podcast, I do recommend you go back. I couldn't listen to it. Because it's the advice that I wish I'd had at that age, but I didn't have. A lot of you may not have had it, either. And so, those are the foundational pieces. That's what all of this advice will be building upon. And they’re things that we all need.

So, for instance, for the advice that I'll be giving here, I'm assuming that you've learned a good deal about managing your mind already. That, for instance, it doesn't surprise you when you have a human brain, when you feel fear, or when you have strong emotions. I'm assuming that you have some tolerance for failure. That you're able to hold discomfort in your body, and see it for what it is.

And lastly, if you have not listened to my earlier podcast on my thoughts about longevity, I really recommend you do that, either before or after. Because what we will not be talking about in this episode, is anything that has to do with getting older, being an older lady, being a middle-aged woman – yuck - resigning yourself to any of that. Definitely won’t be talking about any of that.

That may surprise some of you, and it may be hard for you to really lean in to some of the things that I'm talking about here, if that is how you think about this phase of your life that you're entering into. Maybe I’ll be talking about that stuff when I'm 100. I don't know, talking to my 80-year-old gals. But I sure as hell am not going to be talking about it right now.

Okay, with that, let's dive into it, shall we? The first one I have for you, is something around building your legacy or being very intentional. So, in the first episode, I was talking about building a business. While I hope that you can “do it right” the first time… I definitely would help all of my clients look for the thing that will be their business for life. But let's just say that wasn't your journey, and that you did have some different things you were doing.

When you're in your 20s, I think that's okay, if you're going to be experimenting. But at this stage, it's really a beautiful moment to get clear and to get serious. We may only have one life to live, and I know that you all really want this life to bring forth your potential.

How do I know that? It's because, over and over again, the women that come to me could have made money in corporate or whatever they were doing. And at some point, it wasn't about that, it was about something more.

It's about, what are we really here to do? What is the legacy that I'm going to be leaving? How am I impacting people? But that desire is always counteracted by the fact that we have human brains. And human brains are, of course, bringing up all the fears, all the reasons why we shouldn't be doing that. Our brains also have a short-term bias. And so, we heavily weigh the pleasure of something in the short term compared to the long term.

That's what I'm seeing, when I have clients that say, “Yes, I do want to be building my business. But actually, right now, I also want to be taking salsa lessons. I just really want to be laying around and watching Netflix. It just feels really good to watch Netflix. Maybe this isn't the right season. Maybe I just want to really be raising my children and spending these years with them. And then, maybe later, I'll do something that is meaningful for me, above and beyond my children,” because of course, children are meaningful.

While all of those choices are valid and fine, and a lot of people do live in that way... In fact, I was just having a conversation the other day with someone who had been in Spain. We were talking about how there, really, people are just working in order to live well.

When I was living there, the most coveted job was the postal worker. Because the postal workers get the most benefits and the most days off and they work the fewest hours. So, everyone wants to be, or wanted to be, a postal worker. This is 25 years ago.

I have a lot of friends like this. That really just want to work in something that's okay, that they don't hate, and then use that money to travel or do other things. And so, there's nothing wrong with any of those things. And if that is your truth, more power to you.

But for most of the people listening to this podcast, that is not your truth. There's just an issue where you're balancing that deep desire with all of the realities of your day-to-day life and your human brain. While I believe there should be time in your life for salsa dancing and for Netflix, even if you're building your business, you're never doing those at the exclusion of building your business. You're not making that choice.

When I say building your business, it doesn't have to be a business, obviously. If you're a researcher in academia doing important work there, right? That is where your mission lies. But it's your job to make sure that that is heavily weighted in your mind.

When you think of the desire of the short term, which is where the brain will go, and you think of the desire for that long term goal, you’ll need to do the work to create the desire for that long term goal.

That goal doesn't owe you the desire. It's not the goal’s job to make you feel excited about it. It's your job to lean into that desire, and to really prioritize and be intentional about the decisions you make, and the effort and focus you put into creating that reality.

Another thing I was talking to a friend about recently was this story... I'm sure you might have heard it; I'll just tell it quickly. It's about, I think, the tycoon and the Mexican fisherman. Have you heard this? The tycoon goes down to Mexico and he sees a fisherman in the water and says, “You know what? You could get a second boat, and then you'd have double the catch.”

And the fisherman said, “Well, why would I do that?” And then the tycoon goes on to say, “Because then you could hire even more boats, have a fleet, and have much higher profits.” And the fisherman says, “Well, why would I do that?” “It's so that you can build a factory, and start taking that part of the supply chain into your own control. Then, you'll have the profits for that.”

“Why would I want to do that?” “Because then you can do total vertical integration, all the way from catching the fish.” And the fisherman says, “Why would I do that?” And the tycoon says, “Because then you'd be able to buy a boat, and just fish all day off the coast of Mexico.”

It's such a fun story, right? It really helps us ground back into, what is it that we really want to be doing? If it's that we really want to be just spending our days fishing off the coast of Mexico, why aren't we doing that now? We're always chasing that carrot.

But here's the thing, when I really think about that story, and I think about the difference between the tycoon and the fisherman, you know what I see as two key differences? One, is choice. The tycoon can choose to fish off the coast of Mexico. The tycoon can also choose to go to Bali and do a retreat. The tycoon could also choose to be heliskiing in Canada.

The fisherman cannot. The fisherman doesn't have the choice. And for me, choice in how I live my life, the desires that I have, and my ability to follow through on them is everything. That freedom, and that autonomy in my life, is everything.

The second potential difference is meaning. Now, we don't know for sure, right? Maybe the fisherman finds such deep meaning in that work. Maybe the tycoon doesn't find any meaning at all in that work. But for me, no matter how ideal my life looked on paper, if there were no meaning, I would not want that life. Even if I get to sail off the coast of Mexico every day without a care in the world, I wouldn't choose that if there were no meaning.

I learned that firsthand when I lived in Spain. I'm doing a series of podcasts about all of the actual stories in my life that led to all of these tips I'm giving now. Definitely, that time in Spain was formative in the way I think here, in terms of really being intentional about what you do. There are a couple other things in my life as well, which again, I'll be talking about in other podcasts.

Okay, second tip. We're going back to the biological clock, like we did in the last episode. This is for those of you who do want to have children. Obviously, if you don't, more power to you. But I know for me, I toyed with the idea of not having children when I was younger. I wasn't sure if I would. But right at about 36, 37 years old, something happened within me.

It went from being a theoretical thought about, “It would be nice to have a family. It would be nice to have legacy. To have a conversation with a child. To raise a human.” It went from all of that, to very targeted. I could not keep my eyes off of babies and toddlers. Everywhere I looked, I was just riveted looking at them. I felt that desire build within me.

Now, I know it's annoying as all hell when you are focusing on important things in your life, and all anyone can do is ask you when you're going to have your babies. When you're going to become a mommy. When you're going to get started on all of that stuff. I get it.

In fact, there was a time, right when I got married, there was a woman who was the wife of one of my husband's friends. She came up and she pulled me aside. They had gone through several rounds of IVF in order to have their child.

She pulled me aside, and she said, basically, “I know you didn't ask for this advice, but I really think you should get started sooner rather than later.” I was so offended. I was so, so offended. Because at that time, I had this little strange thought in my head that I would never have a problem conceiving. That basically, as long as you looked fertile….

I know this sounds crazy, in hindsight. But as long as you looked the part, you were going to be able to make babies. “As long as I was feeling sexual, felt vibrant, felt young, I looked young, and all the things…” I basically was young. “And so, all those crazy statistics out there that you see, that is for other people. I hate to say it, but those are for women with other health complications, and potentially, in the US, are living unhealthy lifestyles. And that doesn't really apply to me. I'm going to be able to have children.”

I made that mean, when she said that, that she was thinking of me as old. And at the time, to be fair, when I got married, I was almost 38. And so, it was a valid point. But I still remember just getting so offended by it.

So, if I am that offensive person to you, I'm willing to do it. Because I wish I'd had maybe one or two or three more people saying, “Hey, if you do want to have children, maybe start earlier.” I mean, maybe there's a reason that all of these annoying people are saying this thing over and over.

Because it does get harder and harder to conceive. But it's not just that, it takes a toll on the marriage when you're trying to conceive. There can be all this timed intercourse, who's trying harder, who's doing enough, and fear and worry and stress that gets brought in. Which, of course, doesn't help with the problem.

It can take a toll on your savings account. A massive toll on your savings account. But even if you do conceive, there are more problems there too, potentially, when you're older. More problems with having what they call a “geriatric pregnancy”, which it’s just amazing to me. But anyone 35 and over can have more complications.

Here's what they don't tell you. It can also be harder to breastfeed later. It's all about the hormone production in your body. I was not anticipating that. That led to lots of extra pumping. I actually ended up finding an off-market medication finally to help, but would have rather not been doing that. Your body doesn't bounce back as quickly as it does when it's younger.

There are some genetic risks for the baby when their parents are older. And that's not just for the woman being older, it's for the man too, and the man's sperm being older. I get that this moment in time might not be the most convenient for you, but there's really never a perfect time to have children. Your thoughts about wanting it to be best for them... That's how I would think.

I would think, “My child will have a better life when I'm at this more established place. When my business is up and running. Then I'll be able to concentrate on the baby more, and that'll give the baby a better experience. Then I'll be able to have more security, in case I ever needed to take care of the baby. What if something happened to my husband or we got a divorce? I need to have that stability myself, that I can care for my child.”

I had a whole bunch of thoughts about all of these things. But really, those thoughts are about your perfectionism and your desire to control. Which is ironic, because so much of parenthood is about giving up control. The truth is, that your children will make you better at whatever you're doing. And yes, it will be hard, doing what you're doing and having children. That is going to expand your capacity, more than pretty much anything else ever could.

I had to learn to get so much more streamlined with my business. I had to learn to develop so much more compassion as a human. I had to learn to let go of control. There were so many benefits to my business from me being a mom. What is it Ginger Rogers said? It's like, “I do what you do, but backwards and in heels.” That's what being a mom is like.

It's like, “Hold my beer. Watch me do this now.” It is amazing what we can do, what we do do as women, and you can do it too. I've also heard, although I don't know this because I have just the one, but I have heard that every child that you have, it's like a new energy moving through you. That it brings a new level of the fiery tiger, or it brings this new level of sage and wisdom. Like, there's some new energetic development within you as well.

For those of you that are having problems conceiving, first of all my heart goes out to you. But if you're having any thoughts about why you wouldn't want to adopt. Why you wouldn't want to use an egg donor? Or why you wouldn't want anything but a completely traditional way of family formation? I just want to be one more voice in your ear saying that, if we can love puppies and cats… If we can become so attached to animals, we will become attached to humans.

You will love this child as your own, and you won't know the difference. Unless, of course, the thoughts in your head are creating the difference, which is another issue. But at a certain point, you deserve to be happy. After many tears, failed pregnancies, whatever has been going on for you, you deserve to be happy and have your family.

I don't know if I've ever told this here, but Dylan was our last embryo. He was our last little snow baby. All the other attempts had failed. All the other embryos were gone. I remember telling Ben, “I just can't do this. I can't handle the pressure of this being the last one.” Because we had already decided, after that we just we weren't going to do any more. It was just too much of a toll on me and us, and I couldn't handle that pressure.

We talked it through, and he encouraged me to try again, without the pressure, of course. But I knew that my next step would be adoption, or something. And so, I did a lot of the work. Part of that work was opening myself up to happiness, as opposed to the part of me that was like, “Keep going, Jenna. Try it one more time. You'll find a way. Where there's a will, there's a way,” all of that talk.

The part that opened up…. This was my truth, it may not be yours, I'm just sharing it. Of course, in case it's helpful. But the part of me that opened up said, “Jenna, you deserve happiness now. Allow that in the way that it's going to come to you.” Alright, enough on that topic.

Let's move on to the next one, which is about being everything to everyone. This can go hand in hand with the being a mom. What this really comes down to is that old cliche of self-care, and the fact that you really have to put on your own oxygen mask first. I know this is all over. Everyone's telling moms to focus on themselves. But it's so hard, isn't it?

Not just moms, we want to be a good partner. We want to be a good member of our community. We want to do all the things, especially as women that were raised to do. My only advice here, is to just see that urge, and be able to watch the urge, kind of from the point of view of the watcher, and be able to tolerate that urge without acting on it all the time. To be able to watch that urge.

Because let me tell you, even when estrogen starts declining… And I say estrogen, because estrogen has a lot to do with that urge, actually. It's been shown that younger women feel more of an urge to dress up and attract the opposite sex. Whereas older women, they don't give a fuck quite as much.

Now that I'm saying this, I realize that I don't actually have a cited study that I could refer to. So, I'm going to take that back, what I said about ‘it has been shown’, and I'm just going to tell you that that's definitely anecdotal in pretty much every woman I talked to. At a certain age, they just have let it go. I just remember in the back of my mind somewhere, seeing it linked. So, we'll put that aside.

But here's what I want to say. Even when estrogen starts declining, that patterning remains because you've been doing it your whole life. Because you've been brought up to think of it that way your whole life. That does not decline until you do the work on it. Again, it comes as that old dichotomy of being the wonder woman, being able to do it all, versus getting support.

I was talking to a woman just the other day, she’d sent a form. and she said, “I still kind of feel like, actually I should be able to do this on my own.” And so, I referred her back to the podcast, and I suggested that she spend some more time thinking through that, about whether she really did want to do it on her own, or if she wanted to avail herself of support.

That is so deeply patterned, and we have to be the first ones that say, “I'm willing to let this life change.” There's definitely a place of privilege where you could say, “Oh, I'm going to hire house cleaners. I'm going to do this... I'll work through and override that part of me that says I should be able to do it all.”

But even if you don't have access to those things, chances are there are some resources that you're not availing yourself of because of what you're making it mean in your mind. I remember times, earlier on when Dylan was really young, my mom had moved to live near us. Specifically, to be near her grandson.

Yet there were so many times where I was not availing myself of her help, because of what I thought it made it mean about me. In hindsight, that wasn't helping my mom, it wasn't helping me, and it wasn't helping Dylan, or Ben, or anyone, or my business, my clients, anybody. The only thing that was helping was my ego, that let me fulfill the role of the one who was juggling all of these balls.

I've been reading a parenting book; I'm always reading parenting books lately. I love one of the things the author said. I think I’ve mentioned this book a couple times, so I should definitely link to it in the show notes. But one of the things he was saying, is that self-care at a certain point, it's not even about you anymore, it really becomes about them.

Like, you need to do this for yourself so that… You need to be healthy in your body, so that you can show up better. You need to be more grounded and relaxed with your nervous system, so that you can show up better. And so, you overriding these egoic tendencies that really aren't serving anyone, is the greatest sacrifice, or the most difficult work, that you can actually do.

Staying in the old pattern is not that difficult work. Breaking the pattern is the difficult and very worthy work, because you and everyone around you benefits.

For number four, I have, don't be afraid of more. What I mean by that, is don't be afraid of receiving. I have another story to tell about when Dylan was young; it seems a lot of this came up for me then. Here's another book. If you haven't read Patriarchy Stress Disorder, that is another good one.

It talks about how a lot of things get triggered when we enter into traditionally female roles such as marriage or motherhood. And so, for me, when I had my child, a lot of fears got triggered. A lot of fears, specifically about upsetting the cart of too much.

I was so grateful that my baby was healthy, and that my baby was alive. I remember, once being stopped at a stoplight and I was thinking about business. I was wanting more in my business. I was kind of thinking about how to get that; I forget what it was, it’s so long ago.

But right then, a family crossed the crosswalk in front of me and there was a Ronald McDonald House right on the corner. The child was in a reclining wheelchair and hooked up to tubes. I just remember that I felt like a kick in my chest, as if a donkey had just kicked me in the chest. My immediate thought was basically, “Jenna, don't break this. Don't ask for too much. Just be happy with what you have.”

I've heard that kind of fear echoed among other women. Not just about their children, but just the fact that, is it right, is it moral, is it okay for them to wish for more, to keep striving for more? Does that mean there's something wrong with them?

And to talk about how difficult it feels to receive. Like I was just saying before, receiving support, receiving money. What does that mean about you? Receiving love, receiving accolades, receiving success. I've done a whole podcast on this topic, as well.

This is difficult for a lot of us. But guess what? This is the time in your life to make sure you're flipping that script. Because if not, it's like an anchor down on your boat when you're trying to drive forward. If you're saying you want the success, but meanwhile, there's a hidden agenda that you really don't want the success because you're afraid of ‘fill in the blank’.

You're afraid you'll isolate yourself from your friends and family. You're afraid you'll upset the applecart, and that some catastrophic thing will happen in your life. You're afraid of whatever it is, right? You're not going to call in that success. It's okay to want it. It's okay to go after it. And it's okay to receive it.

In the process of that, number five, is enjoy the process. This is really hard to do. Because the way we're wired, is with a negativity bias to be dissatisfied with how things are and to always be trying to make it a little better. This may sound like I'm going against what I just said, but I'm really not.

Because you can still be going for more, and see that more is available to you and desire more and be excited for more, while loving exactly where you are at this moment. It sounds so overdone, “Love the process, blah, blah, blah,” but it will change your life. Because if you don't clear up, if you don't get a handle on what your brain is doing, then even when you get to the desired goal, you'll still feel just the same.

It's such a worthwhile work to truly love the ride. I think I'm having a client of mine to come back on to talk about this. I can see the difference with my clients that get this work and are really diving into this work, and others that struggle with this work in terms of how long it takes them to move forward in their business.

Because on top of circumstances that are not ideal, that they don't want; which are natural in entrepreneurship. Because you're failing most of the time in your business as you're learning your way forward. No matter what level you're at in your business. But on top of that, we all have the negativity piled on that really, again, it's like that anchor. It's like that thing holding you down.

Even in a kind of negative circumstance. Maybe you're having an issue with a client that feels challenging and difficult. You can say, “This is so fascinating for me to be at this point in time really able to see this. Really allowing my brain to sink into why I don't want these kinds of clients anymore. Why I am choosing to change my messaging. Why I am choosing to get clear.”

Or you're building your audience and you don't have the clients coming in yet that you want. Why is it so wonderful? What desire are you building for this future end state when you do have a larger audience, and you do have more and more people recognizing your work.

What else is going on in your life? I mean, maybe it's really nice when it was just you doing all the things, learning all the things, and your partner supporting you, even though. The funny little things that your relatives say to you that help you see that you really are doing something different.

You really are a front runner on this way of a new economy, and a new way of being for women. This isn't just positive thinking. I mean, it is positive thinking, but it's not just slapping happy thoughts onto a negative experience.

It's really the awareness that we see everything through lenses of our biology, for instance. That we can be the watcher of those things going on. And that even though it feels real, it doesn't mean it's true, right? So, you can feel into the nature of it.

Whatever you're thinking, does it feel tight and compressed? Then it's a lie. Then it's your ‘not self’. Your Higher Self never has that perspective about your current place in time, because it knows exactly why this place in time was so necessary.

I was talking to a client who wants much higher revenue in her business. And I had to ask her, “Do you have the capacity for higher revenue, at this point in time? If you've got this influx of clients that you wanted, is your business set up to handle that? Are you set up to receive that? Is your nervous system calm enough to be able to step up in that way?”

Because if not, good. That's good to know. Because that's what we get to work on now. And then, isn't that beautiful? “I am creating that capacity. This thing felt uncomfortable, I'm creating that capacity for my future. Putting these systems in feels really tedious, but I'm creating that capacity. And that feels fun.”

Maybe some of you out there have some very extreme circumstances going on, and you’re like, “Jenna, it is not possible to find the silver lining in this or to enjoy the moment of this.” I'll just say that I'll be sharing these stories in other episodes. But there have been some very extreme circumstances in my life that I did not want to be in. And yet, finding the acceptance and even the beauty in those moments, was what allowed me to finally move through them. Enough said. To be continued.

Number six, I had noted this down as separate but it's very similar to what I was just talking about. I think they flow into each other. What I wrote was, “Accept what is, because resistance is so painful.” We don't want to do this in a gaslighting way, where we just refuse to let ourselves feel human and feel bad.

Hopefully, if you were able to get these tips for 20-year-olds, when I did the earlier episode, you've already been doing a fair share of life coaching type mindset work at this age. But even if you have, I sometimes feel like this is the final piece, right? The final piece that we know in theory, and yet is challenging, deeply challenging to integrate.

And so, whether it's circumstances in your life or interpersonal relationships, accepting what is, is such a beautiful emotional release. I feel it myself when I'm in resistance, how painful that is, versus when I'm in acceptance. Now, acceptance doesn't mean condoning. It doesn't mean you condone what's going on.

If this is kind of breaking your brain a little, I recommend that you listen to my episode on mental toughness. But it's really recognizing that this is the situation. That statement alone has saved me so many times.

My brain is saying, “But it shouldn't be. But they're doing it wrong. I deserve it by now. But it's supposed to have been like this.” But when I can just step back and say, “This is what is,” that's when I can find some mental relief. That's when I can start brainstorming ways forward. That's when I can learn the lessons that need to be learned from the current situation. All of the gold comes from that point.

I was coaching a client recently, and part of her was like, “I can't help it, but I keep going back to the situation at work with this coworker of mine, it's bothering me so much.” I told her, “Let's coach on it. You can't separate yourself from your business. You're right, you're spending all of this time thinking about the coworker that you could be thinking about your business. And so, let's go through it.”

I think it's worth talking about here too, in terms of acceptance, because we naturally spend a lot of time thinking about relationships, and how other people should be and how they're not acting according to what we want.

I told her, there's a couple things going on. One, is that we basically all have a written manual for how everyone else in the world should behave. If you're a mother, you should act like this. If you're a romantic partner, you should act like that. If you're just a human that's driving in your car, you should act like that.

But nobody else knows what our manual is. And then, we get so angry that they don't conform to our manual, or we get our noses out of joint. We make it mean so much, right? Maybe they don't respect me. Maybe they don't appreciate me. But we can really never control what anyone else does. Therefore, we give so much of our power away to them.

The only thing we can really control is how we're thinking about this and how we're thinking about our manual. That is where the work is. The worthwhile work, because you can just live so much freer.

Then the second thing is just being able to, again, observe your brain and realize that they push the button, but the button was already there. So, maybe they're showing you something that you don't actually like about yourself, and you don't want to see in yourself. And so, that is why you're resisting their behavior so much.

Or maybe it's a way you were in the past, and you haven't forgiven that part of yourself yet. Again, it's easier just not to look at it, and to judge it. Or maybe there's some part of that that reflects something in you that you actually want to grow into. Maybe you wish that you didn't give a fuck as much, or that you were freer sexually or whatever the thing is. Again, it's easier to reject that than to accept that part within yourself.

Because usually, at the end of the day, when we're talking about accepting circumstances or accepting people, what it really comes down to, is accepting ourselves. And my friend, this is the time of your life. If you haven't done it earlier, don't wait another day to start really healing all those bits of you, accepting your shadow sides, and your gift sides too. Because that can be really hard for us to accept. And really stepping into that self-love.

Okay, what are we on now, 6, 7, 8? I don't know. I think I told you, as well, I'm going to plan these episodes a little more loosely, and see what happens. It just means that my notebook has scribbles and numbers crossed out, and so I think we're about seven now. But this is your beauty tip for the day.

This is what I have learned watching myself in the mirror up through the age of 50, and being a keen observer of all the women around me on their own beauty journeys. My tip is that the best thing you can do for yourself is relax and love your life and have better sex. Which will all naturally happen

if you get into the practice of relaxing your nervous system. Which is what I talked about in the earlier episode.

When we're in the fight-or-flight stress response, it naturally brings up emotions of competition, of disconnect from our loved ones, of othering, of judging. That has a really important survival mechanism for a human that's under threat.

But the relaxed nervous system allows so much more connection and objectivity, not sweating the small stuff, gratitude, and all the juicy things that put our bodies in places where they can shed the toxins, release the frown, and regenerate all those collagen cells. I don't know. Not my area of expertise, just what I've witnessed and what I want to share with you.

For one little practical tip, for those of you who are like, “Give me a practical tip, damnit.” Exfoliate, girl. My very favorite one is from Paula's Choice. It's the leave-on 2% BHA (beta hydroxy acid) liquid exfoliant. It has salicylic acid in it.

That not only helps you, in the short term, look like you got a really great night's sleep. But it also helps with cell turnover for the long run. And it just really helps your makeup go on really smoothly. Again, no affiliate links, just sharing something that works.

Another point I've thought of, it's really important, I have to add this one too. That in order to live a truly satisfactory life or even a marginally satisfactory life, for me and a lot of people like me, I think even for it to be marginally satisfactory, you are going to have to do a lot of disrupting of patterns from generations past, and creating a new way forward.

That will feel very uncomfortable. It has just fallen on our shoulders, thankfully. Thanks to the tools that we have available, our ability to really see our minds, and see inconsistencies in gender roles. All the data that we have, all the benefits, all the possibilities for women to create companies or work outside the home.

All of those beautiful possibilities have created this opportunity/burden for women today, to really be the disruptors and to do things differently. Specifically, I'm thinking about this in two realms. One is in marriage, cohabitation, romantic relationships. Specifically for heterosexual relationships. Maybe the same thing happens in same sex relationships, I can't comment on that directly. So, I'm just going to go with what I know.

And then the other, is with child rearing. In both of those realms, what happens that you may not be prepared for, is that when you enter into those, a whole bunch of strange behaviors start getting kicked up within you.

You'll find yourself, unfortunately, so many times reverting to things that you saw your mother doing, or your grandmother doing. There's a book that I already mentioned, called Patriarchy Stress Disorder. In that book, she was really calling that out. That phenomenon where something sort of clicks when we get into a traditional relationship. It was definitely true for me.

When I was dating, I never let my boyfriends pay for anything. I was extremely independent. I think I held really great boundaries. I always owned my own homes. And then, when I got married, or when I started living with my soon-to-be husband, now husband, Ben, it was as if the little homemaker in me just came up, reared her head, and started taking over.

Now from the outside, I don't think my mother would have seen it that way. But it was definitely distinct behavior for me. I noticed all sorts of strange things. Like he would say, “Do you know if we have any more ketchup?” And I'd be like, “Oh, yeah, let me get it.” I'd hop up, and I’d think, “Why the fuck am I getting up to get the ketchup?”

To his credit, I don't think that he was expecting me to get the ketchup. I think before he got up, he was wondering if I happen to know. But when I would go back and analyze so many moments like that, I started realizing that it was so much more comfortable for me to just hop up and get the thing quickly, than it was for me to sit there and look him in the eye and be like, “Yes, we do.” Then, watch while he got himself up from the table.

I know this seems inconsequential, but it expands into so many other things. All of the emotional labor that women have been shown to carry. All the planning. All the keeping track of things. And when you add children into the mix, it just amplifies completely.

And so, for this, I just want to say, it's possibly coming for you. If it does, and if these things feel uncomfortable, especially for… I know many of you, as you're building your business, it feels uncomfortable to have your partner take over new responsibilities around the household. Or to have him watch the children.

And it’s so fun, my coach, Katherine Morrison, just recently said, “When you're asking your husband to watch his children, that is not a favor.” Do you? And I love that. Because so many of the things we ask for, if you notice the energy in your body, it can frequently lean into the, “Could you do this favor for me? Could you do this for me?”

That just goes straight to our deep, deep belief, that we would never even quite articulate, that this is our job. That we should be doing this. That this is what a good woman does. This is what a good mother does. This is what a woman that has her shit together does, right? That is able to manage all these things, and remembering to bake the brownies for the function, or bring the thing for the potluck.

If you were to chart out everything that you do, and everything that you're keeping track of, it's heavily weighted, studies have shown, to the woman. But if I hadn't been willing to move through that discomfort, start to make some changes, and ask for changes around here. Back even in the time when I felt like it was uncomfortable for me to ask because I wasn't earning as much as my husband.

If I hadn't been able to do it then, then I would never be at the point now where I am making twice, probably more than double, what my husband makes. That only happened because we were able to work together. So often he was completely open to it. He's always been open to it.

It was me, that had thoughts in my head about what it meant. Was making all sorts of meaning about me not being the mother that my mother was or his mother was, and I should be able to handle this, and I should be able to do it all myself.

I'm so thankful to that earlier version of me that started doing this difficult work. I just want to share that with all of you, that it is difficult work. It's uncomfortable work to break all the patterns and all of the generational legacy that we're carrying up until this point. It should feel challenging, because it's a big fucking deal.

It goes for parenting, as well. We are now reparenting ourselves as we're parenting our children. We're realizing that so many of the things that get us triggered, that they really aren't about us and them. So much of it is just about all of the meaning that we have carried forward about how children should act, how children should be raised.

One of the biggest turning points in my experience of how I've been raising Dylan, was when I started thinking about it in this broader historical context, and started realizing that it's always difficult to raise children. It's more difficult to raise children in this society nowadays where…

There was an article put out by the New York Times that talked about how statistically, working moms nowadays spend more concentrated time with their children than stay at home moms did in the 70s. That’s because in the old days, you just shoo your kids out the door and tell them to go play, and then maybe you'd see them again at dinnertime.

That adds a layer of difficulty. Then on top of that, you are really changing so much of your brain’s conditioning and wiring so that you can create a more satisfactory life. So that you can make this monumental change in the world.

Think about how the world changes, when we're able to raise children with less shame than we grew up with ourselves. Think about how the world changes when we're starting to create a society where we are less stressed, where we are balancing, fulfilling work in the world with also being able to take care of our bodies and our minds.

Think about when we've done that ourselves, how we're able to share that then with our clients. And create that ripple effect that goes out in the world where more and more people, even those just watching us, can learn from our example, and start to make some of those choices for themselves too.

All of these micro decisions create monumental change that we get to be a part of. I just want to stand with you in solidarity as you go through it, and also encourage anyone entering this phase of life, any woman entering this phase of life, to lean into this.

You are doing very, very important stuff. You're not being selfish. You're not being lazy. You're not trying to shirk responsibilities. You're doing the best you can with the tools you have, envisioning a way life could be and working your way there. I honor that in each and every one of you.

All right, my friends, this is what I have for you. I hope it was helpful. Remember, you know who you are, and each day you're stepping further into what you're here to create.

Hey, if you want true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #49: My Uncommon Story: Growing Up

I look back on my own experience, the choices female leaders in my family made, strict cultural norms, and rule-breaking. I reflect on my memories, explore how they impacted my choices, and pushed me to rebel against cultural conditioning.

Episode Summary

Jenna does something different this week and takes a look back, sharing memories and moments from her childhood.

Join us in the Clarity Accelerator by scheduling a call here.

Enjoy the show? Leave a review to help other like-minded entrepreneurs gain clarity in their businesses.

If you'd like to talk about working together, book a call here.

 

Show Notes

Our childhood, our formative years, are one of the cornerstones of our life story. This week, I share with you moments from my upbringing and perhaps why I started to view the world in an Uncommon Way in the first place.

I look back on my own experience, the choices female leaders in my family made, strict cultural norms, and rule-breaking. I reflect on my memories, explore how they impacted my choices, and pushed me to rebel against cultural conditioning.

Tune in to learn about my unique childhood, and yes, I admit an extremely privileged one, to glean an understanding of my perspective and ability to aid others in their journey toward an Uncommon Way.

 

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

  • The importance of experimentation.

  • Why it is powerful to be different.

  • Why champions and challengers are valuable.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

 

Featured on the Show:

 

Full Episode Transcript:

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Hey, this is a new series where I'm giving you the context behind what I share in this podcast, i.e., what went on in my life to get me here. Think of this as part entrepreneurial mindset building told through stories, part historical nonfiction, and part audacious, salacious, beach read. I hope you enjoy.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Welcome back, my friends. Welcome back to The Uncommon Way. We're going to be doing something a little differently in this series. So, in an earlier episode, when I was sharing my tips for women 20 to 34, I said that I'd also, in a later episode, be giving you context and telling you the stories that form the reasons behind that advice. And that's where we are today.

When this idea first came to me, I was celebrating my 50th birthday in New York City. And as I've shared here, I really felt differently about this birthday. So, for the first time, rather than thinking about how I was getting older, I was really thinking about celebrating, “Damn, I have had 49 amazing years in this first half or third, or whatever it is, of my life. And that is worth celebrating.”

I'm really feeling called to step out in a new way as I enter this decade. But also, I want to celebrate all the years that have passed and really share that story. I explain this to my producer, and she advised me that just telling my story probably wouldn't be the best idea. Every episode really needs to provide direct value to your listeners. And so, perhaps what I should be doing would be sharing some bit a bit of ice, and then kind of bringing in a personal story to highlight that advice.

But that's a lot of what I normally do. And this hunch or urge or whatever you want to call it, felt very different. So, I was bouncing the idea off of acquaintances and some clients and around my own brain, of course, and I really kept getting back a unanimous “Yes”.

People were telling me, “When you drop one of your stories, I'm like, where does that fit? Wait, you also said you were here though… Weren’t you living there? You'll say something, and I'll be like, ‘Wait, wait, you did what? Rewind, rewind.’” They all really said they’d just love to hear it kind of start to finish.

When I was reflecting on what my producer said, which is such fantastic advice, and also was reflecting on how maybe the reason she was giving that advice is that she really doesn't know my stories, especially in my 20s. This was just like any other really juicy beach read.

I think the value really is in the fact that this is super entertaining. What better time than summer for me to release some just pure entertainment episodes? Now, if you also gain some nuggets, or some new ways of thinking, or if you just find kind of the history of it all really interesting, great. Take from these what you will.

Now, if you don't choose to listen to these episodes, I'm speaking to friends and clients here, I won't be in the least offended, seriously. This is just an experimental thing I'm doing and I encourage you to follow your hits and to not take things so seriously. To try and experiment and be willing to royally fuck things up. And thus, find your way to the gold that you never would have experienced if you'd stayed doing the same old things all the time.

Fair warning here, my life has been colorful. So, if you have littles listen to these episodes with headphones on. And also, know in advance that the stories I tell or the way I tell them might offend some of you. There's something almost inevitable that happens when you're listening to someone or watching someone from afar, and it's that you project your own ideas onto that person in order to create kind of a feeling of familiarity.

And so, the things I share may feel really unexpected. But I believe it's really our jobs, the people putting ourselves out there really, to minimize that gap to the extent that it makes sense for you in your business. Meaning, you talk about yourself.

For some of you these episodes might feel totally in line with what you've always thought of me. And then, this just helps you know more and maybe learn from more. But for some of you, this is probably going to fuck with your minds a bit. You are going to find yourself traveling to all different worlds.

From perfectly proper drawing rooms with white gloves and calling cards to Studio 54 type clubs and all the excess and impropriety that comes with them. From a rugged sheep farm in New Zealand to the top of the Sears Tower at Goldman Sachs events. And from a cosmopolitan, kind of contemporary art scene in New York City to a little shackaboos in Spain without electricity or running water.

But those places are not where this story starts. This story really starts in Greece, back in the time when Mamma Mia movies were set, with disco, and yes, Abba, coming from every radio. And my mom's yellow crochet bikini, plus her cute little one-year-old playing in the sand, me, which caught the eye of my soon to be stepfather.

So, you know how nowadays, people from the Americas and Europe will go and they'll just take extended time in Thailand because it's so inexpensive; because of the exchange rate and other global factors, of course. Well, when I was born, Europe was that place. Yeah, can you imagine?

When my father, who was in the Navy, would go off on cruise for six to nine months and would be traveling around the Mediterranean, they would stop at different harbors in Spain, Greece, Italy. And then just kind of circle back Spain, Italy, Greece, and then circle back.

And because it was so inexpensive, it made sense for the wives, and I say wives because all of the military spouses back then were women, it made sense for the wives to fly over and to live in the Mediterranean for the summer, for instance, or for extended periods of time. You'd really end up spending less there than you would just on normal day-to-day expenses back here in the States.

And that's how I ended up on my first international flight, right about the time I was learning to walk. And if you've seen the movie, Mamma Mia, that is kind of what it was like, given the stories I've been told. Of course, I don't remember it. But it was these tiny, beautiful, little fishing villages. And even the big ports that my dad was pulling into felt small town compared to what they are today.

My parents have gone back to some of the places and it's just so completely changed. But at the same time, you had this influx of people from Northern Europe, for instance, and kind of globetrotters, that really had a different way of thinking and living and being compared to the sheltered and very proper upbringing that my mom had been exposed to.

And so, for the next couple of years, we would spend extended periods of time over there; months at a time. And I don't know if that's why, but ever since I have been so called to that area of the world. I remember being in Hawaii, where I grew up the majority of my life when I was a preteen. And I remember sitting on the beach and smelling the salt air, and being like, “Yeah, it's not quite it, It's slightly different.”

So, even though I hadn't been back to the Mediterranean in all that time, I believed, I still had some memory, olfactory memory, of what it was like. I was the kid that would hang up pictures of Spain and flamenco dancers in my room, and watch movies set in that area, and all the things.

But, back to my parents. My father was a young pilot just out of Annapolis, and he flew F-4s. Which is a Navy aircraft meant to go in and do kind of the dogfighting, basically what you see in Top Gun. Now, the military had all different types of aircraft carrier.

And when one of those ships would pull out of a port, and maybe they'd be at sea for a while before they moved into their next port, say in Italy, for instance, the spouses would just continue hanging out where they had been. They weren't uprooting themselves until they were ready to fly to the next port where the ship would pull into harbor.

Well, at that time, another ship would pull into harbor, another US ship, and one of those carriers in that point in time, in that area of the world, had a different type of plane called an “attack plane”. And there's a big rivalry in the Navy, at that time, between fighters and attack pilots. My stepdad was an attack pilot.

If you've ever heard of the movie Flight of the Intruder, he flew Intruders, A-6s. And he was much older, 14 years older than my mom to be exact, and therefore, a higher rank. Everyone looked up to him. He was very well liked, very charming. And like I said, my mom was a cute young thing. I think she was 25 at the time. And sparks flew; major sparks flew.

But since they were both married, it was something they actively wanted to resist. And you all know what an aphrodisiac that is, when you really want to resist something. And it was hard for them to resist, because they kept running into each other again and again in different ports.

So, there did finally come a moment where a romance sparked, and they could no longer deny their love for each other. They ended up breaking off their current relationships. That's when I was about two and a half. My mom and I left Virginia, where I'd been born. And she gathered all of her things into garbage bags, and just took off one day and drove back to Southern California, where she’d grown up, to stay with her parents.

And then my dad, I do call him my dad, of course. Because I've known him since I could hardly walk, and he absolutely raised me. So, she and my dad married when I was four, I grew up thinking this was very normal. But of course, when I look back on it, especially in that day and age, as my mom tells me, it felt very, very significant for her to divorce. She didn't know other people that were divorced. And she was just so proper and such a little lady, that it felt very scandalous.

I also now know the military structure like I do, and I just cannot imagine a 39-year-old commander falling in love with the lieutenant's wife. That just would not happen now. In today's military, the officer would probably be kicked out of the military for indiscretion.

So, I'm telling you all of this for a few reasons. One, is that the fact that my dad was so much older than other dads, of people my ages, made a big difference as I was growing up, which I'll tell you about.

The other reason, is because my biological father ended up getting out of the military, as soon as he had served his time as a pilot. Because he went to Annapolis, the Naval Academy; I can't remember if I mentioned that. And so, he needed to fulfill a certain amount, a certain obligation, before he could leave, and then he did leave.

So, if they had stayed together, I wouldn't have grown up in the military. And I wouldn't have grown up moving from place to place and seeing different cultures. And also, being in a culture that was very regimented, with a strong undercurrent of conformity that really allowed me to position myself, even at a very young age, as not that.

And the third reason it's important, is because I actually come from a line of rule breakers. And even though as my mom would describe it, it was probably just a romance story where she had met her soulmate, and was kind of powerless to the circumstances, I still see her as the one who chose to follow her heart, the one who dared to be different.

And before her, I had grandparents who left a very close-knit community of Irish immigrants at a time when there was still a lot of discrimination against Irish people, and moved out to new lands in California to start a different life.

I've told the story of my great-grandmother before, but I'm going to do it again right now. She lied about her age by a full 10 years. And nobody knew this until her 90th birthday. And at that point, she was not opening her mail anymore; her eyesight was failing. And so, one of her daughters was opening the mail and got a letter from the President saying congratulations on your 100th birthday. And the daughter was like, “Mom, what is this?”

Turns out that when she was a working girl, a secretary, she would have been considered too old for marriage material. And so, she lied about her age, and never told a soul. I admire these rule breakers so much, for taking risks and making tough decisions. But I also cry for them. Because they weren't allowed to live out loud. They weren't fully allowed to own their decisions. It was either kept in hiding, like the story of my great-grandmother. Or justified and over explained, as is the case with my mom.

They weren't really able to have that just because energy and that is a different episode. If you haven't listened to that, we'll link to it in the show notes. I fully recognize what a privilege it was for me to be born into the time and place that I was. Where I could come in with such strong opinions about this just because energy.

I remember having conversations with my mom where she would say, I don't know, something silly like, “It's just as easy to marry rich as it is to marry poor.” Even at a very young age, I remember saying to her, “Well, I'm going to make enough money that I can marry the garbage man if I want to.”

And of course, that just shows embedded classism, that I would even say that in that way. But the underlying sentiment was that I didn't want my choices as defined by anyone other than me. I sure as hell didn't want my lifestyle defined by the person with whom I chose to fall in love. And that seems normal nowadays. But back then, it wasn't.

Women weren't thinking they’d just go make money, because they were secretaries like Dolly Parton in 9 to 5. Or teachers, or stay-at-home moms like my mom. And to give you the context of what I was growing up in, it is the white gloves and calling cards at the beginning of the episode. And that is actually something that had just fallen away when my mom married into the military.

So, there was a very strict way of being, even for the wives. And they would go to visit the commander's wife, for instance, and they'd wear their little white gloves, and they'd leave a calling card, and they'd all sit down and they drink tea. And it was a very, very proper. My mom experienced a little bit of that; my dad was stationed in the south.

But even if the gloves were gone, all of this propriety and hierarchy was still there. And a lot of conformity. There were things that you just did or did not do. And so, when my dad, when the officers, would receive their yearly evaluation, the behavior of my mom and even the kids would be noted on there.

Because there was a type of thinking, which was, you wouldn't be able to succeed in command, if you didn't have a wife that was going to be hosting the parties for you and helping out in that way. It used to be like, maybe not a full-time job, but definitely a high-level part-time job, just to be an officer's wife. And I experienced that when my husband was in command in Okinawa, but it was voluntary, and there was a reason I was doing it.

But back then, you just did it. And if you couldn't keep your kids in line, then you probably wouldn't be able to keep your sailors in line. So, you probably weren't cut out to be a commander. And so, I do remember growing up with a lot of pressure, or I remember feeling a lot of pressure, as in people know who you are, you need to act a certain way.

Or isn't it terrible that Captain so-and-so’s son was caught doing this and the other? Oh, and I hated that. I hated people being up in my business. And I didn't like The Stepford environment. Now, we didn't have a name for it, then, but that's kind of what it was. And ironically, it was the military itself that opened my eyes to all of this.

Because we moved around frequently, I was able to notice that all of the things that seemed so normal in one place, and like that's just what everyone did, was not how people behaved or acted or believed in another place. And therefore, all the things about how I was choosing to live were completely arbitrary. They were just made up. And even who I was, to some extent, was made up. Because I could reinvent myself every time we moved.

I could say I didn't like the fact that I got the reputation there of being the brainy, quiet one. I don't think I want to be the brainy, quiet one anymore. And I’d just experiment with being someone completely different. Now, I believe over time, the beauty is that we find out more and more what inherently is us. And what is open to us constructing how we are.

But all I know, back then, is that everything I would see I'd run through the filter of, would I want to do it that way? Does that make sense? Why is it done that way? And why do I have to do it that way? I don't want to do it that way.

I'll tell you another thing that contributed to that. I was visiting my other dad, my biological dad, throughout all the years that I was growing up. And when he left the Navy, he went to Silicon Valley, way back when it was just beginning. And one of the things that was a different about how they did business in Silicon Valley, was that people would leave every couple years or every few years to work at a different company.

Now, this was practically unheard of. That was a completely new way of doing business. Because back then, everyone stayed with the same company for 30 years, and then got their gold Rolex and their pension and retired. And here was my dad, as a young man, switching companies. My military parents were beside themselves.

They were genuinely worried for him. They thought, “He's not going to have any support system in his old age. He's going to die penniless on the streets.” Now, thankfully, that is not what has happened. He did very well for himself.

But you can see that he too, was an uncommon thinker and was realizing that if he could generate more money on his own, and then invest it himself, he could actually outperform what people would get if they gave their pensions over to their companies. And have a lot more fun while he was doing it and live in some really exciting times.

So, a lot of that was rubbing off on me. I remember, once having a conversation where he asked me what I wanted to do, and this is after I had graduated from wanting to be a professional roller skater, and I wasn't thinking about “serious” careers. And I think I was, oh, I don't know, like six or something at the time, or seven. And he asked me what I wanted to do, and I told him I thought I would be a secretary.

He said, “You could be a secretary. But you could also be the president of the company.” And I remember being so surprised, that had never even occurred to me at that age. And for full context, his wife, my stepmom, was a secretary and became an executive assistant. And he knew how key she was and how brilliant at her job and how much it took to hold that role.

So, he wasn't saying it against being a secretary. What he was doing was opening my mind to the fact that I could be anything I wanted, which I clearly hadn't grasped. And he knew that.

I was on a podcast recently, and someone asked who was my first champion. And to be honest, I'm very, very blessed, in that I had a lot of champions. I had loving parents all around, that always believed in me and always saw so much potential. But my dad, really, my biological dad, was my first challenger. He was the first one that really made me question everything.

Not just what I saw around me, but he made me question what I was thinking about myself, and about the way I thought. Early on, I had a very strong bias, believing that I wasn't that good at math. And so, he would put me in coding summer camps. And when I would go visit him, again, this was back in the 80s, we were coding in Basic.

He taught me how to do binary, which is all the ones and zeros, and then he would see how fast he could get me to answer. He'd throw out a number and he'd see how fast I could do it. This is how they all entertained themselves at their cocktail parties when I was visiting him.

He would just bring me along, there'd be a lull in the conversation, and he'd be like, “Hey, Jen, what's 39?” And I'd be like, “100111.” Everyone would laugh, and I'd get all of that approval. And I built the belief that I could be good with numbers.

And that is something that even today, I see women struggling with. Because there's such a huge amount of cultural conditioning on the other side that tells girls and women that they're not good with numbers, and that they don't have a mind for business.

And if right now, you're thinking, “Jenna grew up with a fuck ton of privilege.” I just want to say, yes, I grew up with so much privilege. And doing my best to disseminate that is a duty and an honor and a privilege because I know not everyone does.

And I also know that even if we do, for instance, have the parents that will champion you and have the food stability, and all the other things I've described, we all still grow up in a culture, and with a human brain, that both make it very easy to forget all that and focus on the other.

And with that, we will end the story for the week. I hope it was kind of interesting. And I hope you'll tune in next week, when I'll tell you about the event that had me going from prissy, or let's just say snobby. Let's call it what it is. Snobby, designer clothes wearing teenager to salt of the earth in just a couple of months, and how I got myself back to Greece at age 16. And what that ended up doing for me.

Hey, if you want true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #48: My Cheat Sheet for Women 20-34

Listen in to discover 10 tips I wish I had as an early business leader and entrepreneur between the ages of 20-34. Learn the foundational skills and life elements that help all-powerful business leaders accomplish their goals and design their life on purpose. Tune in today to start unlocking your true potential.

The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast | My Cheat Sheet for Women 20-34

Episode Summary

Jenna unpacks her entrepreneurial cheat sheet and identifies tips to help you fast-track your way to success.

Join us in the Clarity Accelerator by scheduling a call here.

Enjoy the show? Leave a review to help other like-minded entrepreneurs gain clarity in their businesses.

If you'd like to talk about working together, book a call here.

 

Show Notes

To celebrate my 50th birthday, I am sharing my best foundational advice for female entrepreneurs. Regardless of where you are in your business development, these tips serve as timeless reminders that will enhance your ability to thrive.

As a coach, it’s my job to help clients. Personally, it took me far too long to seek help in the pursuit of my dreams. Don't make the same mistakes that I did. Seek advice, act boldly, and take in this cheat sheet so you can lessen the entrepreneurial learning curve.

Listen in to discover 10 tips I wish I had known as an early business leader and entrepreneur between the ages of 20-34. Learn the foundational skills and life elements that empower successful business leaders to achieve their goals and purposefully design their lives. Tune in today to begin unlocking your true potential.

 

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

  • Ten tips for success in business (and life).

  • How to be a disruptor.

  • Why your brain is designed to keep you safe.

  • How to discover your truth.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

 

Featured on the Show:

 

Full Episode Transcript:

DOWNLOAD TRANSCRIPT PDF

You want a cheat sheet? Of course, you do. Why recreate the wheel? That's a complete waste of your precious time and energy. And you, my friend, have big things to do. So, in this episode, I'd love to help you move along the learning curve faster than I did, and hopefully smooth out some of the bumps that I, myself, experienced.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Hey, and welcome back to The Uncommon Way. I have a really big milestone to celebrate with you all. I am now 50 years young. Ben took me to my old stomping grounds of New York City and we did it up. He was like, “This is all about you. What do you want to do?” My answer was not have an agenda or anything that we have to do, except eat well.

And specifically, eat foods that we can't get here in rural Pennsylvania. Like, good sushi and farm-to-table. Which is ironic because we're in the middle of farmland here. And yet, all the restaurants are Applebee's and Chick-Fil-A's. It's very odd.

So anyway, we would just mosey around all day. We sat in Bryant Park. We'd have a refreshment, do some people watching. I did some shopping. We slept in. It was so, so fun. And while I was there, I was reflecting on what makes this birthday so different than last year's. Because to be honest, last year, I was all, “Oh, boohoo! The last year of my 40s, I'm so sad.”

And I remember when friends of mine, when they would hit a big milestone birthday ahead of me, they'd throw a big celebration and pretend to be all happy. That's what I thought, right? Because I was thinking, “Yeah, yeah, but they're not really happy to be that old and losing their youth. It's just a show.”

But this year, for the first time since, probably 25, to be truthful, I feel totally differently. I feel a kind of thrill for the celebration of 49 amazing years that I've lived. And how lucky that is, and how wild and beautiful of a ride it has been.

Now, if you happen to have an interest in Human Design, there's something else going on too. I'm a Conscious sixth profile line, and what that means is that you spend the first part of your life in a lot of experimentation, potentially with some hard knocks involved. But you've just got to figure things out for yourself.

And then the second phase of your life, roughly 30 years old or 50 years old, you withdraw a bit, in observation, maybe introspection. As if you're up on a rooftop and you're witnessing humanity play out through the context of everything you've learned, that you learned in the first part of your life. And then finally, right at about age 50, you're ready to really come into your own, and come down from that rooftop and out into the world and share what you've learned in its full expression.

So of course, I love this framework. It's much healthier for me to think that I am stepping into this great new phase, rather than the clearly ageist concept that I grew up with, where a woman hits a glorious peak, and then it's all downhill, right? So, as I was thinking about this over that weekend, I got a little download that I could create some episodes with the advice that I would give to younger women.

That would symbolically kick off this new phase, and it would also celebrate those years, those past years. Because there was a moment where I was about to blow out my birthday candle on my birthday fruit; long story. We were at a sushi restaurant and they gave me birthday fruit, which I loved. It was so nice. And it's such a perfectly uncommon way of kicking off this phase, so it was perfect.

And in that moment, when I was going to blow out that candle, truly my eyes welled up with tears because I couldn't think of what to wish for. Well, I feel so, so good. And I want every woman to experience this. And so, if anything that I share helps any of you, the way I wish I'd had someone saying these things to me, then that is my deepest privilege and honor.

So, I started thinking through what I would actually say. And I realized that it would all make a lot more sense if I also gave you the context in which I formed those thoughts and those opinions. And realized maybe I should tell you a bit about my life. But then, I decided I'm going to make those separate episodes, so that these don't get too long. But that is coming.

Now, this advice that I'm about to give is for everyone, even if you're not in your 20s or early 30s. In an ideal world, you would have received it then. In an ideal world, I would have received it then. But you know what they say, the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second-best time is right now. So, let's just say this is the foundational advice, even if you are 37 or 47.

And right before we begin, I just want to say to those of you who are in your 20s or early 30s, let's not minimize that. We hear everyone saying, “Oh, your 20s, it's glorious. You're so young and carefree.” But at least for me, and several of my clients, and several of my friends at the time, that was not the easiest decade.

It's a time of mood swings and existential crises and trying to figure things out. And a lot of pressure we put on ourselves, and all the ups and downs of dating and frustrations in the workplace. It's not for sissies, as my dad used to say. So, I want to honor all of you. All of you, my younger sisters, for the work you're doing now, and you are. To build for your future and be intentional about designing the life you want.

I hope at no point anything that I say here feels like I'm talking down to you, in any way. Okay, let's get down to those tips, shall we? I have about 10 of them for you, in no particular order. Just the way it came out of my heart and onto my notebook.

Number one would be watch how you speak, and train yourself to end with a question mark less frequently. Because asking, instead of stating, is very much related to our uncertainty and insecurity. Which makes a lot of sense, right? You're playing as an adult for the first time. Even 10 years in when you're 30, you're like, “Am I legit now?”

Ben and I still look at each other sometimes in amazement, and we're like, “We're grownups. We have a house and a son. What?” So, that's normal. But watching how we speak about it, watching how we speak, can be such an easy entry point for rewriting insecurity.

When I was an executive assistant to the chairman of the board for a large fashion company, my favorite thing to do, because I was transcribing; I was writing a lot of the emails. He would dictate emails, and I would write them. And I was fascinated just watching how he would respond and the type of words he would choose and how we would direct his voice. And the lack of “I think’s” and “maybe’s” and questions. And the lack of all the fluff and filler that helps us be more agreeable to people around us.

He really just didn't have it. He was very direct. Always polite, most of the time. But I was just fascinated about who is that person that speaks in that way? And why wasn't I speaking in that way? I started noticing that when we express our uncertainty through language, it not only affects how others perceive you, how others were perceiving me. And I know you want to be taken seriously.

But it also affects the patterning that's going on in your brain. So, right now just try saying, “I think we should try vanilla,” with a question mark. “I think we should try vanilla?” And try saying that while you stand tall and puff out your chest. Try it. It doesn't work, right? You reflexively hunch slightly and shrug your shoulders.

And now say, “We should try vanilla.” See? Your whole body changes. And just imagine what that adds up to, day in and day out. You start to purge the ‘who am I to do that? Who am I to say that?’ type of programming. You build the muscle of having an opinion, taking up space, and being willing to be wrong and take ownership of it.

And I understand that we get around groups of other people who are talking like that, and then we slip into that same intonation. But I recommend being a disrupter here. Be an example of what's possible. And all it takes, is you slowing down, taking a split-second pause to quickly adjust your intonation and word choice.

And this is also true for other verbal disqualifiers. Like saying, “I don't know,” or giggling or tilting your head coyly. And there's a time and a place for those, right? Maybe, I don't know, in the bedroom when you're acting out a Nabokov fantasy with your lover, right? Or maybe you're just having fun exaggerating it with some really good friends.

But in general, in real life, use those things sparingly. Because what they're really saying is, “Don't trust me. Don't trust me, because I don't trust myself. And so, I want you to take half the risk for this decision. Because I told you, I don't really know what I'm talking about. So, if you go with what I say, then you knew that going in.”

I've seen this with women in presentations or on sales calls, there's an energy of, ‘should I be charging this for my program? Is this really a great solution for you?’ And I just remember how many times I looked back on moments when I second guessed my opinions, or I let someone else steer the direction; maybe it was my dad or a coworker, or a friend or a boyfriend.

And in retrospect, I thought, “Damn, I was right. Why did I doubt myself?” Or worse, “Why did I pretend I didn't know the answer?” Which leads us to number two.

Number two, is assume you know your truth, and you have your best answers. And then test that decision-making process. So, breaking that down into the two parts: Number one, assume your truth is within. That clarity is within. This is not what I believed in my 20s by far. I so believed my brain's story that I really didn't know. I thought that maybe it was because I still had to go experience something or to wait longer or learn some more. But nope, your soul knows and has been trying to communicate what you're about for your whole life.

But I'm not just talking about big picture, the truth of my life kind of things. This philosophy is true for even mundane decisions. Assume you know your truth. Now, the truth might not be apparent to you in that moment. Because after all, you have a human brain. So, you might have patterning or conditioning or fears or conflicting desires that keep you from seeing the truth.

But just because you're not recognizing it, doesn't mean the truth isn't there. I'm going to say that again: Just because you're not recognizing it, doesn't mean the truth isn't there. And when you don't believe you have the answer, it's going to be really difficult to find it.

I had a client once that came to me for clarity, specifically. And this is something that she had been bouncing around in her head for years and years and years, in terms of what does she want to do for her career path. Which I could completely relate to. And she felt really nervous about signing on with me, because she hadn't been able to solve this. And it felt like such a leap of faith to think, “Can someone else help me with this?”

So, she decided to go forward with it. She paid me. And then, we got on her first call, and she said, “I got it. I know the answer. It came to me.” You had the laugh. I was like, “Well, you're welcome.” Because I hadn't done anything at all. But it was her commitment to the truth that allowed her brain to be like, “Alright, well, she's obviously going through with this, here's the answer.”

And so, there are strange things that our brains will do to kind of keep the truth from us, in order to keep us exactly where we are, which is the safety, and the comfort. And that's what our brains are designed to do. But that's just my example of how, and I've seen this over and over and over and over again, that so often we do have the truth within us.

And there's just like a tiny little veil, a little shadow that keeps us from seeing it. And when we can lift that, sometimes it's a commitment, like my client. Sometimes it's just a certain belief. Sometimes it's permission from someone around you. Sometimes there's some little thing that finally lets that thing release, and then you come to your answer.

And the most important thing to help facilitate that process is believing that you do. I actually have the answer. So, if you don't believe that this could be you, I've got something that I want you to try the next time you're feeling unsure or confused. I call it the grandmother question.

So, imagine that you are sitting with your granddaughter many, many decades into the future. You're telling her about this very point in time, this very moment in your life, and about the decisions, the fork in the road that you were facing, and you were trying to decide whether to do X or Y. Now, tell her why you chose what you did, and what you chose.

That usually helps illuminate your truth pretty quickly. Not to say you have to run out and do it immediately. You don't even have to do it, if you don't want to, at all. But at least you'll know, right? Then you can inform yourself, you can prepare, you can do what you need to do. But don't let your brain talk you out of that truth. Because the truth doesn't disappear. It just gets suppressed for a while.

Once you see it, you can't unsee it. And suppressed truth never feels good for very long. It will keep reminding you that it's there. So, assume you know the truth. And then the second part, as you're making your decision, pay attention to your process. Pay attention to what's going on in your body.

Treat your decisions like a science experiment, where you observe what was going on. And then you evaluate the consequences and the results. That is going to give you so much information about your blind spots, and what works and what doesn't work about your decision-making process. About whether or not that really was your intuition speaking to you, for instance.

And you can go back to my episode on “Should I Say Yes, or Should I Say No” for more on that. But these things are so important. Decision making, learning to become a great decision maker, and the experimental attitude around decision making, are things that I didn't cultivate until much, much later. I either avoided the decisions and did a lot of spinning and overthinking. Or I'd make the decision, and then I would second guess that and beat myself up about it.

But powerful decision making and having your own back, are the prerequisites for developing the self-trust and the growth mindset that are essential for entrepreneurism. And they'll serve you so powerfully for the rest of your life. If I had been honing that skill in my 20s, rather than in my 40s, oh, my God, what I'd be doing now.

All right, number three. This is the third thing that popped into my head, and I'm going to say it: Let's talk about your biological clock. If you're like I was, you are not plunging headfirst into baby making. In my 20s, I wasn't sure I'd want a family. But I suspected that I might.

And so, here's my advice to all of you who are even considering having children. And some people know for sure they don't want to have children, and that is great. I actually envy you. Because I had such a drive, and it was such a painful process for me to conceive my son.

But for those who might, who kind of have that little glimmer that they may want to, then my advice is to freeze your eggs, sometime in your late 20s, is what my reproductive endocrinologist told me. And to be clear, I did not freeze my eggs. I didn't even know that was a possibility. But it's just such a fantastic insurance policy that gives you options later on.

And I recognize that it's expensive, but it's not as expensive as the years of IVF later. Or the hospital bills that might come with increased risk to you and the baby of having a child that's conceived with older egg and sperm. And it's certainly not as taxing on your mind or body as going through those things later.

And not to bring a lot of fear here, what I'm actually trying to do is just normalize the possibility. Because the process of harvesting eggs is really routine nowadays. So, you don't have to worry about going to the very, very best, most expensive RE, Reproductive Endocrinologist, that you can find, right?

You'll want to be more discerning when it's time to thaw the eggs and create embryos, if that is the route that you end up going at that time. Again, this is kind of like an insurance policy. And of course, I'm not a doctor. So, fact-check all of this information for yourself. There's almost certainly tons of new knowledge and technology that's come out since I was going through all this.

But what I know that would have given me, is it would have taken off so much pressure later. And what I see my friends going through as well, when they're like, “Okay, I should probably get serious about finding a partner who wants to start a family.” And then, maybe they settle, right? Or the grief of knowing you'll never have a biological child. It gives you freedom, if you're in a position to do it. Just my humble opinion.

Now obviously, if you think you'll adopt or foster, or if you know you'd be just fine using an egg donor in the future, because a child is a child as a child, then this doesn't apply to you. The group I'm really talking to here, are those women who just have this deep longing, that even if it's very quiet still, at this point in your life, it can feel like ‘I dream of seeing myself and my child. I want to know that experience in this lifetime.’

And something to mention here, if you do decide to freeze your eggs, just know that it's not a foolproof guarantee. And I'm sure your doctor will talk to you about all this. But you might not actually get an embryo, even if you freeze your eggs. But your chances are so much higher. And even if you do freeze your eggs, you still probably don't want to wait too, too long to have a child, like I did. Because there are other issues that come up. And I'll talk about that in part two of this series.

Okay, even if you're not interested in having children, I still recommend something else. Get your fertility hormones checked. You'll want to know your baselines later in life. Now, there are different times of the month that you have to take different types of tests. So, talk to your doctor about all of that. But it would have been really helpful for me to have known my baselines later.

Okay, number four, prioritize mindset. Learning how to manage your mind and emotions, and use that to create results and accomplish goals, and to not beat yourself up, and then create balance and uphold boundaries. Everything really, right? That is the biggest business and life skill you'll ever acquire. And yet, they don't teach this in school.

I much more highly value what I learned in coaching school and from my coaches, than what I learned in college. And it has certainly brought me more money. Until you understand the ways in which your own mind isn't serving your best interests, all the hidden agendas that have you repeating unsatisfactory patterns and creating pain for yourself.

And until you can take responsibility for that, rather than giving your power away to things that you will never be able to control. And with that, understand how to create your results intentionally, to accomplish your goals and really design your life on purpose, and create your own joy rather than relying on someone or something else.

Until you understand those things, true satisfaction and peace will seem beyond your grasp. And you'll most likely be vastly shortchanging your potential. Seriously, these things affect literally every aspect of your life; these mindset skills, these personal development skills.

From the quality of your relationships, to the dreams that you're willing and actually able to pursue, to how much you're earning, to how well you perform in your day to day, to your emotional experience, everything. It's the key that unlocks everything else in your life. And I see such a difference in my clients when they do this work.

Number five, don't recreate the wheel. Get help. Shorten your timeline. Time is your most precious resource. And it's easy to see the glory in, “I did all by myself, the hard way,” until you've actually done it all by yourself the hard way. And seeing how long that takes and how painful that is. At which point, you start thinking, “Hmm, maybe I wish I'd done it the smart way instead.”

Maybe there's a reason that so many people at the top of their fields have had mentors or coaches or a support team or an accountability group or something. I was so hard-headed on this subject. When I give you all the background stories, you'll see. And don't do as I did, please.

Oh, and regarding help, clarity is something that you can get help with. I just want to point that out, because I did not believe it myself. So, if you're at a crossroads, if you're searching for your purpose, if you're trying to define that niche, whatever it is, it's okay to get an outside perspective.

Even a brain surgeon can't do surgery on herself. Yes, clarity is within. But sometimes our brains keep us from seeing it. And I think that's the one thing that I might have actually gotten help with, if I'd known it was possible to get help on this. Because I was so, so desperate to solve this one question in my life.

But like I said, I thought it was outside of me. There are clients who come to me that have been spinning for a decade. And now, I've never had anyone come that was spinning for two decades, like I did. But yes, maybe a decade. And they're able to get clear within a month or two. Sometimes even one call, like the client I told you about earlier. But who knows how long it would have continued otherwise.

It's just not worth it. It's not worth it to not get help with big questions of your life. It's not worth it to not get help with your emotional wellbeing. It's not worth it to not get help understanding how the brain works. It's not worth it to not get help learning to accomplish your goals. It's not worth it to not get help building your confidence. And the list goes on. It's all been done before. It's all out there for us. Don't recreate the wheel.

Okay, number six, be okay with fucking shit up. You've probably heard this before, but I'll say it again, break things and build them back. It's going to be okay. You're human, you're going to get some things wrong. You'll get some big things wrong. And you'll be okay.

I remember both thinking and being told things like, “But I'll never recover. But what will this mean for my life?” Actually, you're the one who decides what it means for your life. You're the one who decides if you will rebound, if you will grow from that, if you'll come back stronger from that. You're the only one who decides if you're going to turn that lesson into gold.

It's all up to you. Your fate is never sealed. I have so many clients who are so afraid of getting it wrong, that they don't give themselves the chance to get it right. They're worried about saying the wrong thing, pursuing the wrong niche or strategy, of underperforming and then suffering some terrible consequences.

Of course, our brains like to show us the worst possible outcome, that's normal. It’s a survival tactic. But it's really not reality. Because we have so much power. Now, I am all for aligned action rather than just throwing spaghetti at the wall, you know me. But I'm also in favor of some action over no action.

And when you do take action, take bold action. Lean in, so at least you'll know, rather than wondering, “If I'd put my all into it, then would it have worked?” You never want to look back and wonder like that.

I'll tell you more in the next episodes, but everyone was convinced that I had thrown my life away when I ran away to Spain after college graduation, rather than taking that fancy consulting job. My parents had watched me work my entire life to get into school. All of my college friends had worked their whole lives. And it was all to get a good job, so that we'd be safe in life.

So, to veer left at that moment was like a collective “What the fuck is she doing? She has gone off the rails.” But when I came back, it was like I hadn't missed a beat. In fact, I now stood out from the other applicants in a big way. And within a year of coming back, totally broke when I came back, I owned a co-op in Manhattan at 25. I did okay.

And then later, I don't know about you, but I was really caught up in this whole idea of compounding interest and how you just have to start early and you have to be an adult and really manage your money well. Y’all, I was so, so close to bankruptcy at 33. It's a miracle that I didn't go down that route, but I was at zero. And I'm doing pretty fucking okay, right.

I don't even miss that money. And I believe that I can always make the money I want to. All of that, back there, all of that led me here. So, in a way it actually contributed. And even a bankruptcy drops off your record, in what, five years? I mean, not condoning or suggesting bankruptcy, but we live in so much fear of the big things, like bankruptcy and homelessness and being cast out of our family or excommunicated, if you're religious, all the big things.

And we could be dedicating our brain power to something so much more productive. So of course, follow sound financial planning in general, when you can. But expect that some things aren't going to work out the way you expected. What's most important isn't the hiccups, it's that you keep aligning to where you want to be eventually, and how you want to be and who you want to be.

And if you do that, if you keep doing that, you'll get there. I teach this in the Clarity Accelerator. It's what I call the “alignment principle”. And it's based on something from a Stephen Covey book, where he talks about how pilots, when they're flying from destination A to destination B, the plane is actually off course about 90% of the time, I think he said. And they're constantly course correcting.

Because they know where they want to go, they start veering away from that destination, they turn back. And then maybe they overcorrect, so then they turn back again. But we're still going to get where we're going. We're just not predicting the exact path to get there. So, stay engaged with that process of designing your life. And don't sweat the small stuff.

Okay, number seven. This next one, I don't really have a perfect header for it. But it's something like, watch the judgmentalism. Being judgmental, it's very much tied to self-consciousness. Because then you think everyone's judging you, too. And that fear of what others think; friends, family colleagues, or just some unknown “They” with a capital T, right? They think, they might think, that’ll hold you back from a lot of things.

It holds back a lot of people in their 40s too, but it tends, I think, to be stronger when you're younger. And all of this is a close relation to compare and despair, right? It's kind of a general umbrella mindset where this all gets tied together.

Now, it's understandable for sure, especially when you've just gone through the teenage years where developmentally, there's a big psychological push towards independence, and you realize your parents aren't perfect. And you start noticing that you think differently than some members of your community. And you naturally become both critical and idealistic, and start wondering, “What makes me ‘me’? What do I stand for?”

And then, the brain answers its own question of, what am I not, with a bunch of judgment and comparison. Being a critical thinker and idealistic, those are fantastic qualities, in so many ways. So, my advice here really, is just to kind of temper it. Temper it with the fact that paradox is everywhere, and there are so many shades of grey.

We're all walking around with human brains, doing the best we can. And it's usually when you find yourself in a situation that you never expected. Maybe you experienced something that doesn't jive with your worldview. Or you, yourself, do something that you never thought you'd do, for reasons that seemed like the best or the only option at the time. And then suddenly, you look at the world with a completely different type of understanding and compassion.

I remember doing a lot of judging of the people around me; of my parents, politicians, the choices my friends were making, all the things. And even at generations passed, which is so funny, because it turns out future generations, they will be pointing their fingers at you and all the things you got wrong. Or could have done, that you didn't do.

So, I like to hold two things in my mind. Number one, sometimes the intentions were good, right? My parents used to feed me margarine, and they thought that was the heart-healthy choice. My mom used to put talcum powder on me to help me avoid diaper rash. In hindsight, not the best options. But mostly, we're just a bunch of individuals fumbling our way through daily micro decisions.

And the second thing I like to think about, is the tools of my enlightenment tend to come from the generation that I'm criticizing. There was kind of that minority of visionary thinkers who came up with the concepts and started laying the groundwork, even though it seemed so far-fetched or reactionary at the time. And thanks to them, I get to speak about this as if it's normal.

Alright? I don't know, I'm thinking about people who were developing really harmful pesticides and synthetic food chemicals. But others were out there spending their dollars on high priced, perfectly awful tasting, organic food. It used to be so bad, guys. But that led to creating the easy availability of the amazing tasting, alternative foods that we have today.

So, I personally like to think of change as a continuum. And just be so grateful for the possibilities and the awareness that I have now. And when I start to notice my brain becoming judgmental, I just like to soften and just see all the shades of gray. And even ways that I have done that same thing, or may want to do that same thing, or have been suppressing that same thing. I just always turn it inwards.

Because judging without understanding and compassion, it probably won't lead to the solutions that we want deep down. And from personal experience, it can really undermine your joy.

Number eight, start patterning slowness now, as a habit. What do I mean by that? You might have the energy to drive yourself hard. But all of that gets wired into your nervous system. The more often you do it, the more of a pattern you create.

It's like if you're dragging a wheel through the mud, and then the mud hardens, then that wheel is going to tend to keep going in that groove. Now, that groove is already there for most of us, just because of the world we live in. There's just a lot of stuff going on all the time. And a lot of noise and things trying to grab our attention, and one thing and then the next thing and the next thing. And there's this quality of fastness.

So, build in slowness time, where you reset, so you can feel that in your body. Because you don't want to go in loops of days or weeks where you look up and then realize, “I have been in this low grade panic the whole time.”

Now, what you do to reset will look different to everyone. For some people, it's you go for a run, or for others, it's you dance it out, or some people would like to meditate or do yoga. Or even just take some deep breaths and feel all the sensations. Like, do a body scan. Start with your toes work, your way up. It doesn't have to be anything major.

Don't do what I used to do, which is get so burned out that then I’d just run away from everything; over to be a hippie in Spain, or run to an ashram, or do whatever I could, rather than just managing the day to day. Rather than using my brain to recognize that I was in a stress cycle and it was time to slow the fuck down.

It's about setting up little guards, little checks, where you metaphorically shake your head out of the madness, and you come back to reality; come back to what our natural state is supposed to be. And whenever you feel that driving need to hustle creep up again. The one that's always going for more and more and more. And it's telling you not to rest, or it's telling you to work late night after night. When you feel that turn on, you just need to get in the habit of stopping it.

You need to get in the habit of doing something to break that pattern. And what that feels like, in your body, is peace and calm, even joy. Now at the same time, this is going to seem like I'm completely contradicting myself, but I want to say, don't become so dependent on that, that you can't manage a time when you are working more intensely. When you are putting your all into it.

Because there will be times where you want to be able to apply that focused effort without making a big ole drama about it. I've had clients that were so worried about burnout, that they really couldn't even go through kind of a push period in their business. And these are really important. I have a coach, Stacey Boehman, who talks about these periods where we're building capacity.

Like, we get used to doing a certain amount of work, or we have a certain amount of exposure in our lives, or we have a certain amount of vulnerability in our lives, and as we're stretching those boundaries, it feels uncomfortable, it’s different for our brain. And that can feel activating a little bit. Your nervous system can kick up.

Those very concerted stretches though, are not, and that feeling that's associated with it, is not the sign necessarily, that you need to dial it back. It's actually a time when you want to take some deep breaths and continue, and maintain that momentum, in order to create a new normal for yourself.

It's not about doing-ness, it's not about packing more things into your day. It's about being able to sustain a greater amount of value output into the world. And that strategic capacity building is very different than the ongoing hustle, low grade, anxiety that I was talking about before.

Number nine, build a business, duh. Even if it's a side hustle, the skills that you learn through stretching yourself in this way are golden, and completely transferable I might add. To parenting, to other investments, to lifestyle choices, even to going back into corporate. And I'll stick by my earlier statement, that for women, entrepreneurship is the single greatest personal development work.

On the practical side, it's going to be a challenge for you to live the truly unique, uncommon life of your choosing when you're working for somebody else. Your income is capped. The expectations are set by someone else. Your vacation is determined by someone else; all the things.

Now, it doesn't come without effort. But the long-term freedom it will give you, is so markedly different than what most of the world experiences. We are so lucky to have these opportunities. Just 50 years ago, in this country, you would have needed a man to vouch for you on loan paperwork.

My grandmother couldn't have said, “You know, I think I’ll just do this thing. I think I'll just start a business.” Even me, when I was in my 20s, when we would think about starting a business, we needed capital for some brick-and-mortar structure. Or maybe you became an author, and you just hope to get a book published by one of few publishing houses that existed back then.

Yeah, there were some visionaries like Tony Robbins and Marie Forleo, who were starting information-based businesses, but I had never heard of them. And so, I worked at jobs I hated. And I left someone that I truly loved, my Spanish boyfriend, in part because I just couldn't see a future together. Either he'd be miserable here in the US, where I could do something fulfilling with my life. Or I'd be miserable there with him, waiting tables.

But that kind of thing wouldn't happen today. Right? We could have lived anywhere; we can do anything. This is just such a golden opportunity, not something that you want to let your fears get in the way of. So, start. Start sooner rather than later. Even if it's a side hustle. This is the most security that you can ever give yourself.

Digital businesses are the best business model. There is no inventory. We have the lowest overhead possible. There are minimal investments. And you can take it anywhere, and even determine the hours you work. Have I mentioned how lucky we are? When you compare that to real estate or even the stock market, the returns aren't as high and they're not as reliable.

You know what's reliable? Me, because I can figure things out. Because I can work towards goals, and I can build skills. Because I can think creatively and I can adapt to whatever's going on in the market. No matter what's going on in the world, there is always an opportunity to identify a problem or a desire that people are having. And then help them with a solution. I would bet on myself any day; I am always my best investment.

Even if it takes me longer than I expected, or cost more than I expected, or whatever kind of expectations don't get met, I am the one who cares the most. And I'll do what it takes to figure things out. No one else is going to go to bat for me, like I'll go to bat for me. That same kind of attitude, and taking that leap, is what has made my clients so successful.

Okay, I have just one more, and it's a little more lighthearted. Just kind of a PSA: Wear sunscreen every day. There's a museum for Salvador Dalí, in Portlligat, Spain, which is where he had his house. There's a portrait there of his wife, Gala, and she has her blouse open so you can see her breasts, and her face is so aged from the sun. And then her chest is perfectly smooth.

I remember, I was on the tour with some other people, they were younger, and they were looking at that and saying, “That is just so unrealistic. Nobody looks like that. So young on the bottom and so old on the top.” And I remember just looking over and thinking, “Oh, just wait.”

Because when I look at my body, the parts that were exposed to the sun on the daily, those are the ones that look older. My skin actually looks darker, I have more lines, it's thinner, and I look older. Whereas, on my torso, my hips, and my thighs, it looks just like I did when I was younger, pretty much.

And so, it's not the times that maybe, not that I'm advocating you should go get burned on the beach, but just saying, like the times where maybe I got a sunburn and I thought, “Oh no, this is it. Now I'm going to age,” I would think. It wasn't that, right? Those, then, when I started putting the sunscreen on, it really it wasn't about those times. It was just about the daily sun exposure on my forearms, my hands, my neck, my face.

That is my little PSA to all of you, so you can just avoid the things that happened to me as a White girl growing up in Hawaii in the 80s, when the Coppertone tan was all the rage. And all the health and beauty things that crop up now because of it.

Alright my friends, I hope you have a wonderful week ahead. And as always, I just want to leave you with this: You know who you are, and each day you’re stepping further into what you’re here to create.

Hey, if you want true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #47: Safeguarding Against Burnout with Rachel Hale

Rachel Hale is a member of the Clarity Accelerator. She joined the program with a need to identify what exactly she does, she knew she was talented, but needed to learn to sell herself with ease. Rachel shares her experience finding her passion and her path to ensure she set up systems to avoid and safeguard against burnout.

Episode Summary

Jenna talks to her client Rachel Hale about valuing her offer, her genius, and the path along the way.

Join us in the Clarity Accelerator by scheduling a call here.

Enjoy the show? Leave a review to help other like-minded entrepreneurs gain clarity in their businesses.

If you'd like to talk about working together, book a call here.

 

Show Notes

Do you worry about burning out, given how driven you are? What a hard worker you are? How much you care about your clients? How much of a people pleaser you are? You may have a proven track record of overdoing it and are concerned you might head down that road again. My guest today used to be right there with you.

Rachel Hale is a member of the Clarity Accelerator. She joined the program knowing she was talented, but needed help learning how to sell herself with ease. Rachel shares her experience of setting up systems to avoid and safeguard against burnout.

Together we explore being pushed to the edge, the reality of burnout, and some unexpected methods for moving past corporate manipulation and burnout.

 

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

  • Why control and ease are essential in business.

  • Why a lack of clarity leads to burnout.

  • How to identify correct marketing.

  • Why confidence in your offer is key.

  • How the Clarity Accelerator helps you clarify your offer and avoid burnout.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

 

Featured on the Show:

 

Full Episode Transcript:

DOWNLOAD TRANSCRIPT PDF

Do you worry about burning out, given how ‘fill in the blank’? How driven you are? What a hard worker you are? How much you care about your clients? How much of a people pleaser you are? Whatever it may be, you have a proven track record of overdoing it. So, are you concerned you might head down that road again? Today, I'm bringing on a guest who used to be right there with you. So, she can talk about what's different for her now, and how she got there.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Hey, friends, welcome back to The Uncommon Way. I am just home from a perfectly amazing week in Arizona where I was on my mastermind retreat. I sent an email to my list with a bunch of pictures, and I was telling them how we went full woo. We're talking shamanic breathwork, opening ceremonies, Sedona vortex experiences, sound baths, and some things I'd never heard of before.

But I was telling my friend beforehand, “I'm just down to ride. Give it all to me. I'm just going to open myself and see what happens.” And wow, it was so delicious and relaxing. Of course, when you truly relax your nervous system like that, it just opens up so much creativity and paves the way for so many downloads. And I now have even more clarity about what this business wants to grow into, and what that path will look like. I'm feeling really excited and inspired, and looking forward to sharing that all with you.

Just a preview; this is becoming much bigger than just me. And it's really about the community that has formed and will continue to form. All the groundbreaking that we'll do as a group, that awareness, it's been waking up within me. And then I started seeing more signs and manifestations. But then this retreat, it just was like boom. It really became so solid for me in my vision and I got flashes of the future. I just felt very dialed in.

So, in perfect timing, my clients and I we've been talking about the first Uncommon Way retreat, which is happening in October. Because adding that personal component, it just up-levels the group dynamic like nothing else can. So, we're getting together this month to collaborate on how we want it to look, where we want it to take place, and when exactly it will take place. Because this is a collective, after all.

And now, I have this fresh experience and new ideas to bring to that conversation, which is so, so fun. And speaking of fun, today, I am really excited to bring my friend and client, Rachel Hale onto the podcast. She is a luxury brand consultant, and she and her business had a really beautiful before and after in the Clarity Accelerator.

As we sat down to talk, I haven't quite been able to crystallize the angle, for lack of a better word, right? That made her story so important for you to listen to. Because I don't just want to bring people on that have had great results in the program, and then keep bringing on the same type of person working through the same type of thing. This would not be The Uncommon Way if we were just funneling the same person through the exact same process and spitting out carbon copies of one another. No.

So, I want to bring people on that are working through some specific situation that you can relate to, and then hear from them how they worked through it. And what those key pieces were that helped them build that bridge, so that you have the inspiration or a roadmap for yourself and you can accelerate your own timeline. Or I don't know, build resiliency or understand the process better or whatever it may be. I want you to have something that you take away from each of these.

In some ways, Rachel had some things in common with an earlier guest, Georgeanne, and that they both came to deeply love their offers and then see the value in their offers. And Rachel's journey seemed just a smidge different because she really came to deeply value herself and her skills in that process.

But after we recorded this, I was reflecting on our conversation, and I realized that there was, in fact, another theme there. And that's how the work she did in the Clarity Accelerator, allowed her to safeguard against burnout. So, Rachel had a history of burnout, and she was afraid that she might burn out again.

But by doing the work to really understand her zone of genius and the value of what she's offering, she has set herself up for success. It's hard to burn out when you're staying in your flow state. You aren't letting other people's desires infiltrate your boundaries. And you're bringing in clients who value what you do so much that you can comfortably meet your income goals. And that is really what Rachael has created.

It's so fun, because you'll hear about how one of her earliest visioning exercises, where she was just imagining herself completely at ease and in her happy place, I'll let her tell you what that happy place is, but as she was in this place, so just disconnected from work, knowing that everything was taken care of, she was able to manifest that exact thing, within these months together.

So, that is the framework that I suggest you listen to this conversation with, in order to get maximum value. Just ask yourself, as you listen to her story, if you don't feel that same sense of control and ease in your business, where are the discrepancies between you and Rachel? And what thoughts or ways of being does she share that show you where your work is? Okay, please enjoy this episode.

Jenna Harrison: Hey, Rachel, welcome to the podcast.

Rachel Hale: Hi, Jenna. It's awesome to be here. Thanks so much for having me.

Jenna: Yes, yes. I wanted to bring you on. We're touching on some of the same themes that we have with other clients. But there are certain nuances to yours that I knew were really juicy. And so, I thought we'd just kind of talk through your story, as you've been in the Clarity Accelerator and you've just completed that process. And I wanted everyone to hear it fresh.

Rachel: It is fresh and juicy. I love it.

Jenna: So, let's kind of let people know what we're going to be talking about first. I realized I haven't been doing that with some of the other podcast guests. And then, we'll go into your background and the experience working through, the kind of the insights that came to you that’s created what we have now in front of us.

But I just want to, if I can, read back something, word for word, that you said on a past call. And then you tell me kind of how you feel about it now. Okay?

So, you were saying that when you thought about coming into the program, you felt like you, of course already had a flourishing business by many accounts. You were, I think, at multiple six figures. And you also did really well when you were on the phone with somebody. It wasn't really a problem to bring clients on, once you had them in that position.

But I remember you saying that you really liked my website and felt like it resonated really quickly, and you wanted your best clients to have that experience as well. It would just help them very easily know that you were the one for them.

And then, the way you described it on the last call, is you said your biggest hurdle was actually knowing what you do. And then, how do you tell people about it and bring them in? And then, “How do I package it all in a way that really values who I am? And where I can value myself in that?”

So, I know for a lot of people, they're going to think, “Wait a minute, how is that possible? She was so successful.” But there were still those little doubts. Can you just talk about how you feel right now? And then, where you think some of that might have come from before?

Rachel: Yeah, it's really interesting to have that retrospective look back. Because now I do have so much clarity. And I realized just how far I've come in this journey, because I know what I do. I know what I offer. And I know how valuable my time and my services are. And I'm not willing to be wishy-washy about that. But that came through doing a lot of work. I don't know if you want me to paint the picture of where my brain was where I when I started?

Jenna: Why don't you? Just start there. It’ll help people explain why you think it was there, like in retrospect.

Rachel: Yeah, absolutely. So, in retrospect, yes, I had a very successful career. I traveled the world. I've met with some extremely high-profile people. And when I decided to shift gears, there was all of a sudden, this overwhelming question mark of my value.

And so, certain people label it imposter syndrome. Deep down, I had a knowing that I was very talented, obviously. I wouldn't have earned the income that I had previously without that. But I realized I'm like, “Well, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this. But what do I want to do? And what defines me?”

I think the real crux of the moment was when my husband had given me so much encouragement. He said, “Babe, you're really smart. You can do this on your own. You have my support. But what the hell is it that you do? Because I'd love to tell all of our friends, and I don't get it.” I looked at him, and I said, “I don't either.”

That's when I found your website. I said, “Shit, if I'm going to do this entrepreneurial thing for real, I need to wrap my brain around it first, so that I can have the world's greatest elevator pitch.” And so, that really was where I was floundering. Because I knew I had skills. And I knew that there were a lot of things that I could do. But I didn't have clarity on what I wanted to do, nor what my company would stand for.

Jenna: Yes, yes. So good. Just to clarify for everyone, when Rachel was talking about traveling all over the world, she had this great, high powered corporate career helping people do a lot of what she's doing for them now. And then, I think when you and I met, you already had clients, but they had come in from a place of you not quite being clear on what that looked like for you being alone. Like, you had always sold on behalf of the company that you were working for. And now, you were selling yourself.

Rachel: Yes, yes. And I love how you just say, “Selling myself.” I think that that has a different layer of vulnerability that I was not familiar with. I had always had a superior or someone to give me a kudos or an attaboy, or here's a bonus or some kind of recognition. And now, I looked over my shoulder and it's an empty room, it's just me. And I'm like, “Am I doing a good job?”

Jenna: You and your fern, right?

Rachel: Yes.

Jenna: What plant is that?

Rachel: My tropical plant. Yeah.

Jenna: Yes. So, here you are, you find yourself… By the way, we haven't mentioned this yet, but you live in the Bahamas. And you work with luxury clients. And there all of these clients around, potential, right? Almost like overflowing with potential, because there are so many things you could do. Tell us a little about what you did do in your corporate career. Why were you flying around talking to all these people? And how did luxury play into it?

Rachel: Sure. So, for seven years, I lived in 13 different countries, mostly emerging markets. And I was helping to produce investment profile features in leading publications. Boy, that's a mouthful, that's not a sexy pitch. That's not what you helped me with, at all. What I do now is much more fun. I was able to interview presidents and prime ministers and captains of industry, and so it just illuminated my worldview that luxury is out there; you can fly private, you can have drivers and all these people.

Now, as a girl from middle class Chicago, there were a lot of lightbulb moments for me. And then finally, at the age of 29 I had my first burnout, and I moved to Miami so I could utilize my language skills in Spanish and Portuguese. Had another great job in advertising and media and marketing and promotions. I just kind of fell into these careers and realized I was good at them.

But it wasn't until eight years after that, that I was in one single place, and had to sit with my shit, if you will; irrational, emotional, all that stuff. I was no longer on the run. There was no longer a shiny object that I was chasing. But I started to do some more soul searching on what I wanted to do, not just what was I good at and what could I get paid for.

So, that really was what led me to the Bahamas. I also have a wonderfully supportive partner who allowed me that freedom and creativity to dream big.

Jenna: I love it. And then, when you were thinking about which direction to go, throughout all of that, you were bringing on other clients. And I know that burnout was a big concern for you. You really didn't want to go down that road because you've tasted it before. Right? So, tell us a little about what it was like working with those clients before we started talking.

Rachel: Sure. Without getting too detailed, I had been in an industry that served me well, but it just wasn't filling my cup. I just knew that there was more, something beyond media sales. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I just craved more. So, that was one component. Then I worked for a narcissist. Then I was hired with a bait-and-switch.

And so, I don't think it was until I had that last ingredient, that I didn't realize was so important, to taking the leap of faith and start my own business. And that was actually anger. I mean, it wasn't a sexy emotion. But I finally I said, “You know what? I'm not going to let burnout beat me, I'm going to beat burnout. Screw it. I'm taking the reins. I'm not going down with this burnout ship anymore. There's got to be something better than this.”

I think, far too often, especially females, will just see the world as against them. And if you acknowledge one bad thing, things seem to snowball, and it becomes really, really difficult to pick yourself up. And so, harness whatever energy you have for your betterment. Even if it's get angry, yell at somebody, quit your job, walk out.

Don't be reckless with your life, but sometimes that's what it takes. It's easy to play safe, and just have security of a steady job and whatever. But you deserve so much more than that, and it's out there.

Jenna: Oh, yes, I feel that so much. Especially knowing you. Which is so easy in retrospect, to be like, “Yes.” To speak to that younger Rachel, and be like, “Yes, Rachel. You have so much. Let's go for it.” But back then, of course, you don't know what you don't know. And everything kind of feels like a risk, and is this a pipe dream, and could I really do it?

Rachel: Yeah, or really hazy. And I think that's why I sought you out, Jenna, because I knew that there was something else. But then it was like this black hole of, what? And where do I begin? And where do I start? So, yeah, in retrospect, I'm very grateful.

Jenna: Oh, I'm so glad. And just going back to how it was for you, in that kind of lack of clarity, I guess the point that I'm thinking, when I'm thinking about your story, is just that a lack of clarity can attract so much, often, of what we don't want, right? Because we're not as clear on what we do want. And so, I just remember stories of you doing all sorts of things for your clients, [cross talk]. So, tell us about that energy, in that environment, and how it probably would lead to burnout.

Rachel: I know what you’re going to say. Yeah, oh, I had a call with you, Jenna. Oh, that's so funny. And I said, “I can't turn my camera on right now, because I'm at an immigration office working on someone's immigration permits.” And she goes, “Is that your zone of genius?” And I used some very strong expletives and told her, “No. No, that's not a very good use of my time.”

And even the whole idea of charging per hour for my line of work, I realized wasn't serving me, because there's a finite number of hours. I was chopping it up and trying to put a numerical value to it. And then I said, “Okay, if I have all these clients, I fill up all my hours, what I think I'm worth, I only hit half of my revenue goals.” And that was such an Aha moment.

I realized that's not going to help me scale. But without going through those motions and bringing on some of those initial hourly clients, which felt validating, I wouldn't have built that full picture out.

Jenna: Yes. And then it was great also, I’ve got to admit, for me, listening to what you were doing because, and everyone in the collective, we were able to see how many different things you were actually doing for these clients. Because a lot of times you would talk about yourself as, “I help them with marketing,” but then you were also doing all of these other things.

And now that I'm thinking about it, it was really in your most passionate moments that you were talking about how much they get wrong in their business. And the fire within you, that would show how you were able to kind of help them course correct.

And it was much bigger, like on a very high strategic level, as they were making really important decisions about their company and how they were showing up in the world. And that was really beautiful. It really helped us all ground into the real work that you were doing there.

Rachel: Yeah, I mean, I've said this to you before, but it's certainly true. I give all the shits. You know, there are people who don't give a shit. And then I give all the shits. Which is true, because I will get so passionate.

You don't you think a marketing person, or someone of my stature, should be giving you strategic direction on HR, or operational directives. But for those who don't know my company, really, I now am focusing on bridging the gap and being the connector between what you say you do and what you deliver.

And so, I can't sit in the marketing seat with my marketing hat on knowing that maybe we'll deliver on that like half of the time. And then, we'll spend more of our time putting out fires or comping a guest a hotel room or searching through social media reviews trying to make it up to people. It's just like, why don't we just own what we are from the get-go. So, I think that's where the fire in my belly comes from with those types of conversations.

Jenna: And I love that ‘owning what we are’ because that was also your journey; was really owning what you are. Which is so good. But okay, so let's actually bring out some details there, just to talk about what was going on with some of the clients. So, you don't have to name names. But talk about that brochure, that marketing brochure. You remember that?

Rachel: Oh, my God. So good. Yes. I had a friend of mine in the hospitality sector ask for my opinion on a new brochure for a new business segment they were launching. And it was beautiful, heavy cardstock, very tactile, had some nice watercolor; I'm just painting the image for you. In terms of high quality, it was all there.

But then I started looking at it, and there was this lovely image of a hot air balloon. This hospitality brand happens to be based here in the Bahamas. And to my surprise, I thought, “That's really interesting. Do we have hot air balloons?” Hell no, was the answer. No. There are no hot air balloon services in Bahamas.

That was a moment where I said, “Listen, one thing is painting this fantasy of these services in this elevated luxury that you aim to deliver. The other is just being outwardly, completely false and lying. “It's a blatant lie,” I said, “That I can't stand behind.” And it was really interesting, because this was a big brand with a lot of marketing dollars behind them and a ton of eyes on it, and nobody else had caught that. It was like, you have to be kidding me.

Jenna: Yes, yes. And that really speaks to how a company like that, that I'll just say, has national, if not worldwide, brand recognition. We would all know the name if you were to share it. They will go and potentially hire a great company in New York to design these brochures for them. But they're not thinking holistically like you are, about all the operational pieces as well that then need to support that.

So, tell us a little bit about… Do you feel comfortable talking about some of the problems that you've seen? Or maybe even just hypothetically could see with a hotel client or a private jet client or something when they're not living up to their marketing? How much that affects them.

Rachel: Yeah, sure. I'll just start off by saying that, I think at the core of all of this, it's just operating with integrity. And that shows up in your marketing and operations. And whether it's a stretch or a lie or an aspiration, that can all get quite muddy. But it's just operating with integrity of what you think you'll be able to deliver. And maybe you don't have it today, but you at least will be.

Jenna: Yeah. And then I remember you saying, “What happens then, as they put out this great marketing, and then they get the backlash from it, or then they get the surge of demand from it, but they can't actually handle the demand? Then it degrades their brand,” right? And so, you have all of this knowledge that helps you forward see all of the potential impacts of every marketing message that goes out.

Rachel: Exactly. You could just kind of preempt that shitstorm, if you will. Just another quick anecdote, I was at a cruise summit recently, and a bunch of the massive cruise lines were talking about their marketing messaging and how they're trying to differentiate themselves. So, they were amongst their peers. And everyone's trying to say, “Well, we're doing this and we're doing this,” as you do in the competitive landscape.

There were also some travel advisors in the room, though, and they gave their perspective. And they said, “Well, while you all are out there; big brands trying to be super sexy, self-identify, and make yourselves sound unique. You talk about attributes that either are completely just irrelevant to our guests, or you over promise and then when those people call to book, we have to walk them back, explain, “It's not really that, it's this. It's only this for these types of periods.”

They were creating such strange expectations that it was making their job to sell that much harder. So, the wrong marketing can actually be very, very harmful; I was able to see.

Jenna: And so now, I love, now that you are kind of on the other side of that clarity... And you've said, “I feel really confident articulating exactly what I do. And how I do bridge this gap for my clients, and can come in lean and mean as a luxury consultant, and help them see all of the pieces and put it all together; big picture.” And then you've said that the response you've been getting from that was like, “Oh, everyone needs that.” That there's just this immediate shift when their eyes light up. So yeah, tell us about that.

Rachel: Sure. Not everybody needs a CMO or a COO or this big old bloated staff; that's the term you shared with me that just really resonates. But everyone wants alignment in their business. And everyone wants to say that they're the best, or they're really good at something. And have that trust that their company will deliver.

Imagine being a CEO, and you're out at a networking event, which is what CEOs are meant to be doing. Saying, “My company can offer you XYZ services. And rest assured, we've got fabulous customer support.” And that's your job, is to go out and say all of those things. But if you're clenching yourself, as you say it, and going, “Oh, crap. I hope we get this right,” that's not a great feeling. So, really trying to make sure that, operationally, you can go out and say that stuff with such confidence that your business has a protocol in place to deliver that.

Jenna: Yeah, and again, which is exactly what you're doing now. You're going out and saying it with such confidence, what your business can deliver.

Rachel: Yeah, thank you.

Jenna: I remember you saying, “Now that I can say my elevator pitch, and people are actually leaning in and saying, ‘Oh, my gosh, everyone needs that. That's so great.’” You talked about the pride you feel in being able to say that.

Rachel: Yeah, I think there's also a component that I believe in it, I know I'll deliver it, I give all the shits. But I also feel really good and aligned with my own integrity. Because I'm not just offering a service that I can charge a fee for. I'm helping businesses operate more smoothly, and people feel more ease in their business. And that just feels really good in my body.

Jenna: Yeah, so good. This reminds me of Georgeanne's podcast, where we were talking about really loving your offer. Because I'm sure everyone here can see how you really love your offer. But again, I just love the idea also, that you brought in, about really loving yourself and valuing yourself, and your abilities and your zone of genius and all the things.

Rachel: Well, one of the components of the Clarity Accelerator, that was just more reaffirming than anything else, was the human design. And boy, is that a rabbit hole. But it's really fun, because I realized that I'm a generator. And I'm just going to read from what it says here, “Generators who do not follow their strategy and inner authority are also prone to becoming the slaves of everyone else.”

Which, I had such an Aha, and saying, “Well, yeah, that's where I get burnout. Because I do all the things.” And without having that clarity, it was basically a fast track to another burnout.

Jenna: Yes, yes. Good one. And you being able to trust your gut, or trust your sacral, both, I think, in the work you're going to do for clients, but also really trusting your own authority when you're with a client, and being able to say, “Hey, this is the way we need to go.”

Rachel: Well, even having those hard conversations. Because when I was an early professional, I wanted to be a people pleaser. I wanted to say things that people liked. And of course, you want to win clients. But I think that part of my genius now, is that I know when people are on the wrong path, and I have the confidence to speak up about it.

And so, whoever is listening to this, whether you're in corporate world or coaching, really just knowing that you know your stuff and being able to say, “Huh, interesting. I might be wrong. However, these could be the ramifications if we go down that path.” Rather than be, “Okay,” very passive energy.

Jenna: But that's so hard, for us to believe that we really do know what we're talking about, right? That we really do have that zone of genius.

Rachel: What you told me the other day, about being in ‘you’re welcome’ energy. I have used that so much.

Jenna: Oh, good, good, good. I need to do a whole podcast on this. Yeah. And this was actually also given to me by my coach, Danielle Eyman. So, I had lived into it but I've never had that label before, and the label just made everything click. So yeah, she talked about ‘you’re welcome’ energy.

And it just means being in a state of ‘you’re welcome’ when you are presenting yourself to the public. And even when you're working with a client. Just knowing that you actually have had all the hard knocks, and you've had to go through all the experiences and all the learning and all the things to get here, so that they don't have to.

And if you can just stay in that state of, “Yes, I can help you with this. Yes, I know this seems cloudy or hazy,” like you said before, “But here I am. You're welcome.” It's such a different energy than ‘please, could you become my client? Could you pick me?’

Rachel: Right. And even delivering the sometimes not so great news. It's like, “Ugh, that color is terrible.” Don't say, “That color is terrible.” It's, “Perhaps we should select a different color for the following reasons.” And now my posture is, “You're welcome. I've just helped you avoid a massive pitfall or a massive bad decision.”

Jenna: Yes, yes, that is such great context for that. You're right, because the way we're conditioned would have us approach the situation with, “Gosh, I'm so sorry I have to say this to you. I feel bad even saying this to you. You're going to think so badly of me.” But coming in with ‘you’re welcome’ energy to that situation, completely different.

So, tell us, if you don't mind, I know it's hard to look back, there's so much and it feels like a lifetime usually, when people go through the Clarity Accelerator, it feels so long ago. But can you tell us about your Clarity process? What was that like for you? How did you get from the point of being like, “I don't know what I do,” to, “I know exactly what I do.”

And it's so funny, because I think there was a story the other day, where someone was asking you to do something kind of outside of your scope, and you were like, “No, I'm okay. That's not quite my zone of genius. Let someone else do that.” That's a big shift.

Rachel: It feels just so easy now, which is great. But I will take a quick step back. My Clarity journey in the Clarity Accelerator, while I wanted it to be linear and super, super fast, it was a process. And I think that that was by design. I had to redo some of the work. I kind of got lost in my own head, and started writing some different narratives and thinking different thoughts.

Again, it's that, “Well, I probably could do all these different things. But what should I be doing?” And I think it was once I allowed myself to go there and be creative, that it was a fun exercise. And then I was able to, again, just lean into that gut feeling of saying, “No, this is actually really my path.”

And you allowed me that grace. I felt frustrated with myself that I wasn't completing the assignment, being a good student, and staying on track and all of those things. But it was, in retrospect, it all happened for a reason and for me.

Jenna: Yeah. And then, sometimes clarity can just come in a conversation or two. It’s like all the little pieces that build up to it, and then it just locks in, it dials in.

Rachel: I know, I know. I feel like there were times where it was just like, there was a light beam from above that just kind of shone down on me. And I was like, “Oh, that's what you've been trying to tell me.” There were plenty of aha moments.

Jenna: Yeah, yeah. So good. What do you think you'd say to somebody who was maybe in the same position you were, doing really well and not really needing to change anything, but kind of on the fence? What would you say? What would you suggest?

Rachel: Well, first, I would just offer that it is possible. And more than that, that you're worth it. If you want more, if you seek more, if you're doing comparisonitis, and looking on Instagram, “Those people can have it, but I can't,” just know that it is available to you. It does take some work, but not nearly as much as I thought, to be quite honest. Yeah, it did come easier than I anticipated.

And I think in those hazy moments, it's really great to call in an expert. To have the humility to say, “I know some things, but I just need some guidance. I need somebody to hold my hand and walk along the path with me.” And I appreciated that you never pushed me in any direction. You literally just sat and watched me wander for a couple of weeks when I was off my path, and then you watched me come back, but let me do that work.

I would say just know that it's in you. And if you need to harness a certain energy, be it anger or sadness or complete burnout, whatever it is, to take that leap. You're not alone.

Jenna: Oh, yes, yes. But hopefully also, I like the idea, of course, if we are there in anger, go with it. But also, if we could do it earlier. If we could listen to that nudge and allow ourselves to take action from the nudge rather than from the burnout or the anger, that's a beautiful thing too. Said for a friend. I’m still working on it myself, sometimes.

Rachel: Yeah. I mean, especially when you're feeling kind of like you're being chipped away and your confidence isn't there, or you know you're ready to, it's tough to find the confidence and the courage to do it. But goodness, yes, I wish I had done this so much sooner. I wish I could have saved previous Rachel a lot of heartache, and a lot of angst, even in my relationship, the negative energy that I was bringing home. If I could have this new energy five years earlier, would I do it? Absolutely.

Jenna: Yes. Thank you for that. That is a great point. Because I think sometimes there's some thought errors where people think, “Maybe it's too late in my business. I've established this level of success. I’ve just kind of got to get my mind to around it and keep going.” And that's not true. And then other people that think, “Well, maybe that kind of work is something that I'll do later. But now, I just really need to know about Instagram hashtags. I need to know about these other things.”

But unfortunately, more money won't solve the problems, right? Those core pieces, if you don't get them aligned, the problems are just going to get bigger and worse, as your business grows.

Rachel: Absolutely, absolutely. Yeah. I mean, I wish that I had done this sooner. I would encourage other people to do it, as well. But I'll also say that it's never too late. When I decided to kind of course correct here, I was very fearful, even financially, that I would start from zero.

I’ve built a life that I don't live on zero. Nor do I want to I. I like luxurious things. I like to travel. I like nice cars; all the things that I've become accustomed to. And I wasn't willing to get rid of all of that just to start a new business. Maybe some people are.

But what I think was really cool, is I didn't have to. I wasn't starting from zero, I was starting with 18 years of experience behind me; a lot of great connections and people who believe in me and tools at my fingertips. So, it's not that big of a leap when you really start to take all of the emotion out of it.

Jenna: Oh, such good advice. Yes. That's good wisdom. So, paint a picture about why it might be worth it. What is on the other side? I know that people now, like we said, they lean into your elevator pitch. They're asking you for proposals, rather than you having to go out as much. You've raised your prices, I think. You're bringing in more aligned clients. What's your emotional life like? Oh, I know, the boat. Tell them all the things.

Rachel: Yeah. I'll tell you that we took a leap of faith, and we got a bigger house with a bigger yard for the dogs, and a private office for myself. And that was right when I decided to start my business. And I was like, “Oh, my God, how are we going to pay for all this?” And I just believed in it.

So now, I have a beautiful private office, my dogs have a great yard. I'm able to work from home, and I know that they're being taken care of. Which, from a work/life balance perspective, gives me such peace and ease that I don't feel strange that I'm leaving my family if I want to work long hours. I have my private space, but I'm able to attend to my husband and our dogs. And that makes me feel really good.

And then, it's really funny, that on our first call and then on a visualization call, I brought up boating. And how my happy place is being on a boat, and really what I aim to feel was untethered. Not constantly connected to my phone, freaking out who's going to call me now to yell at me, or what fire is there; untethered, and being on a boat.

Just last week, I bought my boat. But you know what? This new life has allowed me to have the freedom to even use a boat. Where I would have been like, even financially, “Could I afford it? Yeah. But I'm always at the office.” And I don't have that energy anymore.

Jenna: So yes, I love that. And that was a substantial part of our work, was restructuring your offers, so that you weren't just kind of on the clock hourly. And you weren't having these deliverables that would be based on the amount of work you're doing. But really stepping into what your expertise was providing them and the value they would get from that.

Rachel: Yeah, that was a lot of the mental reframing on my part. Kind of abstract terms. Just saying, “You get me and I'm worth this,” without having to spell out every… It didn't read like a real estate listing: It's four bedrooms and three bathrooms.

Jenna: Yes. Oh, and that is everything, stepping into that, owning it for yourself, like you said earlier. Oh, my gosh, so good. Rachel, I think this will be really helpful for a lot of people. Thank you for sharing your story. And just being honest about the ups and downs, and where we start from and where we can get to, is there anything that you think we haven't covered?

Rachel: No. I think it would just be how grateful I am for the Clarity Accelerator. Because not only was there work for me to do in self-discovery, and now I have these tools, that I look back at with totally fresh eyes, in a relatively short span of time. But I think that the community that you're building is really just so awesome, as well.

And having the space to share thoughts and bounce ideas off of other entrepreneurs really helped me feel a sense of community, and that's when I had some of my biggest breakthroughs.

Jenna: Oh, I love that. And I feel that that's exactly what I am seeing as our future. Right? All of us, really this coming together. You were so great about it, too. Thinking of ways that you all could get together offline, even outside of our coaching calls, and really building that kinship, I think of it. Oh, so good. So good. Where can people find out more about you and your company?

Rachel: It's Haleeffect.com. I will continually be adding things to it as I gain more clarity. And would love to connect with some people even just to jam about coaching, my experience, and all things.

Jenna: Oh, good. So, it's on Instagram @haleeffect?

Rachel: On Instagram, it’s @the.hale.effect.

Jenna: Okay. And then your website is, Hale Effect. So, we'll link to both of those to make it easy. But yes, you do a fun life, worth looking, so they could come connect with you over there. And yeah, and see what you're doing and all the room that you have now to just absolutely flourish in the Bahamas, as one should, especially when you’re in the Bahamas.

Rachel: Thank you. I think you're also saying that I have room here for visitation, so that's a possibility, as well.

Jenna: Yes. So good. Thank you, Rachel.

Rachel: Thank you, Jenna.

Hey, if you want true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #46: Mental Toughness (it's a girl thing)

As entrepreneurs, it is essential to sustain performance, but the toxic masculinity we’ve seen modeled does not work. Hard work demands conscious rest. The synergy of cycles and knowing how to act in accordance with time is a skill required in harnessing your greatest mind and mental toughness.

The Uncommon Way Life and Business Coaching with Jenna Harrison | Mental Toughness (it's a girl thing)

Episode Summary

Jenna unpacks the power of mindset and the feminine aspects found within mental toughness.

Join us in the Clarity Accelerator by scheduling a call here.

Enjoy the show? Leave a review to help other like-minded entrepreneurs gain clarity in their businesses.

If you'd like to talk about working together, book a call here.

 

Show Notes

Resilience is going with what is and being able to respond to the unexpected. When we function with mental toughness, we are adaptable to our experiences and emotional landscape. We are utilizing skills that honor flexible yin energy.

As entrepreneurs, it is essential to sustain performance, but the toxic masculinity we’ve seen modeled does not work. Hard work demands conscious rest. The synergy of cycles and knowing how to act in accordance with time is a skill required for harnessing your mental toughness.

This week I dig into feminine elements of mental toughness. We examine how our fears keep us from our dreams in order to avoid discomfort. Learn how to confront areas of resistance with flow, utilize mental toughness, and honor rest. Let’s activate true mental toughness.

 

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

  • What mental toughness is.

  • Why predictability gets in the way of entrepreneurship. 

  • How to sustain performance. 

  • The 3 hallmarks of mental toughness.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

 

Featured on the Show:

 

Full Episode Transcript:

DOWNLOAD TRANSCRIPT PDF

Mental toughness, what is that exactly? Definitely something high performers seem to have with their ability to not crack under pressure. But it's also something we tend to think of as very male, or at least most prevalent in male dominated fields. But today, I'm going to break down what it's actually made of. And I'm going to make my argument that it's actually very rooted in feminine principles. HOOK

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Welcome back to The Uncommon Way, everyone. I hope that you are enjoying spring, or that it's reached you where you are. Or maybe you're in summer. I left Pennsylvania in the 70s, to come here to Phoenix, Arizona, where it is 100°. So, definitely full summer here.

Oh, my God, guess who is ranking on Apple podcasts in a very crowded niche of entrepreneurship/ marketing? Yep, us. I get this weekly digest that comes to me automatically, and it shows me what's going on with my podcast. And every time I would open it, I'm like, “It's going to be there. Someday, I'm going to see it there in the U.S. ranks.”

And then, I think I forgot about it for a while. I opened it up this week, and sure enough, there we are. So, my deepest thanks to those of you who listen regularly, who share an episode now and then, and or leave a review. This is how we get this uncommon perspective on business building into the hands of more women, which helps them create better businesses, and then do such extraordinary things for our planet.

I'm really proud of the work that each of my clients do, and I have a feeling you're also changing the world. So now, here we are. We're ranking in the U.S., in Sweden, and Singapore; thank you very much, Geraldine. And to the woman or women in Sweden, whom I have yet to meet, thank you, too.

So, I'm on my way to my mastermind retreat in Phoenix. And it's going to be a very yin space, very different from the last mastermind that I was in, which was all about the mental world and the mental practice of business. And I’ve got to say, I feel a little subversive and delightful doing a podcast on mental toughness the morning before I head to that retreat. Because I love straddling those two worlds, of the feminine principle, intuition, and mystery, and the very business minded side of things.

To add to that subversion, I'm just going to tell you that I am recording this podcast wearing some lovely black lingerie, and nothing else. A, because I'm in a hotel room, and I didn't feel like getting dressed. And B, because how fun is it to be speaking as an authority on mental toughness, while embodying one of the most played out representations of a female in our culture. It just felt too fun to not do it.

But maybe this is just me and a weird way that I like to find humor. But even in college, I remember, frequently, if I were running around in sweatpants and a messy bun, I would wear some of my most beautiful lingerie underneath that.

And then sometimes, if I were wearing what would be considered more, I don't know, what is the word, more attractive or sexually enticing clothes, I'd be wearing my granny panties underneath. It just always brought a smile to my face, and it was my way of fucking with our traditions and our ideas around femininity and sexuality. Here I am, full circle, decades later, playing with the same themes.

So, I cannot believe that I haven't created an episode on this topic until now. It's such a key piece of my work. I love helping women cultivate mental toughness. And of course, I started out with this. I started out as a performance coach, and my training was with the U.S. military.

Now, when I first came back to the military as an adult; I grew up in it. My dad was a pilot, and then I married into the military. When I came back as an adult, and really looked at it through adult eyes, I was so fascinated by how you can take a disadvantaged inner-city youth and somehow put them through boot camp or basic training, and then they come out a U.S. soldier on the other side. With such a completely different mindset, with their head held high, and just a completely different identity.

When I first looked at this, I thought of it as brainwashing. How do they brainwash these people? And the other question was, if so, can I brainwash myself? How can I do that? I became so curious and so fascinated. And that's why I decided to get my graduate certificate in Leader Development from the War College. I wanted to take every class I could, soak everything up that I could, and really try and dissect this. Break this down and understand what was really going on.

So, as I thought about doing this podcast, I remembered that earlier on, I had done a webinar on this topic, so I went back to look it up. I just have to tell you, it was so fun. I had so few testimonials and stories to pepper into this webinar, because I was just starting out. But the content was still really good. In fact, there was even a concept in there that I've completely forgotten about, and it's just so good.

I'll be doing a podcast on that in a little bit. But I'm just sharing this because if that's you right now, if you're starting out and you really don't have many testimonials, and you're maybe even thinking that there are other people out there who would be better suited for your clients, I just want you to know, you still have immense value to give. You'll be looking back five or ten years from now, thinking that shit was really good. So, just keep going. Alright?

Here's one of my favorite quotes from Michael Jordan, “The mental game is the hardest game. And that's what separates the good players from the great.” To take another basketball legend, talking about the power of mindset, we have Kobe Bryant and his Mamba mentality. Plus, there are people like Jocko Willink out there, who are really solidifying the representation of mental toughness and this kind of mindset work as stemming from the military, and particularly male in its application.

But mental toughness is not a masculine principle, it's a feminine one. It's very yin, which I'll explain in a minute. I don't love the term “mental toughness”. It's too pigeonholing and it really brings up too many other associations in people's mind. Sometimes I call it “mental cha-cha” just to really flip the script. But whatever you choose to call it, or how you want to think about it, at its core, it's really about resilience and equanimity. It's not about grip force and pushing through. It's about releasing resistance to what is.

So, the archetype of the male energy, or yang, is very much about consciousness and creation, and applied focus and even force to create change. The feminine energy is the primordial mystery of potential and possibility. It's about fluidity and adaptability. Now, we all have both within us, we all want both within us. We want untethered infinite potential, as well as the conscious direction which allows creation on the material plane.

Where we get into a problem is when these two energies reach their shadow states, their excess states. Toxic masculinity is hard and regimented and decidedly limited. That is the paradigm that we have all been brought up in. But toxic femininity is no walk in the park either. It's extremely yielding and wishy-washy and ineffective.

But in its highest state, the feminine energetic is extremely potent and powerful. And as I'm arguing here, it is the basis of what we have all come to know as mental toughness. So, let's dive into that.

I was reading this book on parenting, and the author was talking about Judo. And how the practice of Judo is really about directing the force of the opponent, rather than trying to counter the force of the opponent.

So, for instance, when your child says, “I'm so bored,” and that is the energy there, there's that force, that direction, of ‘I am bored’, parents will come in and they'll try and stop that by saying, “Oh, no, you could do this or that or the other thing. Don't be bored. I gave you all these toys. How can you be bored?”

They were trying to stop the child from being bored, rather than saying, “Oh, yeah, I get bored a lot too. That stinks. What are you going to do about it?” Right? You're going with the flow of that energy, of that boredom. I quickly made a connection in my mind with something that I witnessed frequently in the military.

So, on the morning of 9/11, when I was at work and I saw the towers go down, I immediately called my parents to let them know that I was okay. Even though they were three hours behind us, and I knew they wouldn't even be awake yet. I wanted them to know that I was okay before they heard the news.

My dad answered the phone, and when I told him what happened, you know what he said? He said, “Oh, okay. I'm glad you're okay, darlin. I'll tell your mom. Take care of yourself.” That's what he said. He didn't say, “Oh, my God, we're under attack. What is going on? I never expected this.” It was just like this focused in oh, okay, we'll handle this. It reminds me of that Judo concept.

One critically important piece of mental toughness is this ability to go with what is and to even expect the unexpected, or at least being okay with the unexpected. I know I've given this example before, of soldiers going into battle and being able to handle themselves with such presence, despite the ambushes and the unexpected.

And yet, sometimes they'll come back, and maybe their girlfriend or their wife will do something that they didn't expect and they can just crumble into a heap over that. It's all about the level of expectation in our mind, and our ability to accept what is.

Now, your foremothers had this. They had to, because of how life was. Because of how children could die at any moment. Because of how susceptible they were to the natural world. Because of the lack of predictability, they were forging their way into new lands.

It's just that now, in our privileged, modern world, we've insulated ourselves from a fair number of hardships and disappointments. And our tolerance for those things has declined.

The brain loves a sense of control, and that is based in causality, “Well, if A in the past, then B now. Though, if things were going smoothly, they should continue to go smoothly, because A and B are pretty similar. So, I should see the same outcome. If Josefina built her business this quickly and she's a woman, I should build mine equally quickly.” Nope. Not always.

This is about our preconceptions of how things will go or should go. I remember one of my mentors, Brooke Castillo, saying you are entitled to death, that's it. So often, we get this entitlement dynamic in our life, where, “But I've been through this before, so I no longer should. But I've been in business this long, so things should be happening by now.” But apparently not, because something else is happening. That is the reality. So, that is our truth.

Our brains crave, they long for this predictability, but that gets in the way of our entrepreneurship. Because when we're sitting there focusing on what we don't have, we're not putting our brains to solve for what could be. And in the same way, you don't have the guarantee of events or outcomes or circumstances. You don't have the guarantee of a specific emotional state.

And this really gets to us. We should really, really want happiness all the time, as a baseline. Even though that's impossible with our brain chemistry. And we learn much more effectively with other emotions at play. We probably wouldn't even appreciate the happiness if we were experiencing it in a prolonged consistent way. But that doesn't stop us from wanting it.

In response to this urge to avoid uncomfortable feelings, we enter a state known as “emotional reactivity”. Where our actions and thoughts are about getting away from an emotion, even if getting away from it doesn't truly serve us. Say you're very uncomfortable being visible, and you feel very vulnerable. So, you tell yourself that you don't want to put yourself out there.

But that decision is not what moves your business forward. Because it's natural to feel a lot of vulnerability and fear and doubt and disappointment as an entrepreneur and as a human. And so therefore, those things should be your expectation. And when you do feel them, so what? It's just a feeling.

We are so unwilling to feel that we will give up on our greatest hopes and dreams. We will avoid so many experiences and possibilities, that we will shortchange ourselves from so many positive experiences and opportunities.

If you could drink a little bottle of potion called Fear, for instance, and you knew that it was only going to last for 15 seconds, then that could be a fun thing to do. You could be like, “Ooh, I'm going to feel this for a second,” you would drink it, and you'd be like, “Aah, that was so fearful.”

It's like when we ride roller coasters. I remember my son, just the other day we took him to the amusement park and his joy of feeling that fear in a controlled way, was so palpable. And yet, when it happens organically, we will run at light speed to get away from it.

There were a couple of women in my last mastermind group who consider themselves very tough, they were ex-athletes. And they really prided themselves on this fact that they weren't even thinking about their emotions, and they were just going for it. They weren't going to be slowed down by those things.

But a few months later, they kept asking for coaching on these feelings they were having, because they were able to finally see how it was driving so many of their unhelpful actions. But back when they were resisting it, I was giving them an analogy. It's kind of like when you're dating, and you have your heart broken and you say, “I'm never going to love again. I'm never going to feel. No one can ever hurt me. I'll never get close to anybody.”

And in the moment, when you're a teenager and you're saying that, that feels very tough. It's like, “Yes, I'm the badass who never lets anyone in.” But we all know, in hindsight, that's actually the easy way out. It's actually a sign of weakness that you can't open yourself to being hurt. And that true strength is about being able to weather those storms.

I told them the same would be true in their businesses. That if they could just get used to tolerating those feelings, they'd not only be able to do so much more, but they'd actually have the strength that they were seeking in the first place.

So, there's a third key piece of mental toughness. And that is about relaxing your body, for presence of mind and your access to your higher thinking. This is something people don't know about the military, or at least the army. They have more four-day weekends than any profession I have ever seen. My husband, pretty much once a month, has a four-day weekend just to completely decompress.

And when they're in a deployment cycle, there is a lot of importance given to the cyclical nature, what they call the “operational tempo”, the op-tempo of the cycle. So obviously, the deployment itself is the heightened state. And then, there's a build-up to that, where you're starting to ramp up. But when you're coming back, there is a mandated downtime for people.

I remember, in the height of the war, Ben would get off at something like three o'clock or one o'clock every Friday. They would go through the offices and kick everybody out that was trying to work harder or work longer. They would be like, “Go home. Be with your family.” Oh, no, it was Wednesdays, that's what it was. Yes, it was right in the middle of the week.

It was time where you were actually supposed to spend time with your family, decompress, establish human connections, and all the things that they knew would actually add to their overall long-term performance and resilience. Because remember, the military's interested in performing optimally, and also retention. And they know that neither of those things can happen if the people are so wound up, spun up, and in such a high, high activation state.

It's like exercising, right? The work that we do in the gym is actually terrible for our body. What happens afterwards, all of that recovery process, is what's so important. That is what builds the muscle. So, as an entrepreneur, who also needs to perform at such a high level for a sustained period of time, you need to learn from that, right? You need to be able to decompress.

But now, if you think of these three hallmarks of mental toughness that I've been describing: Allowing what is, in terms of circumstances. Allowing what is, in terms of emotions. And nurturing the whole self, those are feminine principle concepts. We work on those three continuously within the Clarity Accelerator because it takes all three.

The same way the military takes civilians and transforms them into soldiers. We’re taking civilians and upgrading their minds, in a very short period of time, to transform them into true, mentally tough entrepreneurs. In the most divine feminine power kind of way, naturally.

Because when you hear, “Brute force! Battle through these obstacles! Push down your feelings into a tiny box. I'll sleep when I'm dead,” that is nothing but toxic masculinity bastardizing what mental toughness truly is. Even the name was taken over by the patriarchy, because I don't think anybody operating from a balanced masculine and feminine ever would have come up with that term.

When we see this concept being misrepresented or misapplied, like after World War Two, when the term “shell shocked” was used to blanket over the tragic effects of untreated PTSD, that was a human thing. Just like how human members of religion will corrupt the spirituality that they're representing. It's the human intervention that's the problem, rather than the thing itself.

We, as women, should embrace this concept of mental toughness, or of having mental cha-chas, or of resilience, or whatever you want to call it, you choose your word. But love the concept of it, because it is you. And as women who represent a new face of business, and as women who need to develop this superpower, in order to grow the high impact businesses that you aspire to have, we need to prioritize this work. Because we're just not taught to cultivate it, and because it goes against our biology.

So, what is one circumstance in your life or business that you can stop resisting? And how will that change how you move forward? What's one emotion in your life, in business, that you can start allowing, and getting to know and getting to tolerate?

And what would change for you if that emotion were no longer a problem? What’s one thing can you do today, maybe even right now, to reset your nervous system in order to tap into your highest thinking and resilience? Where can you stand in your power and stand above it all, watch it happen, and know that it's okay?

Because you have the power of taking that and transforming it into lessons and wisdom and desire and momentum. And one last question, if you would like to create a military-grade mind, so that you can move yourself and your company into the success that's waiting for you, then what are you waiting for? Join the Clarity Accelerator; you will be a different woman in three months.

Okay, my friends, have a wonderful week, and I'll talk to you again next Saturday. Remember, you know who you are, and each day you're stepping further into what you are here to create.

Hey, if you're a coach who wants true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #45: The 3 Stages of Finding Clients on Autopilot

Finding clients on autopilot is not an overnight process; it takes time, business development, and moments of failure. The entrepreneurial muscles built while developing your perfect offer, handling client calls, and creating programs are integral to forming your dream business.

The Uncommon Way Life and Business Coaching Podcast | The 3 Stages of Finding Clients on Autopilot

Episode Summary

Jenna shares how she has found clients on autopilot, and how to build your business so that clients find you consistently with ease.

Join us in the Clarity Accelerator by scheduling a call here.

Enjoy the show? Leave a review to help other like-minded entrepreneurs gain clarity in their businesses.

If you'd like to talk about working together, book a call here.

 

Show Notes

Finding clients on autopilot is not an overnight process; it takes time, business development, and moments of failure. The entrepreneurial muscles built while developing your perfect offer, handling client calls, and creating programs are integral to forming your dream business.

As entrepreneurs, we identify a need and sell a solution. It is not a taught profession; you have to learn through experience and earn it. The timeline for building your business towards autopilot is unfixed; it is different for everyone, and it could take months or years. This is determined by you and your clarity.

This week, I discuss smart business strategy, tactics, and finding your dream clients. Finding clients on autopilot can feel both mysterious and confusing. Learn the necessary business steps towards achieving autopilot, along with methods for finding new clients.

 

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

  • What “clients on autopilot” means.

  • Two stages of business before autopilot.

  • Why changing your niche won’t solve your problem.

  • How to get more yes’s.

  • Two types of traffic drivers.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

 

Featured on the Show:

 

Full Episode Transcript:

DOWNLOAD TRANSCRIPT PDF

Do you dream of a business that's just working? Where clients come steadily and reliably, and you can focus on serving them and on actually living your life? Which, after all, is probably why you got into entrepreneurship in the first place. You're not alone. What that scene is describing is a stage of business that we can call “clients on autopilot”. Today, let's talk about the roadmap to get there.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Hey, welcome back to The Uncommon Way, everyone. This is Episode 45; can you believe it? And still just scratching the surface of all the things I want to share with you. I'm planning to release a most valuable episode for the first year, and I want to know which episode you'd vote for, which felt the most helpful, so that we can share that one with new listeners that maybe aren't going to go back through our entire library.

You can either leave a quick podcast review, you just go to the show page and then scroll down below the episodes where it says leave a review. Or you can drop me a DM. Whichever is easiest for you. And just let me know.

I must say I have had a great week. If you listened to last week's episode, you'll know I had a cancer scare, which luckily was a false alarm. But if you've ever been there yourself, you know that those are the moments that really put things in perspective for you. And really just helps you feel very, very present and grateful for what you have.

Last weekend, we took my son to his first amusement park, Hershey Park. We live near Hershey, Pennsylvania. Oh, wow, you guys, I was so tuned in to the joy of that lifelong memory and to seeing the delight on his little face. He is such a thrill seeker. He had us go on the biggest roller coaster that he was allowed on, probably five times. And this moment in my life, right now, it just feels like a time when you really want to hit pause. You just want to freeze time, because everything is so good.

Part of that goodness is, of course, my business. I know every coach says the clients right now, they just keep getting better and better. But I've got to say, they're just wonderful and amazing. And the business is just so much fun. I feel myself wanting to communicate with my past self and just be like, “Stick with it. Stick with it, girl.”

All right, before we go into the episode, I have to tell you about this thing that happened to me. I was talking with a friend of mine that follows two of the coaches that I follow. I have hired both of these coaches. One is my pleasure coach, and then the other one is my new business coach. My business coach is doing a launch right now that would really pertain, is a good fit, for this friend that I have.

And of course, the pleasure coach, she'll be doing another round of her program soon, too. And so, my friend was asking me for feedback about the pleasure coach. And I asked her, “But how are you able to resist the business coaching program also?” And she told me, she had sent in a message, “It's just beyond my capability right now.” And so, when we talked, I was just curious, “So what does that mean?”

My brain immediately went to money, which is unusual, because I so often I'm trying to get people out of just thinking about money, right? I noticed my own brain doing it, but that wasn't what she was talking about. She was talking about the time that she was going to spend in something because she's doing some other programs right now. And kind of the energy investment that she would give to that.

She was telling me that right now, doing the pleasure course feels like more of a priority than doing the business course. And I just wanted to pass that on. Because there are so many of you, that if you're selling something intangible, like life coaching, for instance, can get in your head about that. About how it's not as valuable to people or they won't be willing to pay for it. I had this beautiful example just fall into my lap that I just had to share with you.

People will pay for whatever is a priority to them. And of course, it's your job to show them, if you believe that what you offer is a priority to your ideal people. Which you should, and if not, come work with me. But it's your job to really to show them why it is so worthwhile for them right now.

Last week, we talked about mindset and energy. Today's episode will be all up in the head, smart business strategy. And this is for those of you who are like me, and you want a little of both. I mean, if I'm in the energy or mindset space for too long, it's like, “Okay, okay, but let's talk tactics, because this alone won't get me there.”

But then when I'm in the tactics and strategy space too long, I'm like, “Come on, you know there's more to it than that. This alone won't get me there.” So, I love to straddle those two worlds. And hopefully, you do too. I believe that's really what we do as humans anyway. Right? We have one foot in the spiritual and one in the material plane. Yeah? Yes. Okay, so let's get material.

Let's talk about your roadmap for creating clients on autopilot. Because while the process isn't necessarily the easiest thing you've ever done, if it were everyone would be doing it, that doesn't mean that it's not simple. And I want to help show you how simple it really is. We're going to zoom out. And we're going to talk about the three stages of creating clients on autopilot. Which will help you evaluate where you are now and what you're working on next.

It's also going to normalize the journey. Because there is so much talk and glamorization about clients on autopilot; kind of like passive income, it's one of those things. And it's just something that everybody seems to want and aspire to. But there's also a good share of mystery around it all, and lots of people telling you that there are solutions, the answer to that mystery.

Which can feel really confusing, because you're thinking, “Wait a minute, I thought this other thing was the answer to that mystery?” And especially when you're not experiencing this flow of nonstop clients that you imagined that you would have by now. You start wondering, “Is this going anywhere? Will it always be like this? Maybe this isn't going to work for me.” Which, if you're human, can easily cascade into, “There must be something wrong. There must be something wrong with me.”

So, let's demystify and clarify. Okay, what exactly does autopilot mean anyway? For the way I think about it, means you could do nothing, and clients will still come in. So, no matter what I do, or don't do, clients will continue to find me through Google, and they'll book calls.

It's not passive income, because there's no way to buy directly from my website. And I still show up and have discovery calls. And then of course, I personally deliver the coaching services. But because they're coming regularly, it's as if they're on autopilot.

So, as you see, autopilot doesn't have to mean fancy tech. It doesn't have to be a complicated funnel. I just have a website. And your autopilot system could be even more analog, it could be referrals, for instance. If it's coming consistently, that's autopilot.

Now, I'm about to say something which may seem obvious, but our brains like to forget this. And instead, they want to get all confused when they're not at the autopilot stage. Okay, you ready? Getting there, that doesn't just happen. There are two other stages of business that happen prior to that.

In the beginning, as a service provider, people are definitely not coming to you on auto; nobody knows you exist. You are going out and you're finding the people. All the peoples that might be networking in person or online. It might be posting in groups or on your feed. But your entire business is dependent on your active engagement in that process.

And the good news is that because you have direct contact with the people, you get to respond directly to the needs and desires and the concerns that they're expressing. You can let them know exactly how your offer can help them specifically. It's completely normal at this stage to be testing what works and what doesn't. And figuring out if you do or don't prefer to work with that type of client. And it's normal that you don't always expect people to say yes to your offer. You're building skills and confidence and evaluating everything.

This is a period of validation. You're validating your concept. You're creating proof of concept for your business. And it's meant to be messy, and trial and errorey. It doesn't mean anything has gone wrong. It means everything is going right, because you're either winning or learning.

This is the point though, where a lot of you get really frustrated and think about quitting and maybe switch niches. Ask me how I know? But don't do that. Don't switch niches unless you're working with me, and we've connected your dots, and we've found this offer that's kind of like Cinderella's slipper for you. It's just such a fit, and you can't not do it. But that is very different than changing niches or changing something major, just because things aren't working.

Now, I can imagine some of you saying, “What do you mean ‘just not working’? Not working is a really big deal.” But actually, not working, that's just one problem to solve. Right? How could I make this work? That's the problem. And answering that question is the whole point of this validation phase.

If you switch niches, you'll lose traction. And you'll take your same problems with you right into your new niche 99.9% of the time. Now, I kind of reserved that .1% for if you are selling something really far-fetched. Like, you've been trying to sell a high price point to homeless people. And so, of course, that was never going to be viable.

But typically, if we haven't figured out how to really understand what our people want, or how to message in a way that gets people to say yes, or how to have an effective sales call, or how to weed out limiting thoughts that are having us call to the wrong type of clients, etc. etc. etc. Those things don't get solved by changing your niche or changing your platform.

I've probably told the story before, but I had a client who came to me once for clarity, and she wanted to figure out what type of coaching she wanted to do. But it turns out, she already had a well-established health coaching business. And when I asked her why she wanted to change, she said it was because of the kinds of clients, and she was just sick of dragging people along to the result that they said they wanted.

So, if you've been with me long enough, maybe you can see what I saw in that statement. That it really wasn't a problem with the niche. It was how she thought about clients and the kind of clients she was calling in. Because there're all sorts of different people, there're an infinitude of people that would want to hire a health coach. And she just needed the call in the ones that were amazing for her to work with.

Once we tweaked her messaging, and got her convinced that actually these people existed, that is when she was able to start seeing that materialize for her, and actually love her business again. But I'm not going to deny that is frustrating, when you're not bringing in the number of clients you want, or you're not bringing in the type of clients you want. Things seem really unpredictable and you're like, “Oh, what's going on?” and you're tearing your hair out. We've all been there, it's okay.

Just know that it's challenging because you've never done it before. Not because selling is especially difficult. But even know it's challenging, that challenge is the very thing that helps you develop some of the best ideas you'll ever come up with. That ‘why isn't this working’ question is what forces your brain to get creative and more creative and more creative. And build those entrepreneurial muscles, which wouldn't be happening if all the clients were just flowing to you on autopilot from day one.

When I talk about connecting the dots, and how people just need to really understand why they're doing this work, that will help them make such clear, intentional decisions about who their people are, and what that right offer is and what that messaging will be. That whole concept came to me on the spot in a sales call when I was at a point in my business where I was thinking, “Why isn't this working?” I was trying to explain this concept to someone and I came up with this idea of ‘connect the dots’. I just downloaded it in that moment and I just said it.

I got off the call and I was like, “That was a pretty damn good way of explaining it.” I don't even remember if that client said yes or no, but I do remember that when I said it that person kind of leaned in and was like, oh, and nodded their head. And I was like ding-ding-ding, right? That is worth holding on to.

And to this day, if I start to talk about that concept, people tend to be like, “Tell me more, tell me more,” and they're interested. That only came through me kind of wrestling with my brain to conceptualize everything that it already knew. And to be able to say it in a digestible way.

This challenge of the ‘why aren't things working’ phase, it also is what builds your resiliency and your determination and your self-concept and your greater understanding of your people, all the things. I knew clarity was important. I knew that aligning your business to yourself was of vast importance. But I never knew it as clearly as when I had a couple clients tell me that that wasn't important. That they really just wanted the steps really quickly of how to make money.

And that was when, obviously at first, felt all the feelings, felt the shame, the questioning, the maybe they're right, maybe I'm a fraud. Oh, boohoo, this is so terrible. And then, when my emotion cycled back into a little bit more fire, I finally realized I would have given my right limb for this, it's that important. I would have given anything. And dammit, I'm going to go find the clients who also desperately want that clarity.

I was talking to a woman the other day, and she was saying that she'll spend now three months or so thinking about how she's going to rearrange her living room, for instance. Obviously, it's happening in her business as well, that's why she came to me. But we were going through and thinking about where else is it in her life. And she was realizing that she'll spend three months of her life and her brain space, thinking about whether or not to make this decision, before actually making this decision.

There are so many people who are just hungry for clarity. They just want to know that all of the pieces connect in their business. And it was my job to go find them. It helped me begin the work of, okay, what was it in my psyche and in my messaging that had called to those people, rather than had called to these other people that I knew were out there. So, this is extremely valuable work. Can I say that again? This is extremely valuable work.

Because what you're doing now sets you up for success for life, if you're building a business for life. And you know what? Even if you're not building a business for life. Because you're building the skills to create whatever business you want. And that is really what takes you out of being an employee and following what everyone tells you to do, and makes you into an entrepreneur.

And as service providers, it makes us recession proof and industry disruption proof, and just generally very financially secure people. Because what you're doing is learning how to identify a need and sell a solution. Meaning that if you're a coach, and then they invent a ChatGPT for coaching, for instance, and coaches become obsolete; doubtful, but let's just go there, could happen.

Even then, you'd be able to take what you've learned, look around, and just reapply what you already know to something else. You would identify a need, and you would sell a solution. People study for years to be doctors, years to become master electricians, but entrepreneurship is the best career of all. And putting in some of the job training, even if that's two years or five years or 10 years, so what? Given the fulfillment and flexibility and earning potential that it provides. It's okay, you'll be okay.

We're not taught to be entrepreneurs; we have to learn it. And you're not entitled to be an entrepreneur; you have to earn it. I don't care how much you used to make in your day job, or how respected you were, or how valuable you think your offer is, or how much you've invested, or how strongly and emphatically you believe that it should have already happened by now.

Nobody predicts their path in advance with any accuracy. Some move faster than they expected. Some moves slower. But we all have our lessons to learn. As long as you stick with it and you don't give up, you will figure it out. Phew! I’m getting passionate up in here. So good.

Okay, let's move on to the next stage. The next stage, I call “clients on demand”. And that's a trademark term, I believe. I'm not referring to a business building program here, I'm referring to the stage you're in when you're able to get clients when you want them. It means that you have found a specific vehicle that you know will create clients and will create the kind of clients that you want.

You still have to go do the thing, but you know that there's some guarantee there. And invariably, it'll attract a person or a certain number of people who will want your offer. Now, that could be a webinar or a workshop. It might even be one specific post which leads to some sort of little offer or something.

It's basically like a one-on-one webinar, but more conversational. That's what I used to use when I was at that stage. You can listen to an episode called “The Birthday Cake Strategy” to learn more about that.

But it could also be as simple as a conversation with really tight messaging. You all heard Dr. Georgeanne Freeman on the podcast a couple of episodes ago. When she says, “I work with women over 40 who are feeling old and tired, but really don't need to.” When she says that to a woman over 40 who's feeling that way, that woman invariably will be like, “Wait, what? Huh?” And then there's a conversation flow, that makes it a no-brainer for that woman to want to hop on a discovery call to find out more.

Or perhaps you're creating referral business. And you know that if you ask current and past clients to refer you, using a certain type of language or incentive or whatever it is, that results in at least one client. Then that is your client’s on demand system; doesn't have to be fancy.

So, when you've created this ability for yourself, when you know how to accelerate the buyers journey for your right clients, and get them the help they need, sooner rather than later, then it becomes a numbers game. If I get in front of this many of my type of people, then this many tend to be interested. And then this many become clients.

I remember back in the day, when I was booked out and I had a spot opening up, I’d just go out and put out a post in a specific type of group and bring on my next client.

Now, the timeline, y'all might want to know the timeline for developing that type of clarity. It's different for everybody. You guessed it. But it doesn't have to take years and years. It could take months. It's really about how willing are you to assertively test?

Versus how much are you going to try and hold back from doing that and let your brain lead you into easier endeavors that feel less vulnerable for you. Like, just putting out posts all the time, but not actually inviting people to take that next step, so that you can learn from them saying no.

My mentor, Brooke Castillo, has a great way of talking about business that makes it so, so simple. Which is, the number of yeses is equal to the number of offers you make, minus the number of nos you receive. So, if you can increase the number of nos you receive, by making more and more offers, you invariably get more yeses.

That is not how our brain thinks, naturally. Our brain wants to do everything it can to reduce the number of nos. But it doesn't realize that in reducing the number of nos, it is drastically reducing the number of yeses. If it wants more yeses, it needs to increase the number of nos. Brooke has, I think, a $40 million business at this point. And she just says, “I just make a lot more offers than other people do. I'm constantly getting nos everywhere. Putting out new offers, making new offers, and getting a hell of a lot of nos.”

Okay, so when you've created that vehicle, and again, it might be a fancy webinar funnel or it could be a simple conversation; you'll notice I keep going back to the fact that those possibilities there infinite. And I'm doing it because too many entrepreneurs get caught believing that one type of vehicle is inherently better than another, right?

And their problem is just that they don't know how to do that specific thing. Rather than understanding that it's the wizard, not the wand that creates the results. That what's really going on, the real problem, the root of the problem, is likely something with your messaging or your confidence or your mindset or energetics.

And of course, I'm also opening up the possibilities because I believe so passionately in the uncommon way. In the fact that you can create your business however you want it. And that we all create a different type of business because we're all different people.

But when you do find that clear path for your buyers, and you know that if I regularly do that thing/say those things, then clients come in. This is when you know you're ready to automate, and you're ready to move yourself into the final stage.

So that stage, that stage of automation, is about you knowing what you're saying to them, that helps them move through their buyer’s journey. If you're on social media and you put out content, and each month X-many buyers tend to come in, but you don't know what specific messaging is helping them book that call or press buy on your cart or whatever it is, then I'm sorry to tell you but you're still probably not ready.

Because trying to automate might just make you want to tear your hair out, because you just don't really know. It could be this part of the post. It could be that part of the post. Maybe it was this post plus this other post plus this other post. There's too much complexity and not enough clarity. We're looking for a simple, repeatable process.

I used to work in fashion, and it's like a fit sample. So, the designer comes up with a design, sends it to the manufacturer, they create a sample, which gets sent back to the design house so that they can test it on a real person.

They can see how it hangs and moves, and maybe take a nip here and a tuck there. And then when it works, that's when they send it back to the manufacturer to have it mass produced. You just keep cutting the fabric in that exact same way, and stitching it in the same way, and you have predictable, consistent results.

So, to bring this back to service businesses, you're ready to create this for yourself. You're ready to create a way for people to receive the information without speaking directly to you. So, like with the fit sample, if I'm going to buy something from my favorite designer, that designer doesn't need to come meet with me and fit the fabric to my body.

The designer has created the prototype that works, and knows that piece of clothing is also going to work for other people with a body more or less like the body that they fit the clothes to in the first place.

Now, in a service business, the vehicle that delivers your message that could be again, a website, an evergreen webinar, ads, your social media bio, maybe a nurture sequence is added into that. But what's important is what are your people need to know and understand. So that when they step into that, they're like, wow, great fit, this works. And they feel a resonance that compels them to take action. Like, this dress was made for me.

And then the automation phase, is where you're driving more eyeballs. Hopefully they're qualified eyeballs. But you're giving more people access to this asset you've created. Maybe you're a guest on other people's podcast, and there you deliver the messaging that's such a great fit for your people. Or maybe you're running Facebook ads too, a webinar. Whatever it is, the good news is that there are only two types of traffic drivers: paid and free. Yeah, it's that simple.

Now, you have more control with the paid methods. That's why they cost so much; that's a difference. Facebook has a very sophisticated algorithm that can find people very similar to the person that showed an interest in your app. And Google has a very, very targeted, warm-lead people looking for exactly what that search sequence is.

And that's more precise than if you're promoting to a friend's audience, for instance. Which would be a free audience driver. But those may or may not be your people.

Okay, last thing, some of you may be thinking, “Jenna, why can't I just skip over the pain of all that stage one and two stuff, and just create some course or passive income product?” I know so many people get into entrepreneurship with that dream. And I want you to know that you can, but I'll tell you what I've seen watching people around me win and lose in that endeavor.

What I've seen is that, A- there really is no such thing as true passive income. There's always work involved. And B- the majority of people who are successful with passive income products have a lot of previous skill that they channel into that business.

I have a client who just created one, but she had a years of experience before that with Facebook ads, with creating copy, and with putting together simple websites that really drive people to take action. She'd really lived the experience herself, helped other women, and had formulated her thoughts before in the form of a book.

And so, just like there's no such thing really and truly passive income, there's really also, not truly an overnight success. Because the two are interrelated. The skills and mindset you have built are really what facilitate the success that you can achieve.

Alright, my friends, I hope that brought some clarity and some insights. And I hope you, if you're listening to this in real time, have a wonderful spring week.

Hey, if you're a coach who wants true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #44: Your ‘Just Because’ Energy

Women are often encouraged to be obedient, nurturing, and stay small. But your business needs you to show up authentically as your most powerful self. As an entrepreneur, it is essential to build your decision muscles.

Episode Summary

Jenna breaks down the detriment of people pleasing as an entrepreneur and offers an alternative.

Join us in the Clarity Accelerator by scheduling a call here.

Enjoy the show? Leave a review to help other like-minded entrepreneurs gain clarity in their businesses.

If you'd like to talk about working together, book a call here.

 

Show Notes

Women are often encouraged to be obedient, nurturing, and stay small. But your business needs you to show up authentically as your most powerful self. As an entrepreneur, it is essential to build your decision muscles.

With practice, you can fully trust your decisions rather than question them. "Just because energy" and your inner "yes" are powerful tools that align you with your brain and gut knowledge.

This week I share how to tune into your internal compass and access your truth as you move away from “explaining energy.” Learn how to be big, brave, and aligned with your truth.

 

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

  • How to move past seeking approval.

  • What “just because” energy is.

  • Why “explaining energy” is detrimental.

  • The difference between justifying and knowing.

  • How to make quick decisions.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

 

Featured on the Show:

 

Full Episode Transcript:

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Okay, quick quiz. Can you think of three reasons that you charge what you charge? Can you think of three reasons that you're making a specific change in your business? Okay, now, final question: Do you feel like you need to explain that to anyone? Your clients, your partner, your friends, your family, your coach? Well, what if you only had one reason, and that reason is “because”. Welcome to ““just because”” energy and strap in for the ride.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Hello, everyone, welcome back to The Uncommon Way. So, there was this experience recently that brought on a good dose of shame for me. I was being interviewed on a podcast, and the host had me doing a lightning round. I was supposed to answer these 10 questions as quickly as I could, whatever came to my mind.

One of his final questions was… I don't know, he was bringing in some sort of Avengers superhero. I'll probably get the story all wrong. But apparently, there's some character there, and if you put on this special glove, then you can have anything that you want come true in the world. That's how the world will be.

I guess, for this one person, he wouldn't die, but normally, when you make this kind of wish you would give your life. You would die, but then this world would change in the way that you wanted it to. I don't know, it was something like that. So, he was asking me what my wish would be if I had this glove on, or if anything at all.

In that moment, I was trying to, of course, figure out what the story was. But in that moment, I said, “No, I wouldn't give my life. I love life. In fact, I think there's so much beauty in the ups and downs of human experience. And that's something I wouldn't want to change.” So, yes, I did that. I said that. I said that the world can just go on suffering about its own business, because I'm not going to give my life to stop any of it.

I can just imagine my dad up in heaven shaking his head, career military, right? I've, of course, married into the military as well. I'm surrounded by military here, living on a military base. And the values are very clear, we know what we'll give our lives for.

Sometimes, unfortunately, that gets corrupted by the politicians who have final say on where lives are put at risk. But we're people who are willing to sacrifice for the greater good.

So now, I'm going to tell you what was going on behind the scenes. I was having some strange physical symptoms, and my doctor had me go in for a diagnostic test. And then he called back and he was like, “Yeah, we need to get you in for a biopsy as soon as possible.” And so, because of the symptoms, and because of my doctor's urgency, I really was feeling a lot of fear about this.

Usually, when there's some diagnostic thing, I don't think the worse until I have any information to make me feel upset. But something landed, something about this just landed in a certain way that really brought up a lot of fears for me about worst case. And in that moment, when he asked me that question, I remembered just looking at my son that morning, and feeling emotional.

I remembered just saying, “No. No, I do not take the bait. I don't take the challenge. I don't say anything. I don't give my life. I love my life. I want to be here.” So, why am I telling you all of this? It's because the topic of this podcast is “just because” energy. It's about tuning into your own internal compass and being willing to let that move through you, unapologetically.

And yet, after that happened, y'all, my first urge was to explain and apologize. Which there is definitely room for, right? But that needs to come from reflection and retuning, rather than this knee-jerk urge to garner the good favor of those around us and never be perceived as wrong in any way. And I had that knee-jerk urge to explain this.

But I also had the knee-jerk urge to just do what the host asked me to do. Right? So, note to self, I shall be politely declining lightning round questions from now on. Especially those pertaining to life and death.

Look, as we get into the meat of this podcast, I just want you to know that I am not saying all of this from way up here on my high horse. I mean, I have made a lot of progress on this front, and I'm very, very happy about it. I definitely do these kinds of things a lot less than I used to. But it does tend to kick up again in new situations, or at different levels.

Now that I'm doing the podcast circuit, it means new levels of exposure, and a part of my brain reads that as a threat and perceives vulnerability. And then what happens, I'm right back to explaining again. Giving you all the details about why I said what I said on that podcast. “Actually, I'm really a good person, and there were these extreme circumstances.”

I remember I had this urge to explain myself just minutes after ending the podcast. And that was the final question, by the way. I caught myself with this urge and went, “Oh, yeah. Yeah, I need to talk about this while it's fresh.” Because I see it running rampant in the women entrepreneur space. I see it on so many of my discovery calls with potential clients.

Because what most of us do, instead of living in what I call “just because” energy, where we've shed the need to justify our words, our actions, and our decisions. Instead of living in that, we're living in its opposite, explaining energy. So, let's talk about it.

Let's talk about how it sneaks into so many things, and what that's costing us. And what happens when we shift into our “just because” selves, and how to start to do it.

Now the roots of this won't come as a surprise to any of us, I think. But we spend so much of our lives seeking approval from our parents, our teachers, our hiring managers, our bosses, our partners. And we get that approval through our words, our actions, and our decisions. But also, through explaining our words, our actions, and our decisions.

It's like we need to double down, or cover our bases, especially as women in this culture. And so naturally, we then go out into business carrying all of that with us. It's not like when you start your company you become this bold, confident entrepreneur overnight. You bring your brain with you.

Like, “This is my pros and cons list. I'm weighing all the options logically. This will be my ROI. And this is the smart adulting thing I do if I really have a good head for business; which I don't actually believe I do. Because I've been told since I was a little girl that women aren't as good with numbers or logical decision making as men,” right? We're too emotional.

And so, we need to fear and distrust anything that we just know, or that we desire. Those are very dangerous words historically for women, knowledge and desire. Both meant you'd probably live a more difficult life than the blissfully ignorant and completely satisfied woman next to you. Because you should just be a good little nurturer that doesn't make waves.

But of course, this works against us as entrepreneurs. And here are just a few of the ways: We set ourselves up for the impossible. We try to conform to what other people want, setting ourselves up for an impossible task because everybody wants something different. So, we're trying to avoid the discomfort of their dissatisfaction, but we're creating the internal discomfort of this impossible task anyway.

Manipulation is defined as: Subterfuge, designed to influence or control another, usually in a manner which facilitates one's personal aims. And when we show up as something we're not fully, in order to influence another's opinions or actions so that we feel better and avoid discomfort, that is a form of manipulation. Right?

We're manipulating the people around us into the opinion of us that we want them to have. But we can never truly control what people think of us anyway. So, when we don't speak our truth, when we don't show up as ourselves and we contort ourselves to fit into a box, nobody gets to know the real us.

And that thing that we were desiring in the first place, which is that connection, is the very thing we miss out on. We don't have real connection when someone doesn't see and hear the real us. And in business, that means we miss out on our ideal clients being able to hear us and truly resonate with us.

Now, I have this story, it is so glaring in my mind, because I recently hired a new coach. But I actually worked with her in another mastermind. She was a group coach, in this other mastermind that I was part of, and I worked with her for months without feeling any resonance. I would have laughed if you’d said that I was going to hire her. In fact, I kind of actively disliked her.

What I can see now so clearly, in hindsight, is that during that last round for her of being in that group she was, and because of being in that group, and because she was working for someone else coaching in their model, she wasn't able to fully coach in her own way, right? She was needing to be, to present, in a certain way, in order to be a good guide for us in this program. But it wasn't really her. And that is where the friction came.

Once I could see her in her element, and I could see how she really was, I absolutely resonated. And obviously, riding off into history. But I think it's such a great story, and so important to remember that every time we make these large or even subtle shifts, in order to orient ourselves in some direction that is not fully aligned with us, we are creating a wall between ourselves and our potential clients.

And that's not even mentioning the wall in our private life, right? As we're doing the same thing with our family, our romantic partners, our friends, or whomever it may be. Don't even get me started.

So, that explaining energy also has us showing up less powerfully. First of all, this is what keeps a lot of us telling ourselves that we just prefer being behind the scenes. Or we're more comfortable behind the camera, not in front of it. Or maybe we're not comfortable doing this type of business strategy, only this other type of business strategy.

And yeah, when you're focused on needing to show up in a certain way, and then potentially falling short, you're less likely to want to grab that iPhone and say exactly what you think. So, we hang back. But it's not just a camera issue, our power is drained when we're trying too hard.

Another way that can show up is over explaining to your potential clients. Because we explain so much that we project that our clients need explanation, too. And that is a very passive energy. It's a very ‘Oh, pick me’ energy.

On my discovery calls, almost the entire thing is a journey for my clients benefit. It's some powerful coaching questions, so that they can create clarity about their desires and their direction. And then, when I finally tell them about the program and price, it's super short. I'm not explaining much.

I mean, I'm happy to answer any questions. Some people just want to be walked through each module, and I'm definitely not hiding anything. But the bottom line is, I'm taking them from A to B. Do they want to go to B? Great, this is the price and this is the place.

Let's say you go to a surgeon, and you say, “I want you to fix this knee that I injured,” and the surgeon says, “Okay, I recommend surgery, and here's what it costs.” The surgeon is not usually telling you, “Okay, first we sterilize the scalpel. Then we make an incision in this direction, and we do all of these different things.”

And you're probably not going from surgeon to surgeon being like, “Well, this one would move the ligament first and then do the whatever-whatever, versus this other one, who would do this and this.” I, of course, have no idea what I'm talking about. I can just imagine my doctor clients shaking their heads right now.

But your clients also probably don't fully understand all the steps anyway, or necessarily even agree with them at this point in their journey. And the energy behind you needing to explain it all. that transmits to them. You might be the best’ fill in the blank’, coach or branding expert or whatever your service business is. But the way you're presenting yourself to your potential clients, when you are in explaining energy isn't doing you a lot of favors.

Along the same lines of showing up less powerfully, you don't need to tell them why you charge X versus Y. You don't need to justify all the things you want. And maybe then, not take action if the justifications you've come up with don't fit into the model that you've been conditioned to think is acceptable. That model might be ‘this is what a smart business owner does.’ Or ‘this is how a responsible person manages their money.’

Just ask yourself if there's something you want, and the reasons that aren't justified or deserved about wanting that. And then ask yourself, do I like that? Am I my most powerful self when I think that? There are things I've said no to, even though maybe yes, I felt an urge to do it or get it. But I still said no, and still felt that was me in my most powerful.

But other things, I notice myself starting to say no to, and then I realized that that no, is actually me abdicating my power. It's something else or some other way of thinking, telling me what my truth should be, rather than me accessing own truth.

I see this with people holding back from investing with coaching. I see this with people who are maybe following a certain coach or a certain way of doing things, and then they think they can't do anything different, or go outside of that structure. Even though they're getting such a strong hit to do it in their way, or to try something slightly different. Or with entrepreneurs where no one's telling them anything. But because they've been doing it that way, and then they want to change, they make that unacceptable.

Another product of the “just explaining” energy is that we spend so much time and brain space trying to justify our desires to ourselves and to others. How many of us are filling up mountains of journals? How many of us are making the spreadsheets on the computers? How many of us are talking our partners ears off? And what would be different for us if we could decide, and then honor that decision?

So, those are just a few examples. We all do it in so many different ways. But really, when we take a pause, and we look at this whole thing in an observational manner, why do I have to explain my reasons? Yes or no, is enough. I want it. I don't need to explain myself. I'm doing it. Because.

Now, if any of you are feeling any little alarm bells going off right now, I just want to caution you about black-and-white thinking. My husband Ben will do this sometimes when I bring up these subjects. He'll say, “Well, but we don't want to be like so and so.” And he'll name some narcissistic sociopath who wreaked havoc in some way; only caring about themselves.

We are all scarred by these public figures, they are burned into our collective fear. And that protective part of our brain is shouting, “Not that. Not that.” That is its job, right? As it should be, to some extent, because we don't want to be that. We don't want to be, what was it? Narcissistic sociopaths. But there's a far, far stretch between the narcissistic sociopath, and the woman who can make a decision for herself without the need to explain it.

And when we spend so much of our energy trying to be not that we often, unfortunately, are not us, either. We're living our lives with the constant looming question of, what should I do? Feel the difference in the quality of energy between justifying and knowing. Between because… until you're blue in the face, and because. “Just because.”

Because I'm a grown ass woman, and I can do whatever the fuck I want. I can say naughty words. Yeah, I can have opinions you don't agree with. I can buy things and invest in things that you maybe don't think I should. And I can run my business the way you don't think I should run it.

This is why I would never ever want to sell the kind of program where I'm sharing some sort of blueprint formula. No, I don't know the exact right path for you. I'll share the best practices, of course. I'll share the pros and cons I've seen from different people who have maybe tried some of the options you're considering. And I can help you excavate a bit, and see if your decision is clean or if it's laced with ‘shoulds’ or with fears. I can help you move towards neutral and create clarity.

But I want you building your decision muscles, right? So, you can build your self-trust muscles. We need to marry both the head and the gut. We spend so much time in our head, and so little time in our trust and in our gut. And that's not building the muscle of living from our truth unashamed.

That is the ultimate act of honoring yourself. The ultimate self-trust. Every time you do this, it's a little act of self-love. I remember the actress Teri Hatcher wrote a book. She was talking about how she always used to, if she accidentally burned her toast, she would spend all this time scraping the burnt toast off, so that she could still eat the toast. Until finally, she realized, maybe it's worth it for me to just make another piece of toast. Maybe it's okay for me to throw out this piece of toast.

Maybe it's okay for you to make these decisions and give yourself this type of trust and love. Because imagine saying, the things that we say to ourselves, the way we question ourselves, imagine saying that to the little girl version of you know. That little, cute picture you have of you at a certain age, where you would always only be encouraging?

Imagine telling her, “You can't really be trusted. You're not very good at this. No one will really love you. People will be really angry with you if you say or do that. And they probably won't forgive you. You don't deserve the good toast.”

So much of our manipulations and our posturing and our theorizing, we do that in order to stay safe. But what if you are safe already? Think of the things you worry will be thought of you if you mess up, or you aren't explaining, and therefore are perceived to be whatever, fill in that blank for yourself?

What are the worst things people would think or do? And what might you think of yourself? Would they stop loving you? Would you feel stupid? Would they think you're an impostor? Or not a good mom? Is it an identity thing, that you could no longer hold your head up?

Really find out what that is for you, and then ask yourself, can I believe that I am, for instance, lovable even if…? Can I believe that I'm smart even though…? Can I believe that I am worthy now?

Because if you can, maybe even just enough to get you playing with the idea of not justifying or explaining that choice or decision you're about to make or that thing you're about to do, you are shifting into “just because” energy. And you will get to know what it's like to live out loud. To fully live as you and walk the earth as you, the most grounded and powerful version of you.

And then instead of should I or shouldn’t I or I wish I could, you can finally get to work on making it happen. It'll be, “How will I do it?” Instead of, “Will I do it?”

So many clients tell me I'm great at figuring things out and making things happen once I have a plan. Yeah, clarity allows you to take massive action; it's the opposite of tentative energy. And then, you can attract clients too, who are comfortable doing that for themselves. Right? They'll stop talking themselves out of what they really want, and start acting from their inner yes.

You moving in this way does not equal crazy, harebrained, or a whim, right? That is all patriarchal language right there, used much more frequently for women than men. But listen, I am here to tell you that your gut hits, they are powerful. Like, when you actually take a breath or have a good workout or sleep on it or whatever you do, and you tune into your truth, that is powerful.

I believe we are never wrong when we are truly moving in the direction of our alignment and our truth. But also, we have this amazing brain that has built up a lifetime of experience and risk assessment, and can perceive nuance in ways that we're not even calculating. And it's doing all of this for us behind the scenes.

In Malcolm Gladwell’s book, Blink, he tells a story of a museum curator who was looking at a newly acquired piece of artwork, and just knew it was a fake. And this piece of artwork had passed through the buyer, had passed through so many people, I believe. I'm probably not getting all the details of the story right. But the point is that everyone was really surprised about how in the world did this person know it was a fake; it was proved to be a fake.

It was because that person had spent so long living and breathing this artist’s work that his brain could see something that his conscious mind couldn't quite describe. And that is happening for you too, my friend. Just because we can't logic our way into it doesn't mean that it's not the right decision for us.

This is what you need to become comfortable doing. And work with someone who can help you do it and start to pick these things apart and build your self-trust muscles. Because the single most important thing you can develop in your entrepreneurial career is your decision-making ability.

Entrepreneurs listen to their gut. They make quick decisions. If you wait, it's too late. Right? They're moving quickly. And they're going in directions that not everyone else is going. That is where the profit is. Meanwhile, risk averse people, the good employees, are adding up the pros and cons and they are staying accountants or actuaries.

It's just two completely different ways of thinking. And even if that has been your way of thinking, which it is most of our ways of thinking, that is how we're trained to be good adults and good employees. You can retrain your brain. You must shift into a different energy in order to succeed at this gig. It's what you signed up for by being here. It is what you wanted.

Awareness is the first step. Just like when I became aware that I was moving into explaining energy about that podcast interview, right? And then, bringing those hidden insecurities to light. What's really going on that's driving that need to explain?

Because while that thing might feel real, it might also be totally made up. It might be given to you by someone else, or handed down through evolution and an outdated part of your brain. And even if there is some truth, it’s probably over inflated. And in the rare, rare case, where it's not over inflated, it's absolutely true, this is absolutely what will happen, it is still probably so worth it for you to follow your truth.

So, when I felt shame over the podcast thing, there's a hidden thought that “You all won't love me” or something if you came upon that podcast and heard me saying that, or some future client wouldn't.

There's probably perfectionism in there, right? That there's no room for me to make mistakes and still be accepted. And a fear that I'm out of touch and living in a bubble of complete privilege and entitlement, that that's the first thing that would come to my brain.

Now, you can bet that I am going to get some coaching on those things. It doesn't matter if I think I've worked through them before. This is a new level being exposed. And I am willing to do that, because how much cleaner and more authentically human and myself, can I show up when I've worked through them some more? And isn't that my work, to be aligning to my truth and acting on my truth and being okay with my truth?

So, what is your need to explain revealing to you? Is it that you don't really think you're good with business? Is it that you think your offer isn't quite strong enough to stand on its own? Is it that your price isn't really justified? Or is it that your price is too high?

When you do identify the root, you're welcome to continue believing those things, but they're probably not serving you. And there's probably a lot of evidence there to support a completely different story that you are not able to see an access. Because your brain is living and perceiving within the framework of your current beliefs.

What does serve you, and what serves us all, is for you and me and other women to move through the world with a healthy dose of “just because” energy. Tuning into ourselves, trusting ourselves, and boldly making moves as ourselves; no explanation necessary. And of course, supporting our fellow sisters when they do the same.

Okay, everyone, I hope you enjoyed this. Remember, you know who you are. And every day you’re stepping further into what you’re here to create.

Hey, if you're a coach who wants true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Jenna Harrison Jenna Harrison

Ep #43: How to Win at the Game of Entrepreneurship

By celebrating your business's success journey, you are able to employ strategy for the long term. Value-based and solution-oriented businesses are built upon your ability to transform and hold a clear vision.

Episode Summary

Jenna shares the importance of leveraging the long game as an entrepreneur, while expanding on tools for success. 

Join us in the Clarity Accelerator by scheduling a call here.

Enjoy the show? Leave a review to help other like-minded entrepreneurs gain clarity in their businesses.

If you'd like to talk about working together, book a call here.

 

Show Notes

Every business unveils new layers of clarity as it grows and changes. This is part of the game as an entrepreneur. Our businesses are nuanced, ever changing, and have shifting needs.

By celebrating your business's success journey, you are able to employ strategy for the long term. Value-based and solution-oriented businesses are built upon your ability to transform and hold a clear vision.

This week, I break down what being an entrepreneur is all about and why creating a long game strategy is integral to building a strong business. Learn why specific support, powerful community, and playing for the long haul creates results. Discover how to create radical wins for you and your business.

 

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

  • What the difference is between tactics and strategy.

  • The definition of being an entrepreneur.

  • Why your coach is a business expense.

  • How to find the right coach.

  • Why the right community can change everything.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

 

Featured on the Show:

 

Full Episode Transcript:

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Are you focused on a specific problem or obstacle in your business and you know if you can just reach that place or master that skill or overcome that hurdle, then you'll finally be good, or at least a lot better, and you can enjoy success? Well, that might just be the very mindset that keeps you from experiencing the success that you crave and slows down your success journey. So, let's dive into that brain twister.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Hello, and welcome back to The Uncommon Way. I'm so happy to be here with you. I have been guesting on other podcasts and I gotta say it feels different because I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to other people. Right?

But there's one that I wanted to tell you about because I just had so much fun with this host. It's called How I Got Hired, we'll link to it in the show notes. We ended up talking all about my career journey before I started this business, and so I thought it would be fun for some of you to listen to that very, very winding road and that trajectory. So, if you're interested, go check that out.

I was talking to my husband, Ben, the other day, and we get into these conversations where we really start kind of comparing and contrasting how entrepreneurship, and/or coaching, is similar or different than being a soldier, than his military career. There are a lot of interesting parallels. One that was coming up, the last time we talked, was kind of a conversation about tactics versus strategy.

And when you think about tactics, from a military point of view, it's sort of like, okay, we are going to go take that hill. How are we going to take that hill? But when you think about strategy, it's much more long term. For instance, what is our strategy with China? It's not about taking one hill, or accomplishing one small goal, it's really about kind of a very dynamic, ever-changing situation that will involve decades and decades.

I mean, look at Russia, as another example. The Soviet Union may have fallen, but our strategy with Russia continues. When you're thinking about strategy, it's not something that ever ends. There is no end state, you're always looking at the long game.

And I was thinking how much that can apply to entrepreneurship, as well. Because we often get caught thinking, “Well, if I just accomplish this next thing, or I'm just working on building this one skill, and then I'll be good.” But in reality, entrepreneurship is always morphing and changing. Markets are changing. Mores are changing. Ways of doing business are changing. You are changing.

We should delight in this. I mean, we are creating businesses for life. And how boring would it be if we just repeated the same thing over and over and over? And so, this really is how we win at the game of entrepreneurship; we take the long view. That lets us detach from so much emotion in the short term, and it helps us be so much more clearheaded and methodical about what we're building.

So, we're not resisting what is, we're not surprised by obstacles, we're not stopping and starting. Instead, it's the steady march towards mastery. Especially if you think of our souls as here on this earth in order to evolve and in order to learn more and more, then as frustrating as it might feel, the obstacles that we encounter are part of the game.

And there's a part of us, maybe our higher selves out in the ether or some part inside us in our brain, that actually delights in the hero's journey, in the ups and downs, in the fact that we don't have this straight shot, linear progression from where we are to where we want to go.

Humans have always been attracted to this. Of the myths that have survived through millennia, the Mesopotamian myths, they all had this arc of tribulation and then final catharsis and resolution. We are in the middle of this right now, and entrepreneurship is our chosen path.

And when we commit to ever increasing mastery, rather than just trying to put out brush fires, what we do is we enter into the dance of life, not to mention, on the human plane we start taking ourselves seriously. Doctors spend years on their education, and then a lifetime increasing their professional acumen.

Career soldiers do, too. So do so many other professions. Any profession, as a matter of fact, that self-evaluates as a profession rather than a job. And I don't think entrepreneurship should be any different. If you feel more comfortable thinking about your profession, in terms of a coach or a designer, that's fine.

But what goes hand in hand with that is being able to get your message out to the world to help your people find you. And to help create change for them. These are entrepreneurial skills. So, let's see what this looks like in terms of businesses that we can relate to.

I have a client that is stepping up into a new way of doing business, helping her clients on a much, much deeper level, a much broader level. But what that means, as she does that, is that she can't do it all for them anymore, because she's helping them create such a massive transformation. So, it's a whole new ballgame now.

There might have been an older part of her that thought, “Oh, if I can just start doing this, if I could just start selling this offer, then I'll be good.” But it turns out, it's now opened up so many new areas of learning for her, she is in effect learning to coach her clients. And then, needs to develop the whole body of thoughts that coaches have about their clients and their clients results. And in order to help at this level, she also has to bring on new team members, and on and on and on.

Or maybe what's happening is you start to think, “Well, if I could just reach this level,” like a financial goal. I have a client working on creating a 10K day, right now. But the energy for that will be completely different, once we've accomplished that, and then we want to move on to repeated 10K days.

How do I maintain, as my nervous system is starting to freak out and be like, wait a minute, this is actually happening? I'm actually bringing in this money? Is this right for me to be bringing in this money? Is this too much? Will I be able to sustain it? Was that just a fluke? How do I make it my new baseline? It's completely different than creating one 10K day.

Or maybe you'll say, “Well, I've built my business marketing to these types of people, this offer, but now I'm feeling my soul and it's evolving in this different area. I'm just compelled to move in that direction. But now it's like, how do I call them in?”

So, you see why I say clarity is an evolution? That there's always a next level and a next level. And right now, as I'm talking through all this, just take a read on your body. Does it feel like deflated? Will it ever end? Does it feel like a slog? If so, just take a deep breath. That's okay.

It's the natural tendency for our brains to want things to be easy, to want the problems to be over, to want things to be done. It's human biology, but it's also the way we've been trained. Because of modern society we want things fast and quick. And it's harder and harder for our brains to be available for dedication and ongoing effort in the pursuit of mastery.

I thought this was so interesting: I was listening to a parenting podcast and there was a guest, she was talking about how difficult it was to go out to dinner with her children because they would disturb the peace in the restaurant. And the coach was asking her, “Do you remember how you were when you were a child?” And she said, “Yeah, my brother and I we would just color or we’d just sit there quietly, and we'd be really grateful for our spaghetti.”

The coach brought up a really great point. She was saying that yes, now there's so much quick stimulation. Children are so accustomed to okay, now we're going to soccer practice. Now we are getting on the screen, and we have playdates and we're constantly filling our time and being entertained.

And so, to sit at a table, it's very difficult for the brain to accustom to what seems like boredom. Whereas back in the day, we didn't necessarily get all that stimulation. And so, going out to dinner was actually kind of a big deal. Right? We'd be looking around at all the different people. We'd be looking at the fun menu. We'd get crayons and something to color on. We just have to take a beat and realize we are all part of this. And so, nothing's gone wrong if we feel like we'd rather just have some quick hits.

But you don't have to associate this longer-term vision, this march towards mastery, with slog. That is just story that we pile on top. Right? It could also be super fulfilling. It could even be invigorating, in the way that it is calling you to step up to something greater.

I mean, think about all of the ‘ships’, scholarship, leadership. I looked up the meaning of that suffix, and it said, “condition, character, skill”. So, what you're doing when you step into this, is you're cultivating the identity of an entrepreneur, right? We are entrepreneurs, we don't start and stop, right?

We lean into our edge. We take this seriously, with joy and passion. We don't groan about the fact that we have to do all this stuff. We delight that we get to do these things, that we get to learn these things, that we get live this way. We wouldn't want to be anything but entrepreneurs.

So, your feeling of success, your experience of success, comes not from results but from how you show up, and how you choose to think about your experience as you're in the experience of it.

I'll tell you three of the most impactful things that I've ever learned in this game of entrepreneurship. One was, a seven-figure business owner just posing this one question to me: What if you never feel like selling is easy? And that just blew my mind. I had just always taken it for granted that someday, something would click, everything would be figured out. And it would never feel challenging to sell. It would just be this thing that was on autopilot, that I just did over and over and over.

And instead of making it feel difficult, when I realized that may never be the case, that there may always be challenge there, I felt a lot of relief. I was just like, “Oh, thank goodness. There's nothing wrong with me. This is just part of the game and part of the challenge and part of the fun.”

Another one was when I first hit some of my 10K months. I think I'd hit maybe two 10K months. The mastermind that I was in was coming to an end, and I was like, “Okay, peace. I'm done. I got where I needed to go. I'll be fine with just the small business and this quiet life.”

My son was really young, I think he was maybe two or something at the time, maybe less than one. Anyway, you don't care about the details. But anyway, I was feeling still in the new mom stage and I just didn't even envision a large business for myself at that moment.

So, I was like, “I'm good.” And I remember my coach at the time telling me, “Jen, you're just beginning. You're just beginning, not only in terms of the fact that you will want to grow beyond six figures. But also, because it's one thing to have one or two 10K months, it's another to start hitting that consistently and to make that a baseline. You really don't want to step away now, you really want to stay in it.”

I am so grateful for her, because now as a coach, I know that that's a difficult conversation to have with a client. Right? There's a natural human tendency to think that your coach just wants to get paid, wants to keep working with you. But the truth is, you just don't know what you don't know. And I had no idea. I thought the game was over. I thought I'd won. And I had not, by far.

I'm really grateful that I did, again, sign on for… It wasn't six months. It was a year when I was working with that coach. I signed on for another year. So, so grateful I did. At the time, I couldn't even envision though what I would be working on. But I built enough trust with her that I could really take that to heart when she said that.

Okay, the third thing, same coach actually, at a different time though. She was talking about how she considers her expenditures on her own coaching, not as an investment but as an operating expense. And that that is just what she does. That's just the cost of doing business for her. She won't ever stop working with her coaches, and/or a coach. She won't ever stop having business, either.

And that also blew my mind, because I think when I was starting out, I thought of a coach as someone who would help me accelerate my timeline and get me to the level that I wanted to be at, and then I would be done. Again, I've experienced this myself, which is why I can see it in others now.

It really helped me step up to a level of seriousness as a business owner. Not just… And it's so interesting now as I'm saying this, that I use the word “just” because I don't think of it this way anymore, but I definitely did then. And it was “just” a woman who has a business.

Wow, even as I'm talking this through, it really makes no sense to say it out loud. But in my mind, it wasn't a business owner, it was a woman that was happening to earn some money doing her own hustle, her own gig, having her own company. But it wasn't a business owner.

So, when I started thinking of this as part of my operating expense, I just had a completely different self-concept. One example I like to give is of Serena Williams or Michael Jordan, a pro athlete. Athletes don't say, “Okay, I'm going to hire a coach to help me win this tournament, and then I'll be good. I'm done.” Right? They continue to work. They continue to push the limits and see how far they can go.

Or executives, they don't think, “I'll hire this coach to support me through this merger and acquisition phase, and then I'm good.” No, they have a coach who knows them, with whom they’ve built trust, and has helped them create results. And will continue to help them imagine and then step into greater heights.

What we're seeing there is that these high performers, they aren't focused on the short-term problem. They're not starting and stopping. They're not waiting for the next problem to come up before they get the support. They have the ongoing support because they value themselves in that way, and they value where they're going enough. They're not questioning if they deserve a coach.

And they're not letting themselves be run by FOMO, and maybe hopscotching around from trying this to trying this. They may have something that they bring on in tandem. Maybe Serena brings on a coach just to help with her swing, or something. But that's an addition, not a switch.

We did a podcast on this with my client, Ale. It's called “Creating Exponential Results”. We're just talking there about how things start to multiply as you work longer and longer with support, and how everything starts to build upon itself, your results really start to multiply.

I had my first coach for three years, and then I only stopped working with her because she stopped taking on clients; she went to Evergreen. I have now been in the thought work community for three years. So, I'm not just saying this, I actually believe in it, have practiced it, and attribute my success to it.

So, the most important thing that you can do now for your business is to find your home base, right? You want to look for a few key things. One is trust. No ifs, ands, or buts, you have to trust the coach, trust the mentor, trust the process, whatever it is. You want to be able to speak candidly to this person. And you want to feel safe with that person, so that you can receive the guidance that you're paying for.

And next, you want it to be values aligned. You want it to be a system or a process that you can believe in. And something you actually like; you don't want to be fitting a square peg into a round hole.

Number three, this is a big one for me. But you want to look for something that's holistic. Just like when I'm talking to Ben about national strategy, long term, you're not just thinking about the military, that is one small tool. You're thinking about diplomacy. You're thinking about allied partnerships. You're thinking about the commercial sector, on and on, right? And that's the same when you are thinking about your business long term.

Personally, I have felt really hamstrung sometimes in certain communities where they have a certain way of doing things or thinking about things. Maybe it's thought work, and I have a question that comes up that's really much more about energetics. Or I'm in a container that's all mindset, but then I have something that's very tactical. Or I really want to get clear on my copy, for instance, and I just can't do that in that environment, because it's not meant for that.

But you want to put yourself somewhere where nothing is off the table. So, I often say, “I wish that people could start with coaches and then go purchase courses to kind of fill in the gaps.” That's usually not how it works, because we tend to kind of dip our toes in with our investments and start small and then build up.

But really, you can't underestimate the value of a generalist. Now, those are hard to find, right? Because in marketing speak, it's easier to be the hashtag lady or the copy guru. But really, it makes sense that you need the total picture. Someone who can say, “Yep, this is definitely a mindset problem. Okay, now you actually need to be working on this thing. You need this skill. Now it's time to introduce this new tactic.”

So few people do that. It has taken me six years to find a coach that I can really work with, in that way. I've always said that I would love to find a coach who can work with me holistically the way that I work with my clients. We can get down and dirty with copy, and then the next conversation, it's all about energetics.

I need exactly what I give my clients. I need someone who can be that outside objective coach, so that I can also see the things that I can't see when I'm in my own brain, or in my own habits, in my own way of doing things. So, I'm really grateful that I found that for myself.

And the last thing that is critical is community. Finding a community that really support you. Where everyone has each other's best interests at heart. Where people are willing to just hop on the phone call with each other and hash out some idea, or mentor each other through some situation. And being exposed to women who are also highly driven and who are normalized in success.

That is something that I started doing for myself very, very early on in my business. I got myself into those rooms, because you learn so much just by absorbing. And it's such an easy way to learn, because you don't even actively have to do anything. Just being in the room with people who are talking about this, that's one of the effective ways to use our brain’s biology to our advantage. That's one way to let it be very, very easy.

So, back to this long view versus short-term focus. Let me shed a light on what's going on here that is so, so, so powerful. What's happening is when you do that, you're orienting your brain away from the problem and towards the solution.

Instead of “When will I get over this problem of (fill in the blank), imposter syndrome, converting on my sales calls, figuring out who my people really are?” Instead of that problem, you're focused on the 180: How can I create more and more value for my clients? How do we create messaging that resonates so profoundly that when I speak with people, it's a no-brainer connection?

How can I get to know my secret sauce and my mission so unequivocally, and believe my own rightness for this work and these people so profoundly, and be willing to follow my inner calling so devotedly, that the people I'm working with become the obvious reflection of all that self-knowledge?

I can't not work with them. Seriously you all, I can't overstate the importance of this shift. It seems so simple that your brain might just sail right past it. And it might get back to its routine business of spotting problems and reactively solving for problems. That is how we're wired. And that's how we're taught.

But choose to really hear this right now: We've got to become solution oriented, rather than problem oriented. That's manifestation 101, by the way. But it's also Performance Coaching 101, we create what we focus on. And that is so much easier when you take the long-term perspective.

Now, it's a bit of a mental pretzel, because we want to have the skill of evaluating the kinks in our business, and also the kinks in our clients’ lives and businesses, right? The ones that are impeding their results. You've heard me say entrepreneurship is about solving problems. And you've got to understand what problem you're really solving. But that's because people's brains are problem focused. So, you’ve got to speak to that.

But put another way, it's about creating solutions. And for so many of the women I work with, whose work is about transformation; you either help your clients or your clients’ businesses transform in some dramatic way. You're helping create a solution that they may not even immediately be seeking, and might not fully be able to wrap their heads around. Even when they say yes to working with you. They still have no idea what's in store for them.

As you become more aware and focused, keeping your eyes on that prize, staying a step ahead, the more you'll be able to help your clients create it. And the more you'll have a beeline of clients coming to your door.

So, summing up, how are you going to win at the game of entrepreneurship? You're going to stop focusing on trying to take “the hill”. And instead, you're going to get strategic. You'll take the long view, by loving your business for life, and the mastery that you will continue to develop in that business for life.

And from that place, you will take yourself seriously. Just like any pro athlete or top executive, you'll decide that where you're going is important enough that you're done DIY-ing it. You're done with interventions that just solve short term, specific small problems. Really, in the grand scheme of things, they're small problems. And you'll get serious about creating the conditions for yourself that make your dreams inevitable.

All right, my friends. That is it for today. I hope you have a wonderful week, and I can't wait to talk to you next time.

Hey, if you're a coach who wants true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this. Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #42: Time and Money: When to Dial It Back

Making money and building your business does not need to be hard. It is all about identifying your personal needs, business goals, revenue streams, and creating systems that work for you. By identifying our biases, we can ensure that our business planning comes from an authentic place.

Episode Summary

Jenna digs into the balance of time and money when deciding to reduce the earnings of your business. She offers examples of when, and when not, to dial back.

Join us in the Clarity Accelerator by scheduling a call here.

Enjoy the show? Leave a review to help other like-minded entrepreneurs gain clarity in their businesses.

If you'd like to talk about working together, book a call here.

 

Show Notes

Sometimes earning less can actually bring more into your life. However, our subconscious biases can prevent us from choosing business paths like this. When faced with this type of business decision, it is essential to find choice neutrality in order to act with clarity.

Making money and building your business does not need to be hard. It is all about identifying your personal needs, business goals, revenue streams, and creating systems that work for you. By identifying our biases, we can ensure that our business planning comes from an authentic place.

This week, I take a close look at the nuances of your business finances. I discuss moments in my life when I chose to make less money as a strategy to make room for something else. I remind you that your time is temporary, and your long-term value is very different from short-term value. You can have the space, time, and energy to build a company that earns any amount of income you desire with strategy, skill-building, and alignment.

 

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

  • ●       What the Time vs. Money equation is and how to use it.

    ●       How to tap into the cerebral cortex.

    ●       How to know when to dial back your business.

    ●       How to identify skills that allow you to work less and make more.

    ●       What creates money.

    ●       The benefit of working with a coach to identify time use.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

 

Featured on the Show:

 

Full Episode Transcript:

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Are you feeling a tension between, on the one hand really wanting to dial up your business and lean in and go after those big numbers that you know deep down you have the potential of creating? And on the other, this longing that is telling you to just slow down the pace, dial it back?

Maybe because you want to create more intentionality around all the many different aspects of your life. Maybe right now you're at a decision point where you're really thinking through your next immediate goal, or you're really wanting to vision into the future of exactly what kind of business do I even want to create? If so, this episode is for you.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Hello, everyone, welcome back to The Uncommon Way. I’m so happy to be here with you, and have you here with me. I've got to tell you, I mentioned on an earlier episode that I have been working with a pleasure and sex coach. And it has been so fun, in kind of a self-deprecating way. Because it just amazes me how you can do all the work and then you transfer something to a new area of your life, and it's like that all goes out the window.

I remember I was talking with her about a plan going forward. And afterwards I had sent her an email, and I realized everything in it was about my actions and none of it had to do with my thoughts or my feelings or how I was being in that moment. I realized it afterwards, and then that was the exact coaching she gave me.

If you are feeling that as well, in any aspect, maybe you are a coach and now you're just in your business, all up in your action line or thinking that you are kind of taking a couple steps backwards, I just want to say I'm here with you.

It's amazing to see our brains and how quickly they can kind of go back into all of the training that we've received our whole lives, that are actually counter to what we know to be true now on a more intellectual level. So, just today, we had a Clarity Collective call. And one of the clients there was talking about how we were talking about receiving; that was the workshop we were doing; being able to receive.

She was saying how sometimes someone will come up to her, or a specific person, and say, “I'm so proud of you.” And yet, depending on the state she is in, she may receive that completely differently. Right? She may think that that person’s saying that just as a pick-me-up, or it's just sort of a platitude. Whereas, when she's really dropped in, in a different state, she just receives that so fully and knows that it's coming from complete love. Same person, same exact words, totally different experience.

So, that kind of ties into what we're talking about today. We're going to be talking about how to make decisions about your financial goals that actually serve you. And when I say you, I mean the total person; you and your business, and not just financial goals. But how you want to be in your business. And sometimes that is going to mean choosing to earn less than you could on purpose. How to really dial back your business on purpose.

That might mean working less, it might mean setting a lower goal, it could mean a lot of things. But it's really the opposite of what we are also programmed to do, which is go-go-go, bigger, bigger, higher, higher, faster, faster. Which, of course, I love on so many levels. But sometimes it's just not serving us in that moment. So, we will be talking about the time versus money equation.

We'll be reframing several of the most pervasive and unhelpful stories that cloud decision making around this topic. And I'm also going to share how I, and my clients too, really best move through grounded decisions in this realm and in every realm. We'll be talking about when to dial back your business, when you don't want to set a goal of dialing back your business, and then what ends up happening afterwards.

Now, this is a topic that I am very, very comfortable discussing with my clients. So, it makes me different, I know, than some business coaches. Because this business game is not all about the money. I know for so many of us, if it were just about the money, we would have stayed in corporate. And starting a business, it was really about something else.

Yes, yes, we know that there's the potential to earn even more than in corporate. But really, we knew that we would be creating something, our expression in the world, and achieving a lifestyle that we could really only dream about in corporate.

Throughout the course of my business, I have personally chosen to earn less, before, on purpose so I've definitely walked that talk. I'll tell you more about that later. I've counseled certain clients to earn less. I've really seen how that has played out for them, and when it works, and doesn't work.

So, before we go into it, just to clarify, I love money. I think it is a great for goal setting. It's a great reflection of your business acumen, your beliefs, your ability to receive. And it's really, really important for women to have more of it, and to feel comfortable earning more of it.

But it's not everything. It's a part of the whole. And I think it's also important, before we really move into the meat of this episode, is can we just reduce the charge around these topics a little bit? Let's take a deep breath here, and strategic pauses like these are critical. We've got to recognize how charged these topics are, money and time. Ooph, right?

They trigger all of our scarcity, which feels like panic in the body. And remember, a part of your brain believes that your survival is in jeopardy when you think about not having enough money or not having enough time. That is not truth. Right? But that's what it can feel like.

So, when you're thinking about your business and not earning enough, or will I earn enough? And how exhausting will it be to get there? And also, is that really the life I want to live? What does that mean about me? Would I be a better person if I did it another way? Am I self-sabotaging through this decision? And how will this affect my loved ones, now and down the road?

When you're thinking all of that, and you start to feel that nervous system activation, just remind yourself that you're reacting to deeply patterned stories, not reality. Most of us are not in the dire circumstances that our brain and body think in that moment. So, deep breath, right?

We want to think through these things with the part of our brains that have access to our highest reasoning and creativity. That's our cerebral cortex, of course. And our cerebral cortex gets accessed through calm, calculating, sufficient, grounded energy, right? We want to be there as we clean out all the gunk and stories that are getting in the way of our best decisions.

You've got to weed out your unconscious biases in order to make clean decisions. And you'll want to stay there, in order to get to a place of choice neutrality. So, I've talked about that on the podcast episode called, “Should I Say Yes or Should I Say No?” That is an episode on intuition, it talks more about this process. So, you're getting to choice neutrality. And then from there, you're diving deeper into your intuitive knowing or your guidance from your higher self, whatever you prefer to call it.

I think it's also really helpful to remember that these do not have to be lifelong decisions. You are the CEO of your life. Your decisions, therefore, span the time that you desire. We're always evolving, so you can build safety by saying, “I will reconsider this on such-and-such a date.” And just grounding into whatever you do or don't do, you'll be okay. Right? You're either winning or learning, so your past will always serve you if you let it.

Yeah, you know, the truth is, you might earn a little less money when you didn't need to earn less money, or it may take a little longer when it didn't need to have taken longer, but you'll live. We're okay.

Okay, let's talk about when to choose on purpose to dial back your business, maybe not to earn more. That might be if you're pivoting your business. Not always, but it is possible that as you change your niche or you change your offer or you change something, there will be a lag in momentum before you catch up to where you were. Or you'll plateau rather than grow.

Now again, I've had clients that have shifted their niches or completely changed their business, and because it has been so aligned for them, they have actually earned more rather than less. But as I talked about, in the is your business outgrown podcast, you always, if you are pivoting, you want to pivot from a place of, ‘I'm willing to do this, even though this is so right for me. That I'll do it, even if…’ as opposed to, ‘I'm pivoting so that I can make more.’

You might want to dial back when you know that that is your growth edge. Right? Maybe you are so conditioned with the hustle, and your own worthiness is so tied to how much you're earning or how hard you're working, that you realize this is becoming a problem for you.

And that was my story. At one point, I specifically decided to go off of social and just stop earning for a while, so I thought. That's not exactly what happened. But to kind of just continue with the clients that I had, maybe some referral business, and really focus on other parts of my life at the moment. And I figured out for myself, at least, that I didn't just want to theorize about detaching my sense of worthiness from this, I actually wanted to experience it.

I had experienced not earning money in the past, when I first got married and we were living overseas. And because, of course, my husband is a soldier and could work overseas, but I couldn't. And that felt wildly uncomfortable. But the whole time I was there, I really had just so much negative self-talk about what that meant about me to not be contributing my share or carrying my own weight or to be dependent on my spouse.

And so, even though I was experiencing that in my head, it wasn't the outcome of detachment that I wanted. I got to a point later, where I realized that I wanted to experience that again, and really dive in to unpacking all of that in the moment. So, not something that I would recommend to everyone necessarily, but something that you need to be okay with, decisions like these, as you're walking your own uncommon way.

If this is resonating, like you're feeling a little prick of, ‘maybe that's me,’ you might want to listen to the uncommon goals podcast that I did. Sometimes it talks about how what you know you really need to do to get to your next level does not look like a typical, logical business goal or a smart goal, in any way, shape, or form.

Again, you may choose not to grow when you're prioritizing a new thing in your business. Like, you are preparing to scale or you are really building out your team. I have a client right now, thinking through all of this.

We're just taking some time to really think into how beneficial it can actually be for her to give herself that mental space to build these new skills. And to create a business that can support her. A business that can support not just her but so many more clients, and set her up for the lifestyle that she wants in the future.

Usually when you're here, it looks more like keep doing what works, as you're building in these new things. But even though that's what we see from the outside, so often, to us it feels like we're dialing back; that is how we talk about it. If you look at all of your language, it's because you're not going after that next bigger goal, that means you're not doing anything at all. Which is not the case usually. It really means you're maintaining this foundation of stability, of what works, as you're layering on something new.

Another moment when this might be the right choice for you, is when you have something outside of business that you're prioritizing. Like, I choose to end my workday at three o'clock to be with my son. I have clients who have another business that they own, and that, combined with their lifestyle, just means that they're very comfortable having a pace that isn't there full out, let-me-just-knock-this-out-of-the-park pace. Right? And they're doing that on purpose, for the long game.

I have another client who doesn't want to work above a certain number of hours, and others who, I mean, life just gets in the way. I have a client right now who is expecting and just had a really, really terrible case of morning sickness. And when life happens, you want to get really clear on what are you making it mean about you?

What are you making it mean about business? Are you loving yourself into the decision? Or are you believing that you're a person who can't have personal events and a business; it has to be either/or? Are you making it mean that your business only happens and revenue only comes in when you are doing it and when you are making it happen?

That has certainly not been the case for me. Usually, when I'm on vacation is when I get the biggest influx of clients. But the really critical thing to understand when you're making this kind of decision, is that it is temporary. Right? So, the amount of time that you work does not determine the amount you can earn over time. Because time is not what creates money.

I know that's a brain teaser. Time does not create money. Effort does not create money. Your brain creates money through the value it creates the creativity you can access, the savvy that you can wield. Through its openness to receiving and receiving with ease, through your energetic alignment.

It may be that you're dialing back to, for instance, a fewer number of hours worked per week. But do not make the mistake of making that mean that that decision has anything to do with your long-term earning potential. That decision may have an effect on your short-term earning potential. Because you have the current brain that you have at this moment, that only knows how to create money in this way.

And so, when you're curtailing those efforts, or that routine that you've established, you may see different results. But over time, what you're learning to do is you're learning to create the value, even with the time constraint.

So, this is one of the biggest conversations I have with my clients, right? They perceive that they're making big lifestyle choices for the rest of their lives. They'll say, “I don't want to earn more than a six-figure business because I don't want to work that much. And that's just reflecting their deep belief that anything over six figures requires an inordinate amount of work. And then that skews all of their decisions.

They decide not to shoot for seven figures because they don't want to exhaust themselves. But that's like saying, “I don't want a latte because I don't like dairy.” Okay, so get a dairy-free latte. That's the problem. The only reason that curtailing your hours might equal less income right now, or curtailing your effort or whatever you're deciding to curtail, the reason that it might mean that right now, is because you haven't yet figured out or built the skills to support you earning more, while doing less.

And so, in entrepreneurship there usually is a time - money trade off, especially in the first years when you're figuring that out. And there are pros and cons with working more during that period, and working less during that period.

So, working more can be really amazing, right? It builds your capacity, and really helps you see what you're capable of. It helps you develop the discipline so that you can actually start focusing in and directing your brain.

It helps you build skills in a shorter period of time because you are doing more, and through repetition you're able to condense the time it takes you to do those things. It helps you manage your mind around the thoughts that, “This is hard. I can't do this. This is overwhelming. This is interfering with my life.” Because there's always the circumstance of what exactly is going on in your life, as if we were newspaper reporters taking an account, or maybe police officers taking an account of the facts.

But then, there are all the thoughts that your mind piles on top of that, that actually makes your experience so much worse. And when we can learn to write when we are experiencing it and we're really feeling it, that's when we can gain awareness and expose what was there and start doing the work to untangle all of those little ties that will only hold us back in the future.

But working less can be amazing, also. That can help you develop presence and prioritizing. It can create beautiful memories, obviously, with your family or with your travels, or it can help you celebrate on a new level. I think that's also an overlooked reason why some of us may choose to dial back our business temporarily. So often, we can do it unconsciously after we've reached a new level, we can plateau there, and we haven't quite adjusted to this new person.

So, why not do it intentionally? Why not celebrate periods of rest in our business, a seasonality in our business? And really thinking through like what are the effects of grounding into this new level? How will it serve me in the future?

If you've read Gay Hendricks book The Big Leap, he's a huge proponent of religious grounding. Taking that moment, or even longer than a moment, to really ground in to the pleasure and the expansiveness so that we can increase our muscle for receiving more.

So now, let's talk about when we wouldn't want to dial back. And everything I'm about to talk about is why I really recommend talking your decisions through, and your goals, until you become very adept at tuning into your own intuition with a very clean mind. You really want to talk it over with someone who is familiar with the ways that you tend to hold yourself back. Or that maybe entrepreneurs hold themselves back.

So, that could be a coach, a friend, mentor, a partner. Someone who can keep their personal biases out of it as much as possible, and really help you see your brain in a really objective light.

Because we're all living as if we're in the ocean of possibilities. And we can look around and we can see all of these potentials for ourselves. But what's really happening is that we are in a fishbowl, inside the ocean. So, it seems like we have all of these different choices we could make, but because of the way our beliefs are constructed, those things actually frame our decisions and our ideas.

If you believe that earning twice as much means working twice as hard, and you're already feeling at your limit, it might sound logical, and it might feel really right to you. Your ears might be really perking up right now, with the podcast, with everything I just said in the last section. You might have been like, “Yeah, that's a great reason to dial it back. That's a great reason to dial it back.”

But that little perk of excitement, it doesn't mean that it's the optimal path for you. Maybe doubling your rates would be the simplest solution, right? And that would help counteract this bias that you have that says that the only way you earn more is to work more. That's just one example, there are many ways.

But if someone has this core belief that you've got to work double as hard to earn double as much money, then you're not even going to consider the simple solution of doubling your rates. And when you're already feeling like you're at your limit, that just seems impossible. And so, your brain looks for any out that it can find. Any great logical reason not to go forward and lean into your business.

What I also see people doing is really reacting to an emotion of some sort, and they don't recognize it in the moment. I can only recognize this in others because I've done it myself. So, this happens to me all the time. I remember once I was really anxious to build out my group program, and so I wanted to move straight into that.

But that decision was based on me reacting to the feeling that I didn't like that my business was taking so long to build out and to scale. It wasn't because that was actually the right decision at the time. The right decision at the time was, which thankfully I got coached on, was actually to start building out my ideas about how this group program would go, and to practice group coaching, and to practice building this process before.

Again, not the right decision for everyone. You don't just want to plug-and-play someone else's. But for me, at that moment, that was the right thing. And when I was able to really get quiet and grounded into myself and listen to my higher self or my future self talking to me about this, I could see that so clearly.

I remember I had a client also, that had had a history of burnout in the past. And so, everything that we ever talked through was always couched in this idea that she might burn out again. The fear of that created so many decisions for her that were unconscious. And even with a smaller amount of work time, she would start to feel these feelings of overwhelm and of it being too much and believing that she didn't have the capacity to handle that.

When really, when you're in flow, the fact that you're doing something, it's not a problem. Those are the times where you could just work for 12 hours. Maybe not everyone works for 12 hours, but we've all experienced periods of flow, where you don't even realize the time has passed. And usually that's because you're doing something that you believe is not taxing to you.

I often like to think, “Okay, I have these 10 hours in a day. How do I want to fill them? Is it really more exhausting for me to sit at my desk than it is to sit in front of the TV watching Netflix,” for instance? No, if I weren't doing this right now, I'd be doing something else. And so, I'm choosing to do this. And I'm choosing not to focus on the fact that I've previously, in this day, already done six hours or eight hours of this. It doesn't matter.

I still can be in this moment thinking, “Oh, well, I might as well be here as anywhere else. Right? This is a great thing to do with my time.” And that's not just about slapping the happy sticker on it and ignoring your real feelings. It's about creating that emotional maturity and detachment, to not buy into the stories of yours, and to just look at and say, “Is that really true?”

Because so much of what we're doing or not doing comes from avoidance, avoiding the work of managing your brain, right? Avoiding maybe being visible; you don't want to be visible. Or you don't really want clients. Or maybe even not wanting to earn that much. Maybe there's stories there about what it means to be someone who earns that much. Maybe that makes you a bad mom. Or maybe you're just avoiding your capacity and greatness.

Thinking of yourself in that way, in the way that your inner visionary wants to see you, is actually threatening to a part of you. So naturally, a lot of time my clients are exactly the opposite. They default into doing, doing, doing, rather than into not doing; but not always. And sometimes we go back and forth. I know I do.

So okay, you've made the decision, you're actually dialing back your business, let's talk about what happens then. There are really two possibilities: One is that you earn less than you could have, but you gain in wisdom, in memories, in life satisfaction, if you're doing the work. If you're doing the work to really be mindful and really enjoy it. If you're doing the work to, for instance, if you were doing this because of a growth edge of yours, if you're really mining that experience for everything.

Just imagine how differently I am in my business now, versus a time when every little fluctuation in income, I took it as a direct report of my worth. And all the drama and ups and downs of that, and how that affected my ability to go forward. I can so clearly remember. Yeah, it was spring, and I was walking along the stream near my house on a beautiful spring day, which already feels like too good, in a sense.

And I remember I hadn't brought in any money, and I wasn't doing anything about it. I wasn't going on to social, I wasn't hustling up the clients. I'm being supported by a man. And I remember slowly walking along that stream in the sun, and thinking, “Even though, I am still such a worthy and valuable human.” I can be worthy and valuable, even as all of these things are happening that a certain part of my brain tells me I should feel guilty about.

As I was able to detach and detangle, now I get to just show up from a completely different place. My business has gone back to being the expression, the plaything, the give, the game, that I want it to be. Rather than the reflection of my worth, as a woman, or as a person.

These are the priceless changes in your life that you take a few months to work through. And again, it doesn't always have to be when you've stepped outside your business. But it can be you are the CEO and get to make these decisions. And these are the gifts that just keep giving. This is why, for all of you coaches out there, really putting a value on your work is very, very difficult and intangible.

And whatever number you have in your head, that's just your number, it doesn't really mean anything. Because even a 1% shift, over the course of your client’s lifetime, could mean a world of difference, and could ripple into so many areas of their life.

But let's talk about something else that can happen. You can end up earning more. Now, sometimes that's because some people can't stick to their goal of working less, it brings up too much stuff. I've been there, too. Are you noticing a common theme here? It's that I have been through every single one of these scenarios. And so, I can talk about them.

So, this is sort of a negative result. Because you decide to dial your business back, you feel so much overwhelming shame because of it, that then you double-down and you create even bigger results. But they're really driven from a place that is not sustainable for you, and not the way you want to be living.

And those are the things that lead to so much burnout and dissatisfaction and detachment from the Self. You are not in a place where you're picking up on signs and really stepping into your alignment, when you're in that headspace.

But sometimes, when we're working less, and you continue to dial it back, or again, whatever that means to you, you end up earning more. You end up releasing your attachment, and that so often can just amplify our receiving. You're releasing all the pressure, and so you just show up differently.

You have the space to really access creativity, and downloads. The kinds of things where people say, “Oh my gosh, that is so brilliant! How did you think of that?” You have the space to think strategically. I can't stress what a moneymaker that is. You're thinking about the levers that really will drive your business forward. You're developing the practice, over time, of working smarter, not harder.

When you're giving yourself that constraint and you start seeing what you can let go of, a lot of times those are tasks in your business. But a lot of times, they are thoughts that don't serve you. For instance, that this needs to be perfect, that this needs to be A+ work rather than B- work. And you start to follow your intuitive guidance, really getting into flow. And those are where the synergies come along that make no logical sense whatsoever.

And then, your problem is that you'll have to do the work of how can this be happening? This is too good. But the big takeaway is that working less does not mean earning less. Definitely true in the long run, sometimes true in the short run.

So, to sum this all up, this is always the umbrella process where your cleanest, most ideal, maybe even divinely guided solution, it's you clear out the interference from your biases, so that you have that true self-knowledge. And you move into choice neutrality, right? How could this be great? How could the other thing also be great?

And then you employ your practice for accessing your intuition, or your highest wisdom, the guidance. And then once you have your decision, you do the beautiful dance between unattachment and desire, while at the same time opening to receiving. Because aligned decisions create your best results, period, always. Even if they don't at first look the way you expect it. Alignment is the assignment.

And that is how you develop the habit of having your own back, or you start trusting yourself. You start trusting your decisions, other people start trusting your decisions. Also, your intuition speaks louder to you because it knows you're listening. And finally, you move forward in true power without mental gunk, right?

You become this badass, unstoppable force, walking your own uncommon path and making some unexpected or uncommon decisions that others can't always understand right away. And that's okay. They don't need to, it's your decision.

The world changes when we have more women stepping into this, stepping into power, into confidence, into self-trust. Which is why it is just such a gift to me, right? It's such a gift to help women transition into that and support you all. Not just with business strategies, you know I love that. Or life coaching, and you know I love breaking down limiting beliefs. But also helping you tune into your energetic alignment, where your soul is wanting to go.

Business strategies plus the mental game plus the energetics, in my experience, you need all three for the business that supports your best life. So many times, when that wasn't available to me, I'd be in a program that was either all about strategy and tactics, or all about mindset, or all about woo.

And I felt like, but what about this other thing? I would want to bring that up in coaching. Oh, but what about this? And I knew that it would make no sense to talk about that in that context. I'd always be like, “Oh, I feel like there's this other thing, though. I feel like there's something else.” And if you're tuning into this podcast, it's probably because you feel drawn to that total picture, and the whole selves too.

And I love having you here. I'm also really delighted with the delicious thought of where we'll be able to go, with how far we can take this, when we work together even more closely. And you have full access to the entire Clarity Accelerator process. The same one which each of the clients that I've interviewed on this podcast has used to transform their own business, and reach their new heights professionally and personally. And we'd love to welcome you in there, too.

I always get excited when I think about the very next person that's going to be joining us. I do believe I have a superpower of attracting the best people. And I know a lot of you have told me, after listening to people on the podcast, they just sound so fun. Or this person sounds amazing. And I agree. It is great to be in a room like that. With those women where anything goes, no subject is off the table. And we can talk about it and support each other on all of those topics.

All right, my friends, that is it for today. Such a pleasure, as always.

And remember, deep down, you know who you are. And, each day, you're stepping further into what you are here to create.

Hey, if you're a coach who wants true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this. Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #41: Really Loving Your Offer with Dr. Georgeanne Freeman

We dive deep into the topics of vibrance, beauty, hormones, and thriving beyond our thirties. Dr. Freeman shares her passion for helping women rediscover their vitality and live their best lives.

Episode Summary

This week Jenna and Dr. Georgeanne Freeman break down Dr. Georgeanne’s offer of using mindset and medicine to transform life for women over 40 who feel old, tired or over the hill … but don’t need to.

Join us in the Clarity Accelerator by scheduling a call here.

Enjoy the show? Leave a review to help other like-minded entrepreneurs gain clarity in their businesses.

If you'd like to talk about working together, book a call here.

 

Show Notes

We explore the exciting and transformative process of aging with Dr. Georgeanne Freeman, an experienced family medicine practitioner and coach specializing in women's health. A self-identified Latina, Texan, and free-spirited hippie, Dr. Freeman is a trailblazer who left the corporate medical world to help women reconnect with their vibrant selves using a holistic approach that combines mindset and medicine.

In this episode, we dive deep into the topics of vibrance, beauty, hormones, and thriving beyond our thirties. Dr. Freeman shares her passion for helping women rediscover their vitality and live their best lives. We also discuss how Dr. Freeman discovered her perfect offer for her clients through a journey of self-reflection, patience, and coaching.

Don't miss this opportunity to learn from Dr. Freeman's expertise and experience. Join us as we explore the possibilities and potential of aging with excitement and joy.

 

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

  • The key difference between attracting people who want what you have versus need it.

  • Strategies for overcoming doubt and confidently owning your offer.

  • Understanding the concept of red ocean versus blue ocean strategy for business success.

  • The importance of patience and time in developing a successful offer.

  • Essential conditions and factors for achieving clarity in your offer.

  • How to evaluate your offer to determine its true value.

  • The potential role of hormone therapy in supporting your journey.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

 

Featured on the Show:

 

Full Episode Transcript:

DOWNLOAD TRANSCRIPT PDF

Today I’ve got two really important topics for you blended into one episode. So on the one hand we’re going to be talking about loving your offer. Like really believing in your bones that what you are offering the world is what you want to be offering, what you should be offering, is exactly the right offer for your people, it’s a steal for them. That it’s perfectly fit to them and you’re bringing in the people that you want to bring in. And that you or your company is the right service provider with the best solution for them.

And even though sometimes we look at other people and think, “Well obviously they have a great offer or obviously they were qualified to do this thing, we can have a lot of doubts about our own offer. And so today we will be talking with my guest about what goes into actually building those kinds of thoughts around your own offer.

And we’re also going to be talking about the process of aging for women and how all of us, even over 40, should be feeling like we’re 35. And my client, Dr. Georgeanne Freeman, believes that this is true for everyone.

Now, Georgeanne helps her clients do this through a multi-pronged approach that includes both medical and mindset interventions. So, that being said, we’ve got a lot of information in this episode today and I hope that it serves you well.

You’re listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here’s your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Jenna: Hey, everyone, welcome back to the uncommon way. I am really excited today to bring to you my friend and client, Dr. Georgeanne Freeman. If you’re a woman, you need to listen to this episode. And if you’re a man, you’ll probably want to listen to this episode because it’s going to affect women you know in your life, either your family or your partner if you’re hetero, and you’ll probably want to pass this information on.

So without further ado, I am going to bring on my guest who is not only going to talk about how things have changed in her business since working together, but also give you so much information about women’s health and aging and longevity. You are going to love it. So, Georgeanne, thank you for coming on.

Georgeanne: Oh, you’re welcome. It’s my supreme pleasure.

Jenna: So I really want to start kind of like I did with Lindy, where I let people get to know you a little first before we jump into all the business part. So I would love for you to just tell us a little bit about where you grew up, what you liked doing, some of your interests. And then a little bit about your career progression up until you started incorporating coaching into your business.

Georgeanne: Yeah, thanks. I identify with three cultures. My mother was raised in Peru, so I have a little bit of Latina. I grew up in Houston, Texas, so I’m a United States citizen, but in Texas we just consider ourselves Texans. And then I would say because I was born in 1965, I definitely got caught up in the hippie movement.

Jenna: Nice.

Georgeanne: So I’m a Latina, Texas hippie.

Jenna: Hippie. So good, so good. And so growing up, what did you like to do? Who are you?

Georgeanne: Yeah, I always liked to move my body. I like to ride my bicycle. I grew up surfing here on the coast of Texas and swimming. Being outside, being in the sunshine always brought me so much joy. My father was a surgeon and I didn’t think that I would be a doctor because it looked like really bad hours and he was grumpy a lot.

But somehow I found my way to family medicine. So I did end up going to medical school. I didn’t make that decision though, until after I graduated from undergrad.

Jenna: Oh, okay, interesting. And weren’t you, I think, up in Oregon for a while and you were moving around into the great American heartland? I remember you were a local doctor. Tell us all things.

Georgeanne: Yeah, you have a really good memory. I left Texas as soon as I could, moved up to Oregon. Really good decision making out there, by the way. I had seen a picture book in the library of these waterfalls and very green plants and trees, which is a great reason to move halfway across the United States, right?

Jenna: Yeah.

Georgeanne: So I moved up to Oregon. Love, love, love it. Still have a love affair with the Pacific Northwest. I went to a small private college up there, Lewis And Clark, and I got really into nature up there. We had a college outdoors program and we used to sea kayak around the islands off the coast of Washington and Canada and camp on these remote islands. And I had never done anything like that growing up in Texas, so that really spoke to my hippie heart. That was super fun.

And then I did end up going to medical school in Des Moines, Iowa. I don’t have anything negative to say about Iowa. It’s not a place I’ll probably ever go back and visit. I think I got a really good education, but I’m not a Midwest girl. That’s one thing I’m not.

And then after that I did my residency up in Seattle, because I had to go back to the Pacific Northwest, and that was super fun. And then I was a National Health Service Corps scholar. And for those of y’all who may not know what that is, it’s kind of like the Peace Corps. It’s a program we have in the United States where the federal government pays for some of the medical tuition, which is very, very expensive, to go to med school if you will serve in an underserved area.

And the Ozark Mountains are certainly underserved. Most doctors don’t want to go there, so that’s how I ended up in the Ozarks. And my husband and I lived there for eight years. I was a country doctor, literally made house calls on horseback.

Jenna: Oh my gosh.

Georgeanne: Yes, I did trade chickens for health care.

Jenna: Medical services. Oh my gosh, I love it. See, I knew I couldn’t remember exactly what the details were, but I knew we had to fit this in to really paint the full picture. So, so, so fun because nowadays you are living a super glam lifestyle in Austin, Texas, right?

Georgeanne: It’s true.

Jenna: And so you kind of look the part of the established doctor who has her own practice, by the way. You know what? Speaking of the uncommon way, I never know where these podcasts are going to go, but now I’m seeing a theme here. And it’s really how you were able, you did decide to make these unconventional choices early on.

And when I met you, I remember that I was working with some other doctors and they really strongly felt these golden handcuffs to stay within the system that they were in. And when you came to work with me, you had already left that.

And not only did you have your own practice, but you came to me saying, “Hey, I’ve decided I’m no longer taking insurance.” And I remember there were so many women that were really inspired by that.

Georgeanne: Yeah, thanks to coaching. Thanks to getting in my brain and tapping into my natural essence, which is someone who’s courageous and not afraid to make a change. I can definitely see, I see it in my colleagues all the time. But it’s just a thought that they have to stay anywhere, right?

It’s just a thought that you have to stay in a marriage that maybe isn’t serving you anymore. Just a thought that because you’re a doctor, you have to stay in that job. But I had done that thought work and let go of those ideas.

That said, the first several months of working with you got me to the next level of that, which is I can quit taking insurance. And I can also start to consider letting go of the doctor being 80 plus percent of my identity.

Jenna: Yeah. Yeah.

Georgeanne: So I think it’s really a continue on this whole golden handcuffs thing that doctors have.

Jenna: Yeah. So I really wanted to bring you on because you said something the other day on a call about loving your offer. And I knew that we had to double click on that and let everyone know what that feels like and what you went through to get there. But before we go there, let’s just talk about what was going on with you when you first came to work with me.

Georgeanne: I think when I first came to work with you I hadn’t really quit insurance yet, right? That was like right before?

Jenna: You had already planned to, you were going to be transitioning, I remember.

Georgeanne: Okay. Yeah, so I had planned to let go of insurance, but I hadn’t done it yet. And you talk about jumping off the high dive, I had a lot of fear. I had a lot of trepidation. But I also was willing to fail.

Jenna: Yeah, and I remember you were already bringing coaching into your practice significantly, right? You found that so much of your time was spent coaching clients or that you couldn’t get people the kind of results that you wanted without incorporating coaching. Tell us about that.

Georgeanne: Yeah, it’s true. Jenna, I’m not exaggerating when I say that coaching is the most powerful medicine that I have encountered in my career. And for those of y’all listening, I know I’m not wearing any makeup today, and that was intentional.

I like to tell my medical students that I was born in 1883. I’m not actually that old, but I am 57. I’ve been a doctor literally since the last century. And this is the most powerful medicine that I’ve come across. And yeah, I just noticed just this desire to turn people on to learning about their brain so they could have a freer life.

And when you do that, your health, it falls like dominoes. Like health improves, people need less medication. I mean, I’m all in for that, right?

Jenna: Yes, yes. And I think one of the things going on, I remember now when you came to me, was that you really wanted to build your practice in a way and call in the right people, right? But you weren’t 100% clear on who those right people were because that’s kind of what happens when you’re a very skilled family practice doctor and a skilled coach that can kind of help anyone with anything. It’s like, okay, the whole world is out there, who do I help, right?

Georgeanne: Yeah, and you gave me some clarity. When I say some clarity, I felt like I had no clarity. You’re reminding me, I remember feeling just so scattered and all over the place. And I remember you telling me, well, that you realized at some point that you could make soap. And you thought about being a soap maker, but you didn’t end up being a soap maker.

And you said just because you can do something and you might be really good at it, doesn’t mean you need to do that. And yes, I was calling in patients, I was attracting people who needed me. And you said, “What would it feel like to attract people who want what you have to give them?” And I still just, like it feels so warm and gooey and good when I remember attract people who want what I have to offer. Not the needy energy.

Jenna: Yes, yes, yes. And I remember you were thinking about working with high powered executive men. You did really well, you had a client, I think fairly early on in our time. And you really enjoyed coaching him, right? And there were all different types of people that you could coach. Do you remember that as well?

Georgeanne: Absolutely.

Jenna: It’s funny to look back on, because now you are so obviously doing what you need to be doing, and we’ll segue into that. But isn’t that interesting to think back on how that did not seem clear when we first started working together?

Georgeanne: No, I had no clarity when we started.

Jenna: Yes. Yes, yes. So you came into the Clarity Accelerator and you started asking these questions of yourself and really going back through your mission. And I think let’s talk about that because I don’t, on this podcast, I haven’t been having my guests speak to their mission specifically. And we all take it for granted now that we’ve done this work, how it really leads to so many of our other decisions.

But if you haven’t done that for yourself, you may not see the connection or even see how it’s important or how it’s a priority right now in your business to get this all aligned and tightened up.

So thinking back when we were doing that original work there was a story you had about being in a medical office or something and getting chastised. You remember what I’m talking about?

Georgeanne: I sure do it.

Jenna: You had been doing exercises or swimming or something?

Georgeanne: Yeah, when I was a rural doctor in the Ozarks, the hospital that employed me periodically, I had to leave my rural bucolic Hamlet and go to the town, Springfield, Missouri, and have a meeting with the manager types. You know, the administrators. And I had driven a good three hours and it was an all-day thing, it started at 8am.

So I was already kind of tired from the drive and then you’re expected to sit in this conference room around a table for eight hours. And about an hour in I was getting groggy and tired and my body felt kind of stiff. And so I stood up. I wasn’t in front of people, there was no stage, it was a round table.

I thought I was being quiet and discreet, and I just stepped to a corner of the room and gently started doing some stretching exercises. And I saw one of my colleagues who’s an older doctor, practiced with me in the little town where I was. And I saw him looking at me and kind of motioning for me to sit down, which I did.

And then later, when we broke for lunch he just chastised me. And then when we got back to our little town he was the medical director of our clinic. And he made a disciplinary action against me.

Jenna: Was that because of the bathing suit or because of that event?

Georgeanne: Okay, that was a different day, sorry.

Jenna: Okay.

Georgeanne: And then I was already on a disciplinary warning for being disruptive in a meeting, for doing the stretching. And then, I mean, it was less than a month later I had done - Not unusual for me, as you all now know I grew up swimming and I’m kinetic and I do like to move my body. So I had gone out for a swim at lunch.

My colleagues are sitting around drinking their sodas and eating their processed foods and I went out for a swim and came back and had my bathing suit hanging up on a hanger to dry in my little cubicle. And the same guy, this older doctor said, “So what the hell are you doing with that bathing suit there?”

And it wasn’t like a racy bikini, trust me. This was like a lap swimming, matronly, bathing suit. I said, “Well, I’m hanging it up to dry.” He said, “Well, what’s that doing? It can’t be in your cubicle.” And I said, “Gosh, I don’t know why you’re all worked up. It’s not like patients come back here.”

And anyway, his feathers were just super ruffled about that. And he put me on a disciplinary action for that too. And I just started seeing that corporate medicine might not be a good fit for me anymore.

Jenna: It might not be a good fit, yeah. And when we really dug down into the why of that and connected the dots to other memories that were sort of similar in your life, I remember what we got to was that you really wanted to be free to be who you are. And that later on, it was really about remembering that, right?

You’d always been the athlete. You wanted to be the role model, the athletic person who goes for a swim or moves her body rather than grabbing a soda, right? And those tied into so many other memories that you had also, were the times that you felt the most alive and the most activated were when you were remembering who you are and just absolutely being yourself.

So let’s talk about how that ties into your current clients. What’s going on with them? Who do you help?

Georgeanne: So I help women over 40 who feel like they’re tired. They feel like they’re old and they don’t need to because we have these modern tools of medicine and mindset now, and I just help women remember how they felt in their 30s.

Jenna: Yeah.

Georgeanne: It’s really easy. And I wish more women knew how easy and how accessible this is.

Jenna: Wow. Yeah, I don’t know of any woman over 40 that’s thinking, “I should feel like I’m 35.” That’s just not what we’re taught to think, right?

Georgeanne: Right.

Jenna: Yeah, and so you’re 57.

Georgeanne: 57.

Jenna: You’re 57 and you feel great.

Georgeanne: I feel like I’m 35.

Jenna: Yeah.

Georgeanne: And in some ways, I feel better than I did when I was 35. I would say physically I feel about the same. But with coaching, so I’ve had a life coach for four years, I’ve had you for over a year, my brain keeps getting more clear.

Jenna: Yes.

Georgeanne: And I keep feeling better mentally and emotionally, which then expresses itself. My experience physically is about age 35, but people who’ve known me for years, just keep telling me how much younger I keep getting. And that’s the brain work.

Jenna: Amazing. Yeah, because I know several times where you’ve, as we’ve been building your offer and your messaging, you’ll talk about how people stop you and they’ll just say, “You are so radiant. What do you do?”

Georgeanne: Yeah.

Jenna: And then you need to explain to them that, yeah, there’s medical, right, some medical interventions that we can do, but so much of it also is the mind.

Georgeanne: Yeah, it’s more mind than it is medical. And I’m learning that more and more. We have these aging institutes now who are doing these really exciting studies. The Paul Glynn Institute at Harvard has a really exciting database where they collate studies from all over the world, mostly Scandinavia, because they have a socialized health care system.

They get to collate data, they don’t need the permission of their patients. So we get a lot of information from them. And they’re aging so well in general in Scandinavia. So now we’re learning that it is more mindset than just genetics.

Jenna: Wow. Wow.

Georgeanne: Yeah.

Jenna: And then you also do help some women with hormone therapy as well, right?

Georgeanne: Yes, absolutely.

Jenna: I think we need to talk about that because there’s a lot of stigma around using hormone therapy. So can you just give us like a three minutes or so, five minute opinion?

Georgeanne: Yeah, absolutely. So when I was going through medical school it was verboten to prescribe hormones because the Women’s Health Initiative study was just coming out churning data on thousands of nurses who were now turning over 40. And there was a higher incidence of heart attack and stroke.

But as the data kept churning, what scientists figured out is that it was the synthetic estrogen and synthetic progesterone that could lead to an increased risk of heart attacks and strokes in some women. Now, years later, decades later, we have more data on risk stratifying who those women are, and now we have bioidentical estrogen, bioidentical progesterone.

Bioidentical means plant derived. So the old synthetic hormones that could be harmful were from synthetic sources, not plant based natural sources. So the estrogen and progesterone that we have today, totally different than what we had before.

Testosterone has always been an option, but wasn’t really looked at very much in women, now it has. So now we get to treat women safely with all the hormones that might be needed. And most women do feel a whole lot better on one, two or three of these hormones. So yeah, that’s the medical part that’s very powerful.

Jenna: Yeah. So there’s the feeling better. There’s the, obviously, like alleviating hot flashes and the “reasons” that we normally hear people talk about going on hormones. But then isn’t there a whole – This is what I’ve learned from you now, so it’s like we need to share this. Isn’t there a whole branch of medicine that is actually talking about how hormones are beneficial to us? So it’s not just about alleviating symptoms, it has to do with longevity, right? Tell us.

Georgeanne: Yes, it absolutely has to do with longevity. So the average lifespan of women worldwide right now is 76.

Jenna: Yeah.

Georgeanne: In 1950 it was 49. So if we graph that out, you and I, I know you’re younger than I am, but people in their 40s and 50s who have access to good, clean water and food, we’re actually tracking to live well into our one hundreds. I’m talking about 120s, 130s. So if we’re going to live longer, most people, if not all people, don’t want to live a longer life just to live a longer life. As long as we feel good, it’s okay to live longer, right?

So more and more we’re learning that hormones do help with that longevity, not just to increase the amount of time that we’re on the planet. In fact, I don’t know that that’s a correlation at all, but to feel better as we age. And we know that hormones are very good for our skin, for balancing cholesterol. There is some evidence of cardio protective, so decreasing the risk in some people of having a heart attack or a stroke. Improving cognition, especially testosterone.

Just clearing the brain fog that women get when we’re perimenopausal or menopausal. And also for men going through andropause, which is male menopause when they get that low testosterone.

Jenna: Oh, so fascinating. And what happens when women do start the hormones but they don’t do the coaching? They don’t have the mindset.

Georgeanne: Then they’re probably going to look younger. They’re physically probably going to feel better. They’re going to feel a little bit better mentally and emotionally, but on a scale of one to 10, I think medicine can get you to about a four. But I think if you add coaching, you’re going to get to a nine or a 10.

Jenna: Oh my gosh, that’s so good because let’s just talk about it. I mean, we’ve all been conditioned to believe that at a certain age we’re over the hill. We’re no longer relevant. I mean, tell me some of the things that you hear from your clients.

Georgeanne: For sure. So in my three cultures Latina, Texan, and hippie.

Jenna: And hippie, I love that.

Georgeanne: The thinking, the zeitgeist in general, is that women over 40 are over the hill. So, of course, women come to me and they feel tired and they feel old. And I get to say, “Well, that is reversible. We can reverse that.”

Jenna: Yeah.

Georgeanne: Starting with there is no hill.

Jenna: Yeah. So what are some of the other things? I mean, obviously, I know that it’s so mind breaking for your clients when they do hear your thoughts about longevity and how long we’ll be around, right? Because I too, I hear a lot of people saying things like, “Well, I don’t know if it’s worthwhile to pivot my business at this point, or start another business at this point.” And I’m like, you’re going to be alive for another 80 years probably, come on.

Georgeanne: Right. Yeah.

Jenna: But people are thinking, we have it in our minds that retirement age is 65 and after that nothing really counts for the next 10 or 15 years until we croak, basically, right? It’s crazy.

Georgeanne: Yeah.

Jenna: Rather than, oh no, honey, strap in, it’s going to be a while. So what else? So I know that’s a big mental shift. Knowing that hormones maybe are not evil is a big mental shift. Knowing that coaching is actually so important, and is so much more of the game than even the physical aspect. What are some of the other things that surprise your clients?

Georgeanne: It surprises them to learn that genetics doesn’t determine the outcome. And a lot of the people I coach are female doctors, and they’re still teaching in a lot of medical schools that how your mother and how your grandmother went through menopause is how you’re going to go through menopause.

That’s what scientists thought 20 years ago. But we now know that that’s not true. And I love your thought, and I agree with you completely, that at some point these coaching concepts have just got to be taught in school. Because we’re born with these superconductor brains, and then we don’t get a manual on how to use it.

Jenna: Yeah. Right.

Georgeanne: But coaching teaches you how your brain works. And then you can use that superconductor.

Jenna: Right, you can be the leader of your brain, instead of just getting whipped about by this brain that’s having thoughts based on evolution from hundreds of thousands of years ago. Yeah.

Georgeanne: Yeah.

Jenna: So what about the topic of beauty and sexuality? Because I know, right, if I were hearing someone, before all the time that I’d spent working with you, who said, “Yes, you can live longer and yes, you can feel better, but don’t worry, honey, you’re not over the hill.” I’d be like, “Yeah, maybe I’m feeling okay and I’m going to live longer. But come on, I’m not 30 anymore.” Right? But that’s a mindset.

So talk to us about beauty and attractiveness and zhuzh really. Because that is what, like if people could see you visually right now, right? That is something that it’s just like you just come into the room, you command the presence, people are stopping you talking about how radiant you are. You just have a sashay, right? You own the place. And yeah, tell us about that. Tell us about being 35 when you’re 57.

Georgeanne: Yeah, so I am grateful that I feel beautiful every day. I feel so juicy. I feel desirable. I feel sexy. Not every minute of every day, but in general I do. And that even more so than my experience of being in my mid 30s.

So it also is probably not going to be a surprise that I date a man much younger than myself, and that’s because energetically I feel so much younger and I look younger. So that’s where my alignment is. And people do stop us on the street sometimes and ask about that, which is really funny. I think he gets a big kick out of that.

Jenna: Okay, so I just have to stop you again. This is another of my memories coming up now. And people learn through storytelling, the things that people will remember are the stories. So I just want to share, obviously, this has stuck with me, maybe it’ll stick with someone else.

But you were telling me about a conversation you were having with a very well-known coach, who now is actually kind of known or famous for dating younger men. But back then she wasn’t. And she was just in awe of you dating someone younger. And didn’t she say something like but don’t you feel uncomfortable around him or getting naked in front of him or something, right? And what was your response?

Georgeanne: Yeah, I can take full credit for her turnaround because she just got – At first she was just, “What?” And then you could see she got super fascinated and then she got curious and she kept just poking me and pushing me like, yeah, but when you get naked in front of him, don’t you think, “Oh my God,” because he’s probably been naked with women in their 20s and maybe at most 30 years old?

And I just thought, gosh, no, I don’t have that thought at all, but I’m so comfortable in my own skin.

Jenna: Because he was always ripping your clothes off anyway, that’s what you told me.

Georgeanne: I know, yeah.

Jenna: You were like, “He’s always ripping my clothes off anyway, so he must like it.”

Georgeanne: I’m like, “Dude, I wear all this sexy lingerie.” He’s like, “It’s just in the way. Don’t even bother.”

Jenna: So fun. So fun. Good. Okay, so this is what I wanted to get across, right? I really wanted people to feel this energy, rather than kind of the sterile aspect of, “Take these medicines and then your whatever levels will increase and blah, blah, blah,” right? I wanted them to feel this, which is so fun, right, and so important. It just makes you feel like I’ve got so much longer, right? Let me go have fun with it and conquer the world.

But what we haven’t talked about yet is the reason I wanted you on this podcast for anyone that is thinking about their own clarity journey. And I’m just going to read the thing you said. We were on a group call and you said this, and I’m like, “Oh my gosh, you have to come on to the podcast, because this is so important.” So I’m going to read it, okay?

You said, okay, so you were talking about a client that you’d had a call with. And you didn’t know if this person was going to say yes or no. And yet you felt totally confident about not being tied to the outcome, right? And that is juicy enough, because a lot of people are not there. So we can talk about that in a sec.

But then you said, “You know what? When I listen and look back to our first calls and my journals, one of the growths that feels the best is that I know the value of what I have to offer, and it is so good. And there are more women over 40 who want what I have to offer than I could ever help.”

Georgeanne: That’s right.

Jenna: Now let’s break that down, Georgeanne, because I remember when you and I were looking at Geraldine once, and I’ve had Geraldine on the podcast. And she helps people move into digital mindfulness and really break the addictive habits that they have with their phones and digital devices.

And when she was talking about this niche and how much that aligned with her and her mission, she was feeling hesitant because this is what the brain does, right? Would anyone actually want that? And you and I were like, “Hello, the entire planet could use that help.” It was so obvious to us.

And so I have a feeling that some people now listening to this will be like, “Well, Georgeanne just tapped into this great niche. Of course, all women over 40 want this.” But let’s just rewind and talk about kind of some of your doubts in the beginning and then how you’ve moved through it.

Georgeanne: Yeah, so I started getting online and I saw that I wasn’t the only doctor counseling women for hormones. I wasn’t the only doctor coaching women over 40. And I felt like it was a red sea, but you explained to me the blue sea. I didn’t know those terms yet. For your listeners, if you don’t know about that, you can ask Jenna about the red sea and the blue sea. It’s a super fascinating concept.

Jenna: Red ocean and blue ocean.

Georgeanne: Sorry, red ocean and blue ocean.

Jenna: Yeah, and it’s a term coined by Russell Brunson to talk about markets that are really crowded and over saturated versus ones that have a lot of room and so you can pretty much name your price and have a waitlist or out the door. Which, of course, are the offers that we want to create, right? We want to create really unique, one of a kind offers so that people are like, obviously, I need to work with you. Rather than let me compare and contrast between these 50 people because they all sound the same.

Georgeanne: Yeah, yeah. And I think once someone does the work, like you’re so good about getting us to just back and then back and then back like, and who were you in your childhood? Like figuring out what your secret sauce is.

When you do that work and you build that foundation, when you get to the universe revealing to you, as she revealed to me what my gift is, then you stand in confidence with your offer. Because you’re not just trying to pick something out of thin air and then trying to hustle it or trying to sell it. You just have this confidence.

I have this confidence, oh yeah. What I have to offer is something probably every woman over 40 wants, certainly the majority of women over 40. More women than I could ever have the time and resources to help.

Jenna: Yeah, yeah.

Georgeanne: This is so good.

Jenna: And that work of really tying it in and seeing the trajectory of our lives and the things that we do that we take for granted and that people just absolutely love and want to hear. That work itself, it’s really only a couple of weeks or so, right? In the Clarity Accelerator it’s only a few weeks. But then our brain encounters reality and it comes up with all of these other, but if, but maybe not, but what about, right? And that is really what we coach through.

It’s helping you come back and realign to it. And I think that is what you’ve done so well. Because when you talk about this offer, it sounds like you’ve never had doubts about it. But you and I know that that wasn’t true, right?

Georgeanne: Oh yeah, so many doubts along the way. Well, who am I to tell other women, right? Well, all this information is accessible, why would someone pay me to give them this information? Anyone could figure this out.

Jenna: Yes.

Georgeanne: I had so many doubts along the way.

Jenna: Yeah, and would people even want it? I remember that was a big one, too.

Georgeanne: Yeah.

Jenna: Which is hard to imagine now. But really, would people really want this? Would they even want coaching?

Georgeanne: Yeah.

Jenna: Now compare that, contrast that, fast forward to you showing up on a group call and being like, “I did it. I got my whole process down. I wrote out my whole group program. I have the worksheets. I have everything.” Do you remember that?

Georgeanne: I do. It felt like it was overnight. It felt like it was immediate, but what you and I both know is that it takes time for that to come. Just like I think I likened it at the time to being a doctor, it takes years of study, years of practice, and then you have this product. So you do have to put in the time and the work.

Jenna: Yeah. And for us it wasn’t years, but it was you really doing the work to build your beliefs and question all of your thoughts and your inner critic, and build that body of thoughts that allowed you to then create this product, right?

Georgeanne: Mm-hmm.

Jenna: Because I think that’s what people don’t understand, like if you are really doubting yourself and doubting if people want it and doubting if you’re the one to deliver it, and if you’re ready yet to create it, and all the things that can come in, right? You don’t just sit down and create this thing and say, “This is it, this is exactly what they need. I’m so excited to share this.”

Georgeanne: Yeah.

Jenna: And I remember on that call then I was asking you what were the conditions that allowed you to create it, right? Not just so that you can replicate it, but so that everyone in the group can also learn from it and hear you say it, because there are thoughts, there is what kind of state were you in? Who were you being on that day to create that creative flow? And what we were really thinking about, right?

Because our brain can go and concentrate on whatever it wants to, right? But when we’re directing it to just we’ve been spending a lot of time in these kinds of thoughts, that’s when it finally allows that creativity to come through, I believe.

Georgeanne: Absolutely.

Jenna: Yeah. So now just tell us why you think this offer is so great. And I just want all of you listening to just kind of compare yourself. Do you feel as strongly about your offer as Georgeanne feels about hers? And just kind of watch and listen to the texture of her energy as she talks about it.

Georgeanne: So this has been my journey, and I’m well over 40. I’m 57. So I’m just tickled at what I know and what I can impart to other women. And I feel like I’m the one. I’m the one to lead or guide women into how to age, how to have this longevity. And then you have it, how to feel juicy, sparkly good about it. How to feel beautiful going through it and less of a drag. I just like to take the drag out of it for women.

Jenna: For sure, for sure. And then I love that it’s not just because you’re a doctor. Because there are how many doctors that may have access to this information? But that doesn’t mean that they’re the right ones to be leading this group of women through this because it’s about you having really, really experienced it and really understanding on a deep, deep emotional level what it means to really remember who you are.

Georgeanne: That’s right. And I asked that question, well, how come every doctor doesn’t do this, doesn’t quit taking insurance? Because it’s obviously so much better not doing that. You have all this time with your patients and I have more time for myself. And you said, and you’re so right, that doctors are walking around with human brains also.

Jenna: Yes.

Georgeanne: But I just decided I wanted a different way, I wanted a better way. And so I was willing to step out of that paradigm and learn some new things.

Jenna: And do the thought work and hire the coach and make it happen.

Georgeanne: That’s right.

Jenna: Yeah, Georgeanne, keep going because I know this will be interesting for people. So just tell us about, you know, maybe it’s a great offer that you like giving, but why do you really deep down believe that it’s the best thing for your people, right? And why is the value, I know that’s a big sticking point for a lot of people, like why is the value the right price for them?

Georgeanne: Because I can’t even put a monetary value on how much better women feel when they do my program.

Jenna: Yeah, and it’ll last for life.

Georgeanne: And it lasts for life. I tell them, “I’m giving you these worksheets. I’m giving you these handouts. I’m showing you these ways to think. And if I get hit by a truck tomorrow, you’re still going to know how you can feel better as you age.”

Jenna: Right. Right. If I teach you these key concepts that you need to understand about the brain and about your body and about how a lot of things we’ve been taught to think just aren’t true.

Georgeanne: Yeah.

Jenna: Oh my gosh, that’s so good. That’s so good. And why is the way that you’ve laid it out, the actual program and process so good for your people?

Georgeanne: Because it has been my journey as well. And with you, we have scoured the top 10 roadblocks for women feeling younger and rediscovering that. Whether it’s their perfectionism, their thoughts about their body, we go through all those and there’s a worksheet for anything that could be an obstacle for someone. And I teach them how to figure that out. I mean, that’s what coaching is.

Jenna: And right now they have access to you too, right, as a coach?

Georgeanne: Yes.

Jenna: So they get to apply all of this stuff in the abstract. They get to say, but what about my specific circumstance? How does that apply to me? And then you are right there to coach them.

Georgeanne: And then as you know, things always come up.

Jenna: Yes.

Georgeanne: Like my dad unexpectedly died when I very first started with you. And you were so beautiful and showed up so well for me during that time. I was coaching a woman not too long ago, she mostly came to me for this perimenopause, menopausal weight, which is often the thing that is so uncomfortable for women that they won’t seek help for. Came to me for weight, and two or three weeks in realized that she was losing her mind over becoming an empty nester.

Well, when you have a coach in place, it doesn’t matter what comes at you in life, your coach is going to hold your hand and guide you through that with the same concepts, regardless of what the “thing” is in life that’s happening. These concepts work for anything. And so you just get to show them how, for their individual situation, “Look I’m going to help you feel better through this”.

Not feel better toxic positivity, but how to get through it in a way that is healthier than you would without a coach.

Jenna: Yeah. So do you think, I mean, tell us about what you’ve seen with your clients so far in terms of their transformation.

Georgeanne: I love to use this example of someone who is currently my client, who came to me for weight. She started losing the weight, we added some hormones in. And then when it was time for her to consider continuing her coaching with me I asked, “Is there anything else you would like help on?”

And she looked at the floor, I had already been coaching her for probably seven or eight months. I always knew her to wear a ball cap. She was a woman who you could tell could be beautiful, and probably was beautiful at one time, but was definitely hiding from the world. And she looked at the ground and she said, “Well, you’ve shown me things that are possible that I wasn’t sure were possible before. So I’m just going to ask this. Is it possible for me to feel beautiful again?”

And we both got a little teary. And I said, “Yes.” And of course because I could see the diamond in the rough, she wanted to feel it, but she couldn’t see it. So I get to hold space for her. And I still get chills thinking about her.

And then there was this time where I was preparing for her visit. And I was going to ask her to remove her ballcap. This was going to be a very, very dramatic thing, right?

Jenna: Yes, yes.

Georgeanne: So I’m sitting there, she comes into the office, no ballcap. This beautiful head of hair was just thick and luscious and shiny and she had combed it. And I just laughed. We got into the room and I said, “Well, talk about earning bonus points, you’re ahead of your teacher. You’re already onto me, I was going to ask you to move the ballcap.”

And she said, “Yeah, it’s funny. I just quit wearing the ballcap one day. I just got up and I was like, okay, well, we’ll let’s go on to the next then.”

Jenna: Oh, I love it.

Georgeanne: And now she feels beautiful. I’ll ask her, “Do you feel beautiful?” She says, “I feel beautiful. Not all the time, but sometimes. More often as time passes.” So, whoa.

Jenna: Yeah, and that’s about retraining your brain to believe that more and more often.

Georgeanne: Absolutely.

Jenna: Oh my gosh, I just love the symbolism of the ball cap because I think all of us, as women, there are so many times in our life where we do want to hide for whatever reason. Where it is comfortable to just be small and not be seen and blend in. And we all know that. It’s that quintessential scene in the movie where the woman has the bun, you know, the librarian or something. And she just shakes her hair free, and where she just opens herself up to being seen by the world.

Georgeanne: Yeah.

Jenna: And here’s your client, just taking off her ballcap. That’s so symbolic. And so beautiful. I love it. And I know exactly what you mean, obviously, when my clients come in and they’re like, “Do you think maybe I could...” And I’m like, “Yes, absolutely. I see that for you.” Right?

And that’s the beauty of being a coach, is that you can hold space for that transformation long before your clients really believe in it themselves. And then help accelerate the journey for them, of course. So good.

Georgeanne: And it’s really fun when men recommend their wives, or their sisters, or their mothers to me, because they tell me, like they’re kind of like, “I see this woman, she’s so beautiful. But I can see that she doesn’t feel it anymore.”

Jenna: Oh, that’s so sad.

Georgeanne: And I’m like, “Yeah, bring her in, let’s have a call.”

Jenna: Yes, yes, yes. When everyone around you sees it in you, but you just can’t see it in yourself. Oh my gosh, I have not even really thought about the parallels in our work, but they’re so glaringly apparent, right? Because I’m helping people with their secret sauce.

And it’s so apparent, I’ve told stories about how I’d have this client and she was saying, “Well, I don’t know if I should just teach this course about LinkedIn, or if I should do like high-end art collection with private clients.” And she was like lounging on this divan with beautiful art surrounding her just looking like a queen. It was so easily obvious, you could just see that this is not normal. This is her, this is so distinctly just how she is.

And another client I remember that wasn’t sure about is she the one or does she really want to help people lose their inhibitions? And why would they come to her? And she would come to calls, I swear in her underwear. And she would just be dancing around on lives and everything, like very uninhibited.

And these are the things we don’t see in ourselves, but everyone around us can see it. And when we can start to correlate – I think on Kerry’s podcast she mentioned this. Like if I can just start to see, if I can start to close that gap between what others see in me and what I see in myself, right? And we can really own that, right, women will change the world.

Georgeanne: Yes.

Jenna: I mean, things would be so different. I love it. I love this vision of all of these very confident, very sexy women over 40 walking around the world with your help.

Georgeanne: Yes.

Jenna: So good. All right. And on that we will close.

Georgeanne: Thank you, it’s always so fun to interact with you in any way, Jenna. Thank you for having me on today.

Jenna: That’s so great, thank you for coming on. This is going to be really helpful for a lot of people to see how you have done this for yourself. And anyone that thinks, “I want to feel this way about my offer,” you can.

Georgeanne: Yeah.

Jenna: All right. Bye, my friend.

Georgeanne: Bye, everybody. I hope you have a great and juicy day.

Jenna: And something that I did not mention when we were in the interview and it just hit me like a light bulb later, I never mentioned that I too am on hormone therapy. And I think that is really important. How did I not mention that when we were talking?

I think it’s really important to let you know that, so that regardless of the decisions you make for yourself, we can at least normalize all the different decisions available to us.

And so I’ve worked with people that have said that none of us should be experiencing perimenopausal symptoms if we were living right and eating right. And I’ve worked with other people that would think that actually, even if you’re not experiencing dire symptoms of any kind, it still might be the right decision for you to get some hormonal support for a lot of the reasons that we talked about in this episode.

And so women don’t really talk about this. And I think it would be really great if we did, and if it were completely normalized and we were making our decisions purely based on what was right for us, rather than a lot of fear or stories or shoulds and shouldn’ts and what does this mean about me that can come up with a lot of our healthcare decisions.

Hey, if you’re a coach who wants true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I’ll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this. Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you’ll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can’t wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #40: Uncommon Perspective: Business Investments

Investing in education and mentorship is essential to grow, expand, and thrive in business. But women are often told that we should be careful with money, or that we can’t be trusted with money.

Episode Summary

In this episode, Jenna shares the investment opportunities that have made the most impactful changes to her business. 

Join us in the Clarity Accelerator by scheduling a call here.

Enjoy the show? Leave a review to help other likeminded entrepreneurs gain clarity in their businesses.

If you'd like to talk about working together, book a call here.

 

Show Notes

Investing in education and mentorship is essential to grow, expand, and thrive in business. But women are often told that we should be careful with money, or that we can’t be trusted with money.

This pervasive scarcity mentality can trigger an agitated nervous system response. We delay, we say no, we experience shame and fear that holds us back. We have a belief that we won’t actually accomplish our goals, pay off debt, or build our business fast enough, so we wait for an existential crisis before investing in ourselves.

This week I share my uncommon investment experiences. I share how I relate to my body, use my tools, leverage desire, and how to learn from past experiences. Where there is a will there's a way. Hear how to make the decision to invest in your business for yourself and lean into where your soul seeks to grow.

 

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

  • Why investing in a business is not the same as consumer purchases.

  • Why an agitated nervous system doesn't mean it’s a bad business plan.

  • What the opportunity cost of time is.

  • The power of consistently accomplishing goals.

  • The difference between what I want and what I need while investing.

  • The power of tuning into where my soul wants to go.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

 

Featured on the Show:

 

Full Episode Transcript:

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What if you never again based your business investment decisions on whether or not you had to do that thing in order for your business to be successful? What if you never made the decisions based on money or whether you deserved it or not? And what if you never again bounced back and forth between ‘should I’ and ‘shouldn’t I’? Today, we're talking about an uncommon way of investing.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Hey, everyone, welcome back to The Uncommon Way. We are in full cherry blossom season here in Pennsylvania, right now. And it's something that I really, really came to appreciate when we lived in Japan, because there it’s a very deep ritual viewing the cherry blossoms.

It's all about the fleetingness of life and the cyclical nature of the environment and really honoring beauty and just kind of the “is” of it all in that moment. Like, it just “is”. It's, I guess, a mindfulness practice. And people, they go out and celebrate with picnics and walks and viewings, it's an event.

So, ever since I've been completely enamored with cherry blossoms. I even have this coin purse that I carry, and it has a little cherry blossom that dangles from it. And it's just a reminder to me to be in the moment. I love it. So, that is the surrounding as I sit down now to record this.

I teased this episode a while back. I had just invested with a new coach and I said I'd be creating an episode about investing, since I noticed myself doing it differently than most people around me. And since then, something else has happened. My coach just announced that for her next round of this mastermind, and I assume I'll be working with her again, because I do like to work with people for a long time.

But she said that it's now going to be a year long and a $50,000 investment pay in advance. Which means, I now have an extra $25,000 in business expenses that I need to pay this year that I was not anticipating, which is perfect timing for this episode. Because it puts me right back with a lot of my listeners. I'm noticing a bunch of thoughts coming up, and I've been observing how I talk to myself about them, so that now I can present it all to you in real time. And then hopefully serve you in some way.

I know for me, it's always been so helpful to have others talking openly about these topics. Because that's a big part of me then being able to reshape my own thoughts and beliefs. And there's a part of me that says, “Every business coach on the planet has done an episode on investing, do we need another episode on investing?”

I just know that for me, it was really helpful to hear it from different people in different ways, and maybe even hear it over and over again even if I'd heard it before. I'd want to tune in to someone else's just to really shore up my beliefs or help that really land more in my body. So, here I am doing my part.

I think it is such an important topic for women to think about; any entrepreneur to think about, but especially women. I just think that I've taken it a little further than many other people are talking about. So, I want to share this radical view of investing with you in case it serves. And, by the way, throughout the episode, if I say something like, “In the beginning or earlier in your journey,” I mean newer to investing with coaches. I don't mean new to business.

Because you might remember from… For instance, I had a podcast episode with Lindy, and she talked about how she's at seven figures, but had never invested in coaching before. So, there are a lot of people out there like that. That are doing really well in their business, but the thought of investing in this way, with coaching, feels very, I don't know, dangerous.

It's really because of what's considered normal and acceptable in our society. You know, many of us have invested hundreds of thousands in a house. Maybe hundreds of thousands in an education. Maybe even close to $100,000 in a car, who knows. But there's a big warning signal that rises up in our minds when we're making a decision about education or mentorship for ourselves.

And especially for women, it can feel like we're doing something very selfish or foolhardy. So first, let's just neutralize that shame a little bit. Let's just bring that down a notch. Because investing in a business is not the same as consumer purchases. Right?

When you invest in your brain, it's not the same as investing in a car that depreciates as soon as you drive it off the lot, or a fountain for your front yard. I’ve got to laugh because I heard someone say that a long time ago, I don't remember who it was, and it just stuck with me. It just makes me laugh, even though I don't know anyone that has a fountain in their front yard.

But I just imagine some big white monstrosity, like in the movie, My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Have you guys seen that? It just makes me smile to myself. So, I keep reminding myself, “I'm not buying a fountain for my front yard.” No offense to anyone that has a fountain in their front yard, of course.

So, back to the story. Almost all companies do this, they all invest in the beginning. Why? Because it's a smart business move. You are leveraging current capital in exchange for a little less capital in the future having to pay back the interest or whatever. Or maybe you're paying a percentage of your business, if you bring on an investor and you give them a percentage of your business.

But you make so, so, so much more than if you hadn't borrowed the money in the first place and if you hadn't made the investment. But we don't think that way for our own businesses. For some reason, we treat it like some indulgent luxury, or some guilty secret that proves that we weren't smart enough to do it on our own.

And to think that you'd hold back on getting support and knowledge until you can do the thing that you don't know how to do yet, is really ludicrous, right? In my opinion, it comes from a combination of three very strong conditionings that we have been brought up with. We were brought up in scarcity. We're brought up in patriarchy. And we are brought up being told that debt specifically is bad.

So, we're being brought up with debt shame. I grew up with a dad who was a lot older than my mom, and he had grown up right after the depression, so he lived in a lot of fear about financial cataclysm, I guess, and a lot of distrust of institutions. And was just really always counting pennies, and being very, very careful with money.

And of course, then we learned, and I know that a lot of you can relate, then we learned that that is the responsible way to be or that is the best way to be. And we just start modeling that behavior. And really all of us grew up in a very different time when business usually required a large capital investment, and tons of sweat equity. Right?

And it wasn't always impossible; the quintessential immigrant story about coming with nothing and then living out the American dream. There are always these spots of possibility. But really, it wasn't something that a lot of people were doing. And it definitely wasn't something that people felt comfortable doing. It hasn't been that long since we lived in a society where you would just work 30 years, then get your pension and just rely on someone else to take care of you.

And even now, most of us in this world still think the safest way to be is to be receiving a paycheck from somebody else, which I strongly disagree with. Of course, we're all brought up being told that there's not enough money to go around, that money doesn't grow on trees. And especially in this country, that you have to be really careful with your money, or really terrible things could happen to you. You could really end up in a bad situation.

And then you layer on to that the patriarchy, which tells us that women are bad with money. Even though women are shown to actually be better with money in many studies. From an early age in math class, when little girls are not called upon as often as little boys to answer math questions. And when we're receiving all of the input about what women are and are not good at all the way up to later in life, we internalize a belief that we can't be trusted to make sound business decisions.

And then with debt shame, we all know about the very vocal and well-respected financial planners that have very large platforms talking about how bad debt is, and that the only acceptable debt is a mortgage. And so many people could dispute that, even that a mortgage is even something that you would necessarily want.

But basically, the message is, “Look, you either save in advance for that thing, or you don't buy the thing.” And that's where that belief comes from, with so many people who are thinking, “Well, I need to earn the money before I can make this business investment.” Even though, again, how are you supposed to save the money when you don't know how to earn the money?

But even when we understand this at a logical level, we understand, “Yeah, that's true, women are brought up to think this. And we all do operate in this scarcity mentality. And yeah, of course, people are talking about how debt is bad. And we have to remember that business debt is not like consumer debt.”

Even when you have that level of cognitive awareness, it doesn't change the fact that your body may have a really strong reaction to risk and discomfort, and that your mind is being triggered by all sorts of things going on all the time.

So, that is one important thing, I think, that separates me from others. Which is, I'm not surprised by that. I don't wait and expect myself to feel settled before taking action. I don't make an agitated nervous system mean that this is a bad business investment. I just make it mean that my nervous system is activated.

Now, I used to make it mean something terrible. I've told the story before on the podcast, about the first time I interviewed with a coach and I said yes to her on the phone, but then just felt so, so sick to my stomach. I actually wrote her back and said, “You know what? I think I'm just getting this feeling; I can't understand it, I can't describe it. But something is just telling me, I really shouldn't do this right now.” And she was like, “Whoa, whoa, okay. That's fine, whatever.”

But now, in hindsight, it's so clear to me that that feeling was really about my own personal shame about making this investment for myself. And I didn't, wasn't able to separate that out at the time. And even before that, I waited for four years on Marie Forleo's list before I ever invested in her business program.

And so, I think that just can really show you where I was at mentally, and how anything that I'm saying in this episode, it does not come from a place of judgment. I've been there, and perhaps in a more exaggerated way than you. But those experiences they really served me, right? Because I felt the pain of those six or so years. And the four years of waiting to even start the business. And then the couple years of kind of dilly dallying around with “Is this a real business?”

Pain can be a great teacher. Right? I felt the pain of no progress or snail like progress. I felt the pain of the ‘what ifs’. I felt the pain of not believing in myself. I felt the pain of watching others succeed more quickly. You know how rich I'd be right now if I'd started my business six years sooner? It would make my business twice as old as it is now.

But we don't think about that when we're making those decisions. Right? It has been demonstrated in countless economic studies, and my degree is in economics, so I knew this, but my brain helped me forget that I knew this when it was applicable to me.

The brain’s short sightedness with financial decisions is very well documented. It has been proven again and again, that when you add in the factor of time, we tend to not have the capacity to effectively employ logic. And that goes for men and women, too. So, we delay our decisions, because we think, “Okay, well, maybe I won't make any money from this investment. Maybe I'll just make, I don't know, $15,000 from this investment this year.”

And that spread, somewhere between maybe $0 and let's say $10,000, or whatever, it's just not enough to incentivize you to push past the fear, to move you into action.

So, we end up thinking, “Well, okay, now's not the right time. I'll just make that next year instead. It's not that big a deal. It's just this year versus next year, a few thousand dollars. It's okay. And especially, because maybe I won't even need to make the investment then, maybe I'll get there on my own. And then yeay, for me, because I've saved $2,000 or $5,000, or $25,000, or whatever.”

But what we don't realize is the opportunity cost of that time, right? So, we think we're saving $2,000, but we're actually costing ourselves a lot of money by waiting a year; business growth tends to accelerate over time. So, five years from now, you may, in that year jump from $500,000 in revenue to seven figures in revenue. Meaning that if you're a year behind, you just lost out on that difference, which is $500,000.

When people are evaluating an investment in the Clarity Accelerator, for instance, and they're like, “Well, I'll just wait six months or a year or something, to invest that money because I really don't like debt. I'm just totally anti-debt. I'm just totally anti-debt. I just want to work and pay off my credit cards for a bit so I can feel better when I invest again. I want to save the money up first.” That is very short-term thinking.

If I went to any financial advisor on Wall Street and said, “I know of an opportunity to invest a few thousand today and make $500,000 in five years. Do you want in?” People would be lining up around the block. None of them would be like, “Nah, I don't want to borrow that money and have to pay back interest. Yuck. I'd rather save the hundreds that I'll spend on interest now, and I'll give up that hundred thousands I'll gain in five years.”

People just don't like the feeling of carrying debt. Maybe their daddy told them that they were a better person if they didn't have debt. So, rather than feel worse in the short term, but then, really fucking amazing a few years from now, they're like, “Nah, I just want to feel really good right now.” Even though we don't feel really good, right? Because our brain’s doing the ‘what ifs’ and feeling frustrated in the business and all the things.

And so, here's where we draw out the true belief that is keeping us from taking action. And the true belief usually is, we don't fully believe in our capacity to get that return on investment. Right? Our brains go to, “We're the financial advisor evaluating this decision,” saying, “Yeah, show me the proof. Show me the proof that you're going to have$ 500,000 in five years.”

And that's natural. It is very hard for our brains to believe in something that we haven't personally experienced. Which is why, if you don't know how to build belief for yourself and set goals that you will stick with and always accomplish, no matter what, then you should, first thing’s first, work with someone who can teach you those essential life skills. Which will transform the trajectory of your life because we don't learn this in school. Which completely blows my mind.

You do need to work with someone who can teach you those things. Because the crazy thing about our fears is that if we follow them to their logical conclusion, keep asking yourself, “And then what? And then what?” they usually just lead you right back to where you are.

So, maybe you will say, “I'm terrified of quitting corporate and starting a business because I might fail.” Now, you all may not be thinking that, but I bet you remember yourself at a certain time when you were thinking something like that, right?

And just ask yourself, and then what? And then I'd have no money, and I'd have to go and get a job. Okay, so you'd be right back where you are now, right? So, you'd rather fail in advance and not try, because you might end up returning to having a job, which is exactly where you are.

And then people might say, “Yeah, but then I'd feel ashamed.” So, I get it. Shame isn't a feeling most of us enjoy feeling. But what is a feeling really? Come on. It's a slush of neurochemicals in your bloodstream. That's it, it doesn't make your skin peel off in hideous boils. It's just a sensation of discomfort.

So, are you really going to let a sensation… Actually, it's not even a sensation, it's the thought of the possibility of a future sensation. Are you going to let that determine the course of your life? For most humans, unfortunately, the answer is yes. But I hope that's not the case for you.

There are some of you listening I know, who are in this space right now, because you and I have been talking for maybe a year or two, and you keep telling me you definitely for sure want to work with me, just not quite yet. And that's fine. My friend, you are an adult woman who is allowed to make your own choices.

I just want you to have eyes wide open and know that there is a cost to that choice. I have a client, a very, very new client, who was in that situation. We talked to each other a couple years ago for the first time and her fear and doubt at the time outweighed her belief. Again, no judgment. I have absolutely been there myself.

But it's interesting when you can see someone outside and see them in a way that they don't see themselves; and she is a rock star. Right? I knew it from the first time we talked. She reminds me so much of another client I worked with who, two years in, had a multiple six-figure business. They’re even the same age, they have the same type of business.

But meanwhile my current client, these last two years, she went back to corporate and got a job. She didn't pursue her business and her soul has been dying inside because it knows she doesn't belong there. It took the pain getting strong enough to finally hop back on the phone with me and get this party started.

Y'all, when do we get to start being kind to ourselves, and move from love for ourselves and not force ourselves to get into an existential crisis before we're allowed to make investments in our future and in our desires? You know what finally got me to invest big in my business for the first time, when I joined a mastermind that cost, I think, like $25,000 a year, after so much time of me just blogging in the background and “giving value” in Facebook groups and watching every webinar available in the online space?

It was me having my son and thinking, “Oh, my God, how did I get in this situation where I have a child, and I'm not earning enough to support us if something happened to my husband?” It was like all my demons reared up and said, “I will not be like my mother.”

I can laugh in hindsight because my mom had a super happy life. And she and my dad were perfectly happy with their arrangement. The only thing going on was my fear and judgment about their situation. But still, it was that kind of come-to-Jesus moment that got me to get over myself and start taking this seriously.

I just wish that it didn't have to be that way for so many women. I wish we allowed this of ourselves. And looking back, I just imagine that point in time, and I imagine the universe and my higher self and probably my audience, and definitely my mom and husband, who were my biggest supporters, I imagine them all being like, “Finally, she's taking herself seriously.” And that's when things really started to take off for me.

Which is another way that I invest differently than other people, I don't get surprised when a large part of my brain is in doubt about my own abilities. For so many early years in my business, I secretly feared that coaching or online entrepreneurship in general was just a huge pyramid scheme. I feared that the only way to make money was by selling to people that hadn't yet made as much money. And that at some point, it would all dry up, because there'd be nobody else to sell to.

It set me up for fearful investments and fearful selling. Because how could I sell with integrity when I didn't really know if my clients would be able to scratch their way up to the top of that crab pile and become one of the chosen people? So, I didn't start making money, surprise, surprise, until I convinced my brain otherwise. And it took a lot of active evidence building on my part, because at first, of course, my brain kept bringing me more and more evidence of the old belief.

It keeps showing me statistics of how many small businesses fail, in articles where journalists questioned the validity or usefulness of coaches, and on and on and on and on. And then over time, I started to see new evidence and new evidence and new evidence. And it helped me shore up the beliefs that I wanted, that I was hoping for, but I could never quite access. It was like, “Oh, if only I could believe that.”

And as I did that, I was able to see dramatic differences. And of course, now I think about it completely, completely differently. I am 100% assured that anyone can have a business if they're willing to put in the work to have a business.

So, just to rehash, I don't expect my body to feel comfortable in an investment. I just use my tools to resettle my mind and my nervous system to the best of my ability. And then, I sit and watch my tolerance grow over time. Because that happens, too. The sums that once freaked me out, don't freak me out anymore. But that took building into it and stretching myself even when it felt uncomfortable, or I was in doubt.

Now I choose to believe that even though I don't know the how, or even the exact timeline. Where there's a will, there's a way. And if I remain resourceful and I just don't give up. That's really what all of this comes down to. People who are ahead of you in business and making more, they, more likely, just started earlier and didn't give up. Of course, some people are unicorns, hurray for them. They have different life lessons to learn from you.

Or maybe they did a lot of visibility work or whatever, before they even started a business. But for most of us, we have to stick with things a little longer than we would have preferred. If we'd scripted out exactly how this journey would go down, it would have happened faster. But luckily, with each new iteration of entrepreneurs, it actually is happening faster and faster.

Marie Forleo took much longer than me to get to my level of income. I took much longer than my clients are taking. But all of us are learning the lessons we need to learn, and the sooner we can embody those, the better. And it does work out in the end. Right now, Marie Forleo, she's doing fine, right? I don't think she's crying into her soup about the time it took her to get started. I think she's loving her life and living pretty well.

Another thing I do is I think about what I want instead of what I need. And this, I think, is probably the biggest difference that I see when I look around and see how other people, including my peers, are investing. Because I think that decisions that are based on need usually come from scarcity. Like, I need to fill in this current lack that I have. I need to know how to do this, otherwise I won't be able to get ahead.

Versus decisions that are based on desire, those come from sufficiency. I'm good where I am and as I am, and I'm expanding from there. So, if I ever notice that sense of need within myself, I take a pause. I question that. Like, right now I could have done something on scaling out and hiring team members; probably, that is a need in my business, and it's definitely a hole in my knowledge. I will do that.

But right now, that is not where my desire lies. My desire lies in dramatically increasing the amount of pleasure in my life, and in my business, and increasing my capacity to receive and to allow which I'm already okay at. I'm a little inconsistent sometimes, but I'm dialing it in.

And most of my clients have moments of clarity and groundedness in their own power, they don't come to me with nothing, right? But they want to dial it in, they want to go deeper. So, I trust that whenever I spend money from a clean place, it comes back to me amplified. I expect to 5x my investments, minimum. And I expect every client of mine, too.

When I sign a private coaching client, for instance, I expect that they're going to receive 5x ROI, like $125,000 in value back, over the course of their lifetime; no ifs, ands, or buts. And that even if they never made a single cent, it would still be $125,000 worth of value. Because what I teach is that life changing. So, it's easy for me to sell because I know it's such a no-brainer. If you don't fully believe your offer is a no-brainer for your clients, you need to get in the Clarity Accelerator.

Something I watch out for is, I tune in to see if this desire that I'm talking about, if it's kind of an impulse candy bar from the checkout line, or a bad boy in high school kind of impulse. Those wants aren't true desires for expansion of your soul, right? That's just some weird amygdala shit, where I'm on autopilot and there's some primal need or something, or some wound that I'm healing or something, right?

If you're a person who has been buy-buy-buying based on every sales page that comes your way, you could probably benefit from some awareness work; as could we all. But we want to move forward from desire, not from lust. We want to tune into the expansive impulse of our soul that is seeking to grow and to amplify its strengths.

A lot of times that'll look like not doing the thing that's the shiny, shiny object, the quick high, that your primitive brain craves. Instead, we specifically do the thing that we know will be harder work internally and will challenge us. So, tune into where your soul seeks to grow and unravel any parts that feel like quick-fixes, or the desperate need of ‘I'll never get there on my own, I need to do this.’

When I invest, I never think, “If I don't do this, I won't get there.” I think, “Obviously, I'll get there because I have the desire and I'm working on it to the best of my ability.” But I can accelerate my journey if I work with someone who can share their proven process, their thoughts that I don't yet embody, and their energy with me.

It's like I won the lottery when I invest, because what took them, I don't know how many years, to trial and error their way through, I get in condensed form. Distilled and curated, and then applied to me specifically by my coach. Who can see my situation, in my mind, objectively. In a way that I can't. And that is money beyond valuable, because time is still our single most scarce and precious resource.

I also choose to trust heavily in my intuition, even if I don't know the why. When I signed up with this coach, I didn't have the way that I've been reflecting about that investment now. I didn't have that at the time. I just knew that something was calling to me. I couldn't quite explain it. My intuition was on fire that I needed to do that thing.

And when you can move from that place, it means you don't get into FOMO. Will I be missing out on something else if I do this? Or I don't start interviewing a bunch of coaches because maybe there's some better offer out there? That really just tends to keep you in research mode and out of taking action.

I feel like if the timing is right, this is something I've been interested in growing into or expanding into and I've kind of started playing with it, and then I cross paths with someone that can help with that, then it's all good. And that comes from a few things. Believing the universe is conspiring with me to bring these people into my conscious vision. I met my current coach in another mastermind. She was a coach of mine in there working for somebody else.

So, it was not love at first sight. I was not like, “Oh, I need to work with her immediately.” But there were some things that happened over time that made my radar kind of tune in and pay attention. And then there was a day where it was just absolutely obvious to me that I needed to go that direction.

And then, I've had clients, I think I've mentioned this before. I had a client who opened up her drawer and took out a shirt that said, An Uncommon Way of Life, and thought, “Oh, that would be cool,” and googled it. I thought the name was cool, decided to google it, and then found me. So, I do believe that the universe is conspiring in the same way we are conspiring, to bring us the people we need for the next step we need to take.

And I know that I'm the one that makes my investments back. So, I will make anything work. Even the things that aren't what I expected end up serving me. I had a coach that, at the time, seemed like a huge investment to me, I think it was like $3,000 or $3,500. And then it seemed like a failure because this coach had a nervous breakdown in the middle of the program, and was just like, “I'm out, peace out. I just can't do it. I'm in the hospital.”

So, we were all just kind of left floundering. This actually happened, I can't make this stuff up. And then also, in that program, she had really been encouraging me to, the way to build credibility for myself was to really play off my past with the military and kind of sell myself as this drill sergeant that would whip people into shape, which is so not me. And it's kind of the antithesis of everything I believe about motivation.

And so, I could say that kind of knocked me off course for a limited amount of time, but I can see so clearly now that that is what made me question that and dive deeper into my beliefs about what my gifts actually are and what I do believe in. I wouldn't have had that opportunity if not for that.

And also, I do have a tendency, and even back then had more of a tendency, to overwork and push myself too hard. I think that seeing somebody, who was kind of a role model, do that to herself, really taught me from very early on in my business, that I need to be cognizant of what can happen, and really just give myself some time to not work.

So, I choose not to question my decisions in hindsight, or beat myself up for anything that happens, because I know I made the best decision at the time with the information and the experience that I had. And I'm always winning or learning anyway so the experience ends up giving me more wisdom to make even better investment decisions going forward. And those lead me to exactly where I need to go.

When I'm making investment decisions, I try to quiet my fears, relax my nervous system, and really find choice neutrality. I talked about this in the episode on intuition, which was called, “Should I Say YES or Should I Say NO?” So, if you want to know more about choice neutrality, but you're basically seeing that either way you'll be fine. This kind of ties into my other episode on “Business Sufficiency”, which is you’re good, you've got this.

And then from there, when I'm in that place of neutrality and sufficiency, then I have an honest conversation with my future self, who has already accomplished the results. And I ask for guidance about my greatest growth opportunity in this moment. I ask for guidance and clarity on whether this offer is an aligned one for me.

Now, at this point, you might be thinking, “Oh, I wish I could invest like that.” Once, someone told me, “I wish I could just take your brain and implant it into my head and feel that confident. Because I really, really wish I did.” And you also might be thinking, because I used to think this way too, “If I were making money like you, then I would be investing that way. But right now, I can't kind of afford to play in that way. I need to be really serious.”

I used to think that, like I said, and when I was listening to podcasts, just like this one, I would have the belief that those people were somehow different than me, right? They somehow had it easier than me when it came to the circumstances and my mindset surrounding these decisions.

But if you take any one thing away from this episode, take this: Where I am now in my business is not what created my ability to invest like this. What created my ability to invest like this was practicing investing like this and practicing the thoughts of investing like this. I constructed this mindset piece by piece. Being the kind of person who would bet on myself and allow myself such high-level support.

I've worked with some of the best minds in the industry, I'm convinced, and people that have in turn, themselves, invested with some of the best minds in the industry. So, I know I'm getting the benefit of all of that wisdom and knowledge.

There was a coach that I wanted to work with, and I got turned down for her program. So, what did I do? Within a week, I signed up to work with one of her protegees, because I knew I'd still benefit from her teaching. Not in the same way, but I'd still get a lot.

So, I invest with these people, and I often choose to work with them in kind of a high tier offer of theirs, so that I get maximum interaction and support. I tend to outspend my colleagues who are at my current level of income. That was certainly the case when I put the $25,000 onto the credit card to invest in that first mastermind for myself.

And therefore, in those rooms, I was almost always the lowest earner in the room, until recently. That let me be around people who were further ahead. And it could really normalize everything for me and help me start to see myself as one of them, and just the same as them.

Because of these investments, I didn't make as much profit from my business. I reinvested everything back into my mind, because I knew that was the one thing no one could ever take away from me. Right? And that was the one thing that would generate me income for the rest of my life.

So, it took me years until I was able to pay off my business debt and get to the point where my business would cover my investments. But I did that in one year, which is super fun. Meaning, I carried the net negative on my books for several years. And then in my first six-figure year, I earned more in that year than the sum of my entire investments up until that point.

And I created that through thinking about it long before it ever manifested. I started thinking to myself, “Yeah, okay, body, it feels scary to have invested $25,000 in my business,” or later, it was $50,000 in my business, and then $100,000 in my business. “But you know what? Someday I'll have a six-figure year or a six-figure month. And then, I'll continue to do that for the rest of my life. So, it's all good. I can tolerate this discomfort.”

That is what entrepreneurs do. They think long term, and they assume risk. And therefore, they reap larger financial rewards than their ex-colleagues in corporate who stick with the safety of earning a salary. And they also reap larger lifestyle rewards. Which we all know, really is at the heart of why we're even doing all this in the first place. Right?

So yeah, I mean, to be honest, this is the first year that I'll be taking a six-figure salary out of my business for myself. Now, obviously, I'm in a huge place of privilege and married to someone in the military, so we have a lot of expenses covered.

But those decisions haven't totally come without cost to us, right? There are things that I would have liked to have invested in or bought. I knew that I could be living more lavishly if I wanted, rather than investing back into the business. I could quell some shame around not contributing as much to the family income if I reinvested less in my business. I might not have carried kind of a low-grade stress, but that is the choice I made; not the right choice for everyone.

But this episode is really just about me sharing how I think whenever I do these uncommon perspective episodes. It's just like, hey, this is a different way that I've noticed, compared to other people. Maybe it'll serve you.

So, to be clear, I wasn't carrying $100,000 on a credit card until the year I paid it off. I was making some money and paying it down along the way, and then making money or investing again, making money, and paying it down. But cumulatively, I've spent well over $100,000 on investments.

And if you're wondering, “Well, why aren't you carrying $100,000 on a credit card right now, if you believe so much in investments generating future income?” It's because last year and this year, I wanted to practice sitting on larger sums of money, and specifically self-earned money; $50,000, $60,000.

Because my personal money history, as a working girl, was to always spend what I earned. And I wanted to build that tolerance and comfort for myself. So, that money is the nest egg for my business as I move forward. When I have employees, when I'm making and spend anything that is already there, and it will help me not move into scarcity around needing to sell in order to cover bills. Right?

So, that is, in fact, an investment in my future. But it's also an investment in my future because it was an investment in my mindset to be comfortable holding that money without spending it. If all of that is a little like, “What? Why would you sacrifice long-term revenue just for some mindset thing that you want to learn?”

You might want to go back and listen to my episode on Uncommon Goals. Because I talk about how to evaluate where your true growth edge is at the moment, even if it goes against maximizing revenue and why you might want to do that. Again, these are just my own thoughts.

But yes, being someone who is willing to not just invest in premium support to accelerate my timeline, but to consistently do the work to increase my beliefs and increase my nervous systems tolerance for all of this. That is what created my ability to invest like this. And it helped me create a really lovely business.

The interesting thing is that when I listen to billionaires and multimillionaires talking about business investments, they sound a lot like mine. They do talk about the gut, right? Following their gut or even intuition. And they do talk about leveraging current cash for future potential. So, this has all been working out really well for me, so I think I'm onto something.

And now it's for you to make your own decisions. I think some questions for you to consider this week are: Just what are your deepest fears about investing in yourself? What is the worst case that your brain is holding onto? And is that sensation of discomfort enough to keep you from moving forward?

Maybe you're in a place where your credit is so shot, and you have absolutely no items of yours that you could sell, and no people that would loan you money, and you absolutely can't get the money; everything is accounted for. Then, you are probably focused on making very smart plans to remove yourself from that situation.

But so many of the people that are holding back from making decisions are holding back because of beliefs that don't serve them, and their preference for feeling a little better, and their preference for avoiding discomfort.

All right, my friends, that's it for today. Always remember, on a certain level you know who you are. And, each day, you're stepping further into what you are here to create.

Hey, if you're a coach who wants true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this. Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #39: Signs That You've Outgrown Your Business

It can be hard to identify if you have outgrown your business. Are you eager to embrace change or are you avoiding a challenging shift within your current format? Knowing how to listen and work with your truth is essential in building intentional, grounded, aligned, and successful businesses.

Episode Summary

In this episode Jenna gets to the root of outgrowing your business, how to identify if you have outgrown your business, and the beauty of committing to change. 

Join us in the Clarity Accelerator by scheduling a call here.

Enjoy the show? Leave a review to help other likeminded entrepreneurs gain clarity in their businesses.

If you'd like to talk about working together, book a call here.

 

Show Notes

It can be hard to identify if you have outgrown your business. Are you eager to embrace change or are you avoiding a challenging shift within your current format? Knowing how to listen and work with your truth is essential in building intentional, grounded, aligned, and successful businesses.

What if you embraced that idea that keeps resurfacing, rather than stifling it? When you are ready to build the business you want, despite the challenges, you are working with your soul’s alignment and desire. These are the business changes that are rewarded time and time again. 

This week I share my experiences working with folks that have outgrown their businesses. I explore how you can build a profitable business around anything you want as long as you understand the pillars of your business’ foundation. Let’s blossom in business, listen in to find out how.

 

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

  • Some of the ways uncertainty affects the way you show up in business.

  • Two common themes of a struggling business.

  • How to identify if it is time to pivot your business.

  • What the cornerstone pieces of my business are, and why it is essential to build my business around them.

  • Some common phrases of internalized patriarchy.

  • Why a pivot or restart is an opportunity, not something to shy away from.

  • How a coach helps in identifying and building upon an outgrown business.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

 

Featured on the Show:

 

Full Episode Transcript:

DOWNLOAD TRANSCRIPT PDF

Is something off about your business? Do you feel like you've fallen out of love with it? Maybe there are a lot of parts of it you do love, but there's this voice inside that's telling you to do something different. Like, you're becoming more distant from the past and evolving in some new direction. You might have outgrown your business, my friend. Just like a potted plant that now needs a bigger pot in order to flourish. Let's find out if this is you, or if it might be something else, or let's get you prepared in case this happens in the future.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Welcome back to The Uncommon Way, everyone. I've got to tell you; I've picked up on this pattern that I never noticed before. I get inspired for a podcast idea, I record the episode, and then a week or a week and a half later, when it gets released, I write my email newsletter to my list.

I've noticed that once my brain has had a week to digest the episode, I tend to come up with some new angle to express what I was talking about. Or there's some extension of what I said that I believe will be really valuable for you.

So, the other week, I did this episode on harnessing the spring energy for your business. I included a seated meditation practice in there, and afterwards, I was walking my dog and I realized that there's a powerful walking meditation that I, myself, do frequently when I'm walking my dog. And I thought, “Oh, that would have been perfect to have included. Let me share it with everyone so that they can use this too, if they want to.”

If you are a regular listener to this podcast, you should get on my email list because you'll get even more of the kinds of things we talk about here in digestible bits. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com homepage, scroll to the bottom, and choose one of three free gifts, or all of them if you want.

At the time of this recording, one is a training on how we set our businesses up for clients on autopilot. It's called the Clarity First training. Another is a checklist to see if you really are as clear as you could be in your business. And the third, is a clarity practice with seven daily prompts that you can repeat over and over for increasing clarity.

Those can be used for journaling or for social media, so that your audience is getting clearer and clearer along with you. And you never have to struggle thinking about what to write that day.

All right, last week, I introduced you to the concept of an ungrounded business. And I told you that this week, I'd be telling you about an outgrown business. This all spurred from a conversation that I had with a friend of mine. She was asking what kind of people came to me. And without thinking I just said, “Well, their businesses are either ungrounded or they've outgrown them.” And she said, “What does that mean?”

Right away, I realized what was perfectly clear to me wouldn't necessarily be clear, at first glance, to others. And so, they deserved an episode. Because to me, these two are endemic in the entrepreneur space. And yet, no one's really talking about them.

So, if you listen to the symptoms of them, they'll sound a lot like what a lot of entrepreneurs are talking about. Maybe they're not seeing the sales they want, or they're working too hard, or on and on and on. But the point of these two episodes is, hey, let's get to the root of what's really going on. Because there are two common themes that spur all of this, all of these symptoms. And I'm going to break it down for you and tell you what those two things are, and what to do.

If you've been thinking that maybe it's time to pivot, or even dramatically change your business, this episode is for you. And if not, that might be you in the future, so you might want to listen to it and that way you're prepared if these things start to happen.

I'll tell you about the conditions in which I would encourage my clients to go ahead and pivot or change businesses even. And when I would not. Basically, when is it the next right move for you? And when is it all brain trickery, and you probably are best served doing some other work first?

So, let me start this off with a couple of visuals. When we talk about an outgrown business, I think it's really helpful to think about this in terms of a plant that has really outgrown its pot. You can have a plant that is thriving, it's doing so well, but it will get to a point when the roots just grow large enough that it will start to, unfortunately, wither and die just because it needs space to breathe. It needs a bigger pot. It has simply outgrown its pot.

There was nothing structurally wrong with the pot, right? There's nothing wrong with the soil. There's nothing going on like that, it just needs a bigger pot. And then, so often when you transfer these plants into the pots they need, all of a sudden, you finally start getting the blooms and the flowers that just weren't happening as the plant was wilting in the old pot.

Another way that I think about this is my son has a book by Eric Carle called A House for Hermit Crab. Hermit crabs, they live in shells. But the shells don't grow when they grow. They're always growing bigger, so whenever they get to the point that that shell gets too tight, they have to go out into the ocean again, and they have to find another shell.

As they're preparing for that transition, they're probably not too psyched about leaving their shells, right? Imagine you're out in the ocean, you're being bandied about by the currents, you're vulnerable to predators, and so maybe you won't leave your shell. But eventually the discomfort of that smaller shell grows uncomfortable enough that it becomes worth it for you to venture out and find your new place.

An outgrown business is just like that. It serves you at the time, it's what has allowed for so much of your growth, and you're grateful for all that it brought you. But now there's a disconnect. It's no longer a fit. And in fact, it's starting to feel constricting. Or maybe it's been feeling constricting for some time, and you've been trying to ignore that sensation.

Now, the change that your business needs, that could be a tweak, or it could be a broadening or narrowing, or it could be a massive overhaul, or you could just blow up your whole business. But at this point in time, it is an outgrown business. And an outgrown business is actually a form of an ungrounded business, which I talked about last week, because it's not in alignment.

So, if you're getting a hint that this might be you, then definitely go back and listen to that episode too. Because I kind of go into more specifics about ways that it might be showing up in that way, and exactly what you need to have to have a grounded business.

But here are some ways that I've seen an outgrown business show up for friends of mine, for clients of mine, for people I've just been like stalking and spying on. Sometimes it's just that you're being moved to share new things with your audience or a new side of yourself, and you're consumed with doubt.

You're wondering what people will think. If it'll affect your sales. And you're wondering if this is just a phase that you'll get over, so you really shouldn't mess up a good thing. So funny, I'm just realizing, I said that I see it with friends, and I see it with clients, and out and about, but I didn't turn that camera on myself, because this has definitely been me at several points.

I've outgrown my business several times. And it was me for about a year before I released the podcast episode that's called “How Entrepreneurship Made Me Woo”. I held on to that for probably a year. Eventually, I was just sharing it with my clients. And then I started sharing it with my newsletter.

But it was no place where it was written in public, or spoken about in public, kind of for posterity. At a certain point, I just couldn't contain it any longer and keep it inside in integrity. And then, that was really a kind of pivotal moment for my business.

Okay, so another thing is, you could find yourself thinking, “This is so not me.” When you write copy and when you coach your clients, you're going through the motions. Or you're taking so long to write copy because you have to keep checking, does this even relate to them? Or how can I say this in a way that's more palatable for them?

Or it might be even more exaggerated for you. One of my clients said it made her want to poke her eyes out. Hopefully, that is not you. But I've been with six- and seven-figure business owners who right out admit that they've lost the love for their business, and they are only doing this for the money. They could really care less what they're teaching or what they're selling.

So, you're probably spending a lot of time with mental somersaults, right? You're making pros and cons lists. You're talking to your partner friends about it. You are spending time in increasing complexity, which is the opposite of clarity and simplicity. And so, you’re tentative, and you, in tentative energy, holding back, doesn't serve you or the world.

Like I mentioned last week, in that episode on ungrounded businesses. An outgrown business, it's actually a type of ungrounded business, like I said before. It just tends to happen later in your entrepreneurial journey. But you no longer either believe in, or are even clear on anymore, those cornerstone pieces of a service business. Like, what you're doing and why, who you're doing it for and why, how you're doing it for them and why.

And those are the absolutely critical, no ifs, ands, or buts, things that you need in a service business, if you want to be operating at full potential. Otherwise, you're hamstrung. You're on that wobbly barstool that I was talking about last week.

Okay, what else do I see? Maybe you're seeing a wave of strange clients coming in, right? You can tell that your energy is off. It's like your uncertainty is messing with your field. Or the same clients are coming in, but you just feel very disconnected or even bored with the topics that your clients are interested in. Or you might be seeing stagnant or declining revenue, you're not creating as many sales as you want.

That can be from you no longer feeling motivated to work in your business, or the fact that your copy is off. Or you could keep everything the same and yet sales still drop, because there's an energetic disconnect that your clients can feel.

Or maybe you're just playing small, right? You don't sign up for the partnerships. You don't launch the new promotion. Maybe you aren't applying for, I don't know, an award or something, because maybe you feel like you're on the edge of a decision and so, you don't want to put extra work into something that you're going to shut down. Or you don't want to seem inconsistent later if you do end up changing your business or changing something about your business.

It can also show up as you being completely overworked physically or feeling overworked and exhausted mentally, because you're resisting what is, you're trying to action your way back into the way things used to be, and you're beating yourself up mentally. So, you're spinning into action in order to avoid thinking about what's really going on for you.

Maybe you're starting to voice your thoughts to people around you and they're telling you to just keep your head down. Keep your head down, focus on what you're good at, come on. Or maybe they're telling you that your mind is just tricking you, and you just need to think yourself into loving your offer.

One of my clients said people kept telling her, “Just stay in your lane. Why do you distract yourself like this? It's almost self-sabotaging. Because if you just focused on this business in front of you, you could grow this into a huge business and be wildly successful. So, don't get distracted.”

Now, I hate to always harp on the patriarchy, because some people can take that as ‘us against men’, when really, it's all of us against outdated, toxic norms. That's really what's going on. But when we squelch our desires, or someone else thinks that you should squelch your desires, that can have a lot to do with internalized patriarchy.

Historically, women's desires have been feared. They've been suppressed. They've been made wrong at every turn. So, can you hear the subtext when someone's saying, “Just stick to what you're good at”? Because here's what I hear:

Women need to stay in their lane. They're not very good with business. They get themselves into a lot of trouble following their “intuition” and desires. They need help being logical. A good woman doesn't just do whatever she wants, she puts others first. She is satisfied with just what she has. And besides, your clients right now need you. Maybe your own family needs you. You don't want to risk a drop in income or extra time away as you pursue this harebrained idea of yours. What kind of a mom would you be? What kind of a partner would you be? I mean, your wants aren't really important compared to those really important things.

Does any of that sound familiar? Because that's what you've been told, directly or indirectly, over and over again throughout your life. And so has your mom, your grandma, and your great- great- great- great grandma as well. Your soul, meanwhile, is like, “I am boundless and infinitely resourceful. And me stepping into my potential and power will rock this world. In fact, that’s why I'm here, to live my fullest expression. So, you know why I'm being called to step into this? Because it is inevitable. And you know why I'm going to do it? Because I'm a grown-ass woman and I want to. I don't need to justify anything. I desire it, and that's okay.”

Look, as you move into higher frequencies, you're called to do work that more closely matches where you are. And to work with people that more closely match that, too. Nothing has gone wrong, and there's nothing unusual about us procrastinating on taking action on this.

Or maybe you'll keep trying to fit into that box that doesn't fit, or that shell that doesn't fit. Like the hermit crab, you'll keep trying to convince yourself that it's okay to stay here, or that it's best to stay here, or that you're just not ready yet to do the other thing. Maybe you need more experience or credibility first.

I remember a client of mine, Karima, she was in that loop. She was doing digital marketing, but deep down, she dreamed of being a branding expert and web designer. But her brain kept telling her she couldn't do that, so she was trying to squash it. But there was this little whisper inside that wouldn't shut up.

And I don't know if this is you, but I've talked to clients who really worry about suppressing what they truly want, because they think it could lead to adverse health issues. Maybe they had health setbacks in the past, and they believe there's a correlation. I'm bringing this up, again, I don't know if it's you, but I have talked to enough people that have this thought, so I just I want to bring it out there. You're not alone, if it's you, but I know that it can weigh on you.

So, the question for Karima, the one whose soul was dreaming of something that seemed too big for her to wrap her mind around, the question for her became, but what if I could? But what if that desire were there for a reason?

Four months after she started marketing herself in that way, she was making more than at her day job. And a year after she started marketing herself that way, she was consistently on track for a six-figure business. And now, she has a multiple six-figure business. And that's been, what, four years now.

So, when you try to ignore that voice inside, and you tell yourself that it's not really there, that's not only gaslighting yourself, it's stifling your inner calling and your highest potential and your revenue. It's delaying the direction that your soul wants to take you.

Maybe you're starting to be like, “Okay, Jenna, tell me more. I don't know, I still have some doubts.” That makes sense. Otherwise, you'd already be building the new business, or you'd be putting out the new offer or incorporating the new content, whatever it is.

So, I want to give you a way to evaluate whether taking action on this will be a good move for you or not. I want to let you in on how I teach my clients to think about pivots or restarts. It really comes down to you figuring out the source of your current experience, right? Going back to those roots and asking yourself, why do I want to make this change? And then, just pay attention to the answer.

Do you think it'll be easier? Maybe then you'll be able to sell more? Or are you avoiding feelings, right? Something about my next business steps feel kind of scary, and so my brain is tantalizing me with, “Maybe we could start doing something else instead?”

Or maybe something feels hard, right? So, you're avoiding the feeling of discomfort, because whatever; I don't know how to get beyond this financial plateau. I don't like how it feels when I haven't figured out how to deliver this better. Or how to attract better clients.

I might have mentioned this story before, but I had a client who came to me for clarity. She wanted exactly this, she wanted to pivot. She wanted to start a new business. She was a health coach. I asked her why she wanted to do that, because when she started telling me about her life and her interests, it seemed like she was really dialed in and that this was her thing.

She told me that she was just sick of dragging people along to get the results that they said they wanted. So, that wasn't her soul calling her to evolve into something different, that was just that. There was a problem in her business that she hadn't figured out yet, and her brain, to make that situation easier for her, was telling her that everyone in the world that wants health coaching doesn't really want to do the work.

Well, that's impossible, because there are all sorts of different people in the world. And obviously, some of them are willing to do the work in order to get the results, especially if they're hiring a health coach. I don't mean to laugh; I just laugh because these are the kinds of things that brains do. And my brain has certainly done it to me, as well. But thank goodness, we were able to make some quick adjustments to her messaging in order to get her back on track with a business that she loves.

So, if you can tell that there's something that you're avoiding in your business, or you think that the grass will be greener… Because I see this a lot as well, “Oh, I think it'll be easier if I do that business over there,” then don't make any moves from that energy. Work with a coach to get all of that cleaned up.

I have another client right now, as a matter of fact, she was doing the Clarity Accelerator work, and all of a sudden realized that actually, she didn't want to continue working with larger brands, she wanted to become a coach and work with individuals. And the next week, I just had a gut hit and I wanted to check in. It turns out, another Clarity Collective member had also had this, and had checked in. This is how people take care of each other in this group. I love it so much. It also checked in about the motives for that change.

And it was interesting, because on the first week, when she kind of announced this, I said, “Is this something that you really want to do?” I asked some initial questions. And she was like, “Yes, yes. I can tell, it makes so much sense with my mission, my theme.” But I just wanted to make sure, and I told her, “You know, sometimes this can happen if it felt easier.”

And by then, she'd already had a couple conversations with people. And she's like, “Yeah, that's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. I realized that I was thinking it would be easier to work with individuals and to have a business coaching individuals, rather than going after those brands.”

Coincidentally, on that other call, I had really challenged her to go big, and really go after some big, big accounts in way that she hadn't before. I think that might have just freaked her out a little bit. But that's okay, that's what the coaching relationship is for. And it only took a week to get her back on track. So, all is good.

But I just want you to know that this really happens to all of us. And it's just something to watch out for in yourself. If you're not quite sure about the roots of your experience, and you're like, “I can't quite tell. I can't quite tell if I'm just in avoidance or if this is really a calling. I feel it really strongly, but I don't know.” Then, go back and listen to my episode called “Should I Say Yes or Should I Say No?” It's all on intuition.

Or work with a coach who can provide that objectivity and help you get clear. I mean, that's why I work with coaches. It's not so that the coach will tell me what to do, there are lots of times I don't do what my coach is telling me to do. But when my coach says, “Could this be what's going on? I think this might be coming up for you,” then I get an opportunity to tune into myself and to discover yes or no.

Lots of times, it's like, oh snap, that is what's going on and I just couldn't see it. You just can't see inside your own brain sometimes, because it's so good at explaining things to you so perfectly logically that it's just irrefutable logic. It's so brilliant, our brains are so brilliant.

So, I want to be clear that there are times when your experience can feel like you've outgrown your business, but that might not be the whole story. And if you do decide to pivot or switch niches, do it with eyes wide open. Knowing that on the other side, you're still going to have the same brain with the same thoughts.

And therefore, you'll be seeing parallel results for a while. The new niche or the new offer or the new messaging, none of that will solve the problem of your way of thinking, if you don't clean up the way you're thinking.

But if you are longing for this change, despite the fact that it might be hard, or despite the fact that you might lose some money in the short term, when you're willing to do it because of a different type of reason, because of this calling, then we might be onto something, my friend.

Maybe you were totally aligned with your business earlier on, and now you've evolved, right? Or maybe you never really gave yourself a chance to step into what you wanted to create because you were so focused on what you should create. You might have entered into this business because it seemed like a good way to make money. Right? It was just what you knew.

And people said, “Don't overthink it. If you already know how to do X, then help people with X.”

You were so focused on getting out of the rat race, creating financial autonomy, or learning to build a business, which are all great things. Right? And so, at the time, that was totally a fit for you and you're proud of everything you've built.

But now, it's like two things are happening. One, your rational brain is like, “Okay, now I've proven I can make money. So, what next? What do I want to do?” This is the perfectly natural progression on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, right? Once you have the survival covered, you move into obtaining recognition status. Once you have that covered, you're moving towards self-actualization. And so, this is just a very natural progression.

On a deeper soul level, your soul is dying to move into alignment and desire, and you creating the exact life you want. So, there's two things going on. One, your brain is just doing the human brain thing. And then, there's also the soul that has, I believe, kind of known the direction you were going and keeps trying to give you the nudges and navigate you in that direction.

One of my favorite fictional stories is the story of Queen Elsa, in the Frozen Disney series, and the second one, specifically, Into the Unknown. It is so great because… By the way, spoiler alert! Spoiler alert! If you have not seen this, you've got to see it. It's so good. It's so funny. I wrote a note to my friend, she'd been telling me to see it. I wrote a note, she's also a coach, after I saw that movie.

And I said, “Well, I can just give up coaching now. I can just tell everyone, ‘Go watch that movie because it has everything in it,’” it's so good. But if you haven't seen it, go watch it. And fast forward this 15 seconds, or 30 seconds, because I'm going to totally do a spoiler.

So, there's an opening scene where the queen is kind of inundated with, I don't know, like accounting, administrative type tasks, and she's hearing this voice calling her in the distance, but she continues to push it away. There's even a beautiful song she sings, where she's like, “I can't hear you, I can't hear you.” Because she's surrounded by love; she loves her family, she loves her kingdom, everything's good. Why in the world would she give that up? Why would she give it up?

She's just like, “Quiet voice, I don't want to hear it.” And yet, it continues to call to her, and she eventually goes off and seeks the source of this voice. She ends up transmuting herself into half spirit, half human. I'm telling you the story, for those of you that want a reminder and want the perspective and are wondering how this even ties into what I'm talking about. The seed of that was already within her when she was hearing that voice.

The voice that was calling, the part of her that was resonating with that, that was moving her forward, that already was her. Those seeds were already there. So, I believe that you just can't suppress this calling inside of you, because the components are already there, and the desire would not be there for nothing. There's a reason that it's there.

I don't know if I should clap. What should I do for the people that want to come back? Come back! We're done talking about Elsa. It's all good. Because this is important, and I don't want you to miss it. So, the way I think of pivoting your business is, if this move is getting you closer to your mission, then yes, do it. If you've discovered a way of even more fully expressing who you are and stepping into your genius, then yes, yes, a thousand times, yes.

Whether you have an ungrounded business or an outgrown business, get in touch with your truth and align everything to it, every fucking thing. Give yourself permission to go there. Remember that Marianne Williamson quote that I brought up last time? “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”

It's our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. And so, our brain finds delay tactics. It would much rather stay in the safety of what it knows. And yet, we can still put on our big girl pants and do what we know we need to do, right? But that's only possible if you're clear on what this new version of yourself or your new business would look like.

Otherwise, you can't take action. And this is where I meet a lot of my clients. Some of them, they know what they want, but they're looking for support to get there. But others aren't. Right? They want to take that nudge that they're feeling inside, or all the little ideas that they have on Post-Its scattered around the house, and they want to turn it into an actual concrete thing.

The way you do that is exactly the same as for an ungrounded business. You've got to give yourself some focused space and time, with a real commitment to knowing yourself, possibly more deeply than you ever have before. Or the more accurate term, I guess, would be revealing yourself to yourself. Because that truth and clarity is always within, it just hasn't surfaced.

But when you get serious about figuring it out, your brain will start to reveal what it knows. I have seen this over and over and over again in the Clarity Accelerator. We tease these truths out through a variety of tools. Tools that I used myself to get clear, and tools that my clients have now taken to new heights since then.

So, we ask deep questions about our why, we connect the dots through our memories to find the themes that have been showing up for us over and over again. We identify our secret sauce; we do this in a few different ways. And then, we also use our Human Design charts to give us more nuance and understanding about everything that we've discovered.

And together, it paints an undeniable picture of what we really care about, right? What we are primed to dedicate ourselves to, and where our gifts truly lie. And usually, what happens is that when that evidence is presented to you, it unlocks so many things. And what was once mysterious becomes obvious.

My clients have told me that, then, even though owning all of that can seem intimidating, going back to that Marianne Williamson thing, it is disconcerting to see our greatness like that, on paper, in front of us or in our journal. Right? Even though something has changed, they just can't unsee it, they can no longer deny it.

This is what creates a grounded business. Because everything in your business becomes very intentional. Understanding your why and who you are, naturally informs which clients it makes most sense for you to work with, and then what your offer will be, and then how you'll position yourself and create messaging that calls in your people.

But you've got to create the time and space for this. Because when you're all distracted with the day-to-day, putting out brush fires, most of us don't have the space for intentional thinking or for daydreaming. And so, the days slip, by the months, or the years, in my case, the decades. It's when you take it seriously, when you constrain yourself to this and prioritize this, that's when you see results. Like everything in life, right?

It sends a message to your brain and the universe that you're serious. And then the dots can connect, and the pieces can align. You'll want to put yourself around people who also care about this. That don't think you're being ridiculous. That don't tell you, “This isn't really important. Aren't you getting a little full of yourself?”

Put yourself in a room with women like you, who are highly driven, but also highly committed to alignment in their business. Bounce your ideas off of them, right? Let them reflect back what they see and support you as you make decisions and move into action.

Groups are amazing because we live our lives thinking we're swimming in an ocean of possibilities. But really, we're in a fishbowl, in the ocean; that fishbowl is your mind. It keeps you trapped in a very limited set of possibilities. And as long as you're perceiving the world and yourself and your possibilities in that fixed way, you won't even consider the opportunities that are out there. You won't even see yourself as stepping into that.

But when you have a coach and a full support group of women who are thinking about these things, and they're watching you and seeing you in that light, they can show you where your fishbowl is, they can help open you up to your potential.

I remember, once I had a client and she was telling me that she really couldn't decide whether or not she wanted to launch some course on some sort of, I don't know, how to do something on LinkedIn; I don't even remember what it was. Or if she wanted to do high-end art consulting. You all, we were on Zoom.

As she was telling me this, she was laying back on this chaise lounge. She was just surrounded by this gorgeous art, in this really cool, eclectic apartment. I said, “I want you to just look at the screen and tell me what you see.” It was so apparent and yet, well obviously, what she really wanted to be doing.

But she didn't think that it was that obvious because she's so used to living in it. She's so used to seeing it in her mind, she probably thinks everyone lives like that, and everyone could put that kind of a room together, and everyone thinks the way she does. But that's not true. It was very, very obvious what her soul wanted to do.

This is where I'm different than most business coaches, right? That would be heresy for some business coaches. I'm sure they'd be listening to this going la-la-la-la, not even wanting to hear. Why would you tell someone to pursue something, I don't know, that doesn't fit, that doesn't conform to the typical business model? Even though it does, that's a bad example. But doesn't conform to “the top three moneymakers” of health coaching, or weight loss coaching, or financial coaching, or whatever, whatever, right?

I believe that we can build a profitable business around whatever we want, as long as we're smart about it. As long as we don't skip any of the pillars of our business foundation. Again, listen to last week's episode. As long as we really understand our people and the problem as they see it, and can then create a compelling offer for them, that's it, that's business.

So many of my clients have told me that working through it piece by piece in this way is something they never got to do when they were starting out. And they wish they had because it would have made everything so much easier and more straightforward. Giving themselves the time and space to gather their thoughts and shore up their beliefs is the best thing they ever could have done for themselves.

Because it's like a pro athlete prepping themselves or psyching themselves up before the big game. And that goes for you creating a new business, or a new offer, or just a new angle of your messaging. You want to get that all dialed in. You want to believe it so that your clients, your audience, can believe you.

And when you get into alignment and you get those pieces dialed in, what happens? Well, first off, I mean, right off the bat, a part of you feels really damn great. Hey, you know what you deserve to feel. Feeling dialed in and aligned is our natural state. It's just that we get pulled away from that by our fears and all the shoulds that we internalize, right?

And those are often, really just based on the opinions of a few people. People that we wouldn't even want to have at our party if we were sending out invites. We are wired for freedom, for thrill, for expansion. That is a core human need. There's also a strong desire to hide away and stay in the cave, right? And that tension makes life so interesting. But your body wants this on a visceral level. And you've felt it before, you know why it's so intoxicating.

I mean, think back to when you were younger, and you were in a relationship that didn't really serve you, but you kept hanging on. And then one day, maybe it was just your realization, or maybe the person did something really insensitive for the last time, but there was that final line in the sand where you were like, “No, I deserve better.” Afterwards, do you remember that feeling of liberation? Maybe you were crammed in the middle seat of a commuter plane.

We're heading to Houston this week to see my husband's family's, thinking about uncomfortable travel experiences. I think I do that whenever I travel with my son. It's like, “Okay, get my mind together. What's going to happen?”

But imagine, now this has happened to me, I know it's happened to you, but when you're crammed in a middle seat of a commuter plane, and you're in between two really big dudes whose shoulders and arms are clearly encroaching into your seat, and you're just right in the middle. Maybe there's no overhead space either and your carry-on is under the seat in front of you.

And you're just waiting and waiting for those people to deplane. You're like, “Can they move any faster?” And then finally, it's your turn to stand up and your body is just like, “Yes. Oh, my God, the freedom, it feels so good. Right?

That is the feeling when you finally make the change in your business. Moving into that feeling of or that simplicity of, ‘I know exactly who I am. I know what I'm doing.’ You are moving from that confusion into that clarity. You're not the only one who deserves to feel great, right? Your business and your clients deserve that, too.

Okay, let's break those down really quickly. Your business, sometimes it's helpful to think of it as something outside of yourself that kind of has a will of its own. And if that's not helpful, you can think of it as an expression of you that has the ability to bring into focus the deeper parts of you that you're not fully acknowledging.

But either way, your business doesn't want to be hampered by your ideas of what it must or must not be, it just wants to be. There's a water component to our type of business, service businesses. They thrive with fluidity. They're not meant to be blocks of ice. Even if you see people that have large businesses with the same types of offers, you will hear change and transformation in their messaging, or different types of offers that they're launching. There is evolution happening.

And then breaking down that second part, your clients. Especially when you're a solopreneur, they deserve to know who you are too. They don't have to know all the details of your private life, but the fewer masks that you are wearing, the better. Let them make an informed decision. Give yourself the gift of being seen and appreciated for who you really are.

If you're trying to be what everyone else needs you to be, you're not getting to experience true connection, either of you; you or your client. And if you're hiding behind the mask of, ‘I really enjoy this still,’ is it really right to bring them on as a client? Do you want to let them find someone who's overjoyed to help them? This is Relationships 101.

What ends up happening when you take off the mask, is that the ones who are your people become more your people. Which starts to show that this is not just a move to feel good, although that's wildly important in my opinion, it's actually a really smart business move.

Listen, I get how scary and vulnerable it can feel to remove the mask. Like I said, that was happening to me before the woo episode I put out. And then afterwards, it was no big deal. People were like, “Yeah, obviously, woo.” And the people in my audience who weren't very woo, they were still like, “Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if that is really me. But I'm willing to listen, and I'm here for other things. So, it's all good.” My business grew, not shrank. My clients and I started having more fun, not less.

It's like when Madonna changed her image. Everyone was all, “Oh my god, it's career suicide. She was known as a blonde, and what now? She's a brunette and she's dancing around in a church with crosses? And wait, what is going on?” But through her metamorphosis, people became more interested, not less.

I've mentioned this before, but I love the documentary on comedian George Carlin. Judd Apatow did it just last year on HBO. George Carlin made these radical turns in his career, sometimes totally alienating his current audience. And his following just grew bigger and bigger each time he grew more into alignment.

That has been my personal experience, as well. When the pandemic hit, I totally blew up my business. It was scary, and it was also one of the most thrilling things I've ever done. There was such rightness, such freedom. It was a truly kind of untethered, unbound, soul move on my part. And my business and life were much better for it. I am so thankful that I'm doing what I do now, rather than what I was doing then.

So, you do make money. Right? Not always, at first. There can be a lag, full transparency. And that's okay. Because for most of the people listening to this podcast, you love money, sure, but not at the expense of your deep satisfaction and living your truth.

That is why you left corporate, because you didn't want to sell your soul just to make money. Staying with a business you've outgrown just for the money is the same golden handcuffs as when we were in corporate, or when you watched your dad staying in a corporate job he hated because of the money. This is not the life you want to lead. Right?

A dip in income is fine if it nets me so much more in terms of life satisfaction. But in the long run, you will make more cash too. All the brainpower that is being used for mental somersaults, and back and forth-ing, and resisting what is, and trying to talk yourself into whatever is no longer working, you can direct all of that brainpower to leaning in and growing your business. Right?

You move away from anxiety and forcing it or faking it, into productivity and creativity and problem solving. Which is how you make money, right? You use your brain to product events, solving problems, and communicating effectively with your people. When you are dialed in, your clients feel that conviction, and conviction sells. I say that over and over again.

When you serve them, you're doing it at a different level, and they feel that too. So, people are sending you referrals, they're telling friends about you, people want to be part of your audience, they want to experience that energy. Plus, the money you do make, you actually get to enjoy more because you're loving your life.

I personally am convinced because I've seen it over and over. The universe rewards you for stepping into who you're meant to be. It rewards your trust fall. I mentioned my client Kat last week, she has transformed herself from being a visual artist to a highly respected strategist for social good organizations. I didn't know what that meant either before I started working with her, but we talked about it a little bit, if you go back and listen to her podcast episode.

In that episode, you'll hear about the synchronicities that were happening for her right as she was making these decisions in her mind. And as she was moving closer and closer into her alignment, as witnessed by the clarity work she was doing, and evidenced by her Human Design chart, it just made so much sense that she had been holding back, as we all do, a bit on the action or on the moving into that decision. And then, as soon as she was clarifying that and speaking that into being, it was just like, boom! It was amazing, you should listen to it.

I remember when I blew up my business during the pandemic. Right after that is when I started ranking on Google for coveted search terms that made my head spin in disbelief. There was, it seemed, like no rhyme or reason.

Now, a quick note for any of you that have disappointment or past trauma from a time when you felt like you were tapping into expression and you wanted to take this trust fall, and then the effort “failed”, failed in some way. You might want to disentangle your thoughts about the rightness of pursuing your truth, from your thoughts about how quickly and easily your desires should manifest or come into fruition.

We are not entitled to immediate rainbows and lollipops as soon as we take a leap of faith. Sometimes it does work out that way, and that is wonderful. But if it didn't for you, it might just be that you had some really important lessons to learn first. It doesn't mean that the direction you chose was wrong, just because the experience was more challenging than you anticipated, given that you had never actually done it before, and you didn't know how it was going to go.

Maybe the lesson you were learning is that your conviction wasn't quite strong enough yet, and you needed another year or two to more fully understand for yourself why you want to do this.

Okay, here's something else that tends to happen when you listen to the call inside, you bring in awesome clients. It's funny, because when we aren't dialed in to energetics, we have this idea that everything rests on our shoulders. That the exact words we use and the platforms we choose are solely responsible for the clients we bring in. And all that stuff certainly plays its part, right? I love me some messaging.

I built a great business based on the strength of the conscious and subconscious messaging that I've put out there, that I've deployed to help attract my ideal clients. But I know the truth is that my messaging is just reflecting my own clarity and beliefs. And it's the clarity and beliefs that attract the clients, even more than the words in black and white.

Because let's not discount the reciprocal forces at play here. It's not just you wanting the clients, it's the clients wanting you. They are looking for the answer to their prayers. Your clarity facilitates that process energetically. You become the lighthouse that they're able to see.

I’ve spoken before about how the messaging on my website doesn't change. And yet, the types of people coming through there do change, based on my mindset. That seems like hocus-pocus until you start experiencing these things for yourself. And like I said, I certainly wasn't woo when I first started my business journey. But now, I'm not alone.

I know I'm not alone. I’ve talked to so many entrepreneurs who experience similar, seemingly unexplainable things. We just can't chart the cause and effect. It seems like, how could this lead to that? How do you explain that? So, your clients are looking for you and they need you to burn brightly enough, unashamedly enough, to not be dimming your light and energetically blocking them from finding you.

And then there's a third force, which is the universe. It behooves the universe to connect you with your people, once you're both ready, of course. Because you get to help each other rise to your next level. You help your clients; your clients help you.

Most of us understand that we help our clients, but do you know how much your clients help you? If you're a coach, you get to integrate your knowledge even more deeply through teaching, and through being nonreactive and non-judgmental towards the parts of yourself that you see reflected in your clients.

If you're a designer, you get to stretch your creativity. You get to step in the flow through the challenges and vision of your clients. Right? And that goes on, it's true for any service business.

So, my friend, if you know that a part of you is kind of turned on, perked up, right now during this episode, it's listening very intently, it's nudging you to pay attention, and that there is some further evolution in store for you, you can feel it bubbling up, why wait a second longer in that small pot of yours, which is too small, right? It's stifling you.

I spent two decades waiting to get clear. And in my experience, clarity doesn't come from waiting. Clarity comes through your commitment to getting cleared now rather than later. So, maybe you're waiting because of some kind of fear.

Two really common objections I hear are: I don't want to start all over or start from scratch, or whatever. I've already put in all this work. And another one is, what if this doesn't work?

To respond to the first I say, your future self will never be like, “Oh, why did I take that extra couple months, or six months, or however long it took to realign my business and create this amazing thing that I now have today?” Said no future self ever. And the future selves are like, “Thank God, thank God, she did this, so that we could have what we have today.”

And also, just clarification, it isn't actually from scratch, that is black-and-white thinking, kind of catastrophic thinking, that our brain brings to us. But actually, you have all of these transferable skills from what you've already built-up learning in your business. And now, you're just changing your offer, it goes so much more quickly.

All right, that second one, what if it doesn't work? A lifespan avoiding failure is not a life lived, right? I mentioned this last week to my client. Lindy was saying that she realized she had been playing not to lose rather than playing to win. And if you live your life trying not to fail, you don't grow because you're staying right where you are. And you don't accomplish anything new. So, you fail in advance.

Usually what we're most afraid of when we say we're failing, if you ask someone, “Well, what would happen then?” All that happens is that you go back to exactly where you are. If someone's in corporate and they say, “Oh, what if I try and become an entrepreneur and that fails? Okay, well, what would happen? Well, I guess I'd have to find a job.” Yeah. And you already have a job right now, so you'll be no worse off basically, than you are right now.

And yet, our brain tells us that failure is so terrible. That this feeling in your body, that this little wash of neurochemicals going through your body is so terrible, that you can allow it to dictate your life. That you can hold back on your wildest dreams because you don't want a little flush of feelings. Come on.

What awaits you on the other side of playing to win is not just the fact that you're now living to your max potential and earning to your max potential, as is only possible when you're all-in rather than holding back in that tentative energy. It's not just that, there's more to it. Because now you've radically increased your self-trust muscles, right? You bet on yourself. And you've had the lived experience of seeing what you're made of. Right?

Maybe you've had some cuts and bruises along the way; you've increased your mental toughness. You have increased your tolerance. So, a couple of years from now, who knows how, you'll be stretching yourself. Then, if this feels like a stretch now, once you go through this, who knows what you're capable of?

Maybe you'll be going through a whole new evolution. Who knows? If so, I hope you'll rejoin us in the Clarity Accelerator; come back again. With each iteration, you'll be getting bigger, you'll be glowing brighter, you'll be feeling even more tapped in.

Maybe this moment you're in, it's not the make-or-break decision and experience that it feels like. Maybe it's just the training ground for a life of transformation and growth. It is just the tip of the iceberg for what's to come. But a very, very necessary next step for you.

How fully can you live into your uncommon way? How much of your light and your greatness will you allow yourself to experience? Allow the world to experience? Allow your children and other young girls to witness? Really, how good can you allow things to get?

The answer to all of those questions come on the other side of you answering this very honestly, as if your life depended on it: What is the next evolution that's calling to you? And what would it take for you to cultivate the courage to step into that?

Okay, my friends, that is it for this week. Remember, deep down, you know who you are. And, each day, you're stepping further into what you are here to create.

Hey, if you're a coach who wants true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this. Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Jenna Harrison Jenna Harrison

Ep #38: Getting to the Root Issue in Your Business

Every single client that comes to me falls into the category of an ungrounded business, or an outgrown business, so over the next two weeks, I’m diving deeper into what these look like, the differences between the two, and what you can do about it if you have either of them showing up for you.

Episode Summary

Jenna explains what an ungrounded business is, why it is a problem, and how to establish if this is something that is showing up for you.

Join us in the Clarity Accelerator by scheduling a call here.

Enjoy the show? Leave a review to help other likeminded entrepreneurs gain clarity in their businesses.

If you'd like to talk about working together, book a call here.

 

Show Notes

If your sales aren’t what you want, or something feels off or uncertain in your business, your business may be ungrounded or outgrown. And as long as that root issue isn’t addressed, it is unlikely that your business will grow as quickly, or flourish as magnificently as it could. But what exactly is an ungrounded or outgrown business and how do you know if it applies to you?

Every single client that comes to me falls into the category of an ungrounded business, or an outgrown business, so over the next two weeks, I’m diving deeper into what these look like, the differences between the two, and what you can do about it if you have either of them showing up for you.

Tune in this week to discover why things may feel a little shaky or wobbly in your business, and what is really going on at the root level to create this experience for you. Discover the problem with having an ungrounded business, how this can prevent you from achieving the success you desire, and what it really takes to create the change you want.

 

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

  • Some of the ways uncertainty affects the way you show up in business.

  • The cornerstone of any successful service-based business.

  • Why it is impossible to sell with conviction if you don’t have clarity.

  • How clarity is at the center of everything in your business.

  • What it means to play small and what to do about it if it is showing up for you.

  • The difference between a grounded and ungrounded business.

  • Why so many people avoid this clarity work.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

 

Featured on the Show:

 

Full Episode Transcript:

DOWNLOAD TRANSCRIPT PDF

If your sales aren't what you want them to be, or there's something that feels off or uncertain, then it's possible that your business is either ungrounded or outgrown. As long as that root issue isn't addressed, it's unlikely that your business will be able to grow as quickly or flourish as magnificently as it could. And the effects you're feeling now might continue to amplify over time. So, let's clean up the source of what's really going on and set you up for success.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Welcome back to The Uncommon Way. I have got a lot to cover today, so I'm going to just dive in. In this episode and then next, I'll be talking about two different types of businesses, the ungrounded business, and the outgrown business.

I want to highlight these two because I see them frequently. But they aren't industry-wide terms where you'd be able to say, “Oh, yes, that's exactly my problem. That's what I need to work on.” So, I'm going to show you what these look like and what to do about it if you have a little of this showing up for you. Because, for sure, every client that comes to me falls into one of these two categories. And like I said, I see this over and over just moving around in the entrepreneur space.

There are some of you that wouldn't really describe your business as having a problem. You might think, “Oh, I'm just getting better at…” fill in the blank; my copy, my selling, my Instagram strategy, whatever. For me, it was creating an ads funnel with a tiny offer, tripwire, and all that stuff. “If I could just learn that one piece, I'll have all this money rushing in, I'll have all this ease in my life, and I'll ride off into the sunset.”

So, if you're in the camp of thinking your business doesn't really have that big of a problem that you need to address now and clean up now, I just want to say, maybe it doesn't. Maybe you're just here listening to this, because you want a little weekly dose of inspiration, or some tips and tricks, or some good coaching questions to self-coach on.

Maybe everything's on track for you. And if so, I'm super happy for you, and I am totally here for you. Keep tuning in, you are a very, very welcome part of this community. You know, we're all women who care about doing things in our own way, expanding ourselves and what we think is possible, and creating really unique lives of our own choosing. Right? You are still my people.

But if your sales aren't what you want them to be, or there's something that feels kind of shaky about your business. Maybe there's an uncertain gray area where you can tell that your belief or your clarity is a little wobbly, then I encourage you to really tune in to what I'm about to say. Because today we're talking about what's going on at the root level. What is likely, really, creating this experience for you.

The experience might show up as not creating as many sales as you want. Or it could be showing up as you being completely overworked. Or just feeling like you've lost motivation for working in your business. Or you feel yourself playing small. But the root of all of these is the same. And we'll get to the root by describing these two different types of businesses.

Today, we'll talk about the ungrounded business. And next week, I'll describe the outgrown business. We'll identify the clarity gaps that happen within them so that you can decide if this is or is not you. And then, we'll talk about what it takes to create change. So, let's get those roots nice and healthy and firmly planted so you can grow something gorgeous and abundant.

I was talking to a friend and colleague of mine the other day about how I've been bringing in more six- and seven-figure clients to the Clarity Accelerator, and how I've been actively tweaking aspects of my messaging because I'm finding that those people are a great fit. And since she actually fits the profile for that type of entrepreneur, she offered to let me bounce some things off of her and use her as market research.

Which, little interjection here, this is why I only join group programs. Having other business-minded women who are happy to help you strategize your business or give you a hand up is so priceless. So, I don't work with one-to-one coaches that don't also offer some sort of group interaction.

And I still keep in touch with mastermind sisters from programs I did years ago. They're still helping me grow. So, it's like I get to benefit from the support and the coaching while I'm in the program, but I get the lifelong earning potential from all that knowledge I pick up, those skills I refine when I'm there, and I have this lifelong network too. The value of a group always goes way beyond that value that you get in that moment.

So anyway, in the past, I had heard her say, “I feel like I'm not 100% clear on X.” I think it was who her people are exactly, but it might have been the results her client gets. Anyway, I asked her, “If you know you're not clear, why aren't you looking for help to get clear?”

I know that she has several coaches, but they're all for different things like making money or becoming more visible or processing your feelings and cleaning up your mind. All of those are great and super important, we work on all of them in the Clarity Accelerator.

But to me, it was quite obvious that she won't be able to capitalize fully on other investments if she doesn't resolve this. Because when you're uncertain, you're tentative. The way you talk about your business is tentative. The actions you take are tentative. The way you move through the world is tentative.

Or some people overcompensate, they go the other way. But that's just a reaction to the feeling of tentative. So, go back and listen to my episode on overselling if you're getting a little nudge that this might be you. It's called the “Uncommon Sales Advice: How to Sell More by Trying Less”.

But when you're in this energy, with this feeling of tentative, it's like you're running a race, but you're not clear on the route. So yeah, you might be running, you might be burning calories, but you're logging lots of extra miles running around in circles. Maybe you slow down your pace while you're trying to decide the best route to take, and you lose ground that way.

Back to my story, my friend was like, “I never really thought about getting help with clarity. I think it's because I wouldn't identify as being unclear, you know? Maybe a little wishy-washy around this particular topic, but I think of myself as a very decisive person in general. I know what I want. I know what my preferences are, like when it comes to politics or where we live.”

Little interjection here, we're almost always the least decisive and assured when it comes to our business or something like our romantic life, because those areas are so highly vulnerable to us, so tied up with our self-worth. I mean, it was definitely that way with me. I considered myself very confident and bold, until I started my own business.

So, my friend was trying to wrap her head around all of this, and she asked, “Well, what's going on in the businesses of the people that tend to come to you?” And I said, “It basically comes down to two things. Their business is either ungrounded or outgrown.” She was like, “Well, what does that look like? How does that feel?”

Which is about when I realized that I needed to do an episode on this topic, of course. So, here is a grounded business in a nutshell: You're clear on what you're doing and why, who you're doing it for, and why you actually believe those things deep down. And you know exactly what you're working on growing at that moment. And why, when those pieces are dialed in, you feel a sense of groundedness, like this resilience is confidence.

I call it “knowingness”, that's my capsule word for everything. And just to clarify quickly, because my friend asked this, she said, “So, is it about calmer energy? Do you transmit excitement when you're talking about your programs, and then you switch to calm, grounded, energy when you go into the sales call?”

But your emotions are separate from your energy, right? I can feel the emotion of excitement when I'm creating these podcasts or when I'm on a sales call, but that doesn't take away from the energy of my groundedness. And remember that energy of groundedness comes from knowing what you're doing and why, and actually believing in it.

No, no, no, no. I can hear some of you saying, “Okay, I’m there. I believe that what I'm doing is meaningful work, that's why I'm doing it. So, I'm good.” But not necessarily. Let's break this down piece-by-piece just to make sure. Okay?

The cornerstone of any successful service business is that you offer some sort of solution to people. So, you need to be really clear on what problem you're solving and what solution you're bringing and for whom, with some degree of specificity.

If you're telling me your people are small or medium businesses, I'm going to be thinking there's lots of room for you to grow into a clearer understanding of what you really do for your clients. And once you're clear and can speak to that, your ideal clients will feel so at home, so seen and so safe, that it will make sense to move forward with you.

Beyond having made a decision about our work, our people, or our offer, for most of us at least, probably everyone listening to this podcast, we actually have to believe in what we're selling in order to sell, right?. We have to believe that those people exist and want our solution. And that our solution is a great, great fit for those people.

For many of us when we're starting out, we basically are our solution. So, you're really needing to believe that you are a great fit for your people. Remember, if you're not clear on that, you can't expect them to be clear on that. But once you are, you're much more likely to be able to communicate that in a way which helps your clients believe it too, so that they want to pay you, they feel that truth and connection.

And that's it, really just a few things: You knowing what problem and why, who your people are and are not, with specificity. And why you or your solutions are right for them.

I mean, are we living in the greatest age ever or what? Your ability to do work that's deeply meaningful, and to create wealth that upsets generational paradigms just comes down to that, pretty much. And when those are dialed in, you don't have all the ambiguity or shakiness, right? You feel grounded.

It's a difference between when you're all wound up, versus how you feel after a good yoga class or a good workout session. Have you ever gone to a restaurant, sat at a high-top table, and one of the chair legs is shorter, so you're unstable and rocking back and forth? Or worse. Okay, this is the worst. When you can feel that one of them is loose and you're not sure, but you might just fall flat on your butt at any minute. It's very disconcerting, right? Not good. It's hard to concentrate on the conversation.

Definitely not a good thing to try and build a business upon. You're telling your client, “Hey, come sit on my lap, I got you.” And they're like, “Um, I'll pass.” My friend, you deserve a chair that's rock solid, handmade, beautiful wood, one-of-a-kind, unlike any other chair out there. Right? You need to be like, “This is my throne. This is where I reside. I was born for this, groomed for this. This is what I do.”

You want to be the woman who knows what she's about. Still feels secure when people don't text that day, or maybe even break up and decide to go their own way. She still knows her value and the kinds of people who appreciate that value. That creates such resilience for you and your business.

When you can commit to and hold those powerful decisions that are made from your greatest power and vision, rather than from scarcity or reactivity, then synchronicity start materializing. Because when you're unsure, the universe is giving you opportunities to become sure. And often, those opportunities are not fun to live through.

You'll make a decision to sell to X kind of person, and then maybe you get flooded with discovery call bookings from the old kind of person, for instance. Go back and listen to my episode with Ale Garnica about “The Power of Decisions”. You'll hear about the synchronicities that started happening in her business when she dropped into belief and alignment.

She had been resisting a decision about an offer for a specific type of person. And as soon as she made the offer, a client dropped in to receive it, and more. Her stories are always really fun. I actually have two episodes with her.

So, back to my friend. As I started talking through all of this with her, she really opened up to me. She was saying, “I do wish that I were booked out. And honestly, I keep going back and forth on the result my clients truly want. Like, what am I really selling them? And then that sends me into a bit of disbelief that I'm the expert and I know what my people need. Because if I knew, then they, in turn, could really nail exactly what they need.”

All of these clarity gaps finally started coming up, the ones that were obviously affecting her business, because how can you sell with conviction, when in the back of your mind, you're thinking, “Can I really do this? Am I really the expert? Am I the right one for this job?”

She went on to tell me how it had been affecting her, the pressure she'd been feeling, because it seemed like she was doing things all wrong even when she had been trying so hard. Why didn't she have a waitlist by now? And how all of that drove her to hustle even harder and then feel even worse.

So, I asked her, “All right, so before we talked, if you weren't thinking it was clarity, what was your interpretation of what was going on with you? What was your interpretation of why I'm able to bring in cold traffic off of Google, and enroll $25K clients into my VIP mindset coaching?” And she said, “Oh, I just thought I wasn't good at overcoming objections yet, whereas you had more confidence with selling.”

See how the mind works? It zeroes in on ‘I just need to learn to overcome price objections.’ But since I, Jenna, spend so much time thinking about clarity, I see it totally differently. I see someone having problems with price objections. And I think that's kind of natural, if you're unclear, because then how can your people be clear? They'll naturally have reservations as they should, right? There's a disconnect, and they pick up on that.

So y'all, if there are any of you out there who have been thinking, “I need someone to help me with selling confidence. The whole problem in my business is that I don't know how to overcome objections,” then we should definitely talk.

Because it's true, I sell with confidence, as do a lot of my clients. I absolutely believe that my $25K offer is a no-brainer for my clients, and not just as a one-off, but to continue paying me $25K for the long haul. I think that we co-create beautiful things together that just wouldn't be the same if she found a different coach, or I found a different client.

But all of that's the very end result of everything I've been talking about. I didn't come out of college talking that way. I built that belief, piece by piece. All the clarity and belief work and worthiness work, allowing myself to receive, scary decision making and even scarier sticking to my decisions, I built all of that.

That's important, because in my experience, very few of us heart-centered women are born with a strong, let's call it a strong sales gene. Where we can just go sell anything to anyone and feel no qualms about it, not question the integrity or the product, or will this really help the person.

Most of us are very heavily grounded, there's that word again, or grounded by our sense of integrity, and we don't want to do anything unethical. But this is the work that lets us create the safety to ask for and claim something, that on some level, we feel wrong for or not entitled to. And we sell it to the right people so that it's an energetic match.

This is how clarity is at the heart of everything. I mentioned overworked, earlier in the show. Well, I was talking to someone the other day who was really exhausted and burnt out in her business. She was working weekends and evenings, but she absolutely didn't believe in the value she was offering her clients. And so, she was way undercharging, and then taking on tons of clients.

But if you don't get to the root of what's going on, if you focus on time management, for instance, you won't be making meaningful change. And you see the showing up all over the place. I have a coach who is brilliant and amazing, but during her latest launch, she abruptly dropped her price by a third. She probably had some thought that the action would bring her a better outcome.

But you know what would really bring a better outcome? Building up her beliefs so she can charge what she wants to charge and attract the clients that want to pay for her support. This goes for any way that you might be playing small. Playing small just means that your fears carry more weight for you than the possible positive outcome.

So, however that’s showing up for you look for the deeper reason. Don't go to the doctor asking for aspirin for your headaches when the true issue is that your teeth are out of alignment, and so what you really need is an orthodontist.

It reminds me of another client of mine, Carrie. I have a podcast with her, too. When we met, she was helping people clean out their closets, charging $65/hour, and was frustrated because she wasn't making ends meet. She thought she just needed someone to help her drum up more business.

But she didn't need that. She needed me to help her get clear on her true value so she could create this one-of-a-kind offer that really landed with her and brought her so much more joy than cleaning out closets, and it's something no one else offers. And then she could start selling it to her exact ideal clients for $6,000, who were overjoyed. One even asked if she could pay her more.

I'm remembering my client, Carly, whose clients were coming in sporadically. She wanted to improve her messaging to bring in more clients. She was targeting a group of people that deep down felt pretty tiring to work with. But she told herself those people still needed her, and they were the most likely to pay. That's not a grounded place from which to build your business.

You don't have the super strong roots from which your tree can just spring towards the heavens, right? Because instead of having knowingness and conviction, you're tentative. A sales call books in and in the back of your mind, you're like, “Ugh, I hope they postpone. Ugh, another one of these clients, here we go.”

But when we got down to the people she really wanted to work with, and she shifted her messaging to call them in, because that group was in such perfect alignment for her she sold out her first group program.

Or, like my client Kat. When we first started working together, she was signing clients for $10K projects, and doing visual notetaking for social-good organizations. That was comfortable work, she had a multiple six-figure business, and she really enjoyed it. She was really good at it. But she had started doing far more complex work with some of her clients, and that work absolutely thrilled her. So, she wanted to reposition herself as a strategist, not a visual artist.

We went back through her “why”, we shored up her beliefs, and now she's not really taking on clients for less than $100K. She has already enrolled a couple of them, and we're still getting her website together. But she told me last time we talked, “This transformation feels totally within reach. It's like I'm at mile 16 of the marathon and I've hit a great stride. I'm calmer at work, and there's less ego. I just want to help these people and use my gifts and talents.”

Kat, Carrie, and Carly, they have great stories, right? More clients, scaling, premium offers, and all the glittery things. But I'm convinced that those are just byproducts. Whereas the biggest benefits, the truly priceless benefits, are the ways you get to experience yourself.

It's hard to describe just how empowering groundedness can be, especially when you don't quite realize how off things are actually feeling. But just think about a time in your life when you were truly tapped in. Maybe it was a big decision to change majors, or right when you became a mom, or you'd made it through a health crisis.

But it's like the world stills, priorities reorient, and you're doing what needs to be done in complete trust of yourself and the universe to have your back. Right? The noise just silences.

Now, for some of you getting to this place of alignment will be like a chiropractic adjustment, you just need a couple little tweaks. For others, the foundation work is a bit more extensive. Either is fine, because you're building a business for life, and this is so worth it.

This friend I've been talking about, she falls into the camp of the chiropractic adjustment. I'll show you what I mean. Remember before, when I laid out the components of a grounded business, I kept saying “and why”. So, you know what you're doing and why. I said that for a reason.

The reason is that in my experience, knowing your “why” drives so many decisions that you'll need to make in your business. And it enables so many of the other beliefs and clarity pieces to just fall into place, just click into place.

Your “why” guide you to the work you do and to your ideal people, and then they guide you to your offer. And then your messaging ties everything up with a pretty bow. You're just connecting the dots. The same way you can look at something in hindsight and see how all those dots connected so perfectly, that's what your grounded business should be like.

And your “why” is really that key strategic piece that gets the ball rolling. Like when you're building a Zen tower of rocks, this is the stone that all the other stones of your business will rest upon. For some people, their “why” comes from their vision for the future, or values, or it's about the personal development work they themselves did or that they are still doing, or your Human Design sun gate or vocation gate. There are so many ways to think about this.

I also teach my clients to connect to their purpose by looking back over the course of your life and really teasing out the themes that have been showing up for you again and again. Because I think we spend our lives paying attention to and then invariably becoming experts on certain things, and then we're compelled to dedicate our lives to that in some way. But what matters here is that you are grounded in your “why”, in the deeper meaning of your business or your work in the world.

I have a client who has a service business that she thought was a pretty basic service. There was really no “why”, other than doing work she liked and contributing to household expenses. That was her “why”. It was challenging for her to see how going deeper would actually serve her.

The part of what was happening was ,she was, again, undercharging, and therefore overworking because of the thought, “This is just a basic service.” So, in her mind, she was always competing on price with other providers. We were several weeks in before she went, “Oh, I get it now. I hadn't seen how this would all connect through the people I chose to work with and bring in, and then my sales and my offer to them. And then, all the way into my social media messaging. But it all connects.”

Because truthfully, she longed to be a renowned designer, and create designs for her clients that were really above and beyond. So, that showed us that her aligned clients, they don't want basic either, they want magnificent. And once you start speaking to those people and creating offers for those people, everyone's on the same page and super psyched to be working together.

She's working with clients who appreciate her, and she has the space to create the kinds of design she wants and give the kind of service she wants. And of course, to create raving fans.

When I asked my friend about her “why”, she said she dreams of helping more women of color get into top leadership positions in their companies, because that will change the world. But the person that she had been describing, talking to, the one who had the price objection, that person was a young woman fairly new in her career.

Now, think about the logic flow here. If you're focused on women getting into top leadership positions, knowing that then they'll turn around and offer mentorship and better opportunities for the junior women of color in their organizations. Then it makes sense to focus on the women who are within reach of those positions. The ones who can actually carry out that vision. At least when you're working one-to-one and you have limited availability, right?

You want to make the biggest impact possible with each client. And those women, and this is the beauty of alignment with your clients once you get clear on this stuff, they are just as interested as you in that vision. And it's accessible enough to them and attractive enough to them to make it happen, that they're happy to pay someone to help them.

Versus when you're kind of thinking your mission is to help create this new paradigm, but you're not really sure. And so, you're attracting women who are also unsure about investing, and also about whether they have what it takes to get an ROI on the coaching and to step into these places of power. Then, your business is unaligned. There's no grounding, and you feel like you're on a wobbly barstool.

So, I could work with you on sales techniques all day, but if you don't have the underlying belief, you won't show up as an energetic match for your right clients. And you sure as hell won't be able to sell to those clients because you'll kind of crumble under the weight of your own disbelief. Maybe you'll get all tongue-tied or brain foggy or self-sabotaging right in the middle of the call.

But you see how, with a simple chiropractic adjustment, then the energy can flow. It just all makes sense and things can click into place. If you keep following that logic, if you're intent on really stepping into your power here and creating those big changes, then you're looking for clients that have the best chance of creating that vision with you, like we've said.

So, instead of thinking about, “How can I convince them through this price objection, these women that probably aren't even my people?” You're like, “Hmm, how do I vet this woman in front of me to make sure she's as committed to this vision as I am? Knowing that I can't work with everyone, who are the 10 or 20, or however many women, that will make the most of this?”

Only after they've demonstrated that to you, then you make an invitation to work with them. And by then they've likely worked through a lot of objections in their own mind. Because they've talked themselves through how much they want this and why and what they are willing to do to make it happen.

And if you're thinking, “But I wouldn't know how to call in those people.” The clients that want magnificent rather than basic, or the women executives. There are ways, my friends. This is why you want to spend some focus on getting to know your chosen people and then creating the conscious and unconscious resonance in your messaging that calls them in. That is what we do in the Clarity Accelerator.

So, this work, it changes everything. And yet, it's amazing how little attention people give to these core basics, these core pillars of their businesses. And to me, it's amazing just how willing they are to tolerate ambiguity, uncertainty, low self-worth, and just kind of keep winging it. Because you can wing it and still grow a large business, but you're spending longer getting where you need to go, with more drama and less pleasure.

I see a lot of circular thinking where we tell ourselves, “Well, I can't feel confident and clear and secure until I'm seeing X revenue, or a waitlist in my business.” When the truth is, those thoughts stick around. They probably aren't going to go away until you work through them. And as I've said before, results follow revelations.

You probably won't create the waitlist until you've realized that “Oh duh, of course, I should have a wait-list. This is a no-brainer for my people.” Most of the time, we don't even realize we're trying to shortcut around this stuff or postpone figuring it out. Your brain is just trying to avoid some emotion like frustration, disappointment, or embarrassment.

So, maybe, if deep down you aren't sure that you can help your people get results, then instead of doing that work, your brain will tell you, “You just need a new certification. And then you'll have what you need to help people. I'll just water down my messaging, so I won't feel guilty selling something I can't deliver.” You basically, then, are putting the burden on your clients to decide how you can really help them.

Or it just feels easier to hide out learning some new tactic. Maybe it's Facebook ads, sales scripts, or your sales page copy. And then later, you tell yourself those things don't really work for you, when actually they work fine. It's just that you're tripping over that part of the sales script because you don't really believe it. Or in the Facebook ads copy or the sales page copy when it says, “Here's where you insert your clients pain points. Here's where you insert the result they really want,” you don't really know what to put there.

And I get it, nobody wants to bring their insecurities into the light of day. It feels much better to occupy ourselves with busy work and then get the dopamine hit of feeling productive. Or maybe, you just don't want the discomfort of seeking out ideal clients and having a conversation so that you can understand them on a deep level.

It's much more comfortable to take a course on Instagram hashtag strategy and then hide behind your computer pumping out content, hoping that maybe someone will fall into your lap saying, “I need to work with you. Here's my credit card.”

I've had a couple of people say to me lately, “I'm so ready to take action Jenna. I've done this kind of value stuff and getting to know myself stuff, and this feels like a step back. I want to get out there and let things be messy.” And I am all about your action, woman.

Yes, as an entrepreneur, you’ve got to be a little scrappy. Things will be messy at times, yeah. But be scrappy with your tactics. Be a little sloppy with your copy. But do not be sloppy with the core pillars of your business. Because that shit leads to a lot of wasted time and energy and a lot of sleepless nights.

I've spoken to many women who come back to me later and said, “Okay, now I need help. Because I've been posting for a year and it's not really working. It's driving me crazy. I should be further along by now. I think maybe I should change my niche.” So, I am all about your action if you're running the race with a trail map. Otherwise, I think it's worth it for you to pump the brakes and get yourself oriented.

Listen, your future self, who has this aligned, grounded business that she totally loves and believes in, she will never say, “Ugh, why did I take a couple of months to get this all dialed in?” A thing she never said.

Which brings us to, maybe, a deeper reason, my friend, why a lot of us avoid this clarity work. And it's that on a certain level, it feels safer not to have this all dialed in. We resist how powerful we really are. We resist that potential. Like Marianne Williamson wrote, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we're powerful beyond measure. It's our light, and not our darkness that most frightens us.”

It makes sense, right, that any smart brain that was terrified of that would do its best to subtly dissuade you from uncovering your gifts and bringing them to light. Yes, confusion, busyness, etc. Those can all be brilliant tools for playing it safe. But once you're onto your brain, helpful though it's trying to be, you can redirect.

It's like a mentor of mine, Brooke Castillo, says, “Your brain can try everything it wants to get you to pick up that cookie, but you're the only one who can decide to lift up your hand and grab the cookie.” So, your brain can tell you anything it wants about why not to do this work for yourself right now. But only you can make the decision about whether to fall in line with that opinion.

So, if you've been thinking, “Working with Jenna sounds nice. But doing a bunch of flowery get-to-know-yourself work in the Clarity Accelerator, it's just not a priority right now in my business.” Know that, this is not that. This is the brutally hard work of actually claiming your genius. And the hard work of building all the thoughts and beliefs to support scary decisions, and your ability to commit to them.

And then, from that grounded place, actually taking action on and manifesting the biggest vision you have for yourself. Without that clarity and conviction, you won't take the same level of action and lean in. Like my client, Lindy, said on her podcast episode, she had been playing not to lose, rather than playing to win.

And this world wins. This world becomes an amazing, exhilarating place when women start owning their genius and playing to win. You ready to step into that? What you should be asking yourself is:

Am I committed? Not just interested, not just thinking about, but really committed to creating an experience for myself where I feel deeply grounded in my business? I'm bringing on aligned clients who really jive with the meaningful work I'm doing. And I know exactly what I'm really working on improving in my business and why. Not from scarcity, but from pure desire and potential. So, that I can know what it feels like to lean in and gain traction in mastering this area. So, that I can start getting the ROI from all my other investments. So, that I can blow my own mind.

If your answer is yes, “I am committed to this for myself and my business,” you need to be in the Clarity Accelerator, there is no better place for you. Because that's where I can help you make the powerful decision that your business needs, and the sooner the better.

Over eight weeks, we work through the three necessary parts of an aligned and grounded service business. Which is: Know yourself. Know your people. And then, speak to how those both connect with each other. Then we'll continue on for another month, or as many months as you'd like after that, as you integrate and implement all of your new insights and decisions.

Okay, my sisters, that is it for today. I was spitting some fire; I hope it landed where it needed to and you're feeling kind of pumped. I am so excited to see what you do and what you grow into. And remember, deep down, you know who you are. And each day, you're stepping further into what you are here to create.

Hey, if you're a coach who wants true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #37: Price Accessibility for Your Clients

So many of my clients come to me with reservations about charging what they believe to be high quantities of money. They know that their work is much needed in the world, but due to how it is priced, it is not accessible to everybody, and this causes them to experience some shame and guilt around their offerings. But is it really wrong to charge for something good? Even though you are righting the wrongs of society and creating a better future, does that really mean you should do it for free?

The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast with Jenna Harrison | Price Accessibility for Your Clients

Episode Summary

Jenna dives deeper into a common question faced by purpose-driven entrepreneurs: is it really right to provide services that aren’t financially accessible to everyone?

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Show Notes

What are the ethics of an offer that is only accessible to a select few? How do you want to move through life as a responsible business owner in a society that has some severe equity inversions? The truth is, there will always be more people in the world that need what you offer than you can give, and I’m diving deeper into the topic of price accessibility in this week’s episode.

So many of my clients come to me with reservations about charging what they believe to be high quantities of money. They know that their work is much needed in the world, but due to how it is priced, it is not accessible to everybody, and this causes them to experience some shame and guilt around their offerings. But is it really wrong to charge for something good? Even though you are righting the wrongs of society and creating a better future, does that really mean you should do it for free?

In this episode, I share how I talk this through with my clients as well as my perspective on the topic of price accessibility as someone who offers packages that are inaccessible to many people. I give you some things to think through as you implement new ideas in your business around pricing and accessibility and show you how to get clear on what you want to create.

 

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

  • How this internal conflict can be expressed in unintentional, unbeneficial ways.

  • The problem with black-and-white thinking.

  • How you may have internalized patriarchal conditioning and how it could be affecting the way you operate in your life and business.

  • Some examples of ways you can make your packages more accessible.

  • What you have to do to have the impact you want to have.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

 

Featured on the Show:

 

Full Episode Transcript:

DOWNLOAD TRANSCRIPT PDF

What are the ethics of an offer that is only accessible to a select few? How do you want to move through life as a responsible business owner in a society that has some severe equity inversions? And what exactly is your role in creating change? If we do want to make change, what would that even look like? What do we need to think through to make sure we're making sound decisions? We've got some thinking to do. So, let's get into it.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Welcome back to The Uncommon Way, I am so glad to have you here. I'm just back from my Charleston trip with my husband, where we were seeing whether or not this might be the next place for us to move to. And it turns out, it is not our place. That's okay. Now we know.

It's so similar to what happens with entrepreneurship, right? Like, well, that didn't work. Now, I know. I only had the information I had at the time. I formed this hypothesis that was unsuccessful. But hey, failure is the path to my dreams, right? We're either winning or learning.

As a quick example, one of the things that we became aware of while we were there, is that there's a long list for people that want to get in, for instance, to see pediatricians or health care. It's all backed up because so many people are moving there. So, this is a question that just never would have occurred to me to ask. You don't know what you don't know. But now, I do.

Is the population explosion here having enough of an impact that it's affecting basic services, like health care, education, and infrastructure? And to what extent? It's such a great question, right? We will definitely ask people about that when we go to Charlotte, in June.

But you can't fault yourself for never having thought to ask the question. And so, I just wanted to share that as a little metaphor for any of you that are like, “Ah, I wasted this time. I should have known better,” or any of the things. Of course, you shouldn't have, right? We're all building businesses from scratch. We're all figuring out how to do this as we go along.

So, right before we went to Charleston, we got word that my son was not thriving in his school. And in hindsight, this was not the right school for Dylan. But because it was kind of this free-range model where there's not much communication between teachers and parents, we really didn't know what was going on.

We were supposed to be asking our child about the day-to-day. The same child who tells me he's already been to outer space is supposed to also give me an accurate account of his trials and tribulations at school. He was obviously in over his head. They just had very high expectations for what children can do.

It was a mixed-age schoolhouse. He was the youngest, he was in the youngest group. So, everything came to a head, and within a week, we had to withdraw him. Frankly, he was picking up a lot of bad habits from older kids that he just doesn't yet have the discretion to manage. When are we joking? When are we not? When is it appropriate to say this? When is it not?

And even though it was free range, they had really strong ideas about safety. So, when my son's all activated, because he's been wrestling with eight- and nine-year-olds in the rough play area, and then says something like, “If you do it again, I'm going to poop on your head,” he thinks it's all a big joke, or it's him standing up for his boundaries, or who knows what goes on in that little head?

Maybe he's even heard it from a bigger kid who was smart enough not to say it right in front of a teacher. But when it is said it's considered a threat. Yeah. Right. It's an unkind phrase. Now, Ben was talking to a friend of his and he heard that the saying, that has really kind of sunk in with us, which is, in schools we’re treating boys like failed girls.

Because of the fact that they can't sit quietly, and they are so agitated, and they are rough and are playing at things, that can be considered a failure. And they internalize a lot of shame because of it. In this instance for him, what I saw there, I kind of I agree.

I was the mom, who made sure to dress my son in a variety of colors. I wanted to give him little dolls to play with; everything I could to not condition him with socially expected masculine choices. So, I'm not the one to say ‘boys are different than girls’ as a blanket statement. But this kid has just been pure boy from day one. I had a client who referred to her sons as a “little Vikings”. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, that lands, he is my little ball of yang energy.

So, the last week has been… We've had several sleepless nights. We've had a lot of time not working, where we've been running around trying to find childcare at a moment's notice. And really talking things over every evening and making decisions and plans. How are we going to respond to this letter from the school? Is this really the red flag that we've maybe been thinking about, and it is time to withdraw him? And then, where are we going to put him, and all the things?

So, I know that Ben, right now, would be like, “Why are you talking about this to people we don't know.” And first of all, I feel like I know you, right? Because I know enough of you that I assume the rest of you are just the same. And we're all just a bunch of women hanging out and being real, right? Except that I get to do all the talking, of course.

But seriously, I'm sharing this for a reason. Number one is because we sometimes think that at some point in our business, we just won't have problems anymore. And, that's not true. I think it's really helpful to be very transparent about that. It was always helpful for me when I heard people talking about that.

And, you know, we have human brains. We interact with other humans with brains, and we have a bunch of circumstances we can't control. And so, life will always have challenges, and grounding into that has helped me more fully enjoy the stage that I'm in right now.

There's not so much of this, I need to get there kind of desperate energy. And when you're not in that desperate energy, when you really are enjoying more of where you're at, of course, that always serves you. That always ends up serving you, in your business and life anyway.

So, if I can do that for any of you, and any of you are like, “You know what? I'm just going to kind of sink into where I am right now. Jenna’s right, there's always going to be issues. And you know, right now is pretty good. There's some good stuff going on with my business. And this is kind of fun,” then I would love for you to take that away from this.

I'm also bringing it up because I see a lot of you really get sidelined by events in your life. And I just want to show up as a model of someone who still gets her podcast out, still talks to clients, still hops on sales calls. I acknowledge all of the privilege that allows me to do that. My mom lives nearby. And we do have the means to hire sitters to get us through a challenging phase like this; we are very lucky.

And also, I have spent years building a business that lets clients come to me on autopilot and that gives me free time during my week. I've also spent years building a brain that can compartmentalize and talk myself down off the ledge, and a nervous system that can tolerate an upset in my life.

This all would have been a really, really big deal to a prior version of myself. I probably would have made a whole bunch of stories and meaning about the whole circumstance and my choice to send him there in the first place, and all the things.

But I have so much trust in me, trust in the universe, and trust in the ability of humans in general, to be super resilient, even after going through hardship, that I know my family and my son will be fine. Right? And we tend to think that mental toughness is all about this “Hooah”, brute force, willpower, squelch those feelings, just push through, and make it happen. But it's not.

It's really about equanimity. Which Google defines as “mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.” We don't need to suppress what's going on because we can tolerate and handle whatever's coming up for us in our body and in our environment. It's about seeing the human side of you have real fears and freak outs, but not attaching to them. Allowing it to blow through the house of your mind, like when moving through screen doors.

Some of us can get really hung up on what we're not able to do when there's an upset in our life, when life happens. I found it very helpful to just shift and focus on what I can do. There's so much less friction there. So no, I am not releasing the episode this week that I had planned to release this week. And, that's okay.

But I can still show up and drop a little nugget that might still be super helpful for someone. It might still be what they needed to hear this week, rather than what my agenda was to put out to y'all this week. So, you'll be the judge, right? Let me know in the DMS or wherever if this episode was helpful for you.

But today, what I want to talk about is kind of that icky feeling a lot of us have about selling services that we believe are really needed in the world. But then, because of how they're priced, they aren't accessible to everyone. I've had many clients come to me with reservations about charging money, specifically, what they perceive to be high quantities of money.

Because they really want to be able to help people of all sorts of financial situations, and they really see that as necessary for righting so many of the wrongs in our society and creating a better future. And, I respect that. It's something that I've thought a lot about, as well.

I want to share how I talk this through with my clients. And also, my perspective, being a person who does offer some $25K packages that are obviously inaccessible to many people on this planet. But the thing is, I can see sometimes this internal conflict in women. I can see that expressed sometimes in ways that are unintentional or not beneficial.

So, they'll maybe make a choice that because of that, “Because I don't want to feel that way, I'll just start with a lower priced program, like a little course or something.” And that may not be the best business decision for them, for their personality, even for their market at that time, right?

Or “I will change my niche because I'll be a better person if I choose this niche.” Or they just carry around a lot of guilty feelings and it really interferes with how they're selling and how they're speaking and what they're doing.

When we make business decisions, we want to try to move towards something rather than reacting from something that we think we should probably do or something we're trying to avoid. We just want to get really clean in our thoughts, to get clear about what we do want to create, and then get really creative about how to make that happen.

The first thing that I would recommend that you think about, is just to avoid black-and-white thinking. We sometimes have this belief that either ‘I'm a full-on capitalist serving only the wealthy,’ or ‘I'm a do-gooder selflessly helping all the people.’ There is so much room to be, in between those two extremes. And to move in between those two extremes, at different times.

Just because you make one decision now doesn't mean that that's how you're going to run the rest of the business for the rest of your life. Right? So, I do encourage people to just think through: What do they want to move towards in the world? And really, reverse engineer that. Get very strategic about how they want to really make their big goals happen in the world, rather than focusing just on the next six months, or just on the next year.

That will allow you to make a plan, and hopefully, really like your reasons. Do you feel that you want to offer a scholarship spot right now, or a pro bono spot? Do you want to do that now or do you want to do that later? At what point in your business will you start doing that or will you implement whatever thing you're thinking about implementing?

Does it have to be right now? What are the pros and cons of doing it later versus doing it now? What are the reasons? And can you really like your reasons? Are they really clean reasons, like I said before?

Some people may choose to build a really large business. It's almost like a Robin Hood thing, right? They are maybe working with wealthier clients and then they're generating wealth and they're funneling that back into charity. Those are decisions that they get to make as business owners and as humans on the face of this earth, and that may be perfect for them.

Other people like to offer some sort of tiered access. You may want to be volunteering your time outside of your business. You may be building a business, and this is kind of the route that I went…

It was very important for me, in my thinking, to break generational paradigms, and to create a level of wealth for myself before I started offering scholarship spots. I just had a very clear focus that this was something that needed to happen, really in my family lineage, and that I needed to get very clear about. Still doing everything within integrity, of course.

And really, then what I was going to be doing was, I was going to be giving away so much for free to the people that would never even work with me. Right now, this last year, that is what this podcast has been about. The money that I've earned in my business allows me to have a team that can edit my podcasts for me and social media people that can get it out and make it accessible to people that can hopefully benefit from it.

I do give, I believe, a lot of value in these episodes. And I often give you just a lot of straight-up how tos. Like, this is exactly how I think about it, this is exactly how I do it. That was a decision that I made long before I ever created this podcast. It was, I really want to build to this level of income and safety and security for myself and my son, heaven forbid, we are on our own.

And then, I want to be able to just fully give back, first by way of podcast. Or if there had been some other technology that I preferred by that point, I would be using it. But I knew that I would transition from a place of really keeping my head down building my business, to a place of sharing without even an expectation of seeing a return on that investment, so to speak.

This may not make a lot of business sense, but when I moved forward with my podcast, I thought of it as, “Of course, there will be people that find a fit and come to me through this.” But I really did think of it as, “This is an expenditure I'm making for me, for the world. This is my giving back. And even if it's not generating income for me, it's my choice to still go forward with this and to make this investment every month, to get this out there to y'all.

Okay, so as you are making your plan, and as you are avoiding black-and-white thinking, you also want to bring in a healthy dose of realism. Because the truth is that you cannot help everyone. There will always be more people in the world that need what you offer, than you can actually help.

So, what is the best way to help? Is it by filling up your coaching slots with scholarship clients right now? Or is it to spend a few years building a very well-funded business or even a marginally… I guess that's all relative, right? What is well-funded? Building what you consider to be a well-funded business, and then having the resources to reach more people and affect greater change.

If you haven't read, We Should All Be Millionaires by Rachael Rodgers, I recommend that book for every woman on earth, basically. She goes into business building at the end, and I have some differences of opinion there. But the first chapters, where she's talking about the ways women have been conditioned to keep them from generating wealth, she paints the vision of a world where more wealth is in the hands of women. You've got to read this.

She backs up everything she's saying with data. She's linking to different research reports. I found it really eye-opening, and I have been studying these topics for years. So, I haven't met anyone that didn't find some nuggets in there that were just like, whoa.

You definitely want to make sure that you are being realistic, as you're making your plan, without being a cynical pessimist, of course. You want to allow room for you to get to your highest level of creativity while being grounded in reality.

Because another harsh reality is that we are in business to make money. My friends who have done a lot of work in the nonprofit sector or are in traditionally female service roles, like teachers and social workers, y'all can sometimes have some friction with this concept. You learning to receive wealth and abundance is a big part of your journey.

So, this is another thing that I would say, the answer to these questions is not the same for every person, right? There's no blanket statement. And you really need to know what some of your work is, and also what change you want to effect in the world.

Again, for those of you that have come from a background where there is a moral prize for earning less and giving more, you understanding that a lot of your thoughts are actually internalized patriarchy is also a big part of your journey. You understanding that just because you've grown up witnessing a world that is temporarily wounded from a toxic masculine energy paradigm; that same paradigm that has told us that the only way to accumulate wealth is through selfish and cutthroat practices.

Just because you've been conditioned with that, does not mean it's the way the world needs to be, or the way you will operate in the world. And it's your job to get creative about what the new paradigm actually looks like, and how you want to be, really, a trailblazer in this area, while living within the current economic system that we have.

Something else to think through: Our clients are humans. As you implement your new ideas, you just want to pay attention to how that is serving them or not serving them. We tend to think that people will be very, very happy with lower prices, and that they will have more favorable outcomes because of our lower prices.

But because humans have brains, sometimes actually, higher prices, are what encourages them to really, really commit and dive in, in a way. And obviously, again, that is very relative; what's a high price for one person is not a high price for another. All I'm saying, is use this as your laboratory to test, because what you assume will happen is not always exactly what will happen.

And you just want to be open to the fact that you're learning, you're evaluating, you're taking the pulse of this, and you're really looking to see what truly does get your people. And your people are going to be different from someone else's people, so there are no blanket statements here. But what really does get your people the best results for them.

And at the same time, you are human. So, you have got to be real. If you're bringing on a lot of low-price clients, but then your nervous system is all activated with scarcity, and maybe you even start falling into resentment, then you won't really be helping anyone.

If you're noticing that that could be something that would actually happen for you, then I encourage you to listen to my podcast with Ale Garnica, my client; the first one, where we were talking about powerful decision making. Because she was working through a lot of these exact questions. And making powerful decisions around them had a direct effect on her business.

The act of just not making the decision and kind of feeling the cognitive dissonance or the inner turmoil around these questions, she didn't realize it was having a pretty dramatic effect on her business. And so, just becoming clear on this, making these decisions for herself and how it was going to play out in her business, removing the shame and the guilt from the decisions that she did make, turned out to be very, very effective in a very short amount of time.

My therapist always says, “Put on your own gas mask before you turn to help someone else.” And that's not what we are taught to do as women in this culture, right? But that's what we have to do to have the impact that we want to have.

And I think there's room for us, even as we're putting on our gas mask, to still lend a hand to some extent. But we want to make sure that we're doing it from a place of our own safety in doing so. It's not going to keep us from getting the oxygen that we need, and it's not going to, in any way, interfere with or misdirect or keep us away from the grand vision that we have.

We are learning to really keep our eyes on the prize. To really hold the vision of something that does not even exist yet. And then, like I said, reverse engineer. Get very smart and methodical about how we're going to build into it and manage the thoughts and the feelings that are coming up as we do so. Because there are so many external influences at play, that grounding into what really is right for us in this moment, tuning in to where we want to go, and giving ourselves the latitude to create that.

It doesn't all have to happen today, has been something that has been very helpful for me and for my clients. I absolutely wish that it sparks something for you, that helps get you to resolution. Because I want all of us doing our best work in the world. And yes, increasing our capacity to give our sisters and our brothers a hand up that are not in a position to hop into that without some assistance.

Okay, my friends. Thank you for joining me here today. And just remember, deep down, you know who you are. And, each day, you're stepping further into what you are here to create.

Hey, if you're a coach who wants true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Jenna Harrison Jenna Harrison

Ep #36: How to Harness Spring Energy for Your Business

In the depth of February, when everything seems still and stagnant, it can be easy to see nothing but evidence of death, decay, and deceleration. But in that exact same moment, with a simple shift, you can tap into something completely different that is always there. You can see that every tree and bush around you are gestating little buds that will turn into berries, flowers, leaves, and thriving revitalization.

The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast with Jenna Harrison | How to Harness Spring Energy for Your Business

Episode Summary

Jenna shows you how to ride the wave of revitalizing spring energy and harness it to create an abundant harvest in your business and life.

Join us in the Clarity Accelerator by scheduling a call here.

Enjoy the show? Leave a review to help other likeminded entrepreneurs gain clarity in their businesses.

If you'd like to talk about working together, book a call here.

 

Show Notes

Behind the scenes, all the trees and bushes have been orchestrating the arrival of leaves, flowers, and berries that are about to burst forth into your vision. That has been going on for a while, regardless of whether you can see it or not. But what would you say if I told you the exact same thing is happening in your life and business?

In the depth of February, when everything seems still and stagnant, it can be easy to see nothing but evidence of death, decay, and deceleration. But in that exact same moment, with a simple shift, you can tap into something completely different that is always there. You can see that every tree and bush around you is gestating little buds that will turn into berries, flowers, leaves, and thriving revitalization.

In this episode, I share what spring energy is, what it might look and feel like for you, and a simple exercise to help you tap into it and connect to its existence. Discover how to drop into knowingness so you can harness, amplify and play with this spring energy. I share the specific steps you can take right now to ride the wave of spring energy and reap an abundant harvest in your business and life later.

 

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

  • The specific steps you need to take right now to take advantage of the spring energy so you can reap an abundant harvest later.

  • One of the most powerful things you can do when reaching for a new level.

  • What exactly will enable you to handle and ride this powerful spring energy.

  • A powerful realization I had about spring energy.

  • Why these transition points are beautiful opportunities to reflect and set new intentions.

  • The importance of trusting in something that you can’t see with the human eye.

  • How to move into the simplicity of remembering who you are.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

 

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Full Episode Transcript:

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Behind the scenes, all the trees and bushes have been orchestrating the onslaught of leaves, flowers, and berries that are about to burst forth into your vision. That has all been going on for a while now, regardless of whether you can see it or not. The exact same thing is happening in your life and business, and I want to help you harness and amplify, and also, just play with that spring energy. So, stick around, we're going to ride that wave. I'll show you how.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Hey, welcome back to The Uncommon Way. How are you? We are in March now, wow. Here in Pennsylvania, our daffodils are up and the ducks in my backyard stream are pairing up. And even though we're still at freezing most mornings, spring is definitely tantalizing us with anticipation. I don't know about you, but for me, these transition points are just beautiful times to reflect and set new intentions.

I hope that you have had a wildly successful first quarter. Maybe it feels like you're already in full harvest. Or maybe you've been experiencing more and more signs of inevitability towards whatever goal you are working on bringing forth. Personally, I have been in a planting and preparing phase. Aligning so many pieces so that my future self can thrive at an entirely new level.

I'm going to run through them for a minute, because one of the most powerful things you can do when you're reaching for a new level, and this is what I've always done working with coaches, being in rooms where people are excelling and are probably stages ahead of me.

And the most powerful things you can do is start to imagine what kinds of things you'll be thinking about and what problems you will be solving at that new level. And then, when your brain wants to spend time ruminating on things you can't control in your current life, you can direct it to think about things that you will be thinking about later. Right?

Doing so gives you access to new thoughts that you haven't thought before. So, right now, I'm thinking a lot about where I want to live. Because when you have a business that gives you location independence and money to choose your location, there are no have-tos, you just get to choose.

Ben and I are leaving tomorrow for Charleston, South Carolina. And we'll be investigating, you know whether or not we're moving there. We've got three US locations in mind, and this is the second that we visited. So, we are very close to an exciting decision.

And since there is absolutely nothing I love more than a powerful decision, it's an actual thrill in my body. And I'm very conscious of the power that gets unleashed through that. It's like I can feel those wheels in motion starting to line things up for me as soon as I say go.

For instance, the wheels are lining up for Majorca already, which I'm pretty sure will be our European home. I've been putting that out more and more to the Universe, and just with all of my actions and the way I talk and the way I think, that this will be my place.

We'll be there in July. And so, like I said, the wheels are already in motion, there are all sorts of synchronicities. Like, I have had this thing on my vision board for years, and it's a picture of a long wooden table underneath trees. And there are people there that are breaking bread, sharing a meal, and they're laughing and talking. I'm just imagining really kind of deep, but fun conversations. I've always imagined this with a group of my closest friends. And I’ve imagined it somewhere in the Mediterranean.

And lately, so many people right now, all these old friends are saying they want to come to Majorca, right when I'm there. And so, I randomly reconnected with an old client. I met a new business bestie at my mastermind retreat, and she said she wants to bring her daughters.

Y’all, I have been going to Europe for years, but this has never happened before. Usually, it's just a small family thing. And I believe it's because I have locked into my fully aligned place. Right? Which is a lot like business alignment. So, just saying, right?

I'm planning an entire rebrand with the photographer that I just found, she's just perfect. I've even hired a stylist. And speaking of hiring support and hiring on people in my business, I've been hiring on support. My very trusted VA, Angad, is stepping up to take on more responsibility. I've hired a new business coach. I've hired a pleasure and sex coach, so things are going to get a little spicy.

I've hired more support to help with my son Dylan and his mental health. Mental and physical health is something that our family dedicates serious focus to. And we want him to be able to participate in that, as well. And, yeah, there's a lot of movement that you wouldn't necessarily see from the outside. But all of these things are happening.

I'm watching myself, and really recognizing that I have some growth room here to really lean on support. And perhaps embrace kind of the B+ or B- in my life, when you're bringing new people on and they're contributing, and their ideas aren't your ideas. But it will all be so worth it.

And all of this really helped set me up to create more powerfully for you, because I'm leaning into that pulse and alignment, right? I'm allowing myself to rest and be supported more and more. And that's when you get to tap into the best, most creative, most strategic parts of yourself. So, I have been quietly revamping the trainings and delivery methods within the Clarity Accelerator.

I want to simplify it. I want to make it even easier for you to implement. And also, to create more like inclusivity and relatability for the influx of six- and seven-figure business owners that have been coming in. Because it turns out, all sorts of women want to get clear on the next evolution of their business.

Everyone wants a space to call forth that new, audacious idea. Or that little nudge that they've been getting that's been bumping around inside them, and really hatch through these ideas. And then, finally commit and step into that really powerful decision or decisions that need to be made, in order to propel a scary but necessary transformation. Right?

This is still the place for you if you're figuring this all out for the first time. But it's also the place for you if you're figuring this out for your next time. Or if you know that there are a few pieces that aren't quite dialed in, in your business. You know that’s showing up in kind of wishy-washy messaging, and maybe I'm talking to you one day, I'm talking to you the next day, a different person.

I want to help you move from tentative and uncertain, and from, maybe “I'm doing this wrong” to the conviction and simplicity of “This is so right. I know who I am. I know where I'm going.” And that is, that no turning back, forward momentum energy that I want to help you tap into today, very similar to that spring energy.

But before we go into it, I want to give a shout out to Sherry. Sherry was kind enough to comment on a post of mine in a Facebook group and say, “Hey, I've really been enjoying your podcast.” Now, I had no idea Sherry was listening, and it was so nice of her to just take that extra little minute and make a personal connection.

And as I'm creating this episode, I'm thinking of you, Sherry. I don't know if this will be helpful, or if it's even your jam at all, but I hope that it serves you. And to the rest of you that I either don't personally know or I just don't know that you're one of my listeners, I just wanted to say, “Hi, and to thank you for your support.”

Okay, here is spring energy, in a nutshell: The inevitability of revitalization. There's also an inevitability of decay, death, and deceleration. That is good and necessary. But a lot of us spend way too much of our consciousness in that inevitability and its shadow side, rather than in this other inevitability, right?

We stay in the heaviness of ‘it's not working’, the reactivity to the cold, the cold response of an email list, maybe. The closing in your body to protect your vital organs. And by the way, asked me how I know. I've spent ample time in that shadow, and I still visit it sometimes.

But here's the thing, in that same exact moment, in the depth of February, when everything seems still and stagnant, the birds have flown away, in that same moment when you might be looking around and saying, “Ah-ha, this is evidence of the death and deceleration. Here it is. No leaves, cold toes. What went wrong?”

At that same moment, every tree and bush around you is gestating little buds that will turn into berries, flowers, and leaves. So, right now, same exact moment, which is a simple shift of the dial on your energy attunement, you tap into something completely different that's always there.

This realization came to my life very powerfully one day. This was years ago, and I was hiking in the hills behind my parents’ house near Seattle. I want you to imagine the Twilight movies if you've seen them, or maybe the movie Arrival. When it's winter in Seattle, it is a gray, foggy, drizzly, cold place, right?

So, imagine hiking in the rain forest with these towering trees and big oversized ferns. I was in a very dark place. I had been trying to conceive for years. My husband was deployed, and I was taking weekly or bi-weekly visits to the fertility clinic. It was just failure after failure after failure.

Actually, you know what? It wasn't. It was like, failure, and then hopeful expectation. And then failure, and then some new method or technology we were going to try. And hope and maybe, and then failure. I cried a lot; lots of hormones coursing through my bloodstream.

I clearly remember wanting to get away and clear my head and taking that hike on that cold day. The exact moment that I slowed down to look at some raindrops that were hanging from the spindly branches of this tall bush, in that very second, my focus shifted away from the rain drop, and oh my god, a bud was forming. It felt so early in winter to see this bud, right?

But it honestly felt like a moment of pure grace. Like a direct message targeted specifically to me by something showing me this: That even when I couldn't see evidence of the life that was coming, that didn't mean it wasn't in the works.

And right now, two inches underneath your cold toes, is a bulb that's been buried there in the ground all winter, invisible to you. They're there regardless of whether they've materialized into your human plain vision or not.

We tend to be very egocentric, right? It's like if I don't see it, it doesn't exist. I got called in principal's office at my son's school the other day, because there were these certain behavior issues that had stopped taking place out in the open, but apparently had gone underground.

Apparently, my son is thinking that if the teacher can't see him, she can't hear him, either. Even though he's right around the corner in the hallway. It's like ‘if I can't see the teacher, she's not there.’ Right? And that's how we get, too.

And with that shadow, winter energy… And by the way, energies have gift sides and shadow sides. Winter brings beautiful gifts that we can also harness. But right now, I'm talking about the shadow side. And when that is the dominant energy within us, we're doing one of two things. We’re either, keeping our foot pressed right there on the soil so that the poor daffodil sprout can't come up. It won't get the space and the sunlight it needs.

Or you're like, where's my daffodil? Where's my daffodil? Maybe it needs more water? Until you’ve drowned the poor thing. Or maybe, we're pouring orchid food onto the spot. Now, we're setting up a heat lamp. We're doing all the things to create an orchid because we think we should have an orchid.

Either that's what was successful before or somebody said that's what you should have or it seems like the safest bet. So, of course, nothing's happening, orchid or daffodil, because the bulb needs daffodil conditions to flourish.

Okay, let me move away from the abstract metaphor and say that the first condition your bulb needs, is your belief that it has already been planted and will flourish. Very soon the trees will have these, whether or not you can see the buds, the buds are forming. Right?

And before we dive into the steps that I'm recommending for you and the practice or meditation that I want to invite you into, I just want to mention that everything I'm saying here will be easily accessible in the season of spring.

But if you're on the other side of the equator, or you're listening to this at a later date, or you listen to this when it came out, but several months later you realize you've been in that heavier shadow winter energy and you just want some revitalized spring, you can just decide it is springtime in your life for business.

Yeah, you can do that. Nobody can tell you, you can't, right? Just call on this energy at any time, and this mindset at any time. Because consciousness and energy are so entwined, and that spring energy is always present in our universe.

And believe me, I know it feels uncomfortable when we're kind of in this space of not knowing what is next. We know that we've kind of maybe outgrown where we've been, or that something is no longer fully us and there's something else, but we can't put our finger on it.

So, definitely not wanting to minimize, not wanting to say, “Hey, the buds are coming, be happy!” But also, this energy is here for you. It is here for you.

First thing really, is in order to harness that spring energy, you first need to connect to its existence. To that inevitability of revitalization. You need to trust in something you can't see with your human eyes. You need to drop into knowingness and openness instead, which is very vulnerable, not going to lie.

All sorts of disappointments and unmet expectations might come flooding back to you as I say these words, that's okay. They don't stop spring from coming. It's your job to ground into where you do believe and start looking for the signs and evidence of spring’s inevitable coming, and then feel into it. If you get still and you consciously call it up, you will be able to feel the pulse of that energy, because it is everywhere, especially this time of year.

We'll do this together in a second, but you might start by going outside watching the ducks. But truthfully, you can feel it. You can feel it from your office chair, you don't really have to do or go or have anything special happen. You can just tune into it. I've been hanging out in some Facebook groups, and this might be a projection, but I don't think so, I can feel it there. Step one, lean into belief.

But now step two, consciously call up that energy and feel into it. Get curious about how it feels qualitatively. Now, some of you are very sensitive. And as you do this, you might tap into a whoosh of energy. It feels like next level excitement and inspiration. You just want to pay attention to where is that manageable and where is it in excess? Because as we've said, every energy has its shadow and gift.

And so, if you feel it going into this very spun up frenetic almost, energy, then I recommend some conscious grounding so you don't spin out here, Especially if you're like me, and you secretly have this kind of love-hate thing with adrenaline.

Even when I was young, I grew conscious of this pattern of mine of loving an all-nighter; procrastinating and then riding that adrenaline rush as I typed away furiously throughout the evening. I liked that level of activation. And we live in a hyper stimulated world where it's very easy for us to fall into the trap of seeking the next big rush and the next big rush, which we know is unsustainable and usually counterproductive.

When you find that energy imagine grounding it. We'll do an exercise for that in a minute, but yes, go sit under a tree, do some floor yoga, drink a cup of herbal tea, eat some warm, nutrient dense foods, right? This is what will allow you to handle and really manage and ride this particular energy.

And then, amidst all of these energies, I want you to now feel into, what is your energy? Like, what is the ocean floor beneath all the waves? What is you? What is coming to you from the material world or from some other person versus what is generated from your field? And once you're there, watching the interplay and the kissing of these energies, allow your inspired knowing and wisdom to come from your energy.

This is the same one that we spend so much time running and hiding from, it's that very powerful knowingness within ourselves. Which seeds do you want to plant right now? What is the timing of that? Which tree, of all the trees, is about to burst forth? This is a metaphor for your business, right? But you could also, actually practice it with real trees.

Let your knowingness guide you and let your Higher Self advise you, too. You have a board of advisors, most likely underutilized. Call on those resources, right? And once you've opened up that channel, or just made space within you, however you think of it, listen.

Maybe you're being told that your audience, which is made up of humans who are also feeling this spring energy, maybe you're being told to lighten up a bit in your messaging to more powerfully connect with where they are right now. Maybe that wave is carrying you straight into concrete actions like really showing your clients or your audience the vision of their future. Or creating content that can't help but get them inspired and excited.

Maybe you're called to put on a certain color today. Who knows? Don't judge. Don't be like, “Ick, this daffodil sprout isn't what I expected. I wanted an orchid, so I must not be getting this.” No. Sometimes you'll get really illogical sounding guidance. Just play, it's springtime after all.

Okay, last thing. This is really, really important. If you listen to my episode on intuition, you know this. But the last thing is, you've got to take action. Timing is not something to be trifled with. And you've been given a gift through this information download. So, trust it and move on it. I can't tell you how many times I've gotten a hit and moved on something, and later that timing has been key for connecting with a new client or something.

And you’ve got to listen to my episode with Ale Garnica on creating exponential change. You will see that it is not only me; this happens everywhere.

So, let me run through those again, for you. First, lean into belief. Even if you've only got a shred of it, that's what you're working on. Second, consciously call up that energy, that spring energy, and feel into it. But make sure to ground yourself, if needed. Third, now feel into your energy as something separate. Fourth, allow your inspired wisdom or knowing. And fifth, take action, not tomorrow, unless that was part of your guidance, but right now.

Okay, you want to practice all this. I recommend going outside or listen now but then revisit this later when you can go outside. Bring a journal or you can take notes on your phone or into a voice recorder. But don't actually take the notes during the practice, do so afterwards. You can write down whatever you noticed or anything that was revealed to you.

Okay, my friend, sit down on the ground. Maybe find a spot under a tree somewhere in front of a beautiful view, something that feels comfy. Now, if sitting is uncomfortable for you just lay down on the ground. What we want is for your body to be in contact with the earth. And now, just take a few deep breaths and longer exhales. Feel your body sinking into the earth. I'm being supported by the earth.

Now, tune into the energy of the earth itself. There is a vibration there that is very grounded, steady, and also nurturing, and feel that moving up through your body. And now, imagine that within you, you had a little seed or bulb or bud, however you want to imagine it, right in the center of your chest.

Imagine a little sprout coming from there, a little tendril, and it was moving down through your body and into the earth, forming roots. Feel those roots going deeper and deeper, grounding you into the earth. Then just scan your body.

Notice if there are any qualities that are maybe anxious or heavy. And with each exhale, release all of this anxious energy into the Earth. Imagine yourself as just a tiny speck on this great, green and blue ball, in this moment in time. And when your nervous energy is delivered, it's just so inconsequential compared to the Earth, relative to the Earth, that it's just absorbed. It dissipates and disappears into this really rich, fertile soil or rock.

And as you're inhaling, especially if you feel a heavier or a lethargic energy, imagine inhaling that nourishment of that vitality that is our planet. Just notice this for a few rounds, of your inhales and exhales, and feel yourself stabilize. And then, I want you to attune to this springtime energy that we've talked about.

What is actually happening in the trees and the bushes underneath our feet, between the bunnies and the ducks? That momentum, tune in to the quality of that energy. What does that feel like? Maybe it feels like a wave, or a tingling on the outside of your limbs. Maybe it feels like momentum swelling underneath you and carrying you forward. Just get curious about how you perceive that.

And next, I want you to ask your energy to turn on, so that you can feel it. You felt the earth energy, you felt the spring energy, what is yours? What does your energy feel like, your Highest Self? How are you feeling that in your body in this moment? Is there a place for it? A color for it? A movement, a sensation? What does that feel like when it is turned on, when the volume is increased?

Now, from the interplay of these very powerful energies, you can kind of imagine them maybe swirling around and playing with each other. These three powerful energies of the earth, the spring, and you, my friend. From there, I want you to ask for guidance, from maybe your Higher Self, your inner visionary, God, the Universe, your board of directors. However you think of it, wherever you glean your wisdom from, just ask. What do you need to plant, to nourish, to wait for, or to envision, at this moment?

Right now, with this spring energy, that will facilitate the most potent use of this time, of this energy, to deliver your future harvest. There is no right or wrong here. And there's no linear time here. This guidance may come to you now, it may come to you later; just opening. This is one of the few moments in our modern world where we can let our energy and our intuition lead instead of our mind. Just to help balance out all of our powers.

All right, my friends. If this has been helpful for you, to tap into this energy, to receive guidance, or even just ground yourself and give your nervous system a reset, you have just experienced a small part of what happens inside the Clarity Collective that accelerates the process of you becoming your future you.

To experience that acceleration yourself, you can join us in the Clarity Accelerator, or you can join me for private coaching. Either avenue brings you into the larger Clarity Collective. Consider this your invite.

Okay, I am cheering you on as you ride this wave of spring energy into tremendous revitalization and the resulting abundant harvest in your business and life. Remember, deep down, you know who you are. And each day, you're stepping further into what you're here to create.

Hey, if you're a coach who wants true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Jenna Harrison Jenna Harrison

Ep #35: Reinventing Who You Are with Lindy Schmidt

I’m welcoming another one of my seven-figure clients, Lindy Schmidt, to the show. After 20 years working in corporate, she was presented with the opportunity to try something different in her life and purchased her hometown grocery store. She is now the owner of two independent community grocery stores and joins me this week to share how she reinvented herself and why every woman can be the CEO of a deeply meaningful, impactful seven-figure business if they do the mental work required. 

The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast with Jenna Harrison | Reinventing Who You Are with Lindy Schmidt

Episode Summary

Lindy Schmidt joins Jenna to share why every woman can be the CEO of a deeply meaningful, impactful seven-figure business if they do the mindset work required.

Join us in the Clarity Accelerator by scheduling a call here.

Enjoy the show? Leave a review to help other likeminded entrepreneurs gain clarity in their businesses.

If you'd like to talk about working together, book a call here.

 

Show Notes

There is a future version of you that is accomplished and has what you want right now. She thinks, acts, and shows up in ways that are different from how you do currently, and the sooner you can transform into those ways of thinking and being, the sooner you can see the results that she creates. But how do you get outside your current brain to recognize those differences as they’re happening in real-time so that you can start to shift them? That’s exactly what we’re discussing this week.

This week I’m welcoming another one of my seven-figure clients, Lindy Schmidt, to the show. After 20 years working in corporate, she was presented with the opportunity to try something different in her life and purchased her hometown grocery store. She is now the owner of two independent community grocery stores and joins me this week to share how she reinvented herself and why every woman can be the CEO of a deeply meaningful, impactful seven-figure business if they do the mental work required. 

Tune in this week to learn more about reinventing yourself and how to disrupt current patterns and ways of being that are keeping you stuck where you are. Lindy talks about the turning points in her life that led her to coaching, the shift that happens once you start embodying a different identity, and how to take the first steps towards a new identity and a purpose-driven life.

 

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

  • One of the reasons Lindy was struggling in her business prior to coaching.

  • How Lindy thinks about coaching and what she does to be a power client.

  • Why Lindy’s business is uncommon and meaningful to her.

  • The benefits of working with a coach.

  • How Lindy made such a huge shift in such a short space of time.

  • One shift to make you 5x or 10x your investments.

  • What it really takes to reinvent yourself.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

 

Featured on the Show:

 

Full Episode Transcript:

DOWNLOAD TRANSCRIPT PDF

Somehow, there's a future version of you who will accomplish what you want to accomplish. And now, thinks, acts, and shows up in ways that are either, subtly or dramatically, different than the ways you do currently. The sooner that you can transform into those ways of thinking and being, the sooner you'll start seeing the results that that woman naturally creates. But how do you get outside of your current brain to recognize all of those differences as they're happening in real time, so that you can start to shift them? That is what we're diving into today.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Jenna: Hey, friends, welcome back to The Uncommon Way. Today, I'm bringing on another of my seven-figure clients to talk about a few themes that I know each and every one of you will benefit from, no matter where you are in your business.

I'm so excited to introduce you to Lindy Schmidt. First of all, she has an amazing mission that I know you'll love. It's one that you don't hear too often, so it's distinctly her uncommon way. And we're talking about my favorite subject, maybe it's yours, too.

But we're talking about how to reinvent ourselves in order to disrupt the current patterns and ways of being that are keeping us stuck, rather than skyrocketing into the future that we think might be possible for us, if we could just figure out exactly how to get there. There's also a big added bonus in this episode. One that really, if you just make this shift, you are going to start 5x or 10x your investments. And you'll no longer worry about, “Will I get what I want out of this?”

Lindy shares how she thinks about receiving coaching, and exactly what she does to be such a “power client”. I hadn't come up with that term when we recorded this, unfortunately, but I really like it. And, I invite you to take this on for yourself once you hear about how she does it.

Every woman can be a power client. Just like every woman can be the CEO of a deeply meaningful and impactful seven-figure business, if they do the work. And by the way, I mean mental work. Sometimes, the physical doing of stuff is exactly what we're doing to avoid the uncomfortable changes that will actually get us where we need to go. Lindy can tell you a lot about that.

Okay, friends, it's my deep gift and pleasure to bring you this conversation. Enjoy.

Jenna Harrison: Hi, Lindy, thank you so much for coming on.

Lindy Schmidt: Good morning, Jenna. I'm so happy to be here.

Jenna: I've noticed, as I've been playing back some of the podcast episodes with other clients, I maybe haven't given people a chance to get to know the person before we actually dive in to the learning and the teaching. So, I thought I'd do it a little differently now, and especially because your story is so interesting. I'd just love for you to tell people just a little bit about you, and your business of course; why it's uncommon, why it’s so meaningful to you.

Lindy: Sure. Well, my name is Lindy Schmidt. I live in a small town, south of Omaha, Nebraska, in Louisville, Nebraska. My husband and I own two small, independently run grocery stores. So, my background is, I had worked in a corporate environment for just shy of 20 years. And we had the opportunity to do something different, try something new, and purchase our little hometown grocery store. That was back in 2019.

It was December 19, right before COVID, where I had made the decision to quit my corporate job and purchase our little grocery store that was closing or had closed, and kind of devastated our small community that we live in. Because I wanted to try something different. I wanted to try something new, and I wanted an opportunity to do something helpful. Something that I could give back to the community. So, that opportunity came before us and I jumped on it. The rest is history.

Jenna: I love it. And you've since opened another location?

Lindy: We did, we opened a second location in September of last year, so September of 2022. We opened a second store, in another small community about an hour away from where we live, and where our original store is. That was a really fun learning there, as well. And yeah, so as of right now, we are the owners of two independent, small grocery stores.

Jenna: Why do you think it's important for towns to have an independent grocery store?

Lindy: It is. Well, I know it personally, because we lived in a community that had one, and then we lost it. We really think, or I really think, that it's important to have for everyone; for everyone to have access to fresh food. There are places across the country that the closest supercenter, or the closest grocery store, is 20, 30, 40 miles away.

Even in some of these smaller communities where there's chain Dollar Generals or chain stores that may pop up in some of these smaller communities, you don't have a lot of fresh food. They don't have fresh produce or fresh meats. And I think it's important for everyone, regardless of where they live, or the size of the community that they live in, to at least have options. At least have access to that, and at least have options.

Jenna: I love that. From what you've told me, there can also be kind of a community aspect too around this. Can you talk about that?

Lindy: We quickly realized that a grocery store is sort of the heart of Main Street in some of these smaller communities. And without that sense of community, without a place for people to come and shop, and see their neighbor and see their friends, and run into the people that they literally live within this community, it's hard.

So, it really does shine a spotlight on the importance of Main Street, and having a vibrant, small community. And, that was really important to us. Because if you live in a smaller town… We've seen instances where they're not thriving.

And our hope is to kind of be a beacon, and then maybe if we can do it and open up a business in that community, someone else could be inspired to do the same thing. And then, we all win. The entire community thrives if just one person sees that opportunity, and they can inspire someone else, who maybe has a different kind of a business. Or maybe, who has a dream to open their own little shop or do something. It's good for everyone; it's all of us.

Jenna: I love that. I love the idea of that leadership within each town that you move into. It's like you really get to have your fingerprint on the development of all these communities, and all that coming together. So, talk about what's your vision. Your vision goes beyond two stores? What would you love to see happening in this country?

Lindy: I would love to see… Our store’s called The Market, The Market, Fresh, Local, Community. And we would love to see a Market in every single town across the country that doesn't have access to fresh food.

There is a need. If there are people and there is a community, there's a town… There used to be, Jenna, independent grocery stores everywhere. And sometimes, in small little communities there were multiple. You think back to the days before these giant super-centers took over everything, and closed a lot of these small independent retailers because they weren't equipped, at the time, to compete with them.

I see a real need and a shift back to bigger not being necessarily better, just because you have so many more options. It's almost overwhelming sometimes, to think about going into 200,000sf. store and thinking, “Oh geez, it's going to take me 10 minutes just to walk from my car to the front door; from the parking lot to the front door.

You lose that sense of community. We lose that sense of customer service. You lose that connection that you can build with other people. Every town, every community, every person, deserves to have access to that.

Jenna: Oh, I love that. Yeah. Let alone even finding the thing that you're trying to find in that supermarket, right? You'll spend so long… I'll give up so frequently, because I just don't have the time. It feels frustrating. Right? And, I just won't get the thing. And then, I have to make a trip to a second store where I actually know where the thing is, in order to find it. Or, I'm wandering around looking for someone to help me find something.

Lindy: Or, If you can’t find it, hey, 20ft. down here, there's a person that's more than happy to help me show me where that is. So, that’s what we’re trying to get back to. Trying to get back to smaller communities. Making sure that those small communities thrive; they're vibrant. The little Main Streets of yesterday kind of light up with business and industry again. I think there's a real need and a real place for that. And, I think the time is now. I think we're getting to the point where people recognize that bigger isn't always better. Sometimes, simpler is better.

Jenna: I love it so much. And I love that we brought this in, because everyone listening to this podcast really cares about the business they're creating. They really want to make some sort of impact, do something. And I think this really helps them tie it in, your story, right? We'll help them kind of ground into that and feel like… I have a feeling everyone listening to this now is like, “Yes!”

Lindy: I was talking to someone the other day, who said, “I'm so glad you opened the second store in our community, because my grandmother lives in town. And, you know, she has to get someone to take her 20, 30mi. a week, just to get groceries for the week. And now, she's right here in town, she can pop in. It's just so much easier.”

I just think there's so many advantages, so many. I mean, we do it, obviously, it's a business, but there's also so many other good things that can come from it, inspiring other people potentially, to do the same thing. And then together, we can build something really great in these small towns.

Jenna: Yeah, yeah. And there's also… I mean, as we've seen, my husband and I now, are looking for our next place to live. And all of the “little places” we're looking at, it seems like they've already been discovered, right? The housing prices are so high, and the traffic is so big. And so, I know that inevitably, there's going to be a greater influx of people into smaller communities, that right now are just like little gems waiting to happen. But if there's no grocery store and you have to drive 30 miles, my family would never move there.

Lindy: Right. You actually, are trying to get away from… We see that all the time, too, as kind of a shift and a migration from the city, and busyness and the impersonal nature of living in the city. We kind of decided to move out of the city after we had had our two kids, for that very reason. Because we wanted to feel that connection with other people within our community.

And sometimes, it's really hard to do that when you live in a giant state. When your children go to a school that has thousands of kids, they don't have the same opportunities. We wanted to kind of simplify and get back to a smaller community, really. Where our kids could go to a school…

They go to a school right now, that's a pre-K through 12. And so, all together you don't have a thousand kids or 500 kids in your graduating class. And, we see that as a trend. There are so many new people coming into our little community because of that reason.

They want to have that simpler life. That real connection with the people that they live in their communities with, that you kind of lose. So, I see a shift, because we live it, that's the community we live in. And, I see that shift of a lot of people really wanting to get back to that.

But in order to do that, in order for it to be a desirable community, there has to be business and commerce. There are places across the country where that can happen again. Even if even if they had it and it's kind of died. Not really died, but it's kind of gone away; it's possible. Let's bring it back.

Jenna: Yeah, I love it. I love it. Okay, so good. The reason that I really wanted to have you on the call was to talk about a conversation we had, about what the actual turning points were in your life, that led you to get to this point of coaching? And then, some of the realizations you've had.

Then, specifically for people, what exactly you have done and how you've thought, that has created such a shift for you in such a short amount of time? Because I know that if everyone could do that, there wouldn't be all these conversations about, “Oh, I invested here and didn't really get what I wanted. I'm not sure if it worked for me.” None of that would be happening, because you've just made it work. Like, it is working.

So, let's share that with everyone, just so they can kind of adopt some of the ways of thinking that you have, and then get the kind of results that you’ve been seeing. Tell us first, about what do you think sparked the journey? And what were the steps along the journey to then find me and really decide to hire a coach?

Lindy: Yes. It was a dissatisfaction with the business that we had created, or I had created with my husband. So, we had gotten to the point where it just felt heavy. You know, it's a hard business. It was overwhelming, and I was getting to the point where I wasn't having any fun anymore. I couldn't see, I lost the vision. I lost the vision of why I wanted to do it in the first place.

Jenna, you and I, in one of our first coaching calls, we kind of described it as being stuck in the muck, right? Stuck in the muck every day. And, that was the way that I was feeling. I was getting bogged down the ticky-tacky, day-to-day things that consumed me. And so, it was that deep feeling of, I would guess I would call it, I just didn't love it anymore. I was starting to fall out of love with my business that I had created.

I had been for years… I listened to podcasts, I read books, and all kinds of personal development things. But I never actually… I mean, with some of the things, you’d get a journal; you get your gratitude journal. You write things down, you do some things, right? But I didn't have a consistent practice. And I thought, “Okay, well, I need to take a big step. I need to shift because I don't want to go on in my business this way.”

And so, I had just decided, “I need to find a coach. I'm going to find a coach. I'm going to put my money where my mouth is, and I am going to work with someone to help guide me out of this place that I’m in, that I didn't want to be in anymore.”

So, that, literally led me to just google. I'm on the Google's googling, Omaha business coach, or whatever it was. And somehow… I’d click on this one, or click on that one, nothing really spoke to me. I don't exactly remember what the search was on how I found you. But I found your website. Which is kind of funny, because in hindsight, you and I have chatted about the fact that I'm probably not your target client.

But I found you and I went through your website, listened to your podcast, and I thought, “I want to work with her. I think I want to work with her.” And then we had our call, and that was what? December of last year, a few months ago.

But to answer the question on kind of what led me to making that decision, or making that leap was, I “studied” or put a lot of information in my conscious mind, but I'd never actually embodied it. I'd never actually worked with someone to help me to see my thoughts. See those things and the thoughts and the feelings that I was having, which was creating the state of my business, essentially.

Jenna: Right, right. And yeah, it is so amazing. Because the page that ranks on Google, is very much geared towards coaches figuring out their messaging, right? And so, I loved the fact, when I saw your intake form, I asked you which page had you looked at? Because I do have another page that speaks to clients like you, as well. And you said, “No, that's the one I saw. But I just decided to do it.”

Obviously, it's been great, and I'm so glad you did. Other people have managed to find me also, that are not coaches looking to nail their messaging. So, I think just really speaks to what I'm saying, about the resonance that's created is both conscious and subconscious. There was a subconscious component that clicked and allowed you to feel safe and trusting to move through.

Lindy: That was big step for me too, Jenna. That investment, having never really taken any classes or worked with anyone in the past, to just say, “I'm going to do this. If I need to have some big shifts in my identity and in my business, I need to really make the investment to do that.”

Jenna: I think that's what we identified in the first call. I went back and I looked at your initial intake form, which was so fun, and you were talking about how you guys just didn't have time. It was like a firehose of issues and problems, and how you're so busy sweeping the floors that how can you ever plan for the bigger things? And I thought, “Wow, sweeping the floors,” that’s just so emblematic of where you were.

And yet, when we got on the call, you did have this grand vision, and you saw it as so important. I knew that you were still in a different identity, right? Not in the identity that would get you there.

Lindy: That's right. And that's one of the biggest things that you and I have worked on from the beginning. Is creating that identity shift and stepping in to a different version. I know, this is going to sound kind of silly, but it's really a different version of yourself. And, it is a shift that you have to embody. I wish I could articulate exactly what that looks like; you probably can.

But it really is just a gradual change, a gradual shift, in how you see yourself and who you become. Because where I was, I knew that I couldn't stay in that place and get to where I wanted to go; it just wasn't possible. And so, it's those little thoughts that you and I have worked on, since we've been working together, since December, on how to embody and shift that paradigm, shift the thoughts that you're having.

Jenna: Right. And, they're so ingrained in you that you don't see them.

Lindy: Yeah, that’s right. Because there’ve been so many times where you and I'll have a conversation, and you'll repeat back something that I said, and say, and I'm like, “Oh, my gosh, you’re right.” It was just last week when we were on, and you said, “Well, you said this, but you also said this.” And, you're right. You're absolutely right. Because it's so hard to get inside of our own brains and to see our thoughts. It's so ingrained, it's so embodied in who we are, that we need that outside perspective.

Jenna: I think for you, the biggest thing, was that deep down, you had a belief that you weren't a big-picture, strategic thinker. The kind of person that could roll out a national, nationwide, brand. And what we found out, was that really, at the place you were in your career, you were focusing on other things, and you hadn't had the mentorship to transition into a different type of thinking. So, it wasn't actually an inherent part of yourself. That was big.

Lindy: Yeah, one of the big, big realizations that I had over the course of our discussions was, “Okay, here's a thought that I'm thinking; I'm not good at this. I'm just not a big-picture, strategic thinker. I'm not good at this.” But it came to me, at one point, that nobody ever taught me how to do that. Of course, I'm not good at it. I've never learned how to do it. I'm going to learn how to do that now. And I'm going to step into that, versus just saying, “Well, I can't do this, because I don't know how to do it.” Nobody ever showed me how.

Jenna: It was such a reinforcing belief. Because since your brain believed that, it was spending more time putting out brush fires in its comfort zone; doing what it knew it could do well. Rather than taking the time out and handing that off to someone else, and actually giving yourself the space to bring on these visionary ideas and new ways of thinking that your company desperately needed, that leadership.

Lindy: Because I could see it. I could see it, Jenna. I could see that where I was, wasn't going to get… There was no way. Where I was, the things I was doing, was not going to get me to where I was going. But I had gotten so bogged down in the, you call them brush fires, I call them a hot flaming dumpster fire. Yours sounds way more eloquent.

I had hot steaming dumpster fires every other day. And I had gotten so into managing that and thinking… My husband and I always say it's like a game of Whack-a-Mole; deal with this thing, something else pops up. But we had gotten so muddled down in that, that I couldn't even see the vision anymore, because that was my reality every day. And, I lost it, and I wanted so desperately to get it back.

Jenna: Let's talk about how you got it back. Because I always find that this is how I am with my coaches. We'll have a session, there'll be some a-ha, and then I take that and run with it. So then, in between sessions, I'm using that and I'll start looking up podcasts on that topic. Then, I'll find this book. Or, I'll journal and then I'll get another a-ha. And, I've noticed you do exactly the same thing.

And so, every time we get on a call, I sit down with you, you start to give me an update, and you're like, “Here's the a-ha I came to. This was so big this was huge.” Tell us, in your words, what you're thinking in between our sessions, and how you're doing all of that?

Lindy: We'll usually have something that sticks out in one of our sessions. And then, I'll think about it. I journal. I write things down. I do re-listen to our calls, which is helpful. And I'm always kind of searching and looking, and trying to find, I guess, something that speaks to me. And so, then I'll go out, like you mentioned, and I'll say, “I'm looking for some more inspiration on this topic.” And then I'll look for a podcast; “I don’t know if she speaks to me.” That may lead me to another person or another topic.

One of the things that you and I had really talked about in the beginning, is reinvention. I don't know if we called it reinvention, or it's just kind of recreating my identity around this business. And I realized that I really did need to step into a different role in this business a bit, if it's going to go to where I really envisioned going.

I think you had mentioned Kris Plachy in one of our calls. “You need to go listen to Kris.” I had heard of her because I'd been listening to Brooke’s podcast for years. And granted, never necessarily done anything, but I had heard her name before. And so, then I started listening to her podcast. She really spoke to me in the way that I needed to hear about some of the more tactical things in the business.

About stepping into becoming a CEO of your business. And, what that looks like at a more tactical level.

Jenna: Yeah, hiring clients and performance reviews…

Lindy: And job descriptions, and all of the tactical things that one has to do in the business. But then, I started seeing that as being very, very relevant to me and to what I needed to do, as well. So, finding her also helped me start to embody that identity of someone who is a CEO; who can make these decisions.

And then, she led me to someone else. You've given me other tips and books and podcasts. It's amazing how it kind of unfolds.

Jenna: So, maybe it is like that relentless curiosity. Or, sometimes for me, it's almost like obsessive, right? Like, I'm just looking. Yeah, I'm just calling it in.

Lindy: All the concepts are all the same, right? But certain people say the same thing in just a slightly different way that just resonates with you. Right?

Jenna: Oh, that’s so good for all the coaches out there to hear. Did you just hear Lindy say that? She needed to hear it from different people. Yeah.

Lindy: Different people; it's the same message, but in their own unique way. Yes, to all the coaches out there. It's the same stuff, but you have your own way of explaining it, of teaching it. And it will hit home with somebody, it will resonate with somebody. I guess that's me. I'm always looking for the people that can relay that message in a way that I go, “Yes, that makes perfect sense.”

Jenna: Yeah, yeah.

Lindy: I do a lot of that in between our calls every week.

Jenna: I did really want to highlight that and just honor you for that. Because it's not what everyone does.

Lindy: That the work. That's the work to….

Jenna: Talk about that.

Lindy: So, I'm really committed to making this shift. And so, what that looks like, is a lot of self-reflection, thought downloads, questioning my thoughts. Why do I feel this way? Why am I feeling this way? Where's that coming from? I think in one of our very first calls, Jenna, you said you have to be an observer of your thoughts. And it's so, not done.

Jenna: And, not taught.

Lindy: It's not taught how to do that. And then, it's not taught to take it that step further. The first step is just recognizing it. That's self-awareness and being like, “Why am I having…?” And then, questioning it and saying, “Why?”

We can talk about this later, but one of my biggest a-ha’s was came when I just listed all the thoughts that I was having about the state of the business. And then I said, “No longer.” Because I was having all these thoughts about it that I didn't even realize, or not necessarily thoughts. But I just sat at my computer one day and just emptied my brain about that specific topic. I got a page full of things, and they weren't all good, right? Most of them were not good. And, I was like, “Well, it's no wonder I feel not so great about this. Look at all the thoughts I'm having about it.”

Jenna: Yeah, yeah. So, let's go there, because I know that was a huge epiphany. And, I think there are so many people that need to hear what this revelation was for you, because it's the same for them.

Lindy: Yeah. Well, let's back up. I had realized I was having all these not so good thoughts. I just started questioning, “Why? Why do I feel that way?” And then, I just had that moment, that a-ha moment, where I realized one of the reasons why I was struggling in my business was that we weren't necessarily running the business; we were playing not to lose, versus playing to win.

There was a difference in being scared and being hesitant about decisions that needed to be made, versus just having that knowing, that, “No, we're going to win. We're going to play to win, versus not to lose.” It's a completely different shift in the energy, in the mentality, in the confidence in your own decisions that you're making.

That was a huge, huge moment for me. I felt it. It's like I could finally see it and articulate it. And, I remembered being really excited to have figured that out.

Jenna: It is a huge shift, right? It's like the defense versus the offense. You we're playing defense all the time. Like, how can I mitigate the pain that this will cause, instead of what is possible for me, if I really wanted to win at creating this thing that hasn't been done, this national brand? What would I be doing?

Lindy: Yes. What would I do? What decisions and actions would I take differently, if I knew, really knew, that I just couldn't lose?

Jenna: Because you weren't going to give up. You’re going I figure it out.

Lindy: Yeah, that was never an option for me. Let me just go back and say, of course, it's our business. And of course, if we were struggling in it, we could just say, “I don't want to do this anymore.” But that was never an option for me. So, it was kind of a go on in the way that you're going, which was not feeling great about it and kind of becoming resentful towards it, to be honest. Or, figure out a way, one day, to shift; shift your brain, shift your mind, on how to get back on track and move in the direction that you want to.

Jenna: Talk about the process that led to that realization. Because I think there'll be some people listening to this that say, “That sounds great that you had that a-ha, but I've been journaling and I haven't had my aha,” or something. What I've seen happening with you, is that as you've cleared the channels you are allowing the synchronicities into your life. And so, you did the work; you did the thought download. You made your intention known that you really wanted to, now, get to the next step, the next truth, about this download. And then, you happen to watch a movie, where they kind of said that kind of line.

Lindy: Okay. Yeah. So, let me back up. This is how that whole thing kind of unfolded. I think I went in the middle of it. So, we had a group call with some other…

Jenna: The Collective.

Lindy: And we were talking about Master Manifestors, I think it was. There were two girls on the call that were really good at that. And so, we were chatting about money and how they're good at manifesting money. I was thinking about that, and then I went and found… I was looking for, searching, like we had talked about… Again, for someone. “Let me find a podcast or someone who's specifically speaks to me about this topic.” Found someone, and on her podcast, she didn't necessarily speak specifically to me, but she had an episode where she had a guest on. And that specific guest has the podcast, too. And, she really speaks to me.

But in the process of that, I had downloaded some sort of meditation. Like a manifestation, money manifestation book or something. And part of the visualization that you're doing, is stepping into this person. You're visualizing this person who has all these things.

In my mind, in my visualization, I would see this person, right? It didn't have to be you. It could be someone else. It could be a real person, fake person, it didn't matter. But this person that I saw, was from this movie that I had seen a million times, years ago. But it kind of inspired me to rewatch that movie. “I'm going to rewatch that movie again. I liked that.”

And then, there was a scene in that movie where someone said that line. They were playing poker, and it was somebody teaching a classroom on poker mindset; something. And she said, “I beat him because he was not playing to win, he was playing not to lose.” And that's when I said, “Oh, my gosh, that's me. That's how I'm running my business. I am playing not to lose. I'm scared.” It just clicked with me.

But that whole series of events, it's very funny how it just kind of unfolds, and that's how I got to that a-ha moment.

Jenna: Yeah, but it wasn't… Again, we always go back to how did you create that? Right? Instead of, “It just unfolded.” And so, what I love to share with other people… And also, Lindy, you and I were talking about masculine and feminine energetics. And the feminine really is like the potential and the possibility and the trust. So, you had all of those components there, as you were there. But you also had the masculine energetic of this conscious focus, right?

So, you were following the breadcrumbs of these different podcasts. And when you combined the two, when you allow the trust, and you allow the play… You weren't a person that listened to one podcast, and then said, “Well, dammit, that didn't give me my answer,” and then you just stop there.

No, you were really in this place of play. This will come to this, and I'm sure I'll be learning more. And then, maybe this person does, and this person doesn't. And maybe, I'll just watch this movie. You didn't let your brain get in there and say, “What's the point? I mean, is this going to further your cause?” No, you're just like, “I will watch this movie…”

Lindy: I will watch this movie that I had seen before. And yeah, I wasn't looking for some big a-ha moment. It just inspired me to do that. And, I got it.

Jenna: Right. And that's the perfect marriage of the masculine and the feminine coming together. Where you have that focus and that trust.

Lindy: Well, and we had spoken about, Jenna, the masculine and feminine and how I was… Do you remember what you said, how I said, “Well, I think all the things that I've created up until this point, has really been just masculine energy.” When I think about that, I think about not hustle and flow, it's almost like, flow and hustle. Right?

So, the feminine energy, I've come to think of as the allowing, the visualization, the curiosity, yes, trust. And then, the masculine energy I feel is more like the doing, the actions, the doing-the doing-the doing. But I think the magic is in… You and I talked about this last week, we're so ingrained with the doing-the doing-the doing-the doing, the hustle. But what if there's an easier way?

What, if you can tap into that other piece of it, that flow, that feminine energy? You still have to do the things, right? But it doesn't feel so hard. It doesn't feel so tight. It's possible. It's possible that things could just come easier.

Jenna: And yeah, your results are amplified because you’re finally having these two forces working together, rather than one just suppressing the other.

Lindy: Right. We just do-do-do.

Jenna: I'm going to block the receiving because I need to make it happen myself. It's like, “Okay, we won't give it to you, then.”

Lindy: I mean, maybe you'll get some stuff done, but there's a much easier way to do it. I’m still working on that, too. I mean, I don't know, you and I will probably talk out that on Thursday. But getting better at the receiving, getting better at tapping into that; you call it “opening the portal.” Getting that to be more intuitive, versus being so conditioned for the hustle. And I want to turn to the flow.

Jenna: It's beautiful to see that you have been doing it now, so eloquently and effectively, with the coaching and the personal development. And so, now we'll just be turning that to the business. Now, we'll be seeing the same results. But you know how to do it. Now, it's a transferable skill.

Lindy: Yeah. What happened? You want to talk about my backpack analogy?

Jenna: Yeah, yeah, sure.

Lindy: Once I had my big a-ha, I was trying to articulate, okay, what is this? My husband's really big into metaphors, right? So, he's always thinking and describing things in metaphors. And I thought, “Okay, well, how am I going to describe this to him? And, how am I going to describe this big moment to Jenna, when I chat with her next?”

I had likened it to this. I had felt working in my business was like carrying this backpack on my back, full of rocks and sand. And so, every morning, I would get up and I would put that backpack on. I would walk down my path, and it was heavy. I wasn't very fast. I would bitch and moan the whole time, about carrying this damn backpack.

But it could still move forward, right? I was still going, I was still walking, I was still putting one foot in front of the other, every single day. But it was unpleasant. I had gotten to the point where this backpack sucks. So, I get to a point where I say, “You know what? I don't want to carry this backpack, because it's these straps are hurting my shoulder. I'm going to modify it. So at least, on my journey every day when I put it on, it doesn't hurt as bad on my shoulders.”

You get a little foam pad and you put it around the shoulder straps. You get up the next day, you strap that thing on your back, and you walk. But it's still heavy; full of rocks and sand. And, you're still putting one foot in front of the other. But at the end of the day, when you take it off, it's a little bit better, your shoulders don't hurt as bad, it didn't chafe as much when you were carrying it during the day. So, it's a little bit better.

And when you and I started working together, and you get these a-ha moments, that is when I realized that I don't actually have to carry this dang backpack on my back anymore. There's a better, easier, faster way. And that's when you trade the dang thing in for a frickin’ jetpack with rocket launcher on the back.

And you're like, “Guess what? I don't have to carry this backpack. I can put it down and I can get something completely different, and a thousand times better. And, I can get there 10 times faster than I am right now. That's what I likened it to. That's what I saw in my mind. That is progress.

Jenna: I love it. It's a great metaphor. It's so good; so good. One last thing I wanted to touch on, was you were talking about how you work between our sessions. And you said, “That is the work.” And so, I think it's an interesting shift; it's the way I think about it. But I'd love for you to say it, so that people can hear it differently through you. Again, when you sign on with a coach, tell me how you think about your involvement between sessions.

Lindy: It's my work. That's my journey. I can pay you, Jenna, and tell you every day, “Jenna, what do you want me to do? What do I need to do? What am I supposed to be doing?” And you can tell me, but if I don't do the work, and if I don't take the time to gather some knowledge, take the time to do the steps that are necessary, at the end of the day it's on me, it's my results. I own it you; can't do it for me. You cannot create my life for me.

I found you to guide me. To be able to see things in my brain and in my thoughts, and reflect them back to me, that I didn't even know I was having. But really, the work is on us, you, me, to do it. Because you can't just sit back and say, “Oh, well, Jenna told me to journal and nothing's happening.” You have to take the time to put in the self-awareness, the thought download.

I mean, if nothing else, just writing down your thoughts, that literally was kind of a catalyst for me to get to, from having bad thoughts about my business and how hard it was, to literally having that a-ha moment. Where I said, “I get it! I've been operating in this way: I'm not playing to win; I'm playing not to lose.” And all the stuff in between those two things, was self-awareness, was looking at my thoughts.

It was a process of getting from dissatisfaction to, “I get it now.” Doing the work in between that. And the simplest step, I would say, is just understanding your own thoughts that you're having. Just write them down. That's all I did. I just wrote them down one day, and then I could see. That was the next step, is to be able to see. “Well, it was no wonder. Look at all these terrible thoughts that I'm having.” I could see it, in black and white, on a piece of paper.

Jenna: Such good advice. Yeah, for sure. And as I'm hearing you talk, I'm thinking that there's kind of a next step. Because, yeah, some clients, you'll tell them what to do, and they just won't do it. And other clients, you'll tell them what to do, and they'll do that. And, that's great. But then, what you do, is that I'll tell you what to do and you'll do 10 times more. You'll do that and all these other things.

Lindy: Yeah, it's almost like having that excited curiosity. I'm always looking for that other person, that other teacher, who says something in just a different way, in just that special a way that resonates with Lindy. And then, I can get to those a-ha moments that way. Oh, yeah. And it may just be something that I've heard before, 10 times, that for whatever reason it didn't stick with me, but this time it does.

Jenna: Yes. And this is what makes for a truly productive, co-creative, coaching relationship. Because it's as if you and I entered into an agreement to be partners at the very beginning. And we're like, “Okay, that's the end result we wanted to get to.” And then, between sessions, we're thinking how to further get to that result. And so, you're working your angle, and I'm working my angle. And together, we'll get there.

That's completely different than someone almost coming in with an employee mentality to the coach, and saying, “Okay, what do I do next? What do I do next?” You're taking ownership of, ‘I'm half the team.’

Lindy: Right. I mean, I could hire you to tell me what to do. But again, I could do it, or I could really do it. Like, really understand it, really embody the work that needs to be done. Because you see the path, too, and your job is to guide me. But together, it's so much more impactful if you, like you said, you're doing yours from your standpoint, and I'm doing all the things in between that I can come to you with.

It’s like, “Oh, Jenna. It's been really, really powerful.” I could have never have gotten to this place by myself, or on my own. Because I couldn't even recognize some of these things in myself. You just need to have a coach and an objective third party, who can help you navigate and decipher the thoughts and the things that you're telling yourself that you don't even realize.

Jenna: Absolutely. I feel the same way about my coaches. I just never would have even seen it.

Lindy: No. Not even in my awareness. So, I'm so thankful that I found you. Well, no, I created our relationship. Right? I attracted you to me because that’s what I needed.

Jenna: Right. You absolutely found what you needed. You're just moving forward, creating this vision that you will manifest.

Lindy: It's really been fun. The whole idea of stepping into a new identity has been kind of scary. But you know what? Exciting. Getting to that place where you feel, and again, I wish I could articulate it better. There's just a shift. There's just a shift that happens, once you start embodying that different identity.

And I think the getting of it was kind of little steps, baby step. So, you almost feel like you're faking it till you're making it, right? It’s little things like, I don't want to do these certain things anymore, like sweeping the floors or putting product on the shelves. So, I'm not going to dress as if I'm going to do that job anymore.

You don't necessarily believe it, but you're kind of telling yourself, “I'm going to shift.” But then, one day, you just kind of feel different, [crosstalk] that new person. You just don't need those things anymore.

Jenna: I love it. So good. Lindy, thank you so much for coming on.

Lindy: Thank you for having me.

Jenna: Yeah. And, we will link to your website in the show notes, but just give it to everyone quickly, if they want to feel the vibe.

Lindy: The Market, Fresh, Local, Community; TheMarketFLC.com. You can see a little bit about our stores. You can see pictures of my family, who run the stores with me as well. So, thank you for having me. And I look forward to having another a-ha that we can chat about on our next coaching call.

Jenna: Love it. So good. Thank you.

Lindy: All right. Thanks, Jenna.

Hey, if you're a coach who wants true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this. Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #34: The 'Too Braggy' Fear and What I'm Doing About It

Where are you feeling braggy in your life? What are the things in your life that in theory you should be proud of or want to share, yet you don’t? Whether it’s how educated you are, how well you did in corporate, or any of the privileges that you hold back from expressing, I want you to ask yourself: what would be possible for you if you were fully, audaciously, uninhibitedly showing up as yourself?

Episode Summary

Jenna shows you why it’s time to stop hiding away out of fear of appearing ‘too braggy’ and start showing up authentically and expressing your true self.

Join us in the Clarity Accelerator by scheduling a call here.

Enjoy the show? Leave a review to help other likeminded entrepreneurs gain clarity in their businesses.

If you'd like to talk about working together, book a call here.

 

Show Notes

As women, we have been taught for millennia that we shouldn’t stand out. We should stay small, stay quiet, be humble, and cater to everyone else before ourselves. As a result, there is a tendency for us to hold ourselves back and play ourselves down for fear of coming across as too full of ourselves or braggy. While we recognize that so much of this is patriarchal conditioning that we have internalized, we still don’t always take action to heal from and move beyond it.

Where are you feeling braggy in your life? What are the things in your life that in theory you should be proud of or want to share, yet you don’t? Whether it’s how educated you are, how well you did in corporate, or any of the privileges that you hold back from expressing, I want you to ask yourself: what would be possible for you if you were fully, audaciously, uninhibitedly showing up as yourself?

In this episode, I shatter one of my own glass ceilings and share what will be going on with me and my business in terms of new territory I’m wandering into, specifically around being perceived as being braggy. I encourage you to hold space for yourself and others, to support women when we see them trying, and I show you how to start showing up authentically without being afraid of being perceived as being braggy.

 

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

  • What’s going on with my own personal transformation right now.

  • The antithesis to us fully showing up as ourselves and expressing in the way we need to.

  • Why community is so important.

  • Some examples of where you might be hiding away from showing up authentically in your life.

  • Why even though it can feel scary and vulnerable to show up as your true self, doing so can bring something greater than hiding away from it.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

 

Featured on the Show:

 

Full Episode Transcript:

DOWNLOAD TRANSCRIPT PDF

I'm about to shatter one of my own glass ceilings. Do you want to come along for the ride? In this episode, I'm going to be sharing what will be going on with me in my business. Some new territory that I'm wandering into, specifically around the area of being perceived as braggy. I've been through it before. This is a new level now that I'm going through. And I want to invite you all in on this ride, because I know that it's something that touches each of us in different ways, and is probably affecting you in some way, right now. Let's talk about it.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Hey, my friends. Welcome back to The Uncommon Way. I am so happy you're here. Really, you have no idea how happy I am that you're here. I'm going to get a little personal on this episode, more so than usual, maybe. And it feels a little vulnerable right now, sitting here in my closet, totally protected with four walls all around me. But that is the point.

I don't mean the point is for us to bare all of our secrets and all of our fears with our audience, necessarily. Although if you want to, great. But what I mean, is that when there is something moving, when there is a transformation moving through us, it longs to be expressed. It longs to be made manifest.

It looks like evidence that people can see. It looks like something or it sounds like something, it becomes a tangible thing in the world. And so, I think it longs to be made manifest. And it also longs to be received within the universe.

When you are able to share with other humans, that sets wheels in motion, is what I'm trying to say. And so, the vulnerability is that first initiated impulse that drives you forward. And then, the beauty is that, especially in the kind of women-led networks that are popping up everywhere around the world, like this one, which I honor and love and respect so deeply, there's a feeling of safety for me, at least, within the vulnerability.

So, just knowing that I'm talking to you, and that the kind of person you are allows this expansion… It not only allows that expansion, right? It's almost like a magnet calling to the expansion. So, there's one sense of energy where it's coming out through you and pushing outwards.

And I know you all feel that. I know you all feel the nudge for something, in some direction, at this moment, right? There's something in you, there's some little voice that won't shut up, and is just kind of gently knocking at your door. Or, if it's been a while, maybe it's screaming loudly in your ear.

There is that, and there's that energy, that push from the inside out. But what I'm noticing, more and more, and I'm tapping into, is this other energetic, which is coming from the outside, and it's magnetizing more and more of us to speak our truth.

For instance, I have that energetic very strongly, for all of you. I am teasing that, I'm seducing that, out of you, so that the world becomes a much brighter and much more conscious and evolved place. I believe that so fully. That's absolutely my mission. That's why I'm in this, is so that the expression within us is no longer stifled.

What's going on with my personal transformation in the moment, is I have signed on with a new coach, entered a new mastermind. And this is something that I would love to do, just a complete episode on that, about how I make decisions of this sort.

Because I've been doing this so long in my thoughts, in my mind. It's actually not really my thoughts, but my feelings, right? And my beliefs about this are very precise at this point. But it is reflecting the impulse that was within me, the part of me that needed to be expressed, and then I basically found my home there. I attracted it to me; I attracted it into my sphere.

I know enough to move very, very quickly when I received that matched energy to the thing that I've been calling in. So, I moved very quickly. Made a powerful decision in my life, and it's taking me in a direction that feels a little scary.

Because here's what's going on, and this is really what I want to talk about today. I have felt very passionately for a very long time, about this tendency for women to hold themselves back, to tamp themselves down, specifically around this idea of feeling braggy.

We've been taught for centuries, for millennia really, that we shouldn't stand out. That we should cater to everybody else. That we should be humble. And that it was actually dangerous for us to stand out. That doing so, would be like that woman wouldn't be proper marriage material, right? She'd be a problem to handle. Right? It was dangerous for us. Literally, we were burned at the stake. Like I’ve said, we wouldn't get married, we wouldn't procreate; it was very dangerous for us to stand out.

And I think that goes with, this is something that we see throughout both the masculine and feminine. Men also, to a lesser degree but to some extent, there is a huge virtue placed on humility. And the way that translates, is that we're always checking ourselves, right? We're always checking ourselves to see, am I going too far? Is this inappropriate? Is this going to offend anybody else's sensibilities? Will this be perceived in a negative way?

I've done a lot of work on this. And it was very vulnerable for me to start, for instance, sharing the fact that my family and I do go to Europe for a month; that felt very braggy. It felt like, oh, la-di-da. Look at us. We have money and we have this freedom and we go live in these glamorous places once a year. It felt scary; it felt like I'd be judged.

I continued to do that, but my next level is through the visual sphere. So, while I'm talking, in certain contained areas, about things that before I never would have shared. For instance, being educated. Or, having done well in my career, before I came into this line of work. About, I don't know, things that come easily to me.

All of the things that I might have tried to control or manipulate, I'm getting better and better about speaking about and owning. Of course, this is so much of the work that I do with my clients, is helping them own their superpowers. And, there's room for more.

Because what I really don't do is, I don't show myself. You've seen my writing; you hear my voice. And there were very concrete reasons that I went off social media, that had nothing to do with visibility. And as I come back onto the visual sphere, as I start being seen, I'm noticing which pictures I select and which pictures I don't.

For instance, I don't give my social media manager pictures of myself in a bathing suit; there's one coming out soon. But there are things that I don't send her, right? And a lot of the ones that I do send her are like, how can I look the most approachable? I get that… I get that so often. I often ask people on a sales call, when they first find me, what led you to think that I might be the right coach for you? And many people say that I just seem approachable.

And so, I noticed myself filtering the information in this way. And that is really the antithesis of us fully showing up as ourselves, being fully uninhibited, and expressing in the way that we need to express. If we're all carbon copies of each other, then the universe halts, right?

As we are expressing this pulse of consciousness, that comes through each of us uniquely, our world is infinitely more beautiful and interesting and inspiring. And it creates opportunities for us to bump into things that we are either drawn towards or repelled by, that helps us clarify our desires and our positioning, and then inspires new ideas for us. And so, all of this is very necessary for a world that is in continual evolution, right?

If we all look the same, if we all think the same, we all dress the same, then the world progresses more slowly. And we've seen this throughout history. We saw long stretches, hundreds of years at a time, thousands of years at a time, where humanity stayed pretty much the same.

And then, we've seen this explosion that happens, and is happening, and is accelerating, as we all benefit from the work that others are doing in this realm, and then start to step our way into it ourselves. What I wanted to share is that for all of us, we have things in our background that would keep us from feeling safe to really show up absolutely, authentically as we are.

And for me, that could look like… Especially with relation to my body and my success. When I was younger, I think I've mentioned this before, my dad was older than other dads. And so, in the military, he was by default a higher rank and earning more money; because it is a meritocracy in some way. But basically, if you stay in long enough, you move up the ranks and you earn more money. So, by default, he was.

That set me apart; a few other things set me apart. And I spent so much of my energy as a child proving that I was just one of the gang. Proving that I was just like everyone else. That I wasn't going to be judging anybody. That I didn't look down on anyone because they had less money than me. I spent so much energy, and that has carried through in a lot of ways.

I honor it, of course. It's a beautiful, beautiful thing, to have had those conversations with myself about the fact that all humans are created equal, and I have nothing to do with my dad’s success. That I'm not any better or worse, based on these circumstances. And, I love that and I honor that part of me that does believe that is approachable.

Also, I don't love the part of me that tells me that I need to change who I am in order to be loved. Right? That's just bullshit. People will love me; people will hate me. And I might as well be who I am, in the middle. It's probably not going to change the percentage either way, no matter what I do. So, just be me.

I also think, that with women there's another layer. Which is the threat of sexual predators. Of feeling unsafe because of the dynamic that we've been brought up with. With fearing for our safety based on how we look or what attention we might attract.

And that was certainly my case. I grew up in Hawaii, among Polynesian and Asian ethnicities. I was a white girl who developed very early, was much taller, was wearing a bra, had curves long before anyone else did. I drew a lot of attention that I did not want and could not handle when I was that age.

Throughout life, I've, unfortunately, continued to have sexual assault and date rape, and I have a stalker. I was with a person; it was an abusive relationship. He has continued to seek me out and find me; I do have a restraining order. And so, it feels very scary even to talk about this right now. Because I have a fear that he'll hear it. And he'll know that I still think about him.

As I was thinking through this, I knew that what I want to share with all of you, and what I want to open up for all of you, is so much more important. So much greater than whatever thoughts I want him to think or not think; which I can't control anyway.

So, I do want to talk about this and how there are definite reasons for many of us, for not wanting to be fully visible, right? And definitely for not wanting to be braggy. It's one thing to be seen and to be visible within the kind of confines of what's appropriate in our culture, right? Like, oh, I'm the mom. It's safe for you to see me being an everyday mom in my yoga pants, with my son.

But it's not safe for you to see me lounging in this gorgeous, expensive bathing suit, in a villa in Santorini. Right? Laying there like some, I hear all the judgment coming out, but fill in the blank. Laying there like some privileged, I don't know, pampered person, and then being so full of herself that she's putting it on social media. Those are just all my thoughts right there. There you go. There you go; on a platter, all my thoughts. By the way, that's the image that I plan to use for this podcast. So, there you go.

For many, many of us women, there are very tangible things that we can point to in our lives about why we don't want to be seen or perceived as braggy, in any way that seems outside of what's acceptable. But I really, deeply, believe that even if we don't have that, all of it is there for us.

I personally believe that anything that is triggering from this life is really just a reflection of either past life events or our ancestral legacy, our genetic trauma that we have inherited. And so, I have had clients that have felt ashamed because they had extreme worries in a certain area. It wasn't necessarily visibility, although sometimes it is, but it was about speaking up, or whatever their thing was.

And they felt ashamed because the trauma, with a little t, that they could trace it back to felt so inconsequential compared to the big trauma, the big stories, that they hear out there. I believe so strongly that their sensation, the feeling, the nervous system reaction that they have in their body, is 100% real.

And it isn't necessarily from that trauma. I think that that trauma, what it does, is it opens up our mind to the sensation that's already there in our body. And so, it helps us bring awareness to it so that we can heal it. So, that we can see that it's there, and then we can work through it. And we have, at least, something tangible to process.

I don't want to go as far as to say these are gifts, because shitty things happen to really wonderful people; for I believe, sometimes pure chaos; no rhyme or reason. And also, anything that happens to us, we can transmute into a gift. That is the grace and the beauty of our humanity, is that anything can become our gold, no matter how much muck it came from in the first place.

Any little ehh that we feel, any little bit of ourselves that feels sticky in that way, is really just pointing us, I believe, to something much, much deeper, that could benefit from healing, right? That will help us be unbound. That will help us be lighter.

And I know so many entrepreneurs… because of the fact that entrepreneurship is the biggest personal development, spiritual journey that you could undergo. Especially for women, because it brings up every issue. Every issue that you thought you'd never have to deal with comes straight in front of you, into your face. And then, you have to work through it. Any one of those little things is the gold for you. It is the roadmap. It is the trail map.

What you will see in the next months is, well, a lot of it will be behind-the-scenes. So, you'll be seeing some social media pictures, but it's going to be happening behind-the-scenes. There is a big rebrand coming. And there is there is change. There is change happening. It will look very visual, but the visual is just the tip of the iceberg.

And I know that in doing this work, it will ripple down into much, much deeper work. More of my messaging. More of my philosophy. More of the direction that my business takes, because it always does.

And so, what I was saying, so many of my entrepreneur friends and I have this conversation, that even though entrepreneurship does have you bringing up all of these things, and it can feel like such an emotional roller coaster of the up-down, up-down, we would do it even if we weren't making any money, because of who it has made us.

I am so different than the woman of a year ago, or even God, how long was it now? Three years ago, I think, the first time I decided to take Dylan overseas. It felt so challenging for me to share that information with my audience at the time. And then, let alone talk about it while I was there.

I challenged myself to actually talk about it when I was there. And, that feels like a long time ago. I have come a long way since then. And, that's just one example of the many realms.

Where are you feeling braggy? What are the things in your life that, in theory, you should be proud of? Or, you should be wanting to share, and yet you don't? For some of us, we don't want to share how educated we are. We don't want to share how well we did in corporate. We don't want to share how we look, how sensual, how feminine we look, how sexy. Oh, that word, right? How sexy we look.

We don't want to share the things that come easily to us, because it's not fair for them to come easily. We don't want to share any of our privilege. We don't want to share any of the darker things either, that we've overcome. And we don't want to share how good we are at what we do, because it might be perceived as sounding full of ourselves.

And while we recognize that so much of this is just patriarchal bullshit that we have internalized, we still aren't always taking action on healing that and moving beyond it. I'd love for us all to hold space for one another. To really support women when we see them trying.

When we see them testing boundaries. When we see anything that kind of triggers us to just have that conversation with ourselves about why. To practice softening, and ask ourselves where in our own lives we're holding back because of the fear that we don't want to be like that.

And I'm not saying we have to become like that. What I'm saying, is that part of us that is being so productive is probably dialed up to ten. And we just need to dial it back down to two.

So, where are you feeling a little braggy about certain things in your life? And just what is the one area that you're also feeling a reciprocal pull to heal? And to start expressing what would be possible for you, if you were fully, audaciously, uninhibitedly, showing up as yourself? What would be possible for your business? What would be possible for your children to see? What lessons would they take from it?

What would be possible for your friends to see? What would be possible for your audience to see? What would be possible if the whole damn world, if all of us women just laid down the fucking armor and stepped out into the sunshine?

That is a lot of the work that I will personally be doing. First, within myself, with my coaching, and with the support of my mastermind sisters. And you will start seeing the seeds of that slowly made manifest and expressed.

And it's also the work that I encourage you to dip your toe into, dip your leg into, and fucking throw off the robes and just dive naked under. And, I am here to cheer you on. Collectively, there are so many women that are cheering you on.

This is why I know community to be so important. Every single one of my programs, it has to be community. If you are not tapping into the community, you are missing out. Because we need to flood our brains with evidence of the people that are there supporting us, that are cheering us on. Rather than, usually the one or two people or five people or a specific category of people, that our brain is spending so much time worrying about and focusing on.

Before we wrap up, I just want to make sure that we aren’t leaving this with a very heavy energy. Like this dire, we must do this very difficult thing. No. Let's just shift into, this is who we are. These things are going to come out because it is the natural progression of our expression. This is what is happening in our entrepreneurial journey.

We're showing up more and more. We're doing the work. And we're just kind of lightly flittering along on the breeze. Let's let this be. Yeah, there's going to be some ehh moments, but let's look at the overall trajectory for ourselves as kind of this light movement; it's a very natural movement, and almost like playful joie de vie. That's the overall carrying energy that is supporting our transformation.

Every once in a while, we run into a little bit of our conditioning, a little bit of a past trauma, a little bit of… I don't mean to laugh at past trauma, but I do, right? What if we bring in this playful energy, where it's like, “And that happened. But really, we've also had the last 30 years on top of that, of thinking about it and making meaning about it, and resisting and reacting.”

And while there are very serious problems in our world, and very serious inequities, that we can definitely have front and center in our vision, we can also carry, at the same time, this forward energy that's moving towards lightness.

I'll just give you an example of what I'm thinking right here. I'm thinking about how shocked I am, when I go back and watch movies or comedy skits from the 80s. Have you all ever done this? They are horrible. They're just so, so bad. The things that they're saying about different groups of people, and how the callous it can feel. You can watch that and feel so much judgment and heaviness.

But as time passes, it kind of also becomes like, “That shit was just crazy.” You almost have to bring in humor, because it's just so ridiculous, compared to where we are now. And that energy is available to us, even if we're not 40 years removed from the event.

It's a choice. And what this requires, is us becoming very comfortable with paradox, and being able to hold two beliefs and two perspectives at once. Yes, we are spiritual beings. And we are very, very grounded in the material world.

We are very much here with bodies that get aches and pains and have bills to pay and need to make sure we let the dog out to poo. Yes, there is a very serious work for us to do in the world. And there is a very serious work for us to do on ourselves and for our people. On the other hand, sometimes it's just not that big a deal. We need to laugh at the folly of humanity.

So, as you do the work uncovering where you feel braggy, where it's worthwhile for you to show up differently, and express differently. As you do that work, I just recommend that within it you also take time for humor and lightness. And that you ride those two energies, like a wave leading you to your destination. Because those impulses, those urges, are there for you. They're guiding you, and you can trust them.

This is the beauty of being able to wield your brain like a tool that serves the you, that works for you. On the one hand, yes, we can see it going towards a heavier energy, and we can love that, we can support it, we can boldly feel those feelings, and process them through and transmute them into something magical, like bold social change, or radical self-transformation.

And on the other hand, we can hold it lightly, so that we can ease the pressure, right? So, that we can make our steps easier. And I'll give you a personal example. Yes, there's a part of my brain that really wants to focus on the danger of this, on the negative thoughts about, what if the stalker sees this? And what will they think? And what will my peers think? What will my audience think?

Also, there's a side where, you know what? It's not that fucking big of a deal. Every time that I've moved into this energy, it's just been so helpful for me, and I've just seen it come true, over and over again. I remember when it felt so heavy and difficult to press ‘send’ on that post, or whatever the button was at the time on Facebook. To actually announce to the world that I was a coach and I was calling myself a coach and opening a coaching business. That felt so difficult.

And you know what? People were busy in their days and they didn't really care. Maybe if they did, they didn't really say anything. It didn't turn out to be that big of a deal.

When I started sharing about the lifestyle that I was leading, that also felt big. It didn't end up being that big. Here, on this very podcast, when I started sharing my woo, felt like a big deal. And, it really wasn't. Everyone was like, “Yes, of course. Of course, we all think that there's universal energy.” It felt like such a big thing at the time.

And so, being able to stretch your brain in one direction and the other, and give it what it needs, but also challenge it in different ways, is, I believe, the most powerful and potent of our human faculties. I'm not afraid of the darker emotions and the deeper triggering that's happening within my body. I can go there; I can sit with it; and I have.

I can process, up to a point, when it's time to shift into another side. To just say, “Okay, I see you there, and I'm driving the bus. We really want to focus on this.” And then I can get into, why do I want to do this? What difference will it make for me, when I can do this?

There's definitely the practical side, right? I will be living in the Mediterranean. I am at the water a lot. I will be in my bathing suit. It would be nice to not have to rearrange shots, and just to be able to take a shot right there, if I want to.

And the fact that I do love beautiful things and beautiful landscapes, and I do I stay at really amazing places when we travel. I love luxury hotels; I love that part of life. And I love nice clothes and buying pretty things. And I enjoy a lifestyle that not many people get to experience.

For a lot of the world's population, that's because they can't right now. But for a lot of other people, it's because they won't right now; they won't let themselves go there. Not saying that everybody wants to live in the Mediterranean. But everybody, I believe, especially you listening to this, everybody wants their thing. Everybody has that dream, that for some reason they're not living into fully.

And so, I also think about what it will be for me to be attracting more attention and why that's important. I want to attract attention. I want to get the message out there. I want more and more people to find this work and to benefit from this work and this perspective.

Also, I want to challenge myself to not be afraid of it. To welcome it in. To be able to hold it, and have the capacity to hold it. To have the capacity to shine, and to be okay with calling that in. I want to see more women in the world shining rather than dimming. I want more young women to grow up seeing that as normal and okay.

I want to completely flip this paradigm where a man and a woman will look at the same job posting, and a far greater percentage of men will apply to that, even if they don't meet all of the qualification. But the woman won't, unless she meets all of the qualifications. Because even then she feels like ‘who is she to go after that? To call that, claim that space.

I am claiming this space, this space right here. This clarity, this unusual way of doing business, this stepping into power in this way with this kind of alignment. This is my space. This is my world and my universe, and I am welcoming anybody in.

But I can't expect people who aren't there yet, to do all of the heavy lifting. I need to be willing to go out, to put myself in those rooms, to shine in those faces, to speak up and to be heard and recognized. It's scary, yes. And, we've done it before. We've all done it before.

We've all walked into the classroom as a new student. Or, we've challenged ourselves to take on the new job opportunity. Or, we've started businesses. We can do hard things. We can expand our capacity more and more and more. And so, wherever you are on your journey right now, I honor you. I honor everything that you have done up until this point, and everywhere you're going to go in the future. It's already there inside you.

As you keep doing this work, the expression will come out and it will seem like the time to do the next thing. And then you'll just do it. And then it will be done. You'll be holding out a hand, or being the example for the next person, just as you turn your eyes in a different direction and start thinking about your next step.

I am so grateful to be connected to each and every one of you. And to be in this together. Thank you so much for having my back.

If you want to tag me, or show me anytime that you are stretching your boundary, I'm at The Uncommon Way, everywhere. So, just tag me, DM me, and I will support you so fully. In that work you're doing, you are always safe with me to shine.

Hey, if you're a coach who wants true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #33: Turn Your Insecurities into Great Positioning

In order to buy from you, people need to believe that you or your service is the best fit for them. They need to know what makes you stand out. Sharing your true self is a gift you can give to the world, and when you understand this, you can stop overlooking things you should be highlighting, and start creating the aligned success you want in your business.

The Uncommon Way with Jenna Harrison | Turn Your Insecurities into Great Positioning

Episode Summary

Jenna shares why the very things you are trying to cover up or hold back on in your business could be exactly what your ideal client is looking for.

Join us in the Clarity Accelerator by scheduling a call here.

Enjoy the show? Leave a review to help other likeminded entrepreneurs gain clarity in their businesses.

If you'd like to talk about working together, book a call here.

 

Show Notes

As women, we are taught to be unidimensional and fit into boxes of how we should look, act, and think. We are taught to fit into what successful and professional looks like, and we tend to hide whatever parts of ourselves don’t fit into these boxes. But your clients are human, and they are looking for someone they can either relate to or aspire to, and you could be hiding the very thing that makes you their number one choice.

In order to buy from you, people need to believe that you or your service is the best fit for them. They need to know what makes you stand out. Sharing your true self is a gift you can give to the world, and when you understand this, you can stop overlooking things you should be highlighting, and start creating the aligned success you want in your business.

In this episode, discover why the very things you are trying to cover up could be the things that are most magnetic to your most aligned clients and how to best position yourself and your services moving forward. Learn how to show your right-fit clients that you are the only obvious choice for them, and how to expose the best parts of yourself to create the business of your dreams. If you’ve been holding back or hiding some aspect of yourself, you don’t want to miss this episode.

 

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

  • What a USP is and why it will help people see how you are different.

  • Some examples of where myself and others have tried to hide things about ourselves that could be attractive to aligned clients.

  • What I mean by positioning and why it is so important.

  • How to establish your unique differentiators.

  • Why entrepreneurship is the greatest personal development journey around.

  • How to establish the parts of your offer you don’t want to reveal.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

 

Featured on the Show:

 

Full Episode Transcript:

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In order to buy from you, people need to believe that you or your service is the best fit for them. So, they need to know what makes you stand out. And guess what? You might be completely overlooking something about you that you should be highlighting. Something that will have people knocking down your door to work with you, and only you. And the crazy thing, is it might actually be the very thing you've been trying to keep them from seeing.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Hey, welcome back to The Uncommon Way. I love this time of the week when we get to talk, it’s so fun. So, we are having some good vibes around here. We are finalizing another trip to Charleston. We are still on our adventure to find our next place to move. We've been to Raleigh-Durham.

So, it's an exciting, very fun time for us. Because, for those of you who are new here, Ben is in the military and this is the time where we are actually choosing where we're going to live. So fun.

So hey, I got some really good feedback on the sales podcast I did recently, and specifically the embodiment exercise at the end of it. Some people told me that they really felt a shift after doing that, which gives me shivers. If sales is a sticky point for you go back and listen to that episode; we'll link to it in the show notes.

Now, today's episode is inspired by a conversation I had with a client just this morning, on how to best position yourself and your service. As I mentioned in the intro, in order to buy from you people need to believe that your service is the best fit for them. And your USP, which is your unique service proposition, or your secret sauce, is what will help them see how you're actually different.

There's a part of you that welcomes this and wants to shine, right? That wants to be like, “Here's who I am. Here's what my offer is.” And then, this flood of clients is like, “That's exactly what I've been looking for!” And there's another part that feels a little less than, about certain parts of yourself or your offer. And it's trying to make sure that nobody knows about them.

Maybe it's telling you that in order to be perceived as trustworthy, or professional or cool or relatable, then you need to look or act a certain way. But what I've seen, over and over, with my clients is that the very things you're trying to cover up could be magnetic to your clients. And without a full and complete understanding of your secret sauce. Without you recognizing how valuable it truly is.

And owning it without shame, and actually making it part of your positioning, you are missing a huge opportunity not only to create more success in your business, like more revenue or more of that kismet type of feel with your clients, but to feel as free as you could when you get to show up as your true self.

Now, before we dive into it, let's just talk about what I mean by positioning. So, positioning is a strategic decision about how to frame the way in which you or your offer is understood. We've talked a lot about self-concept on this podcast, the way we think about ourselves. Well, positioning is the concept that you help your audience create about you or your offer.

We do this in order to differentiate our business and really stand apart from whatever else is out there. So that our right-fit clients can find us more easily and recognize that we are their obvious choice.

When you hear people talk about positioning, they often talk about pricing. Will you be perceived as a luxury brand or is something more accessible? And why? In a world where coffee was sold at a very cheap price, as a loss leader, Starbucks said, “You know what? Let's charge four or five times the going rate.” And from there, you make more decisions to create an aligned, unified brand.

So, for Starbucks, they needed to make decisions about how to offer a premium product in exchange for those premium prices. They were like, “I know. Let's start highlighting where the coffee comes from and our particular roasting method. And instead of coffee, let's create coffee beverages, different types of coffee beverages. Let's make our locations a destination and an experience in and of themselves. From that starting point, we want to create a new coffee experience as a luxury coffee brand.”

They were able to think in ways that they hadn't previously; really, that no one had previously. But positioning goes way beyond what you charge. Here, at The Uncommon Way we think more about what are the relatable and/or aspirational aspects of who we are or what our service is, that not only create a strong, almost insurmountable competitive advantage for you, but that are a true expression of who you are. So, that we're calling in the people that we're most aligned to work with. Because remember, it's not a coincidence that we're working with the people we're working with.

What we want to move away from is any masks in our branding and positioning. Trying to conform to what everyone else seems to be doing will block the connection you're wanting to create. Not only does it make you blend into the background, like into the social media scroll, but it creates an energetic cloaking because you are, in essence, hiding.

And even if you're standing out, but you're standing out via a product or a look, that isn't really you. Maybe it's what you think people would most want from your type of business or what you wish you could be. It's not the true aligned expression of what's moving through you.

So, you're doing the opposite of creating resonance. Being something we're not blocks the resonance that our true people would feel. It's quite literally, discordance. I knew someone once who was a mild mannered, new coach from the Midwest, who had a branding issue; where she was rocking a leather biker jacket and an outfit to match, and she just looked uncomfortable, like it didn't really fit.

Now, I love reinvention. And I love us all moving fearlessly toward the expression that's moving us in whatever direction it's moving us. But the external should be a reflection of the internal. Meaning you need to have done the internal work of becoming that person and shedding the old identity and stepping into the new, before we try to project a completely new vibration through our clothing.

You can't just put on the clothing and be the biker chick because your audience is picking up on everything, conscious and subconscious. And coherence creates a sense of safety for them that allows them to move forward.

Now normally, this is all much more subtle than a biker jacket, right? It's in the subtle ways we talk and act, and the things that we say and the things that we don't say. And what I want to offer to you today, is that the very things that we might want to hide might be the things that would create the strongest, most aligned positioning and branding for us.

That's not to say that we should air all our dirty laundry and make everything about us. All it means is have a frank conversation with yourself about the parts of you or your offer that you don't want to reveal or the way you think you should be showing up, and question all of it.

I have a client who's in a space that's occupied by “professional” consulting firms. And her tendency, when she's interacting with clients, is to recreate that professionalism, or rather, it had been in the past. That can show up as wanting to have all the answers. But you know what? Her clients resonate with her when she's being funny and quirky and completely straight-up about moments when she's unsure, or moments when she has been unsure in the past.

And then, there's this very strong bond that's formed and a deep trust that allows people to perhaps share more than they normally would, right? Ultimately creating a phenomenal product going deeper and further than they might have. And that in turn, turns them into raving fans and creates great word of mouth for her.

Again, the things that we feel most vulnerable or insecure about can actually be catnip for our audience and our clients. Now, it might be something as simple as you worry that your program isn't complete and thorough enough. But actually, your people are really busy, and they're thankful that you've curated only exactly what they need.

But for a lot of us, it's not just our offer; it's us. We are the face of our brand and offer. Our clients will either be working with us directly or they're looking to us as the creator of the product they're consuming, and their purchasing decision is driven in part by how they resonate with our message and ourselves. And, that can feel terrifying.

Our brains perceive exposure as very dangerous. But what are you willing to do? Not just what are you willing to do, but what are you willing to expose, to create the business of your dreams?

I once had a client who was a business coach, and I gave her an assignment of going and looking at some of the websites of other business coaches and really thinking about in what way she was different. But when we spoke the next time, it turns out that this had triggered a lot for her.

She realized that what she was seeing on all of their sites was reflecting her insecurities. She was seeing that these people all had some sort of background, maybe as an executive in a PR company or something; they all had something that felt very credentialed to her, very legit.

Meanwhile, she was a massage therapist and didn't feel that she had anything like that to offer. But guess what? Her clients also were feeling like they didn't have the kind of credentials that they wish they had for whatever they were doing. They also were coming from a slightly different background than most of the people in their sphere.

And when she started highlighting that, when she started talking about doing it anyway, and how your own perspective is actually what shines. Your own perspective is actually what brings the most value to your clients. She created such relatability, that when they were looking at business coaches, they didn't want someone that had never experienced what they were experiencing.

It's sort of like, do you want to learn weight loss from someone that has never struggled with their weight? No, they wanted to learn how to do it from her. That became such a strong differentiator for her, that for her people there was no other choice but her.

I'll give you some personal examples. I had some stories from childhood that I would get rejected whenever certain things would come up. Such as, if I was getting higher grades. If my family was making more money. Which was kind of comical because we were in the military. My mom was a stay-at-home mom, but my dad was older, and so, he was making more money than many of the parents of kids my age.

And there was also, for instance, if I had a different background, if I'd traveled more, which I had a lot as a child because of the military background. When we moved to a small community, when I was 15, I remember once there was a girl who was kind of making fun of me. Well, she was actually making fun of me, there was no kind of about it. And she was sort of saying, “Oh, well, when I was in Greece, blah, blah, blah,” and she literally did the hair toss thing.

I remember feeling deep shame about this and just keeping my mouth shut from then on about anything that I thought seemed different. And then, going off to a college far, far, far away, so that I could hopefully be with people where I didn't have to hide everything. Because the truth is, that memory I was sharing did occur in Greece, or wherever I happened to be talking about if that moment.

So, those thoughts lingered when I was first getting into business. But I've worked through them, right? And my people now think that it's kind of okay that I use big words or that I have released a lot of shame around money or that I do talk about travel, and how it's such an important value to me and something that I want to let my son experience too.

Those are the kinds of things I was talking about this morning with my client. We were turning everything on its head that she thought would be impediments to people buying from her or taking her seriously. And we just wanted to flip that all around and see how actually it could be all of them. Each and every one of them, could actually be really strong differentiators for her.

I knew I just had to hop on here and share that same message with you because I want you to own and love all of you. As pollyanna as that might sound, I feel that it is a radical act. As women we are taught to be so unidimensional and to fit in these boxes of how we should look, how we should act, and how we should think.

And as a society, we're taught to fit into what successful and professional looks like. But the truth, is that your clients are human, and they're looking for somebody that they can either relate to or aspire to. Entrepreneurship is the greatest personal development journey around. I've said that a million times and I know so many of you agree with me on that.

And this, right here, this is part of your personal development. Really owning who you are, and seeing these parts of you as things to be celebrated and yes, even capitalized upon. This is part of the work of recognizing that we are worthy of receiving, not just despite what we are, but precisely because of the unique being that we are.

When we start understanding that sharing our true self is actually a gift we give the world, we are able to receive more and more back from that world. So, if you're realizing that you've been holding back or hiding some aspect of yourself, here is something I challenge you to do.

List your brain's objections to why someone would want to work with you, or work with you in a group format, or pay higher prices, or whatever current belief you're working on. And then, counter each of those with why the opposite might be true. That your people would best be served working with someone like that because X. Or, that they'd be attracted to someone with those characteristics, because why?

I want to know what comes up for you. Seriously, hit me up in the DMs on Instagram or wherever you want to, I'm kind of everywhere. And let me know what this revealed for you. I would love to know. And if you hit any blocks, or stuck points where you're just like, “I don't know how this will sell,” hit me up about that, too.

Okay, my friends, I hope that that served whomever among you that needed to serve today.

And remember, deep down, you know who you are. And, each day, you're stepping further into what you are here to create. I’ll talk to you next week.

Hey, if you're a coach who wants true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this. Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #32: Should I Say Yes or Should I Say No? (Tapping Into Intuition)

Do you ever wish you could just figure out what to say yes to and what to say no to? Are you trying to make a decision but finding yourself getting hung up on all the different options? You have an inner guidance system that understands where you need to go, you’re just not hearing it. So this week, I’m helping you start to tap into your intuition.

Episode Summary

Jenna shows you how to differentiate between conditioned thoughts and feelings and following your intuition.

Join us in the Clarity Accelerator by scheduling a call here.

Enjoy the show? Leave a review to help other likeminded entrepreneurs gain clarity in their businesses.

If you'd like to talk about working together, book a call here.

 

Show Notes

Do you ever wish you could just figure out what to say yes to and what to say no to? Are you trying to make a decision but finding yourself getting hung up on all the different options? You have an inner guidance system that understands where you need to go, you’re just not hearing it. So this week, I’m helping you start to tap into your intuition.

I used to get angry hearing people talk about intuition because I just didn’t have it. But once I learned to discern the difference between the sensations that occurred when being driven by the conditioned part of my brain versus the ones that came from being tapped into my most grounded knowing, everything changed. And I want the same for you.

Join me this week as I show you how to stop misunderstanding your intuition and share some examples of where doing this has shown up in my own life. Find out how a lack of alignment leads to uncertainty, poor decisions, and missed opportunities, and some steps you can take to improve your ability to tap into your intuition so you can step into being a powerful, confident decision-maker and start trusting yourself completely.

 

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

  • The benefits of taking quick, decisive action.

  • What’s really going on when you don’t hear or trust your intuition.

  • Why it is OK if you don’t understand your intuition right away.

  • What has been getting in the way of your most aligned, inspired decisions … and what to do about it.

  • Some questions for you to consider about your alignment.  

  • Why it can be difficult to know the greater wisdom you are meant to have.

  • How to decipher if what you’re hearing is intuition or something else so you can trust it more.

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

 

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Full Episode Transcript:

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Do you wish you could figure out what to say yes to and what to say no to? Are you trying to make some kind of decision, but you're hung up on all the different options? Or maybe you just say screw it, and you make haphazard choices because you can't stand how uncomfortable your uncertainty feels. I've been there.

But I’ve got to tell you something, even though it used to make me want to roll my eyes whenever I heard it. You have an inner guidance system, let's call it intuition, that understands where you need to go. It's just that you're not hearing it. So, let's talk about how to tap into that resource, and how to decipher if what you're feeling is really intuition or something else, so that you can trust it more.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Hey, friends, so glad you're here once again, putting in that focus and time to get clear on your uncommon way. And really dial in that exact business that's moving through you and out into the world. Today's episode is going to help you speed up that discovery process. Actually, it's more like jumping the queue because intuition helps you skip steps.

But first, I just want to give a shout out to Malsharpie, who was kind enough to take a second and leave a review. They say they just found this podcast, and it's so helpful. And they're going to go back and listen to all the episodes. It is so fun. Because in my mind, whenever I talk, I feel like I'm talking to people who've been with me over the last six months. But I can see by how the downloads are growing, that new people, they are coming on board all the time. And I guess Malsharpie’s proof.

Which means, Yeay, more women living out the unique uncommon lives of their choosing. And more of us willing to go deep and do the vulnerable work of creating or realigning businesses into something that's a true expression of who we are, and what we're here to bring to the world. Not just some mask we put on or some formula we follow that's a reflection of rigid business and marketing have-tos from the past.

We’re following the call. The call that's always been there for women like us, but was never possible to realize as it is now. And I believe that because it's possible, and because now's the time, the call is really loud. It's like that voice inside won't shut up until you do the damn thing. So, we're doing it even if it's scary to play big.

And I get shivers, literally, I don't know about you. But when I think about how many of us are doing this now, compared to a decade ago or two decades ago, and what the world will be like as more and more women are living and serving this way. We are here to be game changers. And I am so grateful to be in communication with women like you.

And to those of you who are in the Clarity Collective, of course, I am so grateful to be your coach and to witness you amplify right in front of me. And also, witness the universe playing itself out through you. I'm kind of tearing up. I'm just so proud of you for being audacious enough to believe that the feeling you had when you were a little girl, that you were here to do something big and something different was actually spot on.

If it's your first time here, I want to give you a special welcome and forewarn you that it's probably not a coincidence you're being invited to go deeper with your business, and the thrill you experience in your business and from your business than you ever have before. Because it's a thrilling ride once you give yourself full permission to break all the rules and create your own.

I say the more the merrier. The world desperately needs more ‘for purpose’ businesses and the impact we bring. So, if you've got someone you know who you believe is just a powerhouse waiting to happen, maybe has just scratched the surface really. It doesn't even matter what income level she's at because that can be all of us; that can be us at 50,000, at six figures, at seven figures; then share this podcast with her.

Okay. In an ideal world, I think we can all agree we would all be in full recognition of our gifts and our power to create, and in full belief that there are an abundance of people who want what we have to give, and in full trust that our own intuition is leading us exactly where we need to go.

But we live in this world. We live in this world inhabiting bodies with human brains that have picked up all sorts of conditioning and societal patterning. And we're taught to be up in our heads and to be realistic and compare and contrast the pros and cons of each possibility, even though we're almost never looking at two clear-cut options. And actually, our brains easily go into complete gridlock when considering complex real life scenarios.

So, we're left with a situation where there's some direction we're considering. But instead of moving forward and creating momentum, you're either sitting in complete uncertainty, or you're taking hesitant, halfhearted action, or you're barreling ahead overdoing it, but there's no real punch behind it.

You're wondering, do I pursue that group of people or another? Is this really a strategy I should pursue or is it shiny object syndrome? Should I drop that client? Should I make that investment? So many questions. And you wish, you can just say, “Here's what my intuition says, and I always trust it.”

But the truth is, you don't trust your intuition fully. Or, you may not even feel like you have intuition, or it's really intermittent. You're like, “I got nothing. If I knew, I'd already be doing it.” Because taking action isn't really your problem, right?

You're great at achieving all the goals and mile markers when you know exactly what to do. But when there's infinite possibility, and you're also yearning to give up that fast and furious pace, and move into a calmer, more grounded and more inspired way of doing your work in the world, that's when you're like, “Okay, how do I drop into this greater wisdom that I'm supposedly meant to have?”

Because you don't want to just throw caution to the wind, there's a thing or two at stake here. “I might lose money. I might lose clients. I might lose time. Both in the opportunity cost of what I could be doing instead, but also in what it takes to build back or back out of some problem I create. I don't want to expend all that energy for nothing. I could end up looking like an idiot.

Everyone will be like, ‘What was she thinking? She got a little fool of herself, didn't she?’ I could be reinforcing a pattern of self-sabotage. I spend too much. I get shiny object syndrome. I take on more than I can handle and end up overdoing it. And worst of all, I could feel like an idiot. Incompetent, maybe even delusional, but definitely not cut out for business.”

Phew, right? Take a breath. I want to share something with you. And hear me, that this is coming from a woman who used to get angry when hearing people talk about intuition. Because it was just so unfair that I didn't have it. And instead, just had this brain that was always thinking and analyzing and considering and reflecting and filling up mountains of journals and talking my partner's ear off.

I want to share with you how you too can step into being a powerful and confident decision maker as a CEO and as a woman. Someone who knows she can trust herself. Rather than worrying she's fooling herself. Who knows what to say ‘yes’ to and what to say ‘no’ to.

I have a client who I started working with, and it was just a couple of months ago. She was used to making really quick and kind of haphazard decisions, because there's so much going on in her business. And she felt that need to really act quickly. But then, afterwards, she beats herself up because she second guesses her decision.

And so, every day she was waking up with anxiety and feeling like she was stuck in the muck. That sense of being was reinforcing her story that she really wasn't a strategic big-picture thinker, and would never be able to grow her company to the nationwide household name that she wants to.

What she most wanted to focus on, she said, was if she could improve her decision making. If she could make really thoughtful decisions and know why she made them, and have her back about it, then this would all be worth it.

The other day, she came on her call and was like, “I feel a shift.” She was stepping away and breathing and centering herself. She was connecting with her clarity. And then, the ‘why’ behind her decision comes to her. and she feels confident in her ‘why’. So, she has her back with every decision she's making. And she is making some big ones.

But she's just like, yes to this. No to this. She feels deliberate. She said, “Everything seems a little slower, more clear, less rushed. And I just didn't know how terrible I felt until I was no longer feeling it.” She even gave a name to it, “dread.”

She'd been trying to grow a business from the place of dread. But now that she's so clear, she can recognize it. And when it starts to happen again, she can shift herself out of it. The way she had been living is not uncommon; it's tragically common.

So, if you resonate with that, and I know I've been there before, I hope this helps you see how possible it is for you to shift too. Because really, it's quite simple. All that has to happen is you need to learn how to discern the difference between the sensation that happens when you're being driven by a primitive and or conditioned part of your brain, and the sensations that come from you being tapped into your most grounded knowing.

This is a felt sense. You can logic it away as best you can with your brain. But brain awareness comes after knowingness. That's why I always say that true clarity is the simplest, least complicated thing in the world. You just know.

All of the ‘shoulds’ and ‘should nots’ dissolve, or all the reacting and rebelling against the way things are. Sometimes we're doing what the world wants. And sometimes we're making sure not to do what the world wants, right? But either way, we're letting ourselves be driven by an outside influence.

But when we turn inwards, you just start to flow in that interplay between desire and creation, and what is and what can be. And to get there, believe me, I wish I can just say your intuition is just a muscle that you need to strengthen, start relying on it, and it'll start speaking to you more clearly. That would be a lot easier to teach.

And actually, it's true, in a sense, but it's not the whole story. Because what gets left out is that, unfortunately, the sensations that are generated by your primitive brain, especially if they're unmanaged and dialed up to 10, feel more intense than your intuition.

I remember the first time I interviewed a coach. I said yes, but then was sick to my stomach. It was like every cell in my body was screaming, “Don't do it!” So, I wrote her back and told her my experience, and I said I had changed my mind. Instantly, I felt a flood of very delicious, feel good chemicals in my bloodstream. I interpreted that as having been saved by an intuitive hit.

But I can see so clearly now, in hindsight, that that was not an intuitive hit. That was pure shame, driven by the fact that I had just agreed to pay more money than I thought I deserved to spend on myself and could realistically recoup. And the great feeling afterwards, that was relief.

My inner visionary was screaming for me to get support, but I was in such an activated state that I bulldozed right over it. And spent two more years trying to prove myself worthy by doing it all on my own, before I finally went and hired my first coach. I don't blame myself for that. I just didn't know what I didn't know. And I didn't have an objective viewpoint because I didn't have a coach, right? Oh, the irony.

But seriously, it's of zero use for us to blame past versions of ourselves for not having the tools and wisdom that we have today. But our brains, they can so cleverly pull the wool over our eyes.

So, here's another personal example. Okay, I really believed, for decades, that I had no clue about what I wanted to dedicate myself to. When in reality, it had been showing up for me over and over throughout my life. But the feeling of stuckness and confusion was so real in my body.

And every time I'd start down one path, my body would start to build up discomfort as shit got more real. Until my brain would latch on to a new idea. And then, I'd get a flood of relief because oh, thank God, I'd come across a really good idea this time. Until once again, that would lose its luster. Thanks to my body, I'd start to feel less excited about it, or have misgivings that may or may not have been intuitive hits, until I dropped that idea and feel a flood of relief again.

So, my well-meaning brain, which was trying to help me avoid failure and being cast out from the tribe and the obvious crippling self-recrimination that I’d feel, my well-meaning brain just kept me right where it wanted me by using all the tools available to it.

When you're in the throes of those strong sensations, you wind up playing small, at best. Or with some really unfortunate self-sabotage, at worst. That deep down there's always a tug-of-war going on inside of you. Because the part of you that's longing to evolve and fulfill your potential, it doesn't just go away. It keeps making its presence known in subtle and not so subtle ways.

So simply put, if you want to tap into your intuition, you've got to neutralize or relax the part of your brain that's keen on managing you like a marionette. Which requires, and we're going into step one now, doing your best to gain visibility on that part of you so that it doesn't surprise you, right? So that you can watch for it and get ahead of it.

If you're in the Clarity Accelerator, you can do this by heading to Module 3 for that first Mindset Training there. And that accompanying worksheet called, “Get to the Bottom of What's Really Going On.” That section is really the compilation of what I learned from the years of working with mindset coaches, and years of learning from the minds of my clients. So, don't underestimate it just because it's been compiled like this for you.

That is what the Clarity Accelerator is all about; packing a huge punch in a short time with just a handful of modules. And once you have visibility and understanding, you'll be able to observe it and really feel the energy of it. “Oh, okay. This is my fear response. Got it.”

Like that client I mentioned before with the dread, remember? “Oh, okay. There's that dread feeling happening again. Hmm, what's being triggered? What's going on?” There's a detachment, and you become the watcher rather than the subject. And then, you can dial that shit back down. You can relax your nervous system. You can recenter yourself. So, that's step one, you gain visibility, and then dial down all that activation.

And that paves the way for step two, moving towards choice neutrality. Choice neutrality is when you create equanimity about all the possible choices you're considering. Where you believe that you're going to be okay, no matter what, and that things are going to work out for you. It's linked to sufficiency.

So, if you haven't listened to my podcast episode on business sufficiency, then definitely do that. It really explains why, and I've seen this over and over having walked hundreds of women through this. It explains why when you elevate a woman’s self-concept, the way she thinks about herself and sees herself, suddenly, she finds it much easier to connect with her intuition. Because choice neutrality is more available to her.

When you're thinking that you're a person who may or may not succeed, it's challenging to find choice neutrality. If you're a person who doesn't trust herself, then no decision will ever seem trustworthy. I'll say that again: If you're a person who doesn't trust yourself, then no decision will ever seem trustworthy.

But when you're thinking that you're a person who always figures things out, and always turns things to your advantage, and quickly pivots and ends up better than before, then choice neutrality becomes your normal operating frequency. And of course, all those great thoughts likely lead to great results and a reinforced belief that they're all true.

Don't worry, you don't need to have created this mega-self-concept in order to tap into your intuition. You just need to, step one, get into a less activated state. And step two, see your options a little more neutrally.

And then this is a big one. step three, open yourself to and expect to hear from your intuition. So, to dial down into that, once you've gotten into a less activated state and created more neutrality, then you need to open yourself to and expect to hear from your intuition. And you trust that you will hear from it if you just keep listening.

Now, that alone might send some of you back into a more activated state. “But what if my intuition isn't there? What if I’m misreading it?” etc. Just go back to step one, get into a less activated state. Because this is where the work begins, that we first mentioned in the beginning.

Which we could call step four, exercising and growing your intuition muscle, or attuning your receiver. That's why if I had told you to begin there, you wouldn't be set up for success. You need to create the conditions that let you hear it, and then listen for it and actually take action on what it says. You’ve got to actually do the scary thing and take action. Because if you never actually follow your intuition, it'll get quieter and quieter.

That's what was going on with me when I was younger and thought I didn't have intuition. It's just that I so often dismissed its words and advice. I poo-pooed it and talked myself out of it every time. So, it stopped bothering as much. Or, she stopped bothering, because I think of my intuition as guidance from my higher self.

It's amazing, because I look back on my life and I see exactly when I stopped listening to it, and then when I started again. And taking quick, decisive action like this, you might fail sometimes. Especially when you're first starting out, you might misread your intuition. It's okay. It's okay not to get this 100% right from day one.

Why? Because you're a person who always figures things out and turns things to your advantage, and quickly pivots and ends up better than before, of course. And don't worry, the universe will keep giving you opportunities to dial into your self-trust and intuition; for good or bad.

It's like the woman who keeps attracting unavailable partner until she finally decides, “No more.” So, if you misunderstand your intuition this time, you'll get more chances to figure it out.

Now, exactly what intuition will feel like for you in the body, the exact imprint of intuition, it shows up differently for different people. I used to think everyone experienced it the way I do, but no. You might feel it as an instant gut hit.

Or, more like the settling of falling leaves, with one that emerges as right and sort of feels like a magnet. Or, something has a charge or there's a tingling energy. But it always feels expansive, grounded and supportive. Never diminishing, never reacting from fear, never resigned and dialing it in.

I remember a coach saying that she taped a picture of herself as a sweet little girl up onto her computer monitor, just as a reminder of how she'd like to talk to herself.

You would never say something to a little girl like, “Do you really think you're capable of that? Don't you think you should just set your sights on something more realistic? Yeah, that was okay, but you definitely could have done better. And that, alone, doesn't mean you'll be successful with the next thing; they're two different animals.” That was so good, right? Instant perspective.

Sometimes the things we tell ourselves that don't really sound that bad, we're not saying, “You stupid, fat, ugly bitch,” right? We're saying something like, “You probably should rethink that. There you go again,” or something like that. That doesn't seem as cutting, and yet, you would never say that to the little girl that was really trying to succeed.

So, your intuition won't sound like that either. It doesn't feel like that. Even if the words sound nicer, it won't slip in nice words with a heavy energetic. Because you can feel the difference on an energetic level, too, if you're attuned to that. The energetic signature doesn't feel exactly like that euphoria or relief. But it does feel very light and very clear.

If you're in the Clarity Accelerator and you want to get even more specific on your intuitive process, you should follow the Human Design Business Roadmap in Module 4. That'll give you a great starting point and then you can fine tune from there.

Now, here's a little bonus step five. It's not really a step because it's just something that inevitably happens. But as you follow your internal truth more and more, what you're doing is moving into alignment with who you're here to be. And that frequency facilitates the communication and communion between you and your higher self, or your intuition.

What alignment looks like on the material plane, its fingerprint, is the trust, right? That willingness, the mindfulness, the curiosity, the self-belief and self-care, i.e., it's all the things that are creating step one, and step two, detaching and dialing down, and choice neutrality. And vice versa, as you practice steps one and two, you start to shift into alignment.

Your lack of alignment leads to uncertainty, to poor decisions, and missed opportunities. Your alignment leads to you clearing the channel for your highest knowing.

So, my friend, here are some questions for you to consider today. Are you willing to call out what's deep inside? Are you willing to follow the guidance you receive? Why? A. What do you risk by staying disconnected, staying in the status quo? The brain loves to tell you what you risk by making a change, so ask it. What am I risking by staying here, another day, another month, another year? And B. Why is it worth it? Who will you be on the other side? What will it feel like to be that woman?

I've seen woman after woman go from having such difficulty in this area; really disconnected, and knowing they were undercutting what was possible for them because of their tortured relationship with clarity and decisions. To assured, confident, tapped-in leaders who can just be like, “Nah, I'm good. I'm going this direction,” with this small smile.

While the person next to them is clearly questioning the moves they're making. Knowing that someday that same person will be like, “How did she know that was the right move? How was she so ahead of the curve?”

That is how I know it's possible for you, too. Not just possible, but inevitable if you continue doing this work. And if you speed up this work by joining us in the Clarity Accelerator.

Okay, my friends, remember, on a certain level you know who you are. And each day, you're stepping further into what you're here to create.

Hey, if you're a coach who wants true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this. Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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