Ep# 107: How to Overcome the Fear of Letting Go and Facing Negative Consequences Using ‘Flexible Frame’: a Strategy for High Achieving Women Entrepreneurs’ Deep Fear
Episode Summary
Do you ever feel like taking your foot off the gas in your business will make everything fall apart?
This episode dives into a common thought pattern that keeps high-performing women entrepreneurs overworking and overstressing. Discover a top-ranked business coach’s favorite strategy for helping her clients shift their mindset in this area and create successful businesses and balanced lives without the constant hustle and deep-seated fears.
In this episode you will:
Identify and break one of the principal thought loops holding you back from achieving your full potential.
Discover a powerful and simple technique to help anyone, from clients to family members, achieve major breakthroughs.
Cultivate a mindset that supports a thriving business and a fulfilling personal life.
Don't wait—play this episode now to gain insight on overcoming hustle culture and mastering a more fulfilling business approach!
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The Uncommon Way is led by business coach Jenna Harrison, who helps women entrepreneurs feel confident, find their ideal clients effortlessly and avoid overwork so they can manifest money and abundance in their business and life.
This podcast empowers female entrepreneurs to overcome imposter syndrome, perfectionism, and limiting beliefs through somatics, mindset, and spirituality, create 7-figure offers, and build an online coaching business with clarity and alignment.
Episode Transcription
[00:00:00] Do you secretly feel like if you aren't working constantly in your business, or at least stressing constantly in your business, that everything will fall apart, and therefore you should have been more responsible? Then this episode is going to rock your world.
You're listening to the Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast. The podcast that helps women entrepreneurs get clear on signature offers and strategies that sell themselves. So you can lean back and stop the hustle.
You will learn to maximize your mindset, messaging, and strategy, and step into the uncommonly successful business and life you are creating. Here's your host. Top ranked business coach and reformed over analyzer turned Queen of Clarity, Jenna Harrison.
Welcome back to the Uncommon Way. I'm recording [00:01:00] this from my new office in Spain. So for those of you who've been around here for a while, you know that this project is a year in the making. It's years in the dreaming, but one year in the making, because a year ago we were visiting here in Mallorca and decided that we were going to make it our home.
And now it is. So I'll tell you about that more in a personal episode, tell you how it's going here, but today I'm going to share something from a recent coaching call, because it's something that everyone needs to hear. In this episode, you will gain visibility on the common thought loop that keeps you overworking, overstressing, and playing small in life.
You will vastly increase your personal power with just one shift in how you think. And for those of you who are coaches or do any kind of coaching in life, which actually everyone does, whether it's with [00:02:00] your children or employees or bosses, or sometimes friends and family, you'll walk away with a powerful and easy technique to help create massive epiphanies and new results.
Now, I've toyed with the idea before of taking excerpts from coaching calls and placing them here so that you can all hear it in action. And that is actually a very, very effective way to really help people decide if you're the coach for them. But I've always held back because I want my clients to feel like it's a great opportunity.
fully private area and they can be completely vulnerable and let it all hang out. I mean, I can't tell you how many times I've heard people say, you know, maybe this isn't a business coaching topic, but the thing on my mind is, and really there is no separation. We don't separate life from business because everything affects everything.
So instead [00:03:00] of playing recordings what I'm gonna do is just tell you the story and paraphrase the story from my point of view
So I was on a call with a client and was saying, well, I don't know if you've heard me talk about my client Allie, who had a really fantastic launch, and throughout the whole process, she was out snowboarding, and wasn't even looking at her results.
She'd always had a goal of reaching 500 members in her membership, but had been at around 450, and just couldn't really break through that last level. And in this launch, she ended up blowing past that goal. I think it was 550 or something, 545.
And when my client heard that, she said, yeah, but you know what I think about when you say that is, but what if the launch hadn't gone well? What would that have meant? Now I hear similar questions to this so often at each stage of business, right? If I take my foot off the gas a little and then I lose [00:04:00] sales, what would that mean? But if clients get disappointed or they don't get the results, what does that mean?
But if I lose followers or my audience gets angry, or I'm no longer respected, then what does that say about me?
Or what does that say about this decision, or this way I've been working in my business? And as a coach, you always need to listen to what your client is saying, of course, but you really need to listen to what they are not saying, because that's going to highlight the limitations of their beliefs and their understanding.
And when my client asked me that question, what would it mean if the launch had flopped while the other client was out snowboarding, the thing she's not saying, the deep underlying belief is, I believe it can only mean one thing. As if everyone around could look at this objectively and all agree, Allie was irresponsible and outplaying [00:05:00] and it's her fault for being so silly because obviously you can't have a successful launch that way.
Now this is why we need coaches to help us see what we're not seeing because we will never on our own. See it. This is why I will never be without a coach, because I'll never be outside of my own brain. As much as I try, damn it, I will never be outside of my own brain. And even a brain surgeon can't do surgery on herself.
So here's what you can do if you notice that someone you're coaching or speaking to is trapped in a fixed frame meaning like this. I had her walk through what other meanings Allie might have come up with if, you know, that launch were less successful than anticipated. And not everyone is able to just spit out other ways of thinking about a topic, right?
Sometimes you will be in that position where your brain has gone into [00:06:00] gridlock and you just cannot see beyond that one meaning that probably you were brought up to believe. But in this case, she did. She was like, well, If I were her, I guess I could think, maybe my expectations of how many people would buy were off.
So there was nothing actually wrong with the launch, it was just my expectations. Or maybe there was something else wrong with the launch and it really had nothing to do with the snowboarding.
So I said, okay, so it sounds like the question isn't what would it have meant, but what might she have chosen to make it mean? Knowing that she is the only one, ultimately, who can create that meaning for herself.
And we talked about that for a bit, and then I gave her some possibilities that she hadn't thought of yet, because that type of thinking is new. And when you're not used to thinking a certain way, your brain's not just going to come up with it automatically.
After all, we are not taught [00:07:00] to work wiser, not harder.
Of course, hustle culture seems to be increasing. It seems to be endemic. I'm seeing it here in, believe it or not, even in Spain in certain places.
But also, I was reading, I get this, I have this thing called the baby app, and I got it when my son was a newborn, but they still send me emails every week or so, talking about my child's stage of development based on his age. And there was one article that came out recently, maybe some of you moms, if you're on it, you saw it too, but it was talking about gifted children.
And saying how so often, We want to be careful to say, Oh, you're in this class because you're so smart or because you're really gifted, because then they can feel like if they fail that, Oh, what if I'm not as smart as everyone thinks I am? I actually experienced that exact thing for myself when I was growing up.
So the app suggested instead that you say to them, You're in this class [00:08:00] because you worked harder than everybody else. Now I see where it's coming from, right? It's coming from Carol Dweck's seminal work on fixed versus growth mindsets. However, what we are also unconsciously doing is teaching our children that working harder is the key to their success.
I, of course, want to teach my child that working wiser is the key to his success, and choosing his priorities and where he wants to focus his effort, and which talents he wants to develop, and which ones he really doesn't.
But that's not how I was brought up.
I was brought up that hard work pays off, and you probably were too.
So some of the meanings that I suggested were what if she had made it mean that she just hadn't learned to do it yet in that way?
She hadn't learned to have [00:09:00] a successful launch while she was also letting herself go to the slopes each day for a little bit. So what if there is no one right way to run your business? I know, this freaks out my clients who are doctors and lawyers, because they are like, no, there must be a textbook to tell me how to do this, and there isn't.
So scary.
I was speaking with someone the other day, a lawyer, and she was saying, yes, it's like I am building the plane while it's flying and not letting it crash. I'm like, yep, you are doing it right.
So if there's no one right way to do things, then maybe doing things with less hustle is just a skill that you need to master, rather than an irresponsible way of doing business, or the lazy way, or whatever word your inner critic wants to use. Some people might feel a little prickly about creating a more leaned [00:10:00] back business.
But what you may not realize is that if you can do this. You can do anything. You've learned to mold reality to what you want it to be. You've learned that what your mind tells you isn't necessarily true. And that you have power to create your uncommon way just with your mind. If you understand how to manage your mind and you've learned the skill of creating results.
Any result. Because while I love having a coach to help me see what I'm not seeing and help me with little lightbulb realizations. Oh, those are so fun, aren't they? The real reason I have a coach is because I want to be continually growing my power. My personal power. And we forget that the only person who decides meaning is us.
We totally give our power away when we slip into fixed frames [00:11:00] of meaning. We give it back to our parents, or our teacher, or magazines, or the news, or whoever's criticizing us, or whatever part of our brain happens to be criticizing us, rather than cultivating our power. So if this is you, if you know that you too would have heard Ali's story and then in the next instant a part of you would have felt that danger signal and said, oh, that sounds risky because what would it have meant if the launch had failed?
Then mental agility is the number one skill you need to learn because it affects literally every decision you make and everything you do. Imagine the difference between someone believing there's one specific meaning about snowboarding during a launch, and then having low numbers, and someone who doesn't.
The first person probably goes into a shame spiral,
and then [00:12:00] ends up creating even lower numbers,
a far less pleasing life. The other person rolls up their sleeves and gets to work. Think about how it affects person A's stress levels, how they then write copy, how they then show up for their clients, how their personal relationships look, how their health starts to look, what kinds of clients they call in when their underlying vibrations are fear and scarcity.
Think about how that accumulates over time versus person B, who's moving forward confidently and calmly, like a boss, and the positive results that you can create in all of those same categories. Everyone worries about the one way they might mess up if they change, rather than all the ways they're currently messing up by not changing, by not thinking outside of the box.
But not you. You obviously are called to do things differently or you wouldn't be here [00:13:00] listening still. So, if you've ever thought about how you wish this podcast were two way so that you could have me reflecting back what you are not seeing and you could ask me questions directly and get my mentorship directly and I could teach you to manage your mind and show up more powerfully Oh, and of course, we'd also create some kick ass messaging like we did for Allie and her lunch that allowed her to go out and snowboard.
I invite you to be part of our world here at The Uncommon Way.
I'll teach you how to create the life you want and the business you want, rather than to keep repeating the patterns that currently exist.
We begin enrolling for our new mastermind power and potency in August. We'll link to that page in the show notes. And if you're not sure if that's the best way to coach with me, then just schedule a call with me and we'll talk it through. [00:14:00] I'm 100 percent invested in you working with me in the way that's the highest value for you.
working Okay friends, in this episode you learned to upend fixed frame meaning to create more personal power and a far more exciting self directed life. I hope you enjoyed it, and now I am off to the beach. Talk to you next week.
Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit theuncommonway. com. See you next time.