Ep #18: Choosing Uncommon Goals
Episode Summary
Jenna shares what a goal is, how so many of us are used to setting goals, and a new way to start setting goals for yourself.
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Show Notes
A goal is an intentional statement about what you’ve decided to believe is possible for yourself. When you set a goal and pursue it as the captain of your own ship while tuning in to your inner guidance and doing things your own way, it is very powerful. So what if you could throw out all the rules and everything you know about goals, and do them differently?
What if the way you thought you should set goals and how you should be during the process and at the final result was wrong for you, and actually getting in the way of your results? Would you be open to trying something new? Well, I might just have the guidance you need this week.
In this episode, I’m sharing the difference between common and uncommon goals and giving you a new way to set goals so you can finally set yourself up for success in 2023. Discover how to spot a common goal, what’s typically being left out when you set a common goal and some mindset perspectives that support uncommon goal-making so you can change the way you approach them moving forward.
What You’ll Learn From This Episode:
Some common characteristics of common goals.
How black-and-white thinking can show up with your goals.
Why your next goal has nothing to do with the results of your past.
How to become a woman who owns her value and expertise and knows how to articulate it.
What people don’t stop to consider when making common goals.
The only purpose of a goal.
Some powerful questions to ask yourself before your next goal.
How we commonly set goals and what we make them mean.
Listen to the Full Episode:
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Full Episode Transcript:
What if you can throw out all the rules and do goals totally differently? What if the way you thought you should set goals, and how you should be during the process, and at the final result was completely wrong for you? Was actually getting in the way of your results? Would you be open to trying something new? If so, stick around.
You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life, by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top ranked business coach and reformed overanalyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.
Hey, welcome back to The Uncommon Way. It's November, everyone. It's an exciting time, right? We tend to not be just cruising along this time of year, right? It's not same old, same old. And I love any time when we are off autopilot, when we're really paying attention. So, maybe we're reflecting on the year; we're prepping for the next year.
In the Clarity Accelerator, this specific time’s pretty magical. It's an eight-week journey, you know, so when you enter now, you're perfectly set up to hit the ground running in January. I love that for my clients. You finally know then what to put on your vision board, you know, to really take advantage of that new year's energy. You have clarity around your people, your offer, the work you're doing. It's always powerful work, but it's extra now.
But let's be real, right? There are some other emotions, besides excitement, that tend to show up this time of year. I don't know about you, but my brain can start to offer up some scarcity thoughts. Like, we have this ritual at the house where we all get together the first day of the month, and we turn over the calendar page together. Each year I make this calendar for all of the relatives with pictures of Dylan.
So, every calendar month has a picture of Dylan from the year before. And of course, it's themed to the month and everything; the grandparents love it. But the favorite part for Dylan, is I pretend to be really, really sad, but it's not that much of a pretend thing, you know? I pretend to be very sad when the calendar page turns over. I'm saying, “Oh, I'm going to miss seeing that picture, so much. That was such a special time. I remember that,” when we did X thing.
And then he flips the page, and I go, “Oh, I love that picture. You know, I'm gonna be so happy to see it for the rest of the month. I loved when we did that.” Right? So, it really is emblematic of what we're leaving behind, and what we're remembering, and being joyous. But there's something about November/December, and I know there's only two pages left in the calendar.
Which reminds me, I really need to start making the next one. But anyway, there's only two pages left. And there's that, for me, that feeling of ‘where did the year go?’ Another year; my baby's growing up; all the things. So, that's what my brain does.
But how about you? What does November bring up for you? Maybe you're having thoughts come up about goals, and what you expected for your business this year? Why don't I have the business that I thought I'd have by this point? Or, if you surpassed your goals; was I played small with that goal? Why was I playing small, again?
Or, the rush is beginning, towards the holiday, so how will I get everything done? I don't have time to make my year end goals. Or, you know what? Game over. I don't even want to think about the business or my goals. I'll try again next year. I'm just gonna give myself some grace and focus on what truly matters, my family.
Having personally worked with well over 100 women to grow their businesses, and being a woman building a business myself, if you're having any of this come up, you are so not alone. This is such a natural product of how we commonly set goals and what we make our goals mean.
Unfortunately, that can sabotage our results, just like so many New Year's resolutions that are unsuccessful. If you're showing up to dejected, or frustrated, or just totally checking out, that's not your highest energy; not a place you want to hang out for long, otherwise it is going to get in the way of your potential.
Luckily, there are uncommon ways to set goals and feel a lot better, and generate more growth; business and personal growth. I'm very passionate about this topic. I know that just this one thing, just getting women to set uncommon goals, can start to unlock everything else. A goal is an intentional statement about what you've decided to believe is possible for yourself.
When you can do that, as the captain of your own ship, tuned into your inner guidance and doing things your way, it's very powerful. Of course, that is what the Clarity Accelerator is about, right, helping you get clear on that within yourself, and then own it confidently. You heard my client, Ale, last week, being an example of that, and how confident she was in her decisions.
So, in this episode, I'm going to tell you how to spot a common goal. I'll tell you what's typically being left out when you set common goals. And then, I'll share some mindset perspectives that support uncommon goal making, and what those goals might look like. So, that you can either set a really fantastic goal for yourself for the next two months, or reinvigorate your existing goal. And/or, set yourself up for success in 2023. That is my wish for you in the new year.
Let's just dive right in. Here are some common characteristics of common goals. I'll list them off first: They're made in a very fixed way. They're reactive. We have an unintentional relationship with them. We're highly attached to the results. We don't do thorough planning for actually accomplishing the goal, or managing our minds after the goal. And if we do even evaluate our results afterwards, we don't do it constructively.
I mean, yuck; this is why lots of us don't even set goals. Sometimes I talk to people, you know, on my intake form, when people book a call with me to talk about coaching, I have several questions for them to answer. I recommend going to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule to look those questions over, because just reflecting on them will give you insights about yourself and your business.
But anyway, I ask; What results do you want to create in the next six months? And then, sometimes on the call, I get curious; so, what goal setting have you done around those? Like, what steps are you taking? There are people that say, “Well, I haven't, yet. That just kind of came to me when I was filling out the form.”
So, they think that question is kind of their wish list. It's about their wish list, right, which they can then give to their coach to make happen. Rather than a check in about where they are when it comes to actually manifesting those results. But I digress.
Anyway, let's break down common goals a little bit. So, they tend to be made in a very fixed way. Typically, it's the same way you've done it in the past, or it's based on what someone else is doing. You know, I've always set revenue goals, or my coach is telling me to set revenue goals, or this other person is setting revenue goals. So, I'm going to set a revenue goal.
They also tend to be reactive, in that it's either a stretch goal or an incremental goal. All based on the meaning that you've created and the emotions you felt from past goals or circumstances, right? We let that past then dictate our goals for the future. So, maybe we tend to have 15% growth, so that's our goal: another 15% growth.
Another thing we see, is the relationship with that goal. It's unintentional. It tends to follow really fixed patterns, as well. Because how you do one thing is usually how you do everything. So, if you have the ingrained belief that you have to work really hard to get your results, then the goal, the relationship with that goal… The goal represents your taskmaster, it's driving you to work harder. That's the relationship you've set up with this goal.
If you tend to use things as a way to beat yourself up, your goal’s here to show you the ways you're failing; that's the role of your goal. If you tend to postpone your success, believing that things take a long time, then your goal will be that far off carrot dangling in the distance. It's that elusive thing, right? That's too far away. If you tend to procrastinate and put things off, then the goal is that thing you dismiss or ignore, and you show that it's really not that important.
We do that with our dreams too often, unfortunately. You know, oh, I want to create this new thing, but I'll do it later. I'll do it after the holidays. So yeah, you know, January that'll be a really good time to start the project or work with the coach; whatever.
Look, if this is you, I'm saying this with love. Your dreams don't care about the ways you're inconvenienced by them. Or, the drama your brain will try to create around the fact that you're taking action on them. They just know that the reason you haven't materialized them yet, is because you're dismissing them, you're de-prioritizing them.
What if you really believed your dreams were worth it and they were imminent? What would you be doing? What I notice here, a lot, is a lot of black-and-white thinking, where either It's the dream or some other part of my life. I can either build my business or enjoy the holidays. I can either build my business or have some self-care.
What if going after your dreams is self-care, the greatest self-care? And it doesn't preclude other forms of self-care to think of it in that way. Learning to build a business that exists within your life. And I mean, your real life, not the life when there's this convenient lull after the holidays, right? Or, you've whipped yourself into self-loathing during the holidays, and now you have this fire under your butt.
But all of your life; your integral, whole life. That, then, is a real sustainable business. Right? Definitely listen to the episode on “Business Minimalism” for a refresher on working smarter, not harder. Your dream wants you to be like; you matter, you belong here, welcome into my life. I'm willing to manage my mind around the self-created overwhelm, in order to welcome you into my life.
Okay, off my soapbox. People are typically highly attached to the outcome of common goals. They make a result mean everything about them, about their worth as a person, about their prospects for the future. There's lots of pressure on these goals. So, you're not going to plan for managing your mind after the goal time frame.
It's almost like we don't even want to think about the goal not coming to be, because then we'll jinx something. Or, it's a sign of weakness or disbelief or something like that. But I’ve found, over and over, that this step is what lets you make peace with whatever happens, right? It creates more neutrality. And then, you put all that brain space into actually accomplishing the goal.
That way, by the end of the timeline, it's not like you're tired of thinking about it, and so you don't want to evaluate it. You do; you want to learn and grow. So, when people are making common goals, here's what they don't stop to consider. You can use this as a list for yourself, to ask these really powerful questions before your next goal.
Which of the unlimited possibilities for a goal do I want to pursue? Maybe it's revenue. But maybe it's a number of clients or consultation calls. Or, it's some form of action goals like, I'm going to have this many webinars. But there are an infinity of options.
Ask yourself: What's the why behind my goal? What's driving me to make it? Is it scarcity; I need five clients? Or, is it growth? Is it something that you want to learn to do? Some way that you want to prepare yourself for the future? What do I need to, first, clean up in my mind about past results and events? How can I set this goal from a clean place?
People rarely stop to intentionally create the relationship going forward with that goal. What is my relationship going to be with this goal? What will fuel my results, rather than sabotage them?
A goal isn't the benchmark that you measure your failure against; the goal is here to serve you. It's your partner. It's not the goal’s responsibility to make you feel happy or accomplished. Only you can make you feel that way, from within. But a good relationship with a goal means that it can definitely serve you.
How am I going to achieve that goal? Some people don't have any kind of plan. This is something we do in detail, in Module 10, which is called “Your Success Plan”. We talk all about goals and intentions, and it includes a lot of the material I'm sharing here. But as we all know, setting the goal is just the tip of the iceberg. How are you going to create success? I'll tell you this, it's far more than just the actions you take. We break it into five essential categories.
With common goals, you also tend not to ask, what would need to be true for me to detach from the outcome of the goal? And here you want to think about, how can I both go all in on these results and detach from the outcome? You can ask, what are all the things in my power that I want to focus on related to this goal? Notice I said, “In my power.” Looking at it from this perspective, is how you nurture the power within yourself.
And with common goals, you're probably not deciding in advance, how am I going to treat myself after the goal? If I have the desired result, and if I don't. Or, what about, you do get the desired result but it doesn't happen the way you were expecting? What will you allow yourself to celebrate? Will you actually allow yourself to celebrate? And by the way, you can celebrate regardless of the goal outcome. I know, so different from how we've been brought up, right?
Okay, now let's talk about uncommon goals. Uncommon goals are more tailored to you, independent of others, in service of your highest potential. First, they're not tied to the past. I know that's how we're taught to think, that the past predicts the future. But that's far from true when it comes to human ingenuity.
Your next goal has nothing to do with the results of your past. But if this is a stretch, then at least, tell yourself a creative story about your past that fuels you instead of tearing you down. And one way to do that, I'll let you know, is to get creative with time.
I have a client who had a goal of signing five new clients by the end of the year. “But I've had no consults in the last two weeks,” she told me, and there was this very dejected look on her face. As if that really meant something. As if that statement really meant something. But really, it has nothing to do with what can happen over the next months.
But our brains want to establish worrisome patterns, right? If they can decipher the danger ahead of time, you stay alive. Or, in this case, you won't have to deal with disappointment, right? I'm not going to sign five clients, so I won't get my hopes up.
But when we dug around a bit, it turns out, in the last two months she'd brought on three clients. So, she could just as easily choose to tell herself, “If I just keep doing what I'm doing, being how I'm being, there will likely be three more, right? Why wouldn't there be if nothing changes?” So, instead of looking at the timeline of the last two weeks and using that against her, she can choose to look at the timeline of the last two months and how much that serves her.
Or, you could look at the rate of change compared to last year. Oh my god. “At this rate, it's very possible that I'll be booked out by early spring.” Or, “Who knows? It could happen overnight. Things are obviously accelerating.” So, the moral of the story, if you're gonna hang out in the past, then at least use the past for you, rather than against you.
Feel the energy difference between, “Ugh, I'm not getting any people booking in for consult calls. I'll never make my year end goals.” And, “This is so exciting. I'm sliding right into being booked out. This momentum, it's just rolling.” And so of course, then that's what we tend to create, either of those two.
This does not have to be bypassing, it's not Pollyanna positivity, it can be intentional. “Oh, I see that negativity bias at work. And I see how the other is equally true. I'm choosing that one.”
All right. So, we've talked about how uncommon goals are not tied to the past. They're also highly individual and self-determined. They're totally up to you. They're here to help you become who you need to become, in order to have that result. I know this is a mind bender, but the result of a goal is secondary. Again, they're here to help you become who you need to become, in order to have that result.
The learning that happens, the transformation that happens, that's the true reason for the goal. And once the growth has happened, you'll have your results. But you don't know when that will actually happen. You've never done it before; how can you know? You don't know what mindset blocks will come up that need to be worked through, what life events will happen.
I've mentioned this before, but my business grew less quickly than might have been expected, on paper, given other things I'd accomplished in life. But I don't regret it. I had some stuff to unpack, that I probably wouldn't have done if my business had just taken off. There are things that I still see people working through, that have far larger businesses than me.
I am very grateful for where I am. And when I think back, I realize I might have had an idea for how my business and my life should go, but that's not necessarily the best thing, right? I believe we have a higher intelligence guiding us. So yes, you get to set the goal you want, in the way you want to set it.
It really is possible to set sparkly goals all of the time; goals that make you feel excited and lit up. Like, why not choose that experience? You can choose however you want to feel, so feel amazing about this thing you're working towards. And do the work you need to do, to feel amazing.
Why aren't I feel amazing about this goal? Oh, interesting. Good to know. Okay, well, that's where my work is. How different will it be when I'm no longer carrying that baggage around? Just imagine! Game changer! This is going to be so good.
Okay, I'll give some examples of these, in a second. But after first talking about how the goals are not tied to the past, and they're very individual and self-determined, I just want to go into how they have a very strong, intentional ‘why’. That step, of creating that ‘why’, really helps you detach from the outcome.
Because if your goal is just 10 clients, you're failing all the way up through nine clients. But if your goal is 10 clients this year, so that…, among other things, you vastly refine your messaging and your understanding of what helps your people feel safe to buy.
Because your goal is to one day help 1,000 women create this change in their lives, right, and 10 is the stepping stone to get there. Then, every time a new piece of your messaging locks into place, you’re like win, win, another win. And who you're becoming, is a woman who confidently owns her value and expertise, and can articulate it.
So, it's not that you lose the desire or intention for the 10 clients, but the attachment has completely shifted. Of course, you need to figure this out for you, what it is that feels real to you and is exciting enough to help you detach from the result. It's different for everyone, as it should be.
I always say, no two businesses are alike, because no two people are alike. But again, the only purpose of a goal, is what's that goal going to do for you? Who will you become, in the process of trying to achieve it? Once you become that person who achieves those results, the actual results come.
I'll say that, again; once you become the person who achieves those results, the actual results come. Take away the business of a billionaire, they'll build back to that level more quickly than you or I will, because that's just who they are now.
So, where is your growth? Is it in stretching yourself? Is it in maintaining? Is it something different? Stretch goals are great for helping us think outside of the box; about accomplishing something that blows our mind, just to see what's possible.
Now that I've doubled or exceeded doubling my business revenue in a year, that doesn't seem far-fetched to me anymore. That was great growth for me. I was willing to fail, and willing to have a relationship with myself if I failed, in order for that growth.
I can remember, in just December of last year, I was so deep into my goal, and I was paying such attention to my drivers; what was really driving my emotions and my thoughts about all of this. That I uncovered lessons that far exceeded the value of that goal, right? I remember saying, “If I'm not meant to achieve this, then it's okay. Because this other thing is worth so much more. I will sacrifice that to have finally understood this about myself.”
I think it was about recognition; there was some recognition I was craving and I needed to give recognition to myself first, or something. It was really deep at the time. I can't remember it now. Because, hey, the entrepreneurship game is just one lesson after another. So, I can't remember if that was a specific one, but it was very deep.
I do remember I was in tears. I remember exactly where I was; I was across the stream behind my house, and in another field. I was throwing the ball for my dog, and I remember kind of just having one of those moments. Where it's like the earth stops, and you finally gain that awareness. It finally clicks and you're like, oh, oh, it was so good. It was so good.
So, where was I going with that? Oh, right. Okay, so I was saying, I was willing to fail and willing to love myself through that failure, in order for that growth that I knew it would take to get me there. So, once you set a stretch goal, then you stretch yourself, in order to stretch your mind and your belief.
Maybe your growth for this period isn't about revenue or clients. Maybe it's about stretching your visibility. Maybe it's to desensitize yourself to doing Facebook Lives™. I had a client once, that did 30 straight days of Facebook Lives because it scared her to death. And afterwards, it didn't scare her anymore.
So, your goals do not have to be revenue or client based; who says revenue or client should be the main measure of success? We get to choose. Okay, before we get to choose, I've had clients come to me who were making seven figures, and they didn't really know what they wanted to do.
They did not feel successful because of the revenue. They wanted to feel self-actualized. They wanted that personal growth rather than monetary growth. I honor that. Now, you know me, I do think there can be both, right. But if in this period of your life, you're giving your full attention to one, great.
Okay, your growth may be in setting a maintaining type of goal, right? I'm gonna maintain exactly what I've been doing, because my growth is to believe this is just how I do now. This is my new normal. And my growth is to work through my judgment about that, about me not striving. How will my nervous system react to me not doing more and more and more? Can I allow myself to really stretch in something outside of business maybe, and not stretch so much in business, right now?
That was, for me personally, another period of personal growth; I did that. Now, as you'll see, as I've been explaining this, with maintaining goals, none of this is to help you get out of challenging yourself. Right? I love challenge. I think good stress is great for all of us. There can still be challenge within the maintaining. There can still be growth within the maintaining.
All I'm saying, is that sometimes the real challenge is not in setting a bigger goal, especially if that's what you're used to doing. And the truly uncommon thing, is following the beat of your own drum, rather than striving to reach someone else's benchmarks.
You could even choose to throw out the whole idea of yearly or monthly goals; you can just decide my goal is my one next client. Right? It could happen today. As quickly as it can, surprise me Universe. I'm bringing in my next aligned client. And, it will feel like we've known each other for ages.
Some of us create far bigger results. We really blow our minds when we're not setting specific smart goals. Our nervous systems can relax, and we aren't sabotaging our goals with our brain drama. If this is where you are, do what works for you. Allow yourself to show up amazingly well, and see your results compound, not diminish, because of smaller goals.
And there all sorts of combinations of the above. Maybe, I want to maintain revenue while not feeling stressed. Or, I want to grow revenue while working fewer hours per week. You get to play with all of this. You purposely leaning into your true growth, knowing it will be a challenge, is such a gift to your future.
There are so many people that just stay with what's working, even if they know it's not good for them. And then over time, their problems just compound. Or something new happens, they have a much bigger business and they aren't prepared, so they go through a really rocky time. I encourage you to play with all of these different types of goals, and really see what works for you.
Because this is you testing how you manifest. Yes, there are some universal principles. Obviously, if you're in a really negative place, and you're having to show up in front of people, that's probably not going to work for you. But really, only you can figure out the specifics for you. I love helping people figure that out.
It is so fun when you see somebody really starting to feel out their groove and get their groove. Like, you heard Ale last week, right? Just a really lovely level of self-knowledge. Okay, so we talked about uncommon goals not being tied to the past. We talked about them having a strong intentional ‘why’. We gave examples of how that ‘why’ will fuel different types of goals.
And now, you want to decide the relationship you'll have with that, ahead of time. Right? This isn't my taskmaster. Maybe, this is my lighthouse, for instance. When I think of my goal, I imagine her shining through in foggy moments, being like, “This is the way. You can reach me.” And then, you decide, holistically, how you're going to accomplish the goal.
I said before, we zero in on five things in the Clarity Accelerator. But for instance, you know your brain pretty well. You know what it might start saying to you partway through, when it's feeling doubtful. Or, in what ways it might try to distract you from actually creating that success, and inviting in all that dangerous change.
So, what are you going to do when those things happen? What's your plan? That is a plan on how you're going to accomplish the goal. It's a plan to avoid self-sabotage. That's just as important as, I'm going to do 10 webinars; far more important, I'd argue. And you also decide, in advance, how you're going to treat yourself with different outcomes.
Your brain, likely, will forget, when the time comes, what you decided, by the way. Oh, I just forgot to celebrate and reward myself. Oops, I just forgot not to beat myself up. No, you go back to what you wrote down at the very beginning. You, as the CEO of your brain, as the adult in the room, you need to intentionally set up a positive feedback loop that tells your brain, “See, brain? Going after big goals, or slowing down to focus on true growth goals, this feels good. We like this, let's do even more of it.”
So, to recap: The way we commonly set goals, is far from the only way to set goals. Uncommon goal setting is more powerful and far less painful. To get there, you've got to put the past aside. You've got to get clear on your ‘why’; use that to determine your goal. Establish a healthy relationship with your goal. Then, plan in advance for how you'll accomplish it. And, how you want to treat yourself afterwards, given all different possible outcomes.
That will help you detach from the result itself, fall in love with exactly where you are, and then you'll probably be surprised with what you call in from that place. But even then, you still want to evaluate them. You want to get clear on how that happened, so that you can replicate it.
Circling back to what you want to accomplish in the next couple of months. Or, if you're listening to this after November, whatever you want to accomplish next. If you made your current goal from a clean, aligned place, then stick with it. We don't want to reactively change goals, ever. We want to hold beliefs throughout. We want to keep learning until the end. And then, evaluate afterwards, so we can 10x our results next time.
Now, if you didn't make a goal, or if you don't like how you’ve made your goal, if this discussion’s opened you up to a different way, then change it. You're your own boss; don't wait another day not walking your uncommon way in your business and life.
Okay, my friends, that's it for today. And remember, deep down, you know who you are. And each day you're stepping further into what you're here to create.
Hey, if you're a coach who wants true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots. The dots that have always been there for you, so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.
Come join us, and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook® ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.
Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com See you next time.
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