3 techniques for making massive change

Remember a couple of weeks ago when I said that the thing you’re waiting for is waiting for you (to change and make change), and then offered to provide some tips this week for initiating that process? 

What I’m suggesting is no Secret (more about that next week), so I’ll dive right in.

Here are three things you can do now to start the internal change that will both inspire and prepare you for massive external change:

• Shake things up – Get out of your comfort zone, change where you live, take a course in something new, or even just clean and re-arrange your home (really feng shui it up). It can be as drastic or subtle as feels right, but do something you wouldn’t normally do.

• Mind exercises – Journaling, walking and reflecting, and/or working with a coach or therapist are great ways to question your perceptions. IF there were something internal interfering with your progress, what might that thing be?

• Create the environment – Ask yourself to isolate something small that you’re looking forward to if the change you seek comes your way. Choose something that’s doable here and now, and then start doing it. This is SUCH an important practice, because it gets you in the habit of designing and living the life you want NOW, rather than always waiting for what’s around the bend.

Each of these share something important: They don’t have to be huge, monumental changes. You don’t need to quit your job, break up with your beau, or sell your possessions and move to Tahiti (unless you want).

Change begins with just one small thing a day. 

(When I was still in the throes of Corporate America and longed more than anything else to telecommute or freelance, I imagined one day throwing on my flip flops each morning and strolling down to the beach for Cuban coffee. It NEVER occurred to me that I could make that a part of my life routine regardless of whether or not I worked a 9 – 7, just by getting up a little earlier. When that day finally came around and I strolled as planned, I was ecstatic! Yet in retrospect, I think about the years of coffees and morning beach time I let slip by me.)

Prioritize that thing, get used to that thing, make that thing a part of your life, and watch your attitude and energy change.

And as for the other stuff? Will that change, too?                                                                             

Often, yes. (I’ll talk more about those mechanics next week.)

Here’s to being the change now and not later,

Jenna

When sh*t doesn’t feel right

Sometimes you just know something’s not right.

Or do you?

Listening to your intuition is a hot topic for everybody from artists to CEOs, but since it’s really hard to define it can leave even the most emotionally connected people feeling uncertain.

Like most of the abstract terms we routinely throw around, it becomes a little shy when you try to pinpoint it:

Is this love … or is this person mirroring some deep psychological need?

Is this the end of love … or is this just me creating psychological distance?

Is this guiding intuition … or is the situation just satisfying a subconscious longing?

Is this protective intuition … or is it fear?

If only we had a crystal ball.

Welcome to transition

As I write this I’m knee-deep in disarray. After over a month in hotels and a 1,700 mile road trip, we’re finally moving into our new home in Colorado.

We couldn’t wait to get into this house! We searched for it, chose it among all others, negotiated for it and even pleaded just a little. We waited not-so-patiently. And now it’s ours…

But when we actually moved in, things just didn’t feel right.

We couldn’t get comfortable. If it made sense to sit facing one direction, our furniture would only allow us to face the opposite.

Every room seemed awkward, and it wasn’t just frustrating … it felt awful. Just like when the hairs on the back of your neck stand up and tell you to slowly back away.

Had we made a huge mistake?

And then the shift happened

But we kept at it. We kept unpacking boxes, trying different arrangements, and making sure we got lots of sleep.

And pretty soon, things began to shift. A flash of inspiration here, the mundane removal of a rug there, and before we knew it, it started to feel … good. The feng shui realigned and the house started becoming our home.

I’m sure you’ve experienced energy shifts like that in your life, too. The question is, what causes the shift? Luck, perseverance, mindset? Maybe all of the above?

In my opinion, the most important variable is time.

When you’re transitioning, time is what allows the more reactionary parts of your brain to chill out. Time is how you naturally reconcile the way things used to be or how things should be with how they really are … and eventually realize that despite feelings of fear or resistance, you’re ok.

Mindset work, affirmations, and looking on the sunny side are all extremely powerful, but none of them have the special properties of time.

Let’s break it down

When we moved into the new house, we were facing two mental incongruities:

• Our old house, our “home,” felt and looked different. This wasn’t that, so it wasn’t home and therefore possibly would never be home.

• When we looked at pictures of the new house and walked through its empty rooms, we projected a rosy vision of our future that contrasted sharply with the reality of moving-box-overwhelm and funky furniture proportions.

Neuroscientists have a name for the brain activity that occurs during this disconnect between expectations and reality: “prediction error.” (You can read more about it in an earlier post, The Brain Science of Being Uncommon.)    

It’s inherently uncomfortable – more so for some than for others – and in simplest terms its functions are to keep us safe and help us learn quickly.

When we experience this kind of discomfort, but then eventually see that our worst fears never came to pass (no tiger jumped out of the bushes to pounce on us), we relax out of the stress response. We’re able to take in more information and open ourselves to new possibilities.

What we thought was a pair of tiger eyes is actually just a funny looking leaf, and before long we’re passing by that bush on the daily and even sampling its juicy, sweet berries.

Why time is so magical

Time is more effective (but also frustratingly slower) than many other interventions because the fear mechanism is located in a part of your brain that can’t process language or logic. It responds only to direct experience.

That’s precisely why so many of the most effective relaxation techniques involve sensory experience (such as breath work, meditation and mindfulness, and somatic experiencing).

However, when your brain is screaming, “This is wrong!! Run!!” it can be really difficult to fully enter into a state of relaxation, no matter how hard you try. (Think about it. When you’re faced with an existential threat it would be counterproductive, to say the least, if your brain were able to switch off the fear response like a light switch.)

But what we CAN do is … wait. (In stress-response language, we can “freeze.”) We might not shake the creepy crawly feeling right away, but we can force ourselves not to run.

And by waiting, we can confirm or deny our suspicions. 

If it’s not meant to be – if you’re not meant to be in that house or continue with that business or if you’re not meant to gorge on berries because there’s a freakin’ tiger in the bush – your intuition will be confirmed.

And if it’s actually ok, that too will come to light.

So the next time you’re at a transition crossroads and it feels off (or awful), before you throw everything away remember this: All will be revealed in due time. And by then, you'll feel much more certain about your decision.

Here’s to a measured response to your intuitive hits,

Jenna

Need out of your comfort zone? Go to India.

This week I'm sharing an older article from my travel-blogging days because it's so on message with last week's post about being stuck in your comfort zone. I not only suggest a way to push yourself outside of said comfort zone (within a controlled setting), but argue that sometimes we have a moral imperative to do so. Enjoy!

(This was authored by me and originally posted by the U.K.-based travel agency FlightCentre.)

I know of a man who traveled through an impoverished country in order to push past his sheltered upbringing. He was so shocked by its hardened reality that he isolated himself for months afterwards. Eventually he returned to society, but it was obvious that he was a changed man.

Chances are you’ve heard of him, too, likely under his stage name, Buddha. And that trying place he visited? Right, that was India . . . .

Sarnath, India, where the Buddha first taught

While I’m not suggesting that a trip to India will compel your isolation under the Bodhi tree, it is an eye-opening experience, and even a life-changing experience. For those of you toying with a trip to the great subcontinent, and especially for those thinking about a short trip to the “Golden Triangle” – the monument-packed region of Delhi, Agra and Jaipur – here is some straight talk about what you need to know before you leave.

Even crossing the street is difficult in India. Note, this is a street, NOT a parking lot!

First and foremost, India is about beauty and reflection. It’s a snap to picture one of its serene interiors, where floating candles and lotus flowers embellish a fountain of water. We’re all familiar with the very unique aesthetic developed originally for emperors which keeps both the body and mind cool and relaxed.

You’ll see many places exactly like the one described . . . at spas and yoga studios around the world. Also in Bollywood movies, Incredible !ndia campaign shots and even in luxury resorts within India (enjoy a cocktail at Jaipur’s Rambagh Palace, one of the Taj group’s chain of luxury hotels, for a taste of how the majarajas must have lived). But that’s about it.

The serene grounds of Rambagh Palace, Jaipur

So let me offer a quick rewrite.

First and foremost, India is about extremes. And nowhere is India more extreme than in its mega-cities (Delhi alone is home to more than 16 million people, well over twice the population of London).

Whereas large cities in other countries are a traveler’s base camp, a place to take advantage of the familiarity brought by globalization before heading into more remote and less worldly areas, Indian cities are overcrowded jumbles where the difficulties of the surrounding areas seem exacerbated: traffic, chaos, noise, heat, filth, poverty and apathy. Unfortunately, these often dehumanizing environments are precisely where to look for some of the world’s most important monuments.

The Red Fort, as a backdrop to Delhi madness

The first time I went to India I concentrated on its kinder, gentler faces, but even brief transit through cities convinced me to seek out the structure and security of a tour if I decided to return to see the Taj Mahal and other top tourist attractions.

So when I stumbled upon this site’s contest to sponsor a blogger’s journey to the Golden Triangle on a G Adventures tour, I didn’t have to think twice. Before I knew it, a date was chosen and my Flight Centre consultant was patiently emailing me every possible flight itinerary (departing from Frankfurt rather than London invalidated some of the great deals offered by the UK-based agency, which matches all published fares out of the UK). In the end AirIndia offered the best option, and I was set.

Over the next couple of weeks I’ll tell you all about the trip and try to clue you in to the bits I wish I had known before I left. It wasn’t always pretty, but it was exciting, and not the kind of experience I’d ever trade. As long as your expectations are realistic, and you’re willing to exercise your patience muscles, and let go of that much-beloved thing called control, and especially if you’re in the hands of trusted guides who help ease the uncertainty . . . well! You’ll be channeling Buddah in no time.

Many people say that India’s not for everyone. I think the opposite. We all share this small planet, and therefore those of us with means, whose decisions affect the most people, should spend at least some time on each of the continents.

India – which is predicted to surpass China’s population within decades, which is one of the world’s most rapidly developing economies, and whose philosophy and customs have molded thought and cultures around the world – most definitely is for everyone.

7 ways to respond if someone asks about your ‘real job’

They probably say it with the best intentions.

After all, they’re only looking out for you…. Or maybe they’re honestly baffled. How can it be work if you don’t have a boss?

Then again, maybe they’re trying to justify their own life choices.

Either way, it can sting when someone asks if you plan on getting a real job (or going back to work, or…).

Sometimes it comes right after you’ve expressed some sort of frustration with your business, or when you’re grappling with early-stage growing pains, or when you’re first confiding the vision you have for the future … i.e. exactly when you’re feeling most vulnerable!

How do you respond? With anger, sympathy, humor, logic? Do you trade rudeness for rudeness, flip the script, or instead try to start a conversation that might benefit both of you?

One thing’s for certain: We do NOT want you caught off guard, stuttering your way through a response! The fact is that each time we help someone open their mind to non-traditional modes of work, the better it is for all of us.

That’s why we asked current stay-at-home entrepreneurs to share their best responses. 

Choose a couple, practice in front of the mirror, and get ready to Jedi mind-trick the next person that opens up this conversation….

Flip the script

“I ask them in the nicest possible way when they are going to get a real job. One that works to their talents, that they love, that they want to get up in the morning for.” -- Rachel Percy, researcher, blogger and coach at www.wellbeingatworkdr.com

"Good news! I’ve found an employer that truly has my career and well-being in mind. One who won’t lay me off due to investor focus on short-term results. Management that sees all of what I can bring to the table making me more passionate as an employee. The work conditions and the potential for career satisfaction and growth is immense. With the movement towards a gig economy where big companies are choosing to contract employees rather than taking on the cost of idle or down time, my employer is a more conscious business. The gig economy is a bell weather for a bigger trend coming in the workforce. Working for yourself has all these benefits, job security etc., as long as the person’s business savvy is as good as their craft, discipline or trade.”

“Tomorrow’s jobs will look more like mine than like yours, my friend.”

Short and sweet

“I have one, thanks!” -- Ionela Spinu, lifestyle coach at www.getlifestylegems.com

“Everyone’s going to have an opinion [but] they don’t necessarily deserve a response beyond, “I love what I do, and believe me, it’s more than enough work to keep me busy.” -- Maya Hampton, joy expert at www.SayYes2Joy.com  

“Getting paid makes this a real job.” -- Jessica Scotten, founder of Pineapple Relations, www.pineapplerelations.com 

“Thanks for your concern, but I’m doing fine.”

Point out the facts

“My dad expressed concern once that working for myself wasn’t as stable as my previous corporate jobs. I just let him know that three of those previous companies had since downsized and eliminated my former positions, so I felt that working on my own these days is actually more stable because I know for sure I won’t downsize myself.” -- Nicole Croizier, marketing coach for passionate solopreneurs,www.lovewhatyoudoagain.com

“I would ask him what benefits he gets from what he calls a ‘real job.’ Working from home has a bunch of benefits beyond what he might answer.” Ahmed Elsayed, virtual assistant, http://www.egyva.com

“An employer keeps too much of the profits that I generate. I’d rather have them in my pocket.”

Get passionate

“Tell them to eff off.” 

“I’m not a compliant robot.”

“I’d rather starve to death.”

“Take the real job and shove it.”

Curiosity

“I guess I’d ask them, ‘What do you mean by a real job? Seriously, I’m curious to know exactly what you mean by that….’ engaging with them with curiosity rather than defensively … might be an interesting conversation! In my experience different people mean different things by ‘real job’ and for most of us who say that, or indeed have lived it, how we define it depends greatly on what was considered acceptable in our family/social circle.” -Denise Barnett, somatic therapist, Soul Motion® teacher and business consultant at www.denisebarnettsomatics.com  

Promote yourself

“Smile and be a shameless self-promoter. Be proud of what you do.” -- Allie Kloster, social media strategist at www.alliekloster.com

“Usually I give a version of my ‘elevator’ pitch. Then add, ‘Believe me, it’s real work…. If I ever feel like I need to make a change, I will.’ Then I walk away kind of abruptly if I can. I want them to know that they were rude.” -- Kathleen Green, author and speaker, www.shepersistedblog.wordpress.com   

“I tell them to get a peek at my bank account.”

Humor

“Someone’s gotta wear these pajamas.” -- Kylie Ansett, author whisperer at www.authorwhisperer.com.au

“I don’t have the stomach for that kind of uncertainty!” 

“But how will I get Tuesday afternoon facials if I’m stuck in an office?”

Now take a look within.

In all seriousness, if you feel hurt by this kind of question it’s worth digging into a bit.

Things that touch a nerve often reflect your own beliefs. Do you believe that your current project is realistic? Do you believe that being your own boss is sustainable?

If not, be prepared for more and more of these subtle attacks, because others always mirror our deepest fears and beliefs (which helps us expose them, so thank you).

Think about this: If somebody told you your hair was blond, and you knew it was black, you probably wouldn’t feel wounded by their statement. You’d assume that they didn’t speak the language, or had an eye problem, or were making a joke. Whatever. 

And then you’d carry on with your day and forget about it.

Getting to the root of this is some of the most important inner-game work you’ll ever do.

It will greatly influence your likelihood of success. It effects how you feel and the energy you bring to your project. It affects whether people will want to work with you or invest in you. And these all directly affect your bottom line.

At the end of the day, nobody’s opinion really matters but yours:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena….” –Franklin Delano Roosevelt

Here’s to staying in the arena,

Jenna

P.S. Ready to see the difference this kind of inner-game work can make for you? Let’s hop on a call and see if it makes sense for us to work together.

3 sweet steps to unlearn fear and gain back your confidence

Have you ever felt like if you just had the confidence to be who you really are (or trust your gut, or believe in yourself) you’d be able to do that thing you’ve been dreaming about?

Let’s talk about that confidence thing.

Last week I explained that the tricky part isn’t gaining confidence. It’s unlearning fear. And I promised to tell you just how to do it.

Most fear is learned …

Scientists aren’t in complete agreement over the biological underpinnings of fear. But the current bulk of research points to this:

1) We are born with very few innate fears, such as the fear of falling, fear of loud noises, and fear of being left alone / starving.

2) We are also predisposed to other fears, which are a factor of our environment. If our parents are afraid of spiders or we have no access to the ocean, we’re more likely to grow up with a fear of spiders or the ocean. If not, then those fears don’t develop.*

3) But the vast majority of our fears accumulate over time. They are learned orassociative fears. Did you stand up to your older brother, only to find yourself knocked to the ground? Then maybe you felt more fearful about standing up to a grade school bully, and later to your boss (especially if the “lesson” was repeated several times).

We are ALL taught fear.

Bad things lurk around every corner when we’re growing up!

• A car will hit us if we don’t look both ways, then look again.

• We’ll get ridiculed by the teacher if we give the wrong answer.

• Our friends will jeer at us if we stand out from the crowd.

• And never, ever talk to strangers.

Consequently, most of us carry some degree of fear of upsetting others, of not being loved or not fitting in, of failing, of never measuring up.

We fear the terrible consequences dreamed up by our imagination.

The point is, a lack of confidence is NOT what causes your struggles.

Dawn Barclay, whose life’s work is helping people unlearn fear, says,

“A lack of confidence is not the cause, it’s the effect.”

… so luckily we can unlearn it

The great news is that if fears are learned, you can unlearn them.

Here’s what you need to understand: Your brain is extremely sensitive to similarity.

If it perceives that a situation is similar to something that happened in the past, the amygdala, a tiny little almond-shaped section of the brain, will orchestrate the release of specific neurotransmitters triggering a very precise emotion.

This can happen completely unconsciously; you won’t even realize WHY your palms are sweaty or you’re suddenly feeling sick to your stomach.

Luckily, we have another part of the brain called the neocortex, which processes logic. It’s only a few cells thick, but it’s a powerhouse that covers the entire brain.

Thanks to the neocortex, we can stop and employ logic when we feel those familiar negative emotions spring up. No matter your fears, you have a choice when it comes to how you react to each new situation. 

As Eleanor Roosevelt famously said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” 

The key takeaway here is that emotions are reflexive but behaviors are a choice.

To unlearn fear, follow these steps:

To unlearn fear, you need to pay close attention to your thoughts and feelings. (Just give it a go. It gets MUCH easier the more you do it.)

When you feel the familiar discomfort of fear, remember The Three Rs:

Recognize --> Reframe --> Reprogram

1) Recognize what’s going on.

Take a hard look at how fears are getting in your way, in order to aid your determination to shed them.

Interview yourself about the stories and baggage in your head. Where did they come from? When do you first remember feeling that way?

Recognize that those are beliefs but not necessarily truths. Sometimes the way we remember something isn’t even how things really went down!

You are what you believe. Only you can reprogram your beliefs, and it takes a firm, daily commitment. The thoughts you repeat in your head are your own responsibility. (That doesn’t mean you should judge a thought when it arises. Just acknowledge it and move on to the next step.)

2) Reframe your thoughts

Take this familiar fear, for example: “If I fail, I’ll never be able to live it down.” Find a different perspective that is kinder and likely more accurate: “I probably won’t fail, but if I do, it won’t be the end of the world.”

Remember that you were naturally confident in the past, and bring to mind areas in your life where you still feel confident.

Replace negative self-talk with compassionate self-talk or humorous back-talk. When your inner monologue says, “You’re such a loser,” immediately respond with “I’m amazing,” or even “You’re obviously wearing blinders! I’ve got winner written all over me!”

3) Reprogram your emotional response

Now don’t just say it … take a second and FEEL it. Imagine the feeling of being amazing, of being a winner. The human brain has an uncanny capacity for empathy. Just imagining being a winner can trigger the same neurotransmitters that would be released if you had actually won something.

Practice. The more positive associations you can make with the situations that used to trigger fear, the more you will override the release of fear-inducing neurotransmitters. Prove to yourself that you won’t let fear stop you, and that the world doesn’t end when you forge ahead.

Each time you take one little baby step past an old fear, reward yourself heartily and flood that brain with feel-good juice! 

The long game

This is how, over time, you’ll unlearn your original fear and relearn a different, more positive response to similar stimuli. 

(Can you imagine yourself about to enter a room full of strangers and feeling excited rather than nervous and grumpy?**)

Happily, once you disprove a previously held belief, it’s hard to ever adopt that old belief again. ​​

So next time you’re about to do something that feels a little scary, think of it this way:

Maybe the only thing you stand to lose is fear! Which leaves the door to your future wide open with possibility….

Here’s to releasing your fears,

Jenna

P.S. Please do me the favor of sharing this article with your friends, because everyone who wants to live an uncommon life could benefit from less fear.​ Thanks!

*Some scientists believe these are actually innate fears, but do not form until later in life when the brain has matured more fully.

**I’m not there yet, either. But I’ve gotten to the point where I can at least feel neutral rather than miserable :-)

Stop trying to gain confidence (do this instead)

Do you wish you could gain more confidence?

If we did, then we could be more like them. You know … those people who are perfectly comfortable in their own skin.

They don’t care what people think of them. They have no shame talking about what they want to achieve, and they speak easily and naturally whether they’re on stage or live video or one-to-one.

It’s like … Are they drinking special water? And can I buy it at Whole Foods?

Nope. A little tequila gives a temporary boost, but unfortunately there’s no such thing as a long-term confidence elixir….

“I just don’t feel confident.”

Most people assume they feel insecure because they’re deficient. They weren’t born with the genes, or didn’t have the right upbringing, or haven’t received the affirmation that those others have. And that’s just the way it is.

I disagree.

You can become more confident, because the way you feel now is NOT a fixed state.

(If you aren’t familiar with the difference between a fixed and growth mindset, you can read about it here. It’s critically important, so don’t skip it!)

So yes, while your confidence will grow, it’s probably not in the way you assume.

Confidence isn’t about gaining anything. It’s about losing something!

And that something is FEAR.

My favorite example:

Next week I’ll talk more about the biological and social underpinnings of fear and how to unlearn it. 

But in the meantime, look at it this way:

Does a baby crumble into a pool of tears and misery when everyone around it walks easily on two feet? Does it decide to just stick to what it knows rather than forging ahead?

Think about it.

The baby has virtually no leg strength and even less coordination. If we were in that situation, wouldn’t it seem nearly hopeless?

Would we have the fortitude to keep trying day after day, month after month, slowly building our skills and assuming we’d eventually get there?

Would we keep smiling and laughing, or would we feel ashamed and insecure each time we stumbled (especially in front of our older brother who’s skipping and running as if it ain’t no thing)?

At one point, we did all of that and more (don’t even get me started on the complexities of language acquisition or social behaviors)!

And we did it fearlessly.

That unstoppable sense of adventure and confidence with everything you do … not your present set of responses … is your innate state.

Here’s to that old you (which has already brought you so far),

Jenna

P.S. Did this post help you remember a time when you did something, and looking back now it seems SO BRAVE?! I'd love to hear about it. Let me know in the comments!

Use this to get unstuck and give perfectionism the boot

“Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through.”  

- Ira Glass

What Ira’s describing here – the belief that crappy beginnings will turn into mastery with enough practice and trial+error – is a “growth mindset.”

Embrace it, and you can watch your confidence, perseverance, and learning ability soar. It will even help you cultivate self-acceptance when you’re starting something new, so you can escape the death grip of perfectionism.
 
That’s why it’s usually the very first thing I dive into with my confidence or performance coaching clients.

Unfortunately, the growth mindset has an evil alter ego that you need to watch out for: the “fixed mindset.” And it's much, much more common!

A fixed mindset assumes that if your initial product is crappy, then you’re probably just not very good at that kind of thing. (Sound familiar?) Extra work won’t change reality.

Here’s an example. It doesn’t surprise us that we can 10x our athletic performance and mold our bodies if we sweat it out at the gym long enough with a great personal trainer. 

But as for things like talent or mental performance? Well, most people think they've either got it or they don’t.

Not so fast. It turns out that cognitive performance can be increased. (And according to Ira, so can creative mastery.)
 

Dr. Carol Dweck, the Stanford psychology professor who first coined the terms growth and fixed mindset, found that many underperforming children held the belief that they weren’t smart (or “just weren’t good at math,” as I used to tell myself). 

But when those same children began believing that learning was a process of trial and error where they could always assume they’d get better over time, the children not only scored better on tests but became more motivated to learn. 

Once you start to pay attention to real-life examples of the fixed mindset, you’ll be amazed by how limiting they are … and how they start to sound like excuses:

>>> I couldn’t build a website. I’m a dunce when it comes to technology.

>>> I’d never be able to afford a trip like that! I’m just not a good saver.

>>> I could never write a book. I’m just not disciplined enough.

So next time you’re unsatisfied with your work and tempted to use that as an excuse to stay stuck, give your crappy first efforts some love and remember that they’re what’s getting you closer to the mastery you dream about. Your next tries will be better because of it.
 
(And usually, it’s really not as bad as you think.)
 
Here’s to our incredible ability to choose, change and grow,
Jenna     

P.S. What's one area where you'd love to gain mastery? Get the support and accountability your need at the Uncommon Way Community Facebook group. Go ahead - tell us something you commit to working on ... declaring yourself in public has incredible, lasting power! See you there.

This old website makes me cringe!

As a recovering perfectionist, I know a thing or two about hiding my projects away. 

For most of my life, whenever I looked back on something I'd produced that no longer met my standards, I'd make it - um - disappear. And don't even get me started on all the things that never saw the (public) light of day.

But in the last decade-ish, I've started thinking about things in a different way. And to prove it, I'm sharing my old travel blog with you, Follow Ben and Jenna.

To be honest, I still cringe when I look at the blog. They layout is all crowded, there are broken links, the menus on the mobile site hardly work at all, and some of the writing is ... ahem. (Especially my earliest posts, like this one. "First we went here, and next we went here, and then we went here....")

But now I cringe in the way I do when I see a gawky preteen photo of myself. It makes me laugh and remember how awkward and new everything felt at the time. It makes we wish I could throw my arms around my earlier self and tell her, "Believe me: It's all going to be okay."

Coming to terms with the fact that we all start somewhere, that most of our early work is kinda crappy, but that it's totally okay and expected because that's exactly how we learn and get better, is the single most important thing for an entrepreneur or creative to wrap their head around.

Plus, people tend to be far more understanding than we might fear.

Fail to give perfectionism the boot, and you'll waste A LOT of unnecessary time and subject yourself to much unfortunate self-flagellation.

And next week I'll talk more about how exactly to start doing that.

Here's to giving perfectionism the boot,
Jenna

That time Samsung stole my homepage copy

I could NOT believe this was happening again!

But I heard it with my own ears. My homepage copy, read aloud on national TV during one of the biggest television moments of the year. All the effort, late nights and rewrites ... down the drain?

I'm sure you've been through some version of this yourself - the kind that ends with, "Wait! That was my idea!"

But even though we've all been through it, not everybody reacts the same. I used to react totally differently than I do now. And it's the reaction, not the story, that's worth talking about.

The Samsung Story 

I'm cuddled up on the couch watching the Oscars with my favorite chocolates and my puppy Skye, when YouTube sensation Casey Neistat appears on my screen and begins speaking into the camera. It's a Samsung commercial about out-of-the-box creatives who are doing what they love on a shoestring budget, each in their own way.

There's something familiar about what he's saying.

Well, I tell myself, The Uncommon Way is all about getting your ideas out there, so of course that feels familiar. But for some reason, the hairs at the base of my neck are standing at attention. What's going on?

"When we're told that we can't, we all have the same answer...," Casey pauses for effect.
Suddenly it clicks. "NOOOOO*!!!" I scream, causing poor Skye to jump off the couch in a panic.
I know exactly what his next words will be. I know, because my homepage says the exact same thing. 

"WATCH ME."

Oh no he didn't!
But he did. That was MY tagline, MY message, guaranteed to resonate with my ideal customers...! 
I'd used everything I'd learned during my years creating copy for fashion brands, together with every ounce of creativity and intuition that I could muster.

But now ... I definitely couldn't use it anymore. Now it was just some stale copy from a Samsung commercial.

Those thoughts swirled around my head for, oh, ten-ish minutes. And then I snapped out of it.  Because here's the thing: I've been here before.
Domain names, business concepts, taglines ... I've been through it all.

The Eat, Pray, Love Story

Like the time I told my friend that I was going to quit my job and travel the world, and write a book about it. I had a wedding to attend in Italy, and after that I'd fulfill my dream of studying yoga in India, and of course I'd have to visit Bali....

My friend's expression turned from confusion to pity. "Wait. You haven't heard of Eat, Pray, Love, have you?"

Here's the thing. Back then, I used to let things like this squash my dreams.

I never went on that around-the-world adventure. And there are countless businesses I never launched.

I couldn't bear the thought of following in someone else's footsteps, of being unoriginal. And I definitely never thought I could profit from something that had already been done.

Flipping the Script

This is where a lot of people get tripped up. We fail to recognize that really, there are no new concepts under the sun, only new interpretations.

Even if something exists, OUR VERSION of it will never exist until we risk bringing it into the world. All it takes is the courage - and the humility - to do it.

Here's one of my favorite quotes from Marie Forleo on the subject: "Can you imagine if Bruno Mars said to himself, 'You know what? There're enough sexy guys that can sing and dance. Why even try?'"

Contrary to what we might like to believe, ideas are pretty fluid. 

In fact, Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love, wrote a book almost entirely on this subject.

It's called Big Magic, and I wish she had written it earlier so that I could've read it before cancelling my trip of a lifetime.

In it, she argues that ideas are autonomous, longing to be brought into the world, and if you don't act on them immediately they'll move on to another human to get the job done.

My personal belief is that there is such thing as a collective unconscious, and it goes beyond the instincts and archetypes that Carl Jung first suggested. It's where ideas float around waiting for someone that has the balls to make them happen.

That explains why more than one person can be working on the same thing at the same time. Why independent scientists on opposite sides of the globe end up winning the Nobel Prize for the same thing in the same year.

Back to that Samsung thing...

So really, that Samsung thing? It's a great sign, and maybe even a lucky break. Without it, you might not be reading this.

And it proves that I'm on to something. Somebody else agreed with "my" idea, and also thought it would make a splash.

Apparently throughout the world there's a strong, growing desire to look doubt squarely in the eye and simply say: 

WATCH ME.

Here's to flipping your script,
Jenna

P.S. If you're struggling to gin up the courage to make your idea happen, let’s hop on a call to see if it makes sense for us to work together. Get clear on the #1 thing dragging down your confidence and how to break its power over you, so you can stop thinking and start doing.

*Full disclosure: What I really shouted was decidedly more colorful than "no."